Leaning her head on the cool window of her taxi, Jimin grabbed her phone and eyed the waves of message notifications that continued to pop up on her screen.

 

She had left Minjeong a short message.

 

A very direct and dry announcement that she had something she needed to do and couldn't wait for the blonde to drive her back home. 

 

It was a lie.

 

Clear as day.

 

But Jimin wasn't afraid that Minjeong would pick up on that straight away.

 

Perhaps deep down she had wanted this reaction from the blonde to validate her previous feelings thus far...

 

But honestly...

 

As of now, with an abundance of heavy realities crushing her soul... it outweighed her concern for her manager.

 

She just needed an excuse to get out of there...

 

To leave without Minjeong.

 

To not see her.

 

So she wouldn't be reminded of him

 

So her brain wouldn't be forced to replay the image of that small smile Minjeong had given to Jae as she agreed to their date.

 

So those dark truths she had suppressed for so long now wouldn't re-emerge to the surface.

 

Jimin blinked her eyes away from her screen the moment she read the first word of the most recent message sent to her by the blonde. 

 

She didn't want to know.

 

She didn't need there to be a chance for her resolve to be cracked.

 

She had already made up her mind after all.

 

So holding onto the off button and sliding the shut down option that appeared on her phone screen, the A-lister shoved the device right back into her bag and closed her eyes.

 

Let's be honest Jimin, you had no one else to blame but yourself.

 

Afterall, it isn't the first time she felt these emotions before...

 

It was like a thick substance that she had always been forced to submerge under.

 

A liquid... so dense one couldn't possibly swim out once dunked in...

 

The colour so dark, there's no possible way anyone can navigate around it.

 

So all that is left... is to accept defeat and let yourself drown within the depths of your sorrow.

 

Jimin knew that feeling all too well.

 

She's known it since as young as she could remember.

 

When those pointless promises, made to her as little as a toddler had been thrown back to her in shattered pieces.

 

 

***

"Jimin" A tall woman ran to her child after noticing the latter had been crying in the bathroom. Barging in, she saw her own daughter holding up her left leg, where blood can be seen gushing out from her knee. "Oh my god!"

 

Immediately, the woman grabbed a hand towel to stop the bleeding. "What are you doing in here? Why didn't you tell me you hurt yourself!?"

 

"I- I fell down.. so I wanted- I..." Jimin, probably around the age of 6, found it difficult to explain with words as the pain on her knee continued to cause tears to stream down her cheeks like a faucet.

 

"Baby..." Her mother's voice softened before the young girl's hair soothingly. "Don't tell me you wanted to handle the wound by yourself?"

 

Timidly, the girl looked down and gave her mum a small nod.

 

"Oh sweetie." She hugged her daughter lovingly. "You're all grown up now, aren't you?" Pulling away, she continued to put on a wide smile. "But if it hurts too much, you shouldn't hesitate to ask for help from mum. That's what family is for. We will always be here for you. I will always be here for you."

 

"You- you promise, Mum?"

 

"Of course, honey, I promise."

 

No longer crying now, Jimin felt happy then, staring into her own mother's eyes. She swore she saw the world then, having never felt more protected in her life than in this moment.

 

It was warm, and in those eyes, she found her home.

 

She found her world.

***
 

 

 

 

How naive was Jimin to think that back then.

 

The latter would bitterly chuckle to herself as she walked through her front door to an empty living room.

 

Perhaps one broken promise wouldn't have been too bad...

 

But Jimin had learnt to loath her parents... soon after...

 

Loathed both of them because the lies never stopped there.

 

 

 

 

***

At 13, Jimin embarked on her first year of middle school, stepping into a realm of newfound friendships and budding interests. The co-ed environment she navigated effortlessly brought her attention from peers, particularly the opposite gender.

 

One evening, amidst the hum of the television, her father's voice cut through, drawing her focus away from the screen. "Jimin, mind if I have a word?"

 

Turning off the TV, Jimin pivoted her attention to her father, ready to absorb his words. "Sure, Dad. What's up?"

 

"I couldn't help but notice you've been waving to a group of boys when I pick you up from school," her father began, a hint of concern in his tone.

 

Jimin's face lit up with a smile as she recalled her encounters. "Oh, those guys! They're my new buddies."

 

"Right... so about that. It's fine to have friends. Trust me at your age, I had plenty of friends from school who were all very different from each other. But for you I wanted to make you aware of something?"


"Aware?" Jimin eyed her father curiosly.

