Siwon POV

Scold me for being the dumbest person ever. Punch me right at my face if it could make him feel better. I knew I was wrong, I knew I was being an idiot. No matter how I said sorry or asked for your forgiveness this time, you wouldn’t forgive me easily.

You couldn’t even forgive me. the pain I made you to feel was too much.

That day, after I got to swallow hard the fact that you had gone to Japan for days with Jungmo-ssi, and I saw him hugging you, I hurt you with my words. You were my only weakness, didn’t you know that Cho Kyuhyun?

I could not control myself, my emotion, my thought, and my acts whenever it came to you.

Watching you laughing and smiling to another man and that man looked at you with so much love made me dying. What should I do, Kyu? I knew how much you sacrificed to pursue your dreams, I didn’t want to be the one who ruined it.

I remembered the first day you joined Super Junior, you were so nervous and to be honest we doubted you, we thought that you bribed the management, you were not being trained.

We were envy of you, we underestimated you, even we hated you.

I had seen your tears when you felt like giving up for the harsh treatment we threw at you. you needed to learn fast and we half belief that you were good enough to make it and half doubt  because you knew nothing that made us treated you badly.

But then you never gave up, you proved us that you were one of us, that you were good enough to be one of us. Now, look at you, baby, people adore you, they keep shouting your name. You are their and our shinning star.

And the accident which almost took you away from us.

You were not fully recovered from your injuries, and you insisted Teukie hyung and the management to still take a part in our album.

Did you have any idea how I feel like I want to jump to you whenever you tried to bear the pain? You always acted so strong infront of people no matter the hell of pain you were feeling. You would just shrug it off when we actually knew that you suffered.

I adored you for this, I loved you, I did, I do and I always will.

I wanted you to be happy, baby. And if I were not included in your happiness, I could let you go, I thought.

But it damn annoyed to see you with another man.

And If I were supposed to sit by while you dated people and fell in love with someone else, meanwhile, I thought I would die a little bit more every day, watching.

I could see that you still loved me, baby.

And believed me, I loved you too.

But, what should I do when the management already warned me for not making any scandal with you since it would be the big issues which could let us down. I always hid behind fan service craps to have a reasonable excuse.

I couldn’t let you losing your biggest dream of being singer. I couldn’t be that selfish for not protecting you.

Hate me, baby.

Hate me… but please, don’t fall to somebody else. I couldn’t bear that.

I took a role as the bad guy by kissing, hugging every members whenever you were around. Dating some girls, taking them to fancy restaurants to get caught by the media, so you could have seen as if I didn’t want people to know that although I was the one who planned it, and many other things.

That was it, that damn cold night, I took the picture of you and me from my wallet and gave it back to you, shoved it harshly into his hands. Telling that it annoyed me so much just to look at. You were silently rip it and threw it on the floor. Saying that I was better off without you.

Once you left, I took them.

Yesung hyung was standing on his doorway, “I don’t know what is going on in your mind Siwon, but all I could see is you hurting him and hurting yourself. Hiding anything from someone you love will bring no good, and if you can’t tell him the truth, eventually you will not be able to tell yourself the truth.”

I smiled at Yesung hyung bitterly, “love makes me a liar hyung, and I am a liar for his own good.”

“Being good and being kind is whole lot different, and what you are doing is none of them. You are just being an idiot.” He added

“I have never been told otherwise” I said.

Kyuhyun POV

I ran away, running away from the harsh truth. I kept running until I left out breathe. I panted hard, trying to fill my lungs with air as much as I could, didn’t even care if it would explode.

Tears were formed on my eyes.

Yunho hyung, somehow he was just standing beside me, pulling me to his embrace.

Gripping his shirt, I could only cry on his broad chest. I could not hold it anymore.

He didn’t say a word, but the way he rubbed my back comforting me.

“It hurts hyung.” I mumbled.

“I know.”

He exhaled, smiling weakly at me, “I know exactly how it’s like to be the one who left behind.”

I bit my own lips, how stupid I was for not remembering that Yunho hyung was suffering. Jae hyung left him for whatever reasons I didn’t care.

Why Jae hyung and Siwon hyung did this to me and Yunho hyung?

He cried on my chest.

I had seen him running from Super Junior dorm. I followed the magnae of my fellow band. Seeing him always being cheerful made me felt a tug in my heart when I had to see him in this condition.

Somehow, he was just like Jaejoongie. He represented my BooJae whom I missed my dear life.

Choi Siwon, what have you done to make someone whom I know you cherish the most feel this way?

Don’t you understand, you can’t turn back the time, you will lose him if you keep acting like a jerk.

(Skip time)

I forced Yunho hyung to leave me because I knew that he should attend his next schedule. He was a good hyung, indeed. 

“Jungmo hyung, there is something I would like to say to you…” I said to the person in the other line. Yes, I was calling Jungmo hyung.

“Can you give me chance to try to love you, hyung?”

I asked Jungmo hyung. I couldn’t be careless if I would regret my own words. I just couldn’t feel like being alone and felt like no one care of me. I needed someone to get rid off Siwon hyung from my mind.

Pathetic, that word suited me well.

“I know Kyu, you still don’t love me, but we will give a try. You can use me. I am more than willing to be your rebound guy.”

Was it right? Was it wrong? Let time decide.