I was falling.

Free falling in what seemed like an eternity.

But I'm not scared. I don't feel even a tinge of fear brewing inside me. I know this is the end, but... I'm not scared... That person is with me, I know I’ll find joy in this misery.

Amber woke up with a jolt. Out of instinct, her right hand massaged her chest bearing a heart that beats furiously. A surreal dream has caused her to sweat extremely despite being in Korea. Her clammy hand reached for the bridge of her nose, and calming down a bit, she slumped down the bed.

What the hell was that about? It’s crazy... It’s so surreal. For a minute there I really thought I’d die.

Amber stole a glance at the clock on her bedside table and cursed when she saw that it was only 4AM. She tried to closed her eyes, trying to go back to slumber, but to no luck, sleep seemed to have abandoned her. She remained immobile on her bed for several minutes, staring at the lone ceiling that hovers above her head. A beep on her phone alerted her.

Eun, it’s Vic. Come by at our house later, we’ll ride to school together ‘ight?

After reading Victoria’s message, she then got up from her bed and reached for a pack of cigarettes on her jacket pocket. She walked towards her room balcony and lit one while staring on the vastness of the place surrounding her. Trees danced peacefully in the mid morning’s breeze. Amber’s weary eyes scanned the surrounding area, but nothing caught her attention. Even the gleaming lake in front of her didn’t amuse her. It was like her mind had sworn not to be amused at anything Korea has to offer. She continued with taking a drag after a drag of her cigarette. As she thought about the dream, she feels her heartbeat race. She never saw who she is with, but even on the midst of the dream, she knew she’d be fine.

She’d find joy in the misery.

She took one last drag on her second cigarette and went back to her bed. This time, sleep found her again.

I arrived at Victoria’s house early, but to my surprise, I found her waiting for me outside already.

“Uh, when you said ‘we’d ride to school together’ I was thinking that you meant to use a car right? I don’t see any, I wouldn’t walk to school, and it’s too cold.” Victoria looked at me and exclaimed, “But I thought you’d bring yours!”

“You mean to say you don’t have a car?” I asked her, she stared at me and quietly said, “Actually... I don’t drive anymore. But I do have a car. Come with me, you’ll drive.” Victoria turned to their gate and opened it, once inside; she clicked on a remote which then opened the garage door.

“Sweet. I’ll drive the yellow Lamborghini.”

“And who told you to choose which one to drive? But nonetheless, that’s mine. Be careful ‘ight?” Victoria tossed the key at me and I caught it in mid air.

• • •

As we ushered the car unto the School property, we found it hard to look for a place to park. Cars of different sizes and colors lined up, arranged properly. Not one car is found to be parked haphazardly. Compared to my school in the States which flaunts couples kissing and making out inside cars before the class starts, this school is tame. I suddenly chuckled at the idea of seeing the horrified faces of this school’s administrators if ever they saw students making out. At the sight of me chuckling, Victoria said. “Drop that smirk Eun, you look creepy.”

“Do I?” I asked her as I squeezed her car in between a red Mini and a black Strada. It was too early, so we decided to sit inside the car for a bit.

“What are you thinking anyway?”

“I was just comparing my old asylum of a school to this. This school is so tame; I can’t even see students making out on cars!”

“So you’re looking for students making out? We could make out in this car...”

Victoria then closed the distance between us and pretended to kiss me, but I nudged her away. Seeing my reaction, she laughed. “You should have seen your reaction Eun!”

“That isn’t funny okay? I-

“We’re friends, occasional kisses doesn’t mean anything. You should be used to that by know, given the fact that you grew up in states.”

“I don’t go around kissing girls in our school. And besides, you’re not my type.”

Vic cupped a hand to her heart and pretended to be hurt. But she snickered and said, “I’m pretty and I’m your friend, so that must mean nothing. And I don’t even care about you being a girl.”

I stared at her but she busied herself with arranging the contents of her bag.

“So you know.”

“You can’t fool me like you did with the entire school. I can see right through you Eun, and besides, your reaction towards my seduction gave your cover away.” She then dabbed a small amount of lipstick on and smack. “Well, okay. Just don’t blow my cover. I will never ever forgive you if you did.”

“Is it because you don’t want to wear the school’s skirt? Or because you want to confuse the students?”

“Both. But I have other reasons, I’m not that shallow. So just keep your mouth shut.”

