“You what?!” Victoria’s shrill voice surprised me, making me jump out of lighting the cigarette hanging from my mouth. It fell and I muttered a curse as I fished for another stick.

“I accepted his ‘invitation to death’, Vic.” I said sarcastically as I blew smoke, partnered with the rolling of my eyes. “As if the road can harm me. And don’t worry; I’ll pay for your Dodge if I won’t be able to return it to you in one piece.” We were outside the club; the club music following us, trying to drag us back inside it. My eyes fell on Victoria’s worried eyes, and seeing it made me want to face palm myself for my decision of engaging in the race.

“Don’t be too conceited Eunyoung. Believe me, I’ve been to that track million times before, and I saw the faces of the countless people who never made it back alive. Once you’re in, there is seriously no turning back. It’s either you finish it off or you end up dead.” She completed my name, and I know full well that it’s a sure sign of her anger, but amidst all the rage she cast towards me, I saw real terror in Vic’s eyes, and for a moment there I stopped seeing her as Victoria, but as someone else.

Her.

“...and you dragged me out here just to tell me that you’re going on the last ride of your life?! Eunyoung! You are clearly not listening!” She leaned by her car, looking gloomy as she flailed her hands in front of my face, claiming my full attention.

I flicked the cigarette on the ground before facing her. “Victoria, your lack of confidence in me is seriously hurting my feelings.” I reached for her face and pinched her cheeks lightly, trying hard to lighten up the mood which had gotten heavier between us. I suddenly let go of her face after seeing that she didn’t react or in any way did anything, but then it felt worse than her shouting at me. I tapped her shoulder, careful not to make much skin contact in case she snaps out of her reverie and bite my head off again.

“Hey look, I am not scared okay? After this, I’m sure he’ll stop with his silly antics. Be flattered Victoria, he is just doing this because he got jealous after seeing us dance. Just let me finish this off, okay? Trust me.”

In just a month, Vic and I had gotten a lot closer. Her concern for me on this matter is one way of her showing that I can trust her, but it is irritating that she does not feel the same for me.

An annoying voice diverted my attention from Victoria to its courier, “Stop that nonsense. This time you won’t be accompanied by anyone anymore. Better do yourself up Eunyoung. You’ll have time for your people after the race. That’s, if you would get out... alive.”

GD’s voice brought me out from thinking; he didn’t make any move to come near us. Behind him stood all his guards from the chamber, and I squinted my eyes to make out a man that stood out from the group; not GD, but Henry. I suddenly felt the urge to ostracize him from them because I saw him uneasily avoiding my gaze, acting cool to match the men around him. Three girls leaned their almost bare bodies on the monster, and I swallowed the bile that threatened to come up the surface as I watch GD and a girl attack each others’ mouth while his other hand travelled down another girl’s hip, finally settling on her . I stole a glance at Vic to see her reaction at this, but her firm façade did not give away anything.

It seemed as though the entire population of the club was now outside, getting in their own cars. Henry stepped away from GD and proceeded to enter his car. I tried not to look at his retreating figure but I glanced anyway.

He never paused to acknowledge my presence. I cannot quite comprehend why it suddenly disappointed me, but it did.

I was still busy looking at him that I didn’t realize that Vic was already seated inside the back seat of the Viper.

“Get in.” Her voice was firm, and she wasn’t looking at me.

I got in and ushered the car unto an unfamiliar road, all while casting glances on the rearview mirror to look at Victoria. The unfamiliar road loomed dead ahead, I suddenly felt better as the cars I was tailing were so loud, making it impossible for me to really concentrate on the haunted road.

For minutes I survived without Vic talking, and her distinct humming somehow relieved me. She hummed nervously all the way to Vick Hunts as if to calm herself, but it was a frail attempt. I could make out the air in between the melody as her sounds falter.

The atmosphere at Vick Hunts was not far from the one at the club. People were still crazy, rowdier now than ever. Like animals let loose, like my New York buddies and constant party mates.

Like me, months before it happened…

It was not the right time to think of anything that might destruct me.