 

"You're still young, life has hardly started for you. There are still so many thing out there you have yet to see and experience for yourself.. and as your father I just wanted to let you know, I know you're making male friends now.. but eventually one day, you'll be lseeking a relationship much deeper.. someone to date... someone to settle down with. And when that day comes. I want to make sure you don't just choose anyone, you need to be selective Jimin!"


"Then..." Jimin begins to ask, registering her father's words thoroughly "What type of person should I choose?"


"I suppose you would want them to be kind, smart, but most importantly you would want them to be like your old man."

 

"You? But why?"


"Because I made a promise to this family to be always be devoted. I promised your mother I would be devoted to her as her husband, and I promise you, as your father, I will always be there for you as your father figure. Whoever you choose, should have these same values."

***

 

 

 

Oh.. it was laughable...

 

So laughable...

 

So ridiculous...

 

The very thought of it made Jimin want to burst into laughter, but she feared she wouldn't be able to stop, and her stomach would ache from mocking her own patheticness.

 

Reaching for an unopened bottle of wine she had stashed away, Jimin pops it open, breaking a months-long streak.

 

She had hoped to have outgrown such unhealthy habits by now. Yet, as she fills her glass with the dark red liquid, she realizes that, at least for tonight, she needs an escape...

 

and fast.

 

 

 

***

"Jimin" Her father called out to his 14 year old daughter whom he just dropped off home?"


"Dad? Aren't you coming inside"


"No..." The man scratches the back of his head... unable to find the right words... "I will not. I will not be coming back there ever again."


"What.. but why..?"

 

"Your mother and I... we're getting a divorce."


Stopping on her tracks, Jimin felt her world end that day for the very first time. 

 

"I don't understand..." She walks up to him "Why..." the girl had known the arguments her parents have been having countlessly for months now... but never in her life did she expect this to be the results of it. "WHY DAD" She was shaking him now as he continued to avoid his own daughter's eye, guilt clearly visible all over his face.

 

Buzzzz

 

It was her father's phone...

 

Now that Jimin thinks about it, her dad's phone had been buzzing a lot lately...

 

A lot since a couple of months ago.

 

Her father, picking up the buzzing decided to immediately plop it down and shove it back into his pockets.

 

But it was too late.

 

Jimin had already seen her name.

 

"Pick up the phone dad" She demanded, but her old man refused. "PICK UP YOUR PHONE DAD" Her frustration peaked, as her father continued to deny her eye contact, so she took matters into her own hand, and attempted to grab his phone herself.

 

"Jimin.. that's enough" His daughter wouldn't listen. "I SAID ENOUGH"


His voice echoed so loudly the whole neighborhood could here it clearly.

 

"Why..." Jimin voice cracked... "Why would you do this... to mum... to me"

 

The man turned around with a hand on his head... unable to comprehend the tears that began trickling down his daughter's cheeks. 

 

"WHY" Jimin was uncontrollable now, holding onto his arm and pulling on it frantically. "You promised.. you promised you would always be devoted to this family... you promised" Her words stunned her father deeply as she continued "So tell me why... answer me.. I SAID ANSWER ME!"

 

"BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER ISN'T PRETTY ENOUGH" He shoved his daughter away so hard, she landed onto the ground. "THERE YOU HAPPY? YOU SATISFIED? I LIKE NICER THINGS. YOUNGER THINGS. THINGS THAT CAN SATISFY ME. IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO WANT THAT FOR MYSELF!!?"

 

Her father's words shocked her to the core... looking up at him... all she could see was red... blurry red as the tears never stopped flowing.

 

The man hesitated for a second.. watching his daughter on the ground.. but eventually sighed and drove away without another word.

 

It was clear to Jimin however... that wasn't the end of it.

 

She had known from that day onwards her world would never be the same again.

 

All she had left, was what remained of her and her family...

 

Since then...

 

Everyday after school she would quickly come home to comfort her mother.

 

It was obvious to everyone that not only was the woman heartbroken, but her self-esteem had been completely trampled by her ex-husband. Depression was no stranger to the household since that day... whilst her mother would lay at home all day... wollowing away in her sorrows becoming an empty shell of the woman she used to be. There would be times when Jimin wouldn't see her mother in days... as she would lock herself in her room.

 

Because of that...

 

The teenager had to pick up on the household chores... cleaning the bathrooms, doing the laundry and cooking for herself and her mother.

 

She had once tried to knock on her mother's door before leaving a tray of food on her doorsteps...

 

but upon seeing, on multiple occassions ,that tray being left untouched... the young woman had resorted into forcing her mother's door open just so she could get some bread into her mother's mouth....

 

Things were difficult...

 

very difficult...

 

but it was all worth it...

 

Because they were family... and her mother had once promised her... that family would always be there for her.. so it was only natural she would do the same.

***

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