“As much as I want to blabber this, I don’t have a friend here. So yeah, your secret stays alone with me.”

“The principal knows I’m a girl.”

“So? That bald old man doesn’t care about his students; he cares about the reputation of the school. But he doesn’t seem to care about the welfare of his students. As long as parents pay loads of money, he wouldn’t fuss. I bet not even the teachers know you’re a girl. All you have to do is work on your act. You look like a guy, but please act like one.”

“Hey I act like a guy.”

“Huh, but you hate girls.”

“I hate es.”                   

“You have something against your own gender? Sooner or later they’d realize that you’re a female if you don’t start hitting on girls.”

“But I hate es! Almost half of the girls in this school are es.”

“Guys love es. That’s the difference Eun.”

• • •

As I sat inside the classroom waiting for the subject teacher to arrive, I thought about Vic’s words.

Sooner or later they’d realize that you’re a girl if you don’t start hitting on girls.

Guys love es. That’s the difference Eun.

My indifference toward girls should be changed then. But as much as possible, I don’t want to flirt with the girls of this school. But I need to find the perfect girl for my impeccable taste, as Victoria tried to put it. Well, I quite had the reputation on my old school... I really need to be that old Amber again.

My train of thought is suddenly disturbed because my classmates then stood up and bowed to a visitor. I remained seated, but a girl beside me said, “Uhm, you’re supposed to stand when the principal comes in.”

I stood up and was greeted by the principal himself.

“Oh, there you are Liu Eunyoung. May I have a word with you?”

Victoria described him to me as we got out of the car earlier, and her description fits the bald old man standing in front of me. Vic just exaggerated on some parts, like him being‘very very fat that he can’t squeeze in on the doors’. But he is really bald and stout nonetheless. Victoria also added that this man is boastful. He would always see to it that people knew about his latest ‘accomplishments’ as a principal. He kept his composure after seeing that I am taller than him. He cleared his throat and gestured for the students to sit.

I followed him outside the room and to his office. Family photographs lined on the wall. There was even a picture of him taken years before, in it he looked young and brawny, but the contradiction of his expression to his height made me snicker. Good thing he didn’t saw me.

“Sit down, Eunyoung.”

I sat on a chair directly facing him. A bronze marble on his table stood neatly, it read:

CHOI DESUNG

Head Principal

“I never got the chance to talk to you yesterday as I was busy with my obligations as this school’s principal. You know how it is being a leader, it takes so much work. If you know what I mean.” He seemed amuse at the profession of his greatness, but after seeing no amused reaction from me, he stopped smiling and cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed.

“Those aside, let’s talk about you. I received a letter from your parents yesterday. They said to let you wear what you want to wear. And I guess I know what they meant with that.”

He studied me and added, “You can wear the guy’s uniform if you’re not comfortable with wearing the girl’s.”

I wonder how much my parents paid him to let me have things my way.

“You can get uniforms on the stock room, Amber.” Just like Boom, he teased me by emphasizing my name. I nodded at him and started to stand, but I faced him again.

“I would appreciate it if you’d call me by my Korean name instead of Amber. And oh, my parents would love it if you’d drop that smirk out of your face. If you know what I mean.” I was then trying to let him see that with just one wrong move, my parents can do anything to pull their money out from the school. But of course, that was just a threat which he seemed to have responded to.

“Ye-yes Eunyoung. I understand.”

“Good. Well then, have a great day Mr. Choi.”

I was making my way to the classroom from the Stock Room when suddenly I came across a guy slumped on the floor, arranging the books and notebooks which fell from his grasp. He was having a hard time balancing notebooks and books on his clammy hands. Seeing as though he direly needed assistance, I decided to help him. The guy’s head was shrouded by his bangs, making it almost impossible for me to know who he is.

“Oh thank you I-

It’s the guy from yesterday. Not GD but his friend, Henry.

I continued on with piling the notebooks on my hands, I didn’t dare look at him. “You don’t need to do that. I can carry that myself. I’ll manage.” He was reaching for the notebooks on my hand so I stood up. “Hey! I’ll carry those.”

“Pride won’t get you anywhere. I’ll carry these, you carry those. Now get up.” I instructed with my back at him.