My mood was suddenly lifted after seeing them anticipate our race. Though I know most of them anticipate a dead body by the end of it, seeing their energy was still a good compensation from the hell ride with Vic. She only hummed the same nervous tune on the whole duration of the ride, and it actually troubled me. There’s really something with Victoria and cars; there’s something to driving that makes scares the hell out of her wits. I remembered our first ride together; she was seated next to me, with me driving of course. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her glancing nervously at the brakes whenever I get hold of it.

I ushered the car into the ‘event’ place, heeding the signal of a man in front.

“Look Vic-

I didn’t get to finish what I have to say, because almost a second after I stopped the car, she opened her door and went out, and what the hell did I do?

I let the brat go.

“Damn it Victoria…” I hissed. If she was acting like that just because she cares for me, her care was starting to really get on my nerves now. I guess I am not used to this kind of ‘affection’. She reminds me so much of her. Though in a good way, I can’t help but begrudge Victoria, and the stupid headache kicking in my head was not making things any better.

I leaned my numb head on the headrest of the Viper and ran both my hands on my hair, trying hard to control the overpowering urge to curse everything in this damned world. I rummaged through my pants and quickly looked at the crooked cigarette I got out of it. It’s too pathetic looking, but I decided that it was better than nothing so I lit it anyway.

The intoxicating smoke filled my nostrils, easing me all of the sudden. I took in drag after drag of the cigarette, drowning my mind to the short lived comfort the sensation gave off.

A ticking sound on the window suddenly brought me out of my peace, but I didn’t bother to look at whoever dared to destruct me in my moment of solitude.

It was one thing for Victoria to just get out of the car, but it’s another for her to have the nerve to knock on the car window. I was about to shout again, but after seeing that it’s Henry, I quickly diverted my gaze elsewhere.

He was not getting the message that I didn’t want to talk to him and still continued to knock.

Damn it Amber, he is just Henry. His being on GD’s side should mean nothing to you. I thought to myself as I stared at the pool of bodies scattered in front of my car, their glistening and exposed bodies sending my mind adrift.

“Dude.” I finally addressed his presence after rolling the car window down. He signaled to the car door on the passenger side, and I opened it.

He settled next to me, but didn’t say anything; a great contradiction to the noises the people outside the car were making. Boom boxes and car amplifiers were everywhere. Imagine Tokyo Japan and its illegal car racing scenes, that’s exactly how it was here, amped to a higher level. I took a drag of my cigarette and directly looked at the scene outside the car, seeking comfort from the crowd’s uncultured behaviors.

I took a drag of my cigarette as I waited for him to talk, I was sure he didn’t approach me for nothing.

“You should not have agreed to this.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him looking at me intently, like he really was trying to put sense on my mind about agreeing to this race.

I am not one to listen to anybody, Henry. Why does he think he’s any different? Although I’m now determined more than ever to start and finish this race without the consent of anybody, I still wanted to hear what he has to say about this. I don’t know why but I yearned to hear his say on this matter. I guess I wanted to know if he somehow cares.

 “Well we’re here. And in about 15 minutes, we’ll start the race. And dude, you guys are so used to this right? It doesn’t mean that just because I’m new here I don’t know about these kinds of things. When it comes to experience, I am your hyung. Remember I am from ‘the concrete jungle’ as your best friend put it. Your antics are on primary level compared to my way of having fun. ” I was suddenly defensive. I don’t like how everyone suddenly treats me.

Like a child.

Like someone on the verge of dying.

Like a... a girl.

“I am just concerned okay?”

“Well for the record, I don’t need your concern.” I knew I lied, but I could not let my guard down. I patted his head and added softly, “Save that ‘c word’ for your best friend. He needs that more than I do. Believe me; I want this more than him.” At least I managed to say something right after a lie.

He probably saw the glint of determination in my eyes; he suddenly heaved deeply and smiled awkwardly as I blew smoke from the almost finished cigarette dangling from my mouth. And as if acknowledging it for the first time, he swiftly snatched the burnt cigarette from my mouth. I didn’t fight him; instead, I offered a fist just to ease the tension. It took him seconds before he fisted my extended fist, but he did it with a small smile. I suddenly felt better. At least one person finally listened to what I was trying to say and prove.

