Junhyung’s POV

I arrived at the hospital. I felt lost just by looking at the sea of people. I looked around, trying to look for a familiar face. And then it hit me. I have never been to Hana’s school, let alone see her teacher before. It was always Seungho who went to all the parent-teacher meetings, sports events, annual concerts and all sorts. He always tried to get me to go along, but I refused.

“Yong Junhyung sshi?” A voice called from behind me.

I turned around was greeted by a young lady, perhaps in her late twenties.

“Yong Junhyung sshi, right?” She asked.

I nodded slightly.

“I am Hana’s teacher in charge. I called you, remember?” She said.

“Huh.. Oh.. It’s you. I was trying to look for you. How did you find me?” I asked.

“Is that important to you? But anyway, you’re not difficult to recognize, just in case you don’t realize. Your fame and all.. But whatever, this way please.” She said, walking off even before I could say anything.

“She is asleep now and her condition has stabilized, but the doctor wants to keep her under supervision so I guess she has to be here for a day or two.” She said.

I looked through the small gap from the door. I could not see Hana’s face, only her legs that were covered by the blanket.

“The doctor said it is a food allergy reaction.” She explained.

“Food allergy?” I asked.

What kind of food is Hana allergic to? I was really clueless.

“The doctor is here. He’ll explain more. I have to get going. You would stay here, right?” She asked.

“I erm.. I..” I mumbled.

“Junhyung sshi, I know you are going through a tough period of time in your life, but so is Hana. Hana used to be really happy. There is never a day that her laughter does not fill the classroom. But after… after that accident.. And Seungho sshi.. He.. You know.. We never heard Hana’s laughter anymore, let alone her voice. She kept to herself and was always gazing out of the window, as thou waiting for something, or someone.” She said.

“Not only that, during breaks, she doesn’t join the others for food anymore. She just sits in class and stares blankly. It’s painful to watch such a cheerful girl become so depressed, but I know its tough. If there is anything I can do to help, I’m willing to do it. Just as long as it can help Hana become herself again. I may be her teacher, but I am still considered an outsider. You’re the only one that can nurse Hana back to health, and perhaps, nurse yourself too.” She continued.

I looked at her, digesting her words.

“Maybe I said too much. I’m sorry.” She said softly.

“No no no no no~ You’re right. I was just… thinking..” I smiled slightly.

“I’ll come back again, but I have to go for now.” She smiled.

“Thank you for informing me.” I said.

“It’s my duty.” She said.

“No, I mean, about her behavior in class.” I said.

“No problem. Be strong. Bye.” She said as she left.

I walked into the room where Hana was. She was lying on the bed, asleep, with in IV drip attached to her as well as some other beeping machines.

For the first time in so long, I took a closer look at her. Comparing how she looked when Seungho was around and now, it was totally different. She lost quite a bit of weight. Her fair skin seemed to have darkened, perhaps from the sun, or most likely from the lack of nutrition. My fingers unconsciously reached for her cheek, tracing lightly across. Her baby fats were gone and now replaced by nothing but skin. Overall, Hana is in a bad shape.

“Excuse me, are you Hana’s guardian?” The doctor appeared suddenly behind me.

I jumped a little.

“Oh yea.” I bowed slightly.

“I am her father.” I said.

“I am her doctor in charge. Her condition has stabilized, but I advise her to be hospitalized for supervision because she was in quite a bad shape. For her age and her weight, it could have been fatal.” He said.

“What exactly is it?” I asked.

“Food allergy. Do you know that she is allergic to eggs?” He asked.

“She is allergic to eggs?” I asked.

“Yea, and it is really serious, so you have to be really careful when preparing food for her. And, she is pretty much under nutrition.” He said.

I nodded slightly. I did not have any words to defend myself with.

“She’ll be asleep for about an hour or so. She is still feverish so maybe you want to get a cold towel to try cool her body down. It helps at times. I’ll come back later in the evening.” He said.

“Th.. thanks..” I mumbled, looking at Hana.

I fed her eggs this morning, two eggs to be exact. No wonder she looked at the plate reluctantly. Why didn’t she say anything about it? Oh. I forgot what a terrible father I was to her. How would she have dared to say anything?

No wonder we always had only that certain brand of ice cream at home, because it was egg-free. Seungho never bought pre-made waffles or pancakes, not even cakes. He made them all on his own. I thought he was just being fussy, but now I know, he wasn’t. He just did not want to risk killing her, like how I almost did.

‘Yea. Because I have never expected you to be so evil. I thought you’d change as the time pass. I thought you’d show your fatherly side. But hell no. I feel so apologetic towards Hana. I adopted her in hope to give her a home. But because of you, it became hell.’

‘You traumatized her for one full year. All I asked if for you to be nice to her for one day. One day out of three hundred and sixty five, yet you can’t even do it. You’re really, really, really mean. This place where the heart lies for normal people, yours is empty, I’m pretty sure.’

Seungho’s words to me a year ago rang in my head. I touched my chest, the part where my heart is supposed to lie. I guess.. I guess it is really empty.

