Yongguk’s POV

                For the next few days I found that my appetite to eat anything had completely disappeared. Junior noticed my lack of visits to the kitchen and came by the office with food every now and then, but I’d never even taken a bite. Daehyun’s words kept repeating in my mind, and often I’d doubt the validity of what he said to me, but to no avail. When Daehyun left that day and I finally calmed down, the first thing I did was check the news on TV and the internet. Daehyun wasn’t lying about an airplane accident, andthe flight was indeed Jieun’s. I found a list of the deceased and injured victims on the airplane at the time and quickly scanned through for Jieun’s name. A total of 51 people had died in the accident, but there were over 30 individuals who have yet to be identified. Though Jieun’s name wasn’t on either of the lists, she could’ve been one of the unrecognizable few. I shuddered, still hopefully wishing she was still here—alive and safe. I glanced at her bookshelf, my eyes moved down until my gaze landed on the cracked plastic bottle with pills spilt out. Hesitantly, I picked it up and scooped the mini tablets back in, but the cracked lid no longer fit. I placed the bottle on the desk beside Jieun’s globe and stared through the translucent walls, trying to focus on the blurry image of the closed office door.

                “Yongguk?” A muffled voice called from outside the office, but the walls filtered it so well that I could only barely make out my name. My first assumption was that it was Junior, here with another tray of food that I would immediately reject.

                “I’m not hungry.” I sighed, hoping he’d leave me alone, at least for a while longer. My head was starting to ache, and for a second, my vision blurred. Perhaps starvation was really starting to take a toll on my body. Regardless, I still didn’t want to eat. Just as I was about to plop one of the pills into my mouth, the door slammed open.

                “Yongguk, what the hell are you doing?!” Himchan’s worried expression caught me off guard and I dropped the pill, hearing it bounce on the floor and then roll under the desk. He marched straight to my desk and swiped the bottle of pills into the trash can.

                “That crap will make you crazy. You’re better than that!” I’d never seen him angrier before, and this new image of his stunned me. I glanced at the trash can, and then back at him. He was right. I didn’t need this. Instead, he handed me a water bottle which I graciously took and chugged the entire 500mL in one go. I felt calmer now, but my heart wasn’t any more at ease. Jieun, for all I knew, might not even be alive, and there was no way for my mind to cope with that.

                Now that the fire died down, Himchan had returned to his usual, condescending yet relaxed self. He looked me in the eye with a new kind of disproval which I didn’t understand.

                “I didn’t know you were this weak.” He mocked, rolling his eyes as he caught my glance again to the trash can. What did he mean by weak?

                “You let one measly woman almost drive you to the brink of insanity. Isn’t that pathetic? You can’t even sustain yourself and all you can think of is her? You would jump off a bridge if she told you it’d make her happy!” He still sounded angry, but his anger was more controlled this time around. I immediately took offense to his statement, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue. Instead, I let him throw his insults at me as I kept quiet with my head resting on the desk.

                “Maybe it’d be better if Jieun wasn’t in your life, don’t you think?” There were a few minutes of silence before Himchan suggested such an irrevocable scenario. I didn’t even know if Jieun could still be in my life, and he wanted me just abandon her regardless? I never understood why Himchan grew so judgmental and irrational whenever it came to the topic of Jieun. The two of us usually got along fine in our conversations, whether it was about food quality or favourite athletes. Jieun was the one topic that could turn Himchan into an unreasonable jerk. I never had a close friend who would give me advice with women or opinions on my life decisions, but I was sure Himchan was doing it all wrong. He had to be wrong. My life wouldn’t be better if Jieun wasn’t here. That explains why I’m how I am right now, doesn’t it?

                “You’re too dependent on her. From a third person perspective, it makes you look extremely pathetic.” He didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon. I noticed that pathetic was his new favourite adjective to describe me. I wasn’t going to revoke it, because I knew I was acting pathetic right now. I just don’t know how to cope, and it’s frustrating me more than anything.

                “Maybe…” Himchan was slow to say what he wanted to next as if he knew I’d finally react to his words, “it’s good if she died in that airplane accident.” My head shot up from its resting position, and I glared harshly in his direction.

                “How can you say that?!” My whole body was quivering with rage. I wanted nothing more than to punch his idiotic self in the face. But I held back.

                “Why can’t I say that? You’re so blinded by this love that you feel for her, you wouldn’t ever notice how well you’d do if she were gone.” He continued to muse, unfazed by my sudden burst of aggression. His cool-headedness irritated me.

                “Are you freaking crazy?! How the hell can you wish for someone to be dead?” Himchan shrugged in response. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand him.

                “Why the hell do you even care so much? This is my freaking life!” For a second it felt as if I was ten years old, screaming to be heard by someone who would never open their ears to me. It felt so unfair, to be disregarded like this. I remembered how much I hated this feeling, and how much I’d felt it back when I was younger. No one ever listened to me and no one ever cared about what I had to say. Either I was too young to say anything that mattered, or I was too stupid to say anything worth listening to. Everyone had always treated me like this, and now I knew that Himchan was no different.

                “I’ve had enough.” I slammed my hands down on the desk, almost cracking a sheet of wood off the edge. It got his attention long enough for me to finally exert the power Jieun had vested in me before she left.

                “You’re fired. Get the hell out of this building or I’ll call security.” My legs were shaking with anger but the desk hid them from view. Himchan was ready to argue back, but after opening his mouth to speak he realized nothing he could say would make me reconsider. His shoulders dropped back, and without another word, he left the office without closing the door behind him. The entire time he was here, the door had been left wide open. I presumed all the secretaries in the lobby had heard our spout. I walked over to the door and peeked out to the reception desk. Three blank faces stared back at me in shock, and I could see why. No one here had ever seen me so roused up. I bowed slowly to apologize and then slipped back into the office to take a deep breath.

                What I did was appropriate, wasn’t it? Himchan had really crossed the line this time. 

A/N: It's been four months since I updated! I'm really sorry! I'm done my first year of university now, and I'm currently enjoying the beginning of my 4 month long summer (: This chapter is a little bit short... but it's really important. I'll be updating often from now on, so expect it ^^ Thank you for your undying patience!