Junhyung’s POV

“Daddy~~” I heard Hana call out while pinching my cheeks.

“Wake up, Daddy!” She called again.

“Hmm.. Sweetie, let Daddy sleep~” I mumbled, burying my face into the pillow.

“No no no Daddy! You forgot about today!?” She slapped my chest.

I opened one side of my eyes, looking at her.

Today is Seungho’s one year death anniversary.

“How can I forget?” I said, smiling at her.

“Then why are you still on the bed!?” She pouted.

“What is the time now?” I asked.

“7.30AM!” She yelled.

I almost passed out. It’s only 7.30AM!? I almost protest, but swallowed it back when I saw her angry face.

“Pull Daddy up, please?” I said, with both hands outstretched.

She broke into a wide smile, pulling me up with whatever strength she has. I sat up and pulled her to sit on my lap.

“Good morning.” I said, snuggling my chin against her neck.

“Daddy, it’s ticklish! Your moustache!!” She laughed, trying to push me away.

“Exactly because it is ticklish I am doing it~” I continued to tickle her.

I pinned her onto the bed, tickling her, making her laugh and kick wildly. Even after I stopped, she was still laughing.

“Why are you still laughing?” I asked, laughing as well.

“I don’t know!” She laughed.

“Have you brushed your teeth?” I asked.

She shook her head. I showed her a disgusted face.

“No wonder the whole house smells bad!” I said.

“No! It’s not me! It’s you!!” She pointed.

“Really? It’s me?” I asked.

“Ya! It’s you!” She squashed my cheeks.

I picked her up and carried her to the toilet. I settled her on the side of the basin where we both brush our teeth together.

“Do it properly!” I said as she smeared shaving cream all over my face.

“I know!” She laughed, enjoying herself.

“Why are you putting it on my nose!? YAH!” I said.

“Shhh! Daddy you’re noisy!” She pouted.

“Omo! So rude!?” I said.

“Sorwy~ But shhh!!” She frowned.

She continued to smear shaving cream all over my face.

“DONE!” She smiled.

I looked into the mirror and rolled my eyes.

“Sweetie, do you exactly know where moustache grows?” I asked.

She nodded and pointed to her chin.

“Then why did you smear shaving cream all over my face!?” I asked.

“You have hair there too.” She pointed at her eyebrow, giggling.

“That’s my eyebrow! Oh, wait. You have hair there too. Shall we shave it off too?” I asked, spraying shaving cream onto my hand.

“NO!!” She jumped off the basin, running out of the toilet.

“COME ON! LET’S DO IT TOGETHER HUH! DADDY DAUGHTER LOOK!!” I yelled, running behind her.

We chased each other around the house until we were both out of breath.

“Alright, alright! Enough!” I caught her, panting.

“Go and shower. We’ll have breakfast then we’ll go buy some stuff before going to see Seungho Appa, okay?” I said.

She nodded.

“Give Daddy a kiss.” I said, sticking out my cheek.

She kissed my cheek but frowned instantly.

“HAHAHA!” I laughed at her.

She had shaving cream all over and nose.

“BAD DADDY!” She pouted, stomping to the toilet.

“Yah, Hana! Hana!” I called out, but she stuck out her tongue and slammed the door into my face.

I sighed and went to get my stuff for shower. When I came out of the toilet, she was still showering. Girls take a hell long time to shower, really.

When she walked out, I smiled at her but she pouted back.

“I made you waffles. It’s not soggy this time.” I said, putting the plate of waffles in front of her.

“And sausages as well as hash browns.” I said as I flipped the sausages.

“Do you want milk, juice or water?” I asked.

I turned back when there was no reply. She was pouting at me.

“Hahaha aigoo~ Stop pouting. Are you sure you want to let Appa see you like this?” I asked, pinching her lips lightly.

“Yes! I want him to know that you bully me.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Then I want him to know that you bully me too! HMPH!” I crossed my arms as well, pouting at her.

“You bully me more!” She yelled.

“You bully me even more!” I said.

“No! It’s you!” She frowned.

“It’s you!” I said.

She pouted, lips trembling as thou she would burst into tears.

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! It’s me! I am the bully!” I hushed her.

“I am sorry. Daddy was just playing with you.” I said.

Hana could take any jokes but she absolutely hated it when she was embarrassed.

“Okay.” She smiled, cutting a bit of waffles and shoving it into my mouth.

“Daddy, I think something is burning.” She said.

“Omo my sausages and hash browns!” I yelled as I hurried back to the stove while she laughed.

***

“What’s this?” I asked Hana as she dumped a pack of chips into the trolley.

“Appa likes this!” She smiled.

“No, the last time I remember, Appa doesn’t really like this.” I said.

“You’re old, so your memory is failing you.” She chuckled.

What sort of eight years old talks like that?

“My memory is failing me, but I’ll never forget what Seungho appa and Hana likes. I am pretty sure this is what Hana likes.” I said.

She looked at me shyly, an indication that I spot her on.

“But didn’t we say that today we would only buy things Seungho appa likes to eat?” I asked.

“Seungho appa doesn’t like Coke.” She said, pointing at the bottle of Coke I put in.

“Well, erm… We can take that out then.” I said, despite feeling extremely upset inside. I want my Coke!

