Yongguk’s POV

                A few weeks passed with no significant events to make the days stand out from each other. The hotel’s condition in Vancouver was unchanging, and phone calls had all come to a halt after most affiliates realized Jieun was temporarily away. I couldn’t help but feel there were still many people here who didn’t approve of me. It wasn’t just chaebols like Daehyun, but regular workers with no higher statuses than the commonwealth. It seemed like the only people willing to greet me every morning were the receptionists and the kitchen staff. All the cleaning maids and busboys avoided eye contact when I came near, and though most of them were part-time workers, I still felt a little dejected when I remembered how every employee would smile and greet Jieun happily. I knew that I was not a replacement, just a figurehead to step up for the time being.

                I sat in Jieun’s office, the furniture and office décor the same as it was before she left, wishing that she’d come back sooner. Working at the hotel was only exciting when she was here. Once I started noticing how alienated I really was here, I tried to minimize the time I spent outside of the hotel. I no longer did the routine hallway checks, but relied solely on reports from other staff occasionally passing by. I gave guests the benefit of the doubt while they were here.

                Frost formed on the inside of the office windows, forming beautiful patterns that could not be replicated by even the heavens. With my right pointer finger, I pressed against a random section of the frost, feeling the coolness melt beneath my fingertips. When I removed it, an awkward oval shape was formed, but frosted over soon after in a new but equally as breathtaking pattern.

                “You look miserable.” Himchan’s voice from behind me caught me by surprise and I jolted in my seat.  I hadn’t heard him come into the office, nor had I seen him all morning. I’d assumed he was having an unexcused day off when in actuality, he was just late.

                “Miserable? Tch…” I murmured, readjusting my position in my chair to a more comfortable spot. I didn’t talk to anyone in the hotel more than Himchan since Jieun left and he’d taken up an assistant role. Something about the way he spoke to people reminded me of myself back in high school. I admired his boldness to just speak his mind, despite possibly offending those around him. It was too much like me in high school to not feel drawn to, and I found that the more we spoke, the more I’d revert back to those careless days in behavior and tongue.

                “Did you even leave the office since you started work this morning? You must be bored of your life right now.” Himchan coughed, taking a seat across from me at the desk. I could agree that we were both equally bored, but his expression caused me to believe that he was the least entertained party here.

                “It’ll get better.” I assured myself more than him. He looked at me with skeptical eyes that seemed to challenge my statement.

                “When? When Jieun comes back?” He asked without hesitation, and that too caught me off guard. I didn’t answer, but only stared blankly back at him.

                “Face it, Yongguk. You’re still here because of one reason alone, and that reason is Song Jieun is it not?” Himchan’s affirmed demeanor had me at full attention, yet I wasn’t sure if this was a conversation I wanted to be a part of. If he had barely known her, what position was he in to judge how I thought of her? I dragged out my answer, still watching him. It looked as if he would not say a word until I gave him a reply, so I sighed.

                “Let’s say that’s true. So what?” I looked away in disbelief at how deeply Himchan was questioning the decisions I made for my own life. Before today, we had pleasant, friendly conversations about common interests and thoughts on trivial subjects that affected us in no manner. It was sudden and unusual for Himchan to finally start asking about my purposes for being at this hotel. It was even stranger for him to be targeting me with Jieun as an excuse.

                “Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your life in even the slightest?” Himchan’s expression fell a little, and I could sense that he was genuinely worried about me though I still could not understand why he was so concerned.

                “N—“

                “I’m just looking out for you. Think about it this way; if your only reason for being here is to pursue the slightest chance you have to be with Jieun in the end then you should just leave. It doesn’t matter who Jieun chooses in the end, because her father will put his life on the line to have her marry Daehyun.” Himchan’s logic did not completely convince me, but his newest claim did catch me. I wanted to know more about Jieun, and I wanted to honour her grandfather’s wishes, but did I really want to be with her in the end? These were thoughts I’d never tried coming to terms with in my own mind that Himchan was now bringing out. I was too flustered to say anything. It felt more as if Himchan were talking at me than to me, and for a moment I wanted time to just stop so that I could sort things out in my head.

                It was as if he’d heard my unspoken plea, because he’d left the office without another word. At least for the time being, I could be alone to think.

                To be honest it was quite absurd and sudden of a decision for me to make to come to Vancouver right away, but coming here wasn’t just in pursuit of Jieun. So many dark memories shrouded around me that if I stayed in Korea, I might’ve gone mad. Even if it was unlikely, in the chance that my mother was looking for me in Korea, there’d be no better way of avoiding it than leaving the country. Jieun’s grandfather had only affirmed my choice by setting the stage for me to follow Jieun to Vancouver. Everything that happened after was… more or less fate?