“Since it looks like I can’t change your mind, I’ll just give you some pointers then.”

I broke into a smile and asked him, “Why are you even bothering?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you going behind the back of your best friend just to help me? Dude, if it’s heaven you crave for, you really had it now.” My head suddenly felt lighter, not in any way making me lightheaded or queasy, but just enough to get me out of the tracks.

“Because I don’t want to lose you.”

I was taken aback. At that moment, my mind went blank. Just pieces of his words came swirling on my mind. I tried not to make sense of it. I was affected much by that petty sentence he hastily stated.

I do not want it to make sense.

He immediately went silent, but was still looking at me. “Because I don’t want another body ending up dead. Being a witness to someone’s death will be used to oppose my entering heaven, won’t it?” He took what he said back, clearing the initial impact his words had on me. He gave me his winning smile and it made his eyes into tiny slits. My remark about him looking like a puppy was really evident.

“No necessary precautions from Yong, but many from the road. He doesn’t play dirty when it comes to racing. That’s how confident he is. There’ll be no roadblocks along the way, and when I say roadblocks, I mean set up ‘killers’ like lurking gunmen or bombs like them movies always has. ”

He fished something on his pocket, dialed something on the panel board of the car and connected something that looks like a GPS.

“This will help you get through the mazes on the road. It was modified especially for the racers of this track, but because only some of them actually know how this thing works, many ended up dead.” I brushed my fingers on the screen and enlarged the road map. “Are you putting that to distract me from the road? Henry, I’m sure that once in the race I won’t have time to look at that. It may even divert my attention from the road and kill me.”

He stopped assembling it and looked straight at my eyes, his deep with concern and even pain, “Eun, I am not like that.”

I wasn’t sure, after all, I had many experiences of trust gone wrong to believe him just yet, but to repay his trust in me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, then.” He finished tinkering with the dials and added, “I’m sure he told you about the horror it possesses because it supposedly housed a ghost of a girl. Well that story wasn’t made up, but for a grown up like you, I trust you to use your better judgment if you’re going to believe in that one.”

“I’d sure love to see that ghost.” I said, mischievously my lips.

“Careful man, you may just go through her. Literally.”

We are down to the last 7 minutes before the race proper. Henry, after almost two minutes of pure silence, said. “You know, you really don’t have to do this.” It was a lost case, he knew that I wouldn’t listen to him but he’s still trying to persuade me.

I faced him, but I was caught off guard when I saw how close his face was to mine already. I didn’t turn my head away, it was him who did, but it wouldn’t erase the fact that I felt something that I had never felt before after our eyes incidentally met, but it wavered as fast as it came; that is because of a knocking Victoria on the car window.

Well, well... The brat then decided to come back.

“I wish you all the luck, Eunyoung.” Henry said, full of genuine emotion before exiting the car. Within seconds, Victoria’s body positioned itself on the passenger seat, occupying Henry’s initial position.

“Look Vic, I am not afraid to start this race. You should know me by now to know that I don’t back down to trivial things like this one.” I made it sound like what is about to happen is nothing, but the feeling of uneasiness settled in a portion of my mind after I directed my gaze to her. She shifted in her seat before looking at me; tendrils of her hair had escaped from the tight bun it was in before. But even with her looking like a mess, she was still lovely.

“I am more afraid that you won’t be able to finish it.” I was about to defend my ego but then she suddenly blurted, “I lost my brother in a self-induced car crash.” She bit her lower lip as it slightly trembled.

Her words penetrated through me. I hadn’t expected this. Memories suddenly flooded my vision and in seconds I started feeling lightheaded. Was it because of the hang-over or the spiked drink? Or purely because of what she said? Purely because of the toting guilt I have inside?

The questions were suddenly slurred as my mind conjured the image of the person I yearned to be with…

—Her; my sunshine.

Flashbacks I didn’t want to have. The flashbacks I buried on the abyss of my mind seemed to resurface and rushed before my dimming eyes. My trail of thought was shattered after I felt Victoria’s body pressed against mine. She is embracing me, but worse, she is crying. “I don’t want to lose you too...”