A black blazer with white long sleeves underneath is what I wear now. Khaki pleated pants hugged my legs. But instead of expensive looking black leather shoes, I decided to settle with my black converse. I raised my brow at the gaping Henry which seemed to have lost his voice at the sight of me.

“Didn’t they teach you in this school that staring on people intently is rude?” I said, just to break his spellbound expression. I found myself amused at his face. It was like he is seeing me for the first time. His mouth hangs open, and as I walked near him, he suddenly broke out from his reverie and cleared his throat.

“Why are you...?

“What?”

“Nothing, ne-never mind.” He stuttered. We walked until we reached the classroom, but we found it empty. “They might all be in the Computer Laboratory already.”

On the way to the elevator leading to the third floor where the Computer Lab is located, he kept on stealing sideway glances at me. I can’t bring myself to talk to him, after my attitude towards him yesterday. But screw that, I don’t care if he’s mad or scared.

“Do you want to say something?”

“I’m just being careful, I don’t want you to shout at me again dude.” He said. I glanced at him and laughed.

“Just as long as you won’t get in my way, I can think about being friends with you man.”

I extended a hand at him and he took it. His hand lingered on mine longer than expected to, but he didn’t seem to notice this so I looked at our hands, and that’s when he got the message.

As if nothing happened, he instructed me. “Come, Mr. Kimura is waiting. I do hope you’re not planning on cutting classes again.”

“I said, don’t get in my way. If I want to cut classes, I will.”

“Let me finish my sentence ‘ight? What I’m trying to say is that I do hope you’re not planning on cutting classes again... without me.”

He then smirked at me. I returned his smirk and walked alongside him to the laboratory.

Others say that birds of the same feathers flock together. I’m starting to believe that they do.

• • •

“So let me get this straight, you and Henry are friends.” Victoria said with her arms crossed, she even emphasized the word Henry like she was spitting poison. She was even glaring at me while talking. Victoria caught me walking and talking with Henry after the computer class ended, and the look on her face made it seem like a cat caught rats sneaking cheese. I didn’t know why she looked this mad; it almost felt like I crossed a forbidden line with being friends with Henry. And this I told her.

“I can be friends with anybody, especially if that somebody-

“Is as hot as Henry?”

“I was going to say if that somebody is like me. Henry came from Canada.”

I shoved her which almost made her fall down the cafeteria chair.

“Ow! Eun, I’m a girl!”

“I’d keep that in mind.”

She brushed her hair away from her face and grabbed her sandwich from the table. Victoria silently took a bite after each bite from it. We occupied the table reserved especially for the school’s officials. Eyes are following our every move after we settled down in this chair. I was getting kind of irritated as Victoria sends occasional looks of dagger at me while gnawing at her sandwich, but I let her at it.

I don’t know what her problem is anyway.

“What’s the catch anyway? Are you and Henry-

“If that sentence will trail on to a ‘love issue’ between us, please, don’t even bother to blurt that out. There’s no catch. Just... never mind, you won’t be interested anyway.” Victoria said her hand flailed in front of my face to stop me from talking. I raised both my hands in surrender just so she’d stop biting my head off again.

Seeing that I won’t win with Victoria being this furious tiger again, I decided to let my eyes wander on the cafeteria. I saw guys lining up to get their hands on organic foods on the counter, girls trying their hardest not to take another bite from their sandwiches are instead talking to each other, and cafeteria helpers in their white uniforms who seemed to have forgotten how to smile. I can’t help but think that we are all victims of the tasteless foods the school cafeteria has to offer. I complained to Victoria about this but she dismissively said she loves the organic sandwiches this cafe serves, so here we are, with Victoria enjoying each bite, and I, longing for a bag of chips.

My eyes then rested on a girl sitting on the farthest left corner from where we are seated. She was surrounded by her friends chatting happily but she’s doing something which doesn’t involve talking.

She was staring. Right at me.

I will not give her my attention if only I didn’t catch her looking right at me. I leaned on the table and gauged myself on a staring competition with her, but after about two minutes she broke our gaze and seemed to have gotten a grip of herself. I chuckled to myself and waited for her to steal another glance at me.

And she did.

This time I winked at her.

From where I am seated I swear I heard her cleared and saw her tuck a strand of her light brown hair behind an ear and pretended to talk with her friends, but I saw what I saw. She was blushing.

