I saw you but from afar. too far as in far.. 
Unreachable, that it was miles away but seems too close.. 
Too close that seems just infront of you 
Infront of you because im looking at you 
Looking at you but only in a screen infront of me 
That was what i considered our first meeting.. 

I was watching this drama,,it was the time this story began 
Suddenly heard some voices,,voices not from the characters but from the background 
I close my eyes to hear carefully to this voices 
I hear them,, so relaxing, refreshing into mind and so relieving 
I hear angelical voices, so soothing on my ears 
Voices that continuously capturing and invading my mind.. 

I search the internet.. the source to here everything is saved 
And i found the owner of the voices capturing my brain, they were called SS501 
You are standing in the middle of this lovely 5 voices 
Singing the songs that sooths everyone's ears 
Capturing the hearts of people hearing every songs of you 
I was captured to the voice beside you,, so angelic and he looks like a prince. 

I made that prince, the one standing beside you my bias 
He has this unique appearance, angelic voice with a cute smile 
I didn't notice you that much that i was focus to only one 
And it was the man standing beside you 
I started to search for him, not giving you that much attention.. 
I saved all this prince's photos and informations and not about you 

Never in my entire imagination and i notice you bit by bit 
You stand alone on stage and heard fully your voice 
I heard a voice singing alone that catches my attention.. 
I close my eyes once again while listening carefully to your voice 
Ahhh, i feel your existence,, seems just near beside me solely singing me a song.. 

I turn back the time, the first time ive known all of you 
i rewatched everything, all the episodes of your shows 
I've watched focusing to only you this time and so i cried 
I felt guilty suddenly that i ignored you, that i never exerted much effort to know you 
I feel so selfish, bad one and not a good green pea 
I feel sorry for you and felt mad at myself.. 

NOw? i thought fully why you exist, why your presence is existing 
I know all the best of you now or maybe not all but at least enough to know that there is someone like you. 
But i am sure now knowing you makes my heart beats that strange on you 
Your personality is so adorable, i knew it, kind-hearted, soft and loving one, deserves to be loved 
I feel so happy that i knew you, that i know you 
Now, i can't forget you, your voice, your face, all running through my mind. 

Im not saying i am shifting my bias, forgetting the man beside you, 
No..still the prince could be my bias..though you attracted me and make me focus on you 
Feeling guilty again forgetting sometimes that i have still my bias 
But i can't help myself, everytime i listen to your spoken words.. 
And everytime i hear your voice,, i can't forget it.. 
Did you made me fall for you? because even my bias didn't make me fall for him but instead just made me like him.. 

Falling in love for you? Am i? 
I was...but Can i? that was the question.. 
More pretties around the world was loving you, inlove with you 
Then what is the difference of my love from their love? 
Just as a Fan? as a greenpea? as a triple s? or a real love? 
But i want to love you not just an idol but just an ordinary one.. 

Am i really loving you? 
Yes,, i think im loving you 
How do i know? by looking at your photos? your videos? 
My day won't be complete without glancing and hearing a voice of you.. 
Am i obsess? Is this called absession? For others maybe YES 
But for me.. i don't consider it, i just want to share a life to you.. 
Whatever it is called..love or obsess,, nothing had change,, im still just a fan.. 

A fan from distant, a fan that can't able to do anything for the one she loves and dreamt of.. 
How can i reach you, you are unreachable 
How can i say i love you, im unable to say it to you or even show it to 
How can i say i miss you,, im unable to see and touch you 
How can i make you notice that i am here looking at you, you don't even know i am existing 
how can i make you know that this girl from afar is waiting, we don't even have the chance to bump into. 

I don't want to look like a crazy one fan on you 
i just want to be with you 
I don't want to be like a stalker to you 
i just want and dream to share days and moments with you 
I want to show i care so much, i want to show how much you mean to me, but how can i? 
I just end up looking at you from afar, waiting for you to know in chance that i am existing, 
but it seems to impossible.. 

I always watch you closely on the screen 
Everytime i see you tearing in some shows, 
i want to wipe those crystal thing on your eyes falling through your cheeks 
Everytime i see curves on your lips and laughing, and smiling 
I want to share the smiles that formed into mine and say it is because of you is the reason. 
But how can i do that i can't even pat your back to console you when you have hard times.. 

I am an ordinary fan, a fan from distant, 
that can only stand, watch, and listen to your performance 
Waiting, still waiting for your appearance on screen again and again, happy or not moment on shows, i am still satisfied 
Satisfied in a way that at least i can see you, see you from afar 
That at least i know what you do, even i don't know off screen, at least i know you are good and healthy.. 
I don't know when you are tired or not, but i am sure you satisfied on what you are doing too 

I don't know how to express any feelings 
But here i am with my paper and pen writing what i feel 
Here i am infront of this computer publishing what i feel 
Here i am as early as 4 am in the morning writing what i want to say 
I most likely to be teary but i cant do, people around me think that im crazy 
I want to cry because of you...WHY? i really don't know why.. i just woke up early in the morning and you suddenly pop out through my mind missing you and just like to confess 
I felt like crazy, obsess or whatever you want to think.. but i really miss you. 

I love you, did you hear me?,,, 
no right? 
I wantt to see you,, do you know it? 
No right? 
I am waiting for you but i know you won't come.. 
I know, because you don't know that i exist 
YOu don't know that this strange woman is loving you, that she is missing you that much.. 

I cried enough for you, but you still don't know it,, And it is OK with me..lots of pretties cried because of you 
Cries that means happiness to see you.. 
It is ok if you don't know that i exist because no one force me to love you and like you.. 
You didn't force me to notice you.. 
It is my choice, i chose to love you secretly 
It hurts everytime i see you with someone but it is still OK 
It is Ok even it hurts it is me who chose this pain 
But i am still happy i know you and i am still glad i am loving you.. 

I am just an ordinary fan 
Loving someone like an idol one 
I am an ordinary girl 
Loving a popular guy 
I am just an ordinary fan girl 
Loving a guy who loves a thousands of fans 
I am an ordinary fan who wants to be selfish and be loved by you alone 
But i can't do that because i am loving a person who loved by a thousands of fans 
You are loved by people around the world and so i want you to know that i am one of those.. 

Three phrases i want to say to you.. 
I HATE YOU, not because i don't like you but because you don't know i am existing here 
I MISS YOU always.. i wish you heard me i whisper it to you how much i want to see you... 
INEED YOU not because i want your sign and satisfy a fan like me, it is all because I LOVE YOU 

I LOVE YOU, are the three words that connects me to you 
This is not a fangirling style, this is my feelings to the idol i love the most 
And you are the one i chose, the one considered as hubby of all pretties,, 
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.. 

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*This is for my center 

*note: don't bash.. this is just my mind,,,if you want to take out,, you are free but be sure it won't make any bad interpretations to others.... 

i already posted this on facebook but still sharing here,,,haha coz this was in hiatus already..i haven't able to post my next ladventure to kyu keke,,,apology....

https://www.facebook.com/notes/ar-mayuyu/confession-of-a-fan-to-an-idol/440067679341599

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areu501