I was already committed to this, and it will be a shame on my part if I’d back out now. After all, I guess the real reason behind my wanting to be in this was because I wanted to prove something more to myself than to GD.

I kept quiet, and hugged her back. It was not forced, because I was really glad to have her warmth pressed into me. That’s what I needed most the moment when those twisted memories from before assaulted me once more.

“I’ll start this race Vic, don’t you worry. Just wish me luck okay?” I cupped her face into my hands, suddenly wishing that I didn’t agree on this. If I had known...Only if I had known... I wouldn’t want to cause the hurt on her; I understand exactly how she feels...

I know exactly how bad it feels.

“I am deeply scared that you won’t be able to finish it. Not you Eun, not again...” I now know why she reacted that way after I told her. How she disdainfully looked at me on the ride. She was suddenly seeing me as her brother, seeing me as the person who had chosen to embrace death on purpose and left her.

It felt good to know that I mattered for somebody, that I did matter for someone, again.

Her eyes were still buried in tears as she continued to embrace me. My wife beater became soaked with her tears in a matter of minutes. I felt her body shaking against my body, and slowly, I caressed her hair, running my hands through the loose tendrils of her messy bun.

The people outside and the interactions they made somehow became lost, even if I strained my ears, all I could ever make out was Victoria’s distinct crying.

“Come out alive, okay? Don’t try winning; don’t put yourself in more danger than the one you’re already in...” She finally choked. I leaned in and kissed her forehead, offering a smile as my eyes settled in her dark orbs; the most unfeigned I had ever given her.

“I will. Trust me okay?” And with that, a booming siren rang out the distance, signaling the start of the race’s formalities.

People clamoring outside helped awakened Amber’s senses. It was reality at its finest. She looked at the left side of the lane, and caught a smirking GD looking at her. He was trying his hardest to intimidate her with his looks as he revved his engine for his much desired effect.

None worked. If he’s looking for sign of defeat, he only disappointed himself.

The flag girl positioned herself in between the two cars. On her left was a Lamborghini Aventador, and on her right, a Dodge Viper. She made sure to send flirty gestures to both drivers, receiving a wink from GD and an execution of lip- from Amber which was daunted when she showed the flag girl her middle finger. The girl pouted at that one, but she liked it nonetheless. The new guy looked better than GD anyway...

She raised the flags above her head, garnering cheers from the hungry crowd. Anticipating the race was one thing, anticipating Amber’s sure death was another. Morbid yes, but that’s how things go.

There wasn’t any announcer at sight, this was a sleek match. Both the drivers looked up at the screen atop them showing the countdown.

5...

The crowds were shouting. Others are going around the area, making bets.

4...

Gunshots rang out, not the official signal for the start, but just a sign of the crowd’s anticipation.

3...

Three figures scattered around the area seemed isolated from all the fun the others are having. Victoria hugged her figure, not wanting to watch, scared to death for the damned situation Amber might end up in. Krystal glanced at the direction of the Viper, unsure of how she should feel about all that is happening. An immobile Henry stood at the elevated part of a building overlooking the track, his loyalty torn between the two drivers.

2...

Blood pumped at the veins of the two contenders. They stepped on the gas pedal, revving the engine alive. GD looked at Amber, but then she already rolled the tinted window up. GD reached for his seatbelt and locked it to the receiver. Amber left it alone on the side, not moving to pull it over her body to ensure her safety. She was free from the seatbelt’s grasp, and very much open to danger.

1...

The two flags were thrown in the air, as if on slow motion, it seemed to linger on the air, tainting the crowd’s excitement. Finally as it fell on the girl’s open hands, the two cars swished past her in a swift but fast movement. The crowd erupted into fits of cheers and cursing, cheering both the drivers on. At that moment, only one thought crossed the minds of the three spectators who never wanted any of it to take place.

 “Survive this.”

Finally an update after months of being on hiatus. I hope I didn't disappoint you with this one, though.

Thank you all for reading.

♦ Achailee