It all started when I became a trainee at SM. I thought everything would go the way I had always dreamed: I would see idols in the halls and become friends with them; but I was completely wrong.

I was housed in a small apartment with five other girls who were loud and annoying. I had no interest in speaking to them, only focusing on perfecting my dancing and singing skill so I could become the best out of all of them.

I was already much better than them, to be honest. It wasn’t only me who thought that, though. Lee Soo Man told me he would like to debut me soon, and a little after that I ran into Key from SHINee after performing for a long time.

“I saw you dancing in there,” He said, helping me up since I knocked into him.

“Ah... Sorry, you must’ve been waiting to go on... Sorry,” I said, flustered. Key had never been my favorite, but meeting anyone from SHINee just made my heart pound.

“It’s alright! I was tired anyway. You’re talented! And why haven’t I met you before?” He smiled.

“Ah... Thank you! You are too! I could never dance or sing as good as you. You were probably busy...”

“Yeah... Probably. How old are you?”

“I’m 17,”

“Ah, so you’re my dongsaeng. You can call me oppa, or whatever you want! If you ever need anything, call me!” He said, telling me his number.

Wow. I went back to the dorms that night, skipping and with shaking hands. He was even more charming then I thought, yet something about him was really like an umma, like everyone said. Probably because he was really good at making people feel better and at home.

Key and I became pretty good friends, and before I knew it, he was introducing me to many of his idol friends. Never the ones I wanted to meet though. He would ask me, “Who do you want to meet?” but I just couldn’t say anyone’s name. I felt privileged enough to be meeting all these people already.

Weeks passed like this, and I hated myself more everyday. Not because I was depressed I couldn’t see my parents or stressed with all the work, no. But because I had a perfect opportunity to meet the person I was madly in love with, yet I couldn’t seem to just ask. Key would be more than willing to introduce me, considering they’re in the same group together, and they’re probably very close. But why couldn’t I say anything?

I sat in the practice room after a long day of nothing but dancing and stared at myself in the mirror in front of me. I was a fish out of water here in Korea. I was born in America, and spoke English. But since I have always been smart, I quickly became fluent in Korean. Everyday, at least one person points out my blonde hair, or the fact that I am American. And I don’t consider myself ugly, or fat, but compared to girls like Yoona... I wouldn’t say I’m better.

“I’m never going to be better than SNSD, and that’s a fact.” I said to myself, now crying.

“Maybe if I practice harder.” I continued, through my sobbing.

I didn’t notice that Key had opened the door and was watching me, sitting there, crying like an idiot.

“Why can’t Taemin just notice me somehow?” I said to myself, admitting out loud who I love.

 After a seemingly long pause, Key broke his silence.“Taemin?”He asked.

I turned around in shock. “Oppa, what are you doing here? I... You...” “Why...” I stuttered.

“Well, I came to practice but I saw you crying.... You like Taemin?”He sat down next to me on the floor.

“I...”

“You can tell me. ESPECIALLY if it’s Taemin.”

I nodded quietly. “Yeah... I do...” I blushed.

“Aw, that is so cute! Why didn’t you tell me? You could meet him whenever, you know! Babo~”

“Because I don’t think I’m good enough.”

He paused, becoming more serious, unlike before. “Why not?”

“Well... Look at SNSD. Or F(x). Or IU. Or anybody! I’m nothing compared to them!”

“Are you kidding? I’d say you’re as good as all of those girls put together. Taemin likes foreign girls anyway. He’s never even looked at SNSD, or f(x), or IU.”

“Really?”

“Haha, now you’re happy.. Yes, really. I was gonna ask you this anyway, but we need a girl trainee for our music video tomorrow... Do you want-”

“YES!”

“Gosh, you have serious mood swings. Come on, get up. Let’s get you home. You’re all tear-stained. What if you ran into Taemin?”

“WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! IS HE HERE?”I screamed, my heart starting to pound a mile a minute.

“No!! Calm down! Stop screaming in the halls!”