                It’s undeniable that I care an immense amount for Jieun, and those feelings aren’t just invoked by the fact that her grandfather assigned me as her guardian angel. There are uncountable times when I’ve felt like I’ve let Song Jihoon down. Each time Jieun shed a tear becaue of something Daehyun’s done or said seemed to tear me apart, because I felt like this was a position prematurely placed on my shoulders when I wasn’t ready to fulfill it. There were times when I felt dislocated and undeserving to speak, because Jieun and Daehyun had been close since childhood and I had no place in between that tie. I had to admit that there were ways Daehyun could hurt her that I could never have the power to heal, but I couldn’t deny that I’d still try.

                “Speak of the devil,” Himchan opened the office door from the outside and eyed me alarmingly. He held the door wide open for Daehyun to walk in, and then closed it behind him, not entering the office himself. I took a deep breath and then stood up from my chair. Neither of us greeted the other, but stood across from each other with a menacing stare.

                “I was really debating whether I should have come to tell you this or not.” Daehyun gimmicked with a snarl. Though his mouth was closed, I could tell that his teeth were clenched tight. I tried to stop my fists from rolling into a ball as he stared.

                “It’s about Jieun. Are you interested to know or not?” He was suspicious as he spoke, as if it were some kind of threat. Since Jieun left, I hadn’t heard even the smallest news about her, so I gave into my curiosity.

                “What is it?” I subtly demanded, but he hesitated to continue. I watched a lump travel down his throat as he swallowed coarsely before speaking.

                “Jieun’s return flight from Melbourne was scheduled for this morning.” Daehyun started off, first eyeing me with spite and then shifting his gaze off to the bookshelf, as if what he had to say next was something even he couldn’t come to terms with. This worried me.

                “What do you mean ‘was’?” My tone grew urgent. I needed to know. At this point I could tell that even he was having a hard time keeping himself together. Still without giving me eye contact he forced himself to inform,

                “There’s been an accident after her plane had taken flight. I don’t know a lot about it but… many passengers are severely injured, others are dead. It’s difficult for anyone to come out of such a situation unharmed…” His teeth were clenching again after explaining to me, but it was out of frustration rather than hate. In disbelief I fell back into my chair and stared emptily at the blank space above the door.

                “…That’s all,” Daehyun muttered quietly under his breath and then stomped out of the office. It was only a few moments after he left that Himchan came to accompany me. He sat across where he usually did without saying a word, and watched as I slammed my fists on the desk. How was it that I didn’t even know of her return flight? And to hear of it now, in the form of news that it was devastated me.

                My hands were shaking, and after glancing at the clock, I pulled open one of the desk drawers and pulled out a small, cylindrical container. The pills inside made a rattling noise as my shaky hands brought them to the desktop. I hadn’t said a word since Daehyun left—to me it felt like I hadn’t even blinked. My shaky hands fiddled with the containers lid, and just when I was about to pop it open, Himchan’s hand stopped me, along with the shaking. I looked up to see his alarmed face, his head shaking slowly in disapproval. His eyes seemed to say “don’t do it”, and out of confusion and frustration, I grabbed the bottle and threw it hard against the edge of the bookshelf. The plastic bottle cracked in multiple places, spilling the colored pills onto the ground, some bouncing under furniture or into dusty corners. Neither of us cared to pick them up. I breathed in and out heavily, ruffling my hair as if the action would rid my mind of the distraught from the horrible news. My elbow rested on the desktop, my palms holding my head up by the forehead as I forced my eyes shut.

Where was Jieun now?! A part of me hoped that she was among those less injured; recovering in a hospital emergency room at this very moment, yet another part of me couldn’t help but believe she was gone—off this Earth and dwelling somewhere in heaven. Warm tears were flowing down from my eyes though my crying made no sound. They trickled down my face, stopping halfway down my cheeks and then dripping onto the desk. It had been so long since I cried; I’d forgotten how pathetic it felt.

A/N: Hey everyone! I just wanted to let you know that.. this might be my last update in a really long while. Winter break is ending and I'm heading back to dorms for my second semester of 1st year uni. My courses this semester are going to be a lot tougher than my first, so I'll have even less free time. However, I'll make this promise again to remind you all that: I will never abandon this fanfic. I will see it to the end. So if there's no updates for a while, don't give up on me!! Anyway, I hope your New Year is off to a great start!