Chapter 20: Her Confession
Wanderlust
Yongguk’s POV
My eyes were shut tight, too exhausted to reopen as my head rested comfortably on top of the pillow Jieun had found for me. I couldn’t tell whether I was asleep or not—my mind floated in a gray area between conscious and unconscious. I could still hear things going on around me, like the flipping of pages and the gentle thud as something dropped onto the floor, but my mind couldn’t fully comprehend the sounds. A heavy vibration shook the desktop and my head shifted to face the other way, hoping that the sound would stop soon, whatever it was. I heard more ruffling, and then footsteps getting quieter as they headed towards the door. The door barely made a sound when it closed.
I was comfortable again, with no sounds around me to shake my mind from drifting off into sleep. The problem with sleeping was that if I consciously wanted it, it would never come. Fall asleep now I would repeat in my head, but this practice only made me more awake. Still, I kept my eyes tightly shut, hoping the darkness would trigger whatever it was that made me start dreaming. I could only wait.
“I will make sure that it is the most painful and regretted decision you’ll ever make.” I heard a distant voice, catching it in midsentence. Who did that voice belong to? I felt more awake now, but my mind still took longer to comprehend simple things. Was it Jieun? What decision was she referring to? I found the energy to open my eyes slightly, keeping my position still. She was either on the phone with Daehyun or her father; she never raised her voice in a conversation with anyone else.
“I’m in love with someone else.” She affirmed suddenly after a short period of silence, and her proclamation caught me off guard. I found myself holding my breath as she continued, “I’m going to marry him instead.” Everything she said after that had become nothing more than white noise. My ears were locked, and I could only repeat those two sentences in my head. I’m in love with someone else. I’m going to marry him instead. When I finally let out a breath, my mind was racing uncontrollably. It felt like I was about to hyperventilate, though I couldn’t be sure of who she meant on the phone. There was a possibility it was me, but for some reason it was just too farfetched to believe. It couldn’t be me… the one Jieun wants to marry… I began to wonder about what I and Jieun were. I’d never officially asked her anything, nor did I properly confess. Realistically, it was likely to be me, but if I let my hopes get too high I’d probably fall and be unable to get up again.
“Aish…” Jieun re-entered, and I quickly shut my eyes to pretend I was sleeping so she wouldn’t notice I had woken up. All I could see was black, but when I couldn’t see, my hearing sharpened. There was a long pause before her footsteps started towards the desk. There were uneven sniffles, and then a loud exhale of air. Had she been crying before she came back in?
“Yongguk-ah,” She suddenly called my name, and by the volume I assumed she was probably less than a meter away, at level with my ears. Did she know I was awake? Suddenly I felt a nervous panic shoot down my spine.
“You’re sleeping, right?” I didn’t reply.
“Hm…” Her breathing was back to a normal pace; perhaps she was waiting for her voice to be steady again, “It’d be really great if life were like those fairytales, where any ordinary person can change anything.” She was having a rhetorical conversation with my supposedly sleeping self. I decided not to ruin it for her, so I just listened.
“When they don’t like something, they just set off on an adventure to change it. The way society is structured, we can’t just do this. Nor can we just run away…” Her voice grew softer now, “I wish I could just run away with you. It sounds silly, doesn’t it?” It didn’t sound silly at all to me.
“I don’t know if my dad’s going to take me seriously. If he does and if he doesn’t, either way I don’t know what to do. Should I just be a good daughter and let him control my life?” She waited, as if I would give her an answer.
“Or, should I continue on like this? Feeling scared and insecure with every passing day, as if my own life will topple over me?” Her voice became shaky again.
“If circumstances were different, if it was for the right reason, I wouldn’t have minded marrying Daehyun. He was always my best friend, and I love him. I actually think I’ve become more resistant to it because…” She inhaled deeply and paused again. Suddenly, I felt her fingers brush strands of my hair away from my ears, and I struggled not to wince when it tickled.
“I love you,” She whispered, almost with a sigh, into my ear and I could feel the heat radiating from her cheeks; her head was still close to mine. It was her shy confession, and she probably never intended for me to hear it, but the fact was I hadn’t been asleep. I’d been listening the whole time, fighting the urge to just reveal myself and hold her in my arms, telling her that things would be alright. After hearing those three words, I couldn’t sit idle anymore. It would have been an insult to her if I did.
“I love you too, Song Jieun.” I breathed before opening my eyes to see that we were face to face, with only a few inches in between. When she gasped, and then let out a surprised breath, I could feel the warm air against my own cheeks. Her face was rose red with blush, even under such dim lighting I could see how flushed she was. Normally she’d turn away, but this time she was frozen in place, her eyes wide, watching my own. My lips curved into an immediate smile; relief and gratefulness filled my heart. I had never felt this way about another person before. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, so without thinking, I inched my face forward to close the small gap between us, placing my lips right over hers. Just as I did, I saw a wet tear trickle down her face, and then I closed my eyes.
A/N: Sorry this is a short chapter, but I was looking for something to fill my time while I waited for the right weather to go jogging. I suddenly got a lot of really good ideas for the turnout of this plot so I'll be excitedly writing more chapters ^^ Though this one's short, I have a feeling a lot of you have been waiting for this to happen. Officially. Hope you enjoyed reading (I write such awkward kiss scenes idek) and I'd love it if you shared your thoughts below (:
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