a/n: long time no update this songfic req, sorry........anw this is sililflo's request! i didn't want to write it at first bcs it's damn sad..........fyi i tried hard not to write any interactions between sehun and luhan in the story HA! yep, imma lukai <3

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"I....I think I l-like him..." Luhan said with tinted cheeks. His honey locks blocked his views, lips pressed into a thin line Jongin adored.

"Ah... I s-see..." Jongin cleared his throat.

Luhan's words had his heart dropped and crashed, hard. Shattered into the littlest pieces on the floor. 

I didn't know that your eyes were at a place that wasn't me

I have nothing to say

I was just surprised

In fact I dreamt another dream

Jongin never expected Luhan would say this. That the older boy had feelings toward his cousin. Jongin did feel something wrong the day when Sehun said he would be living with him because they got accepted in the same university. Of course, Jongin wouldn't say no to his long-lost cousin, so they bid goodbye to Mr and Mrs.Kim before they headed to their new shared dorm near the university. That something kept bugging him all day. And it proofed when he introduced his best friend, Luhan, to his cousin the next day.

Being the nice person he was, Jongin nodded and smiled bitterly to Luhan when the older asked him to help him to get closer to Sehun. He decided to ignore the shattered heart on the floor, letting it swept away by the wind and dusted on his body like a thick blanket.

He loved Luhan. He always had. But he knew that Luhan didn't have that kind of feelings toward him. Luhan thought of Jongin as a younger brother to take care. Jongin didn't mind, never. Because he loved being taken care by Luhan. As long as they were next to each other, though their hearts were not.

But when he stepped in to his dorm that night, he fell down on his knees with hot tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. His knuckles turned white as he gripped his fists hard. Nails marked crescents on his palms, drawing some blood out of his skin. His full lips curved into a thin smile somehow.

But why were you so kind to me

Is there nothing you feel

I find it so hard that the happy days were a misunderstanding

A month passed by since Jongin started to push Sehun to hang around Luhan, saying that he was busy with his classes and that Sehun should replace his 'absents' beside Luhan. He didn't say the 'heart' part though. And so, the two of them got closer and spent so much time with joy. While Jongin distanced himself from them.

Jongin spent days and nights in his secret underground dance studio he used to go with Luhan. Drawning himself in sweats and tears. Because it was the only place he could pour his feelings. He didn't want Sehun to find him in a miserable state, he was lucky Sehun was sleeping when he sobbed his tears out on their dorm's door the night Luhan said that he liked Sehun.

He danced and danced, his mind replaying all the times he had shared since he met Luhan. His sneakers were echoing eerie screeching sounds as they met with the dusty floor. There was no music and he covered the mirrors with black cloths. He didn't want to see his own reflection. It was only him and the heavy air. The room only lit up by some light that sneaked through the little windows up there. Shadows of people walking on the street felt like mocking him, thickening the dust on his tanned body.

I always think of you

The beautiful look of you always smiling at me

But why did you get further away from me

Is there nothing you feel

If the happy days were just all my misunderstanding

Why do you keep smiling in all that remains in my memory

Because there are so much to say, I am not sure of what to say

It was when Jongin didn't come home for three days straight and didn't pick his phone up. Sehun searched for him in every corner of the town but the underground studio. So Luhan decided to run as fast as he could to the dance studio. Their secret place.

Luhan screamed when he found Jongin on his stomach in the center of the room, his tanned skin looked as pale as ever. He was frightened as he shook Jongin to wake him up. When the younger boy didn't show any sign of waking up by his loud voice and tears, he brought the limped body to his hug, hoping his warmth would somehow wake Jongin. His tears dropped and slided down on Jongin's face and with trembling hand he dialed Sehun's number.

Sehun tried to calm a crying Luhan in his arms to no success. They brought Jongin to the hospital, the doctor said he passed out due to over worked his body out without any rest and food. His ankles bruised and his waist was even worse. Luhan refused to leave Jongin and stayed by his side, hands clasped. Sehun decided to come home and got fresh clothes for them.

Jongin woke up the next day, couldn't even move a finger and his eyes were almost refusing to blink. 

"Are you listening to me? Jongin!" Luhan gripped the white sheet.

He was asking why Jongin were acting that way and even almost killed himself. Luhan begged him with trembled voice to Jongin to tell him what was wrong, to not kept his problems to himself.

"You know you always had me..." Luhan buried his face to the sheet to hide a sob.

"Why don't you say anything... Jongin, please... What are you thinking..." the white sheet was soaked with his tears.

'I'm so sorry, hyung... I know I always have you but I really can't tell you this one problem that keeps haunting me... Because you have Sehun...'

The unfamiliar look of you

I find it very hard

Jongin curved his chapped full lips into a small smile and patted his hair lovingly, he winced when Luhan looked up with tears on his soft face, his eyes were red because he'd been crying since yesterday. Such a contrasting look with his bubbly personality, Jongin thought.

He brought down his hand to Luhan's hands and rubbed his thumb soothingly.

"I'm sorry, Luhan hyung..."

The three words were left unsaid.

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a/n: now if you excuse me, imma drink a rat poison to punish myself..........................