I sank into the chair, looking at Hana sleep.

‘You’re unbelievable! You’re a monster!’

Seungho’s words kept replaying in my head.

I guess I really am.

I blamed her for something she did not do. I made her feel so guilty just because I felt guilty as well. I hated her for no particular reason at all. I traumatized her, I hurt her, I destroyed her. She could have grown up happier if she went to another family.

‘Yong Junhyung, you loser. Taking it out on an innocent kid. You knew nothing about her, what rights does it give you to hate her? You terrible, terrible monster.’ I thought to myself.

I wiped off the tears that stained my cheeks as I got up and headed to the toilet. I wet a towel and wiped her hands, legs, neck and face with it, in hope to cool her down. I placed a cold towel on her forehead but it turned warm in less than half an hour, an indication of how high her fever is.

I busied myself by changing her towel every now and then. As I was at it, I accidentally knocked over her bag. I picked it up, and then I realized, I had never looked at her stuff before. It was always Seungho who looked at her homework, signed her report cards, and praised her for her artwork or anything of that sort. He always tried to show them to me, but I just walked off.

I poured out the contents of her bag, looking through her worksheets and workbooks. She scored close to full marks for almost every written piece of work. I found myself smiling as I looked through everything she did, everything she wrote. I had to bite my lower lips to prevent myself from bawling my eyes out here as I read her composition piece. It was titled ‘My fathers’.

‘Ever since I was born, I never knew how my parents look like but that is okay. It does not matter even when people tease me about not having a mommy, because who needs a mommy when I have two daddies? When Seungho appa smiled at me for the first time and asked me what my name was, I could feel it already, and then when he brought me home and showered me with love, I felt like the luckiest daughter ever. My other father, Junhyung daddy, he is cold and does not really like to talk to me. Although I really wish he would be nicer but that is okay because I know somehow, he loves me. I am blessed with two daddies, it may be weird, but without them, there would not be Hana.’

I could not even finish reading it. I shoved the paper back into her bag and wiped off the droplets of tears that escaped from my eyes.

I pulled out a piece of rolled up drawing paper from the side of her bag. I opened it and stared blankly at the drawing. On the left side of the paper was two men, both of them were smiling and holding hands, except one had wings. There was a huge heart shape circling around them. I presume the two men to be Seungho and I. The one with wings being Seungho, maybe because he is dead, therefore in her eyes, he has become an angel. On the right side of the paper, quite far away, was a girl with long hair. She stood alone, but she was smiling still. Was she drawing herself? But why did she draw herself so far from us? What exactly did the drawing mean?

I looked up when I felt a pair of eyes staring at me.

“Oh, you’re awake. Ahh, I didn’t mean to look at your stuff. I was just.. just..” I couldn’t find any words to defend myself.

She shook her head slightly.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, automatically caressing her cheek.

She moved away, as thou afraid I would hit her or something.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled, knowing that I was in no position to get angry or feel sad about it, I was the cause of all these happening today.

“Hana ah,” I called out.

She looked at me with scared eyes.

“Erm… Are you hungry? Should I buy you food?” I asked.

She shook her head slightly.

“But you have to eat something.” I said.

She shook her head again.

“Alright then, alright.” I smiled, sitting beside her.

There was an awkward silence between us. I stood up and she looked at me.

“I’ll go back and…” Even before I could finish, she shook her head frantically, tears welled up in her eyes.

“I mean, I’ll go back and grab some of your stuff and then I’ll come back. I’ll be quick, I promise.” I said.

She kept shaking her head, tears staining her cheeks.

“Don’t cry, please. Don’t cry. I’ll come back, I promise. I’ll be quick. I’ll be back in half an hour. No, no. Just twenty minutes will do.” I tried to coax her.

She grabbed onto my hand, not allowing me to walk off. I was lost as to how to deal with her. I did not want to lie to her and tell her I would not go, and then disappear when she is asleep.

“Shhh shhh~ Please don’t cry.” I said, wiping away her tears with my thumb.

“Alright, alright. I wouldn’t go anywhere.” I said, sitting down beside her.

“I’ll be here, okay?” I said.

She nodded slightly, letting go of my hand.

“But don’t you want your stuff? Like your soft toys or anything like that?” I asked.

She kept quiet, staring at me.

“I promise I’ll be quick. You can take a short nap, and when you wake up, I promise to be back. I want to change into more comfortable clothes too so I can be here with you all night.” I said.

She bite down on her jaws, looking at me.

“Please?” I pleaded.

She nodded once.

“I’ll be back, okay? Just sleep.” I said, patting her head lightly.

Just as I was about to walk away, she grabbed onto my finger.

“Yea?” I looked at her.

“I know you hate me..” She said softly.

“But I love you, and.. You’re all that I have left.” She said, tears flowing down her cheeks like nobody’s business.

I couldn’t seem to move. I stood there, staring at her as her words rang through my head; ‘You’re all that I have left.’