My smirk seemed to have distracted Victoria who waved a hand in front of my face just to get my attention. Vic raised a brow at me and rolled her eyes, but she didn’t follow my gaze to where the girl is seated. I chomped the remaining bits of my sandwich before looking at her again. But this time, when I looked at her direction, I found the chair empty.

Krystal Jung. You just might be the perfect girl.

• • •

I was making my way out of the school gates when I suddenly caught sight of Victoria jogging towards my direction. I tried to dodge her but she was fast enough to step in front of me. We almost collided, good thing I was walking slowly.

“Where do you think you’re going?! You are supposed to be driving me back to our house remember?!” She said, almost hissing. As if she’s scared that someone might hear her. Victoria is not making a ruckus actually, but seeing as though the scene is a heated conversation between two couples, a few passersby stopped to listen. But after Victoria gave them her famous death glare, they scurried off.

“I’m going somewhere. You should go on without me.”

“Was it because of my behaviour at the cafeteria?” She pouted like a little child and sent me another death glare, but this time I ignored it and continued walking. I don’t know why I was suddenly mad at her. Sure she is a friend, but her attitude is somehow getting on my nerve already. After the episode on the cafeteria, she stomped towards her class without even bothering to bid me goodbye. I guess I am doing this to get even.

Even with my back at her, I heard her sigh deeply. She walked beside me before deciding to step in front of me again.

“Look Eun, I am sorry okay? I will not act like that for nothing. I have my reasons, and I am willing to tell them. Just drive me out of here please?” Victoria toyed with the ribbon on her uniform before titling her head to look at me. I didn’t answer her, but instead, I turned to the direction of her car. She trailed behind quietly and placed the cars keys on my hand.

“Spill.” I told her after I eased myself on the driver’s seat.

“Drive me out of here Eunyoung. And I’ll tell you why I hated the fact that you and that Henry are now friends.”

I drove Victoria to a secluded place, just minutes away from her swamp house. I needed little distractions as possible, and knowing Victoria, she might even be amused at the falling leaves surrounding us now. I sunk on my seat and waited for her to talk, and she did almost immediately after she realized that this is the end of the drive.

“Why here?”

“I don’t need distractions. Knowing that you get distracted with the littlest stuff, I brought you here. Now go on. Tell me.”

“Is that the real reason why you brought me to this secluded place?...” Victoria then pulled me in for a kiss, but seeing that I am not in the mood for her teasing, she retreated. “I was just joking Eun, loosen up.”

Leaves danced gracefully in sync with the wind. If I am to choose, this may be the only place in all of Korea that amuses me. It strongly depicts our secret place in New York. That place where we used to lay down undisturbed by the harsh reality of life. Those days of carefreeness are now faded memories, waiting to be forgotten and buried in the depths of my mind. But I can’t forget about them, nor will I ever be able to.

“Do you know who Henry hangs out with?” Vic’s question was met with my sudden answer.

“GD.”

“So you know him...” Vic looked out of the car window and started tracing shapes on it. “He was my ex boyfriend.”

I burst laughing and Victoria joined in. “Wait, you mean to say you once fought tongue wars with that guy?”

“Okay that was a snide remark, and gross too. But yes, he was my ex boyfriend.”

‘I really thought you have a sane taste on guys Vic, I can’t believe you once dated him!”

‘He was and still is, handsome Eunyoung. He may not be your type but I once went loco about him.”

I was still controlling my laughter, when Victoria suddenly added. “But I hate him more than anything now.”

“More than you hate Jessica?”

“Okay that is a different story altogether.”

“I get it, you are bitter. God get over him Victoria.”

“I got over the cold hearted bastard. I am not even so sure why I got pissed at you for being friends with his bestfriend. Maybe I just don’t want him to hang with us.”

I stopped laughing and faced her. Her look suggests that she really isn’t sure about why she was mad at me earlier. “Are you jealous Vic?” It was now my turn to , she looked cute actually.

“I am not. I’m sorry Eun okay?”

“You are like a baby Vic.” I chuckled and rummaged her hair. She pouted like a little kid and said, “That coming from someone a year younger than me. Hah!”

“Hey based on the years of experience, I am your unni.”

“So you will not hang out with him?”

“It’s not a big deal Victoria. And besides, we aren’t friends. He’s merely an acquaintance.”

Satisfied with my answer, she smiled.