“Awww Daddy pwease! Didn’t you say that you like everything Hana likes!? Seungho appa said he likes everything Hana likes too! That makes this chips Seungho appa as well as your favourite chips because Hana likes them wery wery much!!” She pouted, speaking in baby language.

I looked at her plead me, a smile creep up on my lips. She really knows how to use aegyo well, doesn’t she?

“It’s just a pack of chips, why are you putting in so much aegyo?” I asked.

“You like it, don’t you?” She winked, skipping to another lane.

Seungho, if only you could melt as much as I did at her aegyo. But don’t worry, because I melted twice. One time for myself, another time for you.

“DADDY THIS!!” Hana yelled, running towards me with a teddy bear.

“Seungho appa likes teddy bears too?” I asked, despite already knowing who likes the teddy bear.

“Yes! I remember he told me that he really, really loves teddy bears!” She said.

I nodded. I walked behind her as she ran around the mart, throwing things into the trolley that she claims Seungho likes, but in fact, it is her that likes it. I let her buy most of it unless it is really unnecessary like crayons in which she has one box full at home.

“So, Appa’s little helper, are we done here?” I asked, looking at the trolley full of ‘Seungho’s liking’, and then at her.

“Yes!” She smiled.

After paying, I took the buying in one hand and her hand in another. We passed by a flower shop and we both stopped. We turned to look at each other, very well knowing what is going through our mind.

“Some flowers for Appa?” I asked.

She nodded.

“How about…” I asked.

“Sunflowers.” We said in unison before giggling at each other.

I let her choose the sunflowers while I look at other stuff.

“Daddy, I’m done.” She said, showing me seven stalks of sunflowers.

“Why seven?” I asked as I counted them.

“I like odd numbers.” She shrugged her shoulders.

I got them wrapped up and we headed for the car.

We got sunflowers for Seungho, not because Seungho likes them, but because to us, Seungho was like the sun, bringing us warmth and happiness. He was our sunshine.

***

“Appa! I missed you!” Hana said, kneeling in front of Seungho’s grave, wiping off the dust with her hands.

“Use this.” I said, handing her a piece of tissue.

“Hi, Panda. Miss us?” I asked as I took out the stuff we bought.

“See what you daughter chose for you? She said you like teddy bears, and this brand of chips, and this weird looking, I don’t know if it’s a rabbit or an elephant. Hmm and many more nonsense. There’s a lot of things that you like that I don’t know huh?” I said, looking at Hana, then at Seungho.

Hana was giggling to herself.

“Nothing much to tell you except that Hana has been really naughty. Aie, she just bullies me. I… Aie… I have nothing to say.” I said.

“No I did not!” Hana yelled, jumping onto my lap.

As we ate, we fought to tell on each other to Seungho. It was more like a picnic than his anniversary, in which I think is good in a way. It’s nice to see her smile.

She soon fell asleep on my lap, hugging the soft toys she said Seungho likes.

“We finally have time for ourselves.” I said to Seungho as I Hana’s hair.

“How have you been? Good?” I asked.

“I’ve been good, and I am not lying this time. I still miss you, that is for sure.” I said.

“It’s been a year. How did I spend one year without you when in the past I couldn’t even spend a moment without you? I don’t know. I guess I have to thank Hana. Hana makes me forget all the bitterness. No, don’t worry, you aren’t replaced. You’re still my one and only Seungpanda.” I smiled.

“But I cannot wait to go see you. When Hana grows up, and when she finally has her own family, with a loving husband, I think I can go to you in peace. But for now, I guess I still have a long way being the perfect Daddy for her. Nah, I am not perfect. But I am trying! Can you see?” I laughed to myself, looking down at Hana who was snoring softly.

“She’s been a really sweetheart, although she bullies me all the time, but I don’t know, am I crazy or what, I kind of enjoy being bullied by her. What if I didn’t learn to love her? What would have happened? I don’t know. I don’t think you would allow that to happen too, right?” I said.

“This sounds cheesy, but I am enjoying every moment with her twice as much, because one moment is for myself, while another is for you. I wonder if you felt it too.” I said.

“Seungho ah, I love you.” I said.

I fell asleep myself. This time, I did not dream of Seungho, but I slept very, very well. When I woke up, Hana was still asleep on my lap.

“I am leaving, Panda. I’ll come back again soon, okay? Or else, just go home and visit us if you’re bored. Play some tricks on us or what, but please remember to show yourself so we know it’s you.” I said.

“I love and miss you, always. So would Hana.” I said, kissing his photo.

“Enjoy the sunflowers, snacks and soft toys, my sunshine.” I whispered as I pulled the teddy bear out of Hana’s hand and leaving it on Seungho’s tomb.

“Come on, sleepy head. Say bye bye to Appa~” I said to the sleeping Hana.

I brought her hand up and waved it for her.

“Bye Appa~” I imitated her.

“Love you.” I winked at Seungho’s photo before carrying Hana up and heading for the car.

After I put Hana into the car, I took one last look at Seungho’s grave. For some reason, I felt him. I knew he was there. I just couldn’t see him.

“I LOVE YOU, SEUNGPANDA!!! AND I MISS YOU VERY, VERY MUCH!!” I yelled before going into the car.

I smiled to myself before driving off. I never felt so good ever since his death. I cannot say I have totally moved on, but I know I have taken that step he has been pushing me to take. When the time comes for me to be go, hopefully I can go into his arms proudly because I’ve done my job well.

***

Just picture this is as shaving cream XD