Chapter 16

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to remain eye contact with you.

“Nothing is wrong,” you replied, switching your gaze away from him, your voice sounding annoyed. But that wasn’t your intention. It’s just, so many thoughts ran through your mind. Just a minute ago your mind intended that you needed to try harder to let go. Life continued to move on so your feelings had to, too. But, his hug just then seemed to add onto the thoughts. Nostalgia. That’s what it was. You were brought back to all the flashbacks of the happy times you both shared.

“Why are you acting like that?” Jay’s voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

You blinked as reality kick in, “Acting like what?”

He stepped forward and you noticed his hand moving towards your shoulder. You stepped away from him.

“Like that.”

“Really, nothing is wrong,” you switched your gaze around the room, realising Chacha wasn’t there. You started walking towards the door, you needed some fresh air.

“Where are you going?” Jay asked from behind.

You unknowingly closed your eyes for a couple seconds as you took a deep breath, “To find Chacha.”

You continued to walk out anyway, closing the door behind you. But a force suddenly pushed it open again. You stumbled back a little in surprise.

Jay stepped into the hallway, facing you. You looked up at him in shock.

“Why are you acting like that?” he asked as he stared at you.

“I said nothing is wrong."

“Your actions are telling me otherwise.”

“For the last time, I said I’m fine Jay,” you said with a stern tone.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Jay continued, his tone hinting that he was on the verge of getting irritated.

His interrogation started to annoy you. Why was he acting so bothered about the way you acted. It would be more normal if he completely ignored you or something. But how exactly were you ignoring him? “How am I ignoring you?”

 “We need to talk-“

The sound of your phone ringing distracted the both of you. Jay remained silent, waiting for you to answer it. 

“Answer it,” he said, this time in a calmer voice.

You looked at who the caller was and it was Kikwang. You glanced back at Jay and he had averted his gaze away from your phone. Thinking for a few seconds, you picked up anyway. “Hello,” you answered.

“Hey Jane! I was wondering are you free now? Did you want to come out and watch a movie or something with the rest of our members?.. You should come!” Kikwang asked.

You frowned a little because he seemed like he really wanted you to go and surely you did too. Somewhere you didn’t need to face Jay for now. But reality, “Sorry Kikwang, but I’m in the studio today. Another time ok?”

“Ohh, ok, that’s okay. I’ll see you next time then. Take care of yourself! And don’t stay up too late working! You always do! Or else I’ll come drag you away from music so you can rest.”

A small giggle escaped your lips because of well he knew you. You ended the call with him and tension filled in as you realised Jay was still standing there.

You slowly looked up at him, his expression was dark and anger seemed to boil in. Before you even thought about why, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back into the studio as he closed the door behind. You stared at him in shock.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“What do you want Jane?” he asked, firmly.

“What-“

“First you question me to answer your questions and then you say haven’t moved on, and then now you ignore me!” He breathed heavily as he paused. “So tell me, what exactly do you want?!” he demanded.

As you heard him say that, you understood where he was coming from. Telling him you haven’t moved on and then giving him the cold shoulder, surely he must be confused. But why should he care though.

“Be honest with me Jane. I’m serious.”

“Ok, I’m sorry for acting moody. I’m sorry ok. But why should it matter to you though.”

“Because I care!!” he exploded. “We parted ways but I still care for you. The way you’re acting.. I’m worried,” he said that much softer. “So please tell me, what exactly is wrong and why you are acting like this.”

You thought about it all, there was no use running away now. It would just come back anyway.

“Because… I’m trying my best to move on, it's hard ok?” you whispered. He heard it.

You asked yourself, were you ashamed? Maybe. Maybe inside you felt ashamed for feeling rather so hopeless. It had been a long time since you both parted ways and you still hadn’t been able to let go. You felt weak in front of him, you felt vulnerable. You love him, so it’s hard isn’t it? From one day living happy with the person you love to the next where everything shatters down. All you’re left with are questions after questions. Thoughts after thoughts.. Hurt and emotional pain. That same sentence, “I’m sorry.. let’s end it” repeated itself over and over.

Jay was left in silence, unable to face you. He sat on the chair, his back towards you. He didn’t know what to say because his heart just broke. Right at the moment all he wanted to do was pull you into his arms and hold you. He wanted to yell out for you not to move on from him. Tell you he’s sorry and that he loves with all his heart. He wanted to tell you everything; he wanted to have you by his side again. But he couldn’t. He had to force those feelings away because he couldn’t be selfish. He couldn’t put you back into danger. He felt weak, why couldn’t he just protect you?

Why did his expression turn dark filled with anger just then? Jealousy. As childish as it sounds, he always felt that clenching of his heart every time he saw you talk happily or smile or laugh with another guy. Childish right? But he couldn’t help it. How desperately he wanted to be that other guy pained him. Because he couldn’t.

 “What’s happening? Why is Jane outside?” Chacha placed his hand on Jay’s shoulder as he moved forward, turning his head slightly to look at Jay. That’s when he saw it. His best friend in pure despair.

Life is unfair.