Another trio walks down one of the school’s corridors, two of them talking with the left out person just following them like an abandoned leech.

“Am I supposed to call you Song Qian or Qian or...?”

“Just call me Victoria,” the girl standing in the middle of the trio replies, flashing Daehyun a smile. Apparently, Siwan isn’t the only Chinese person who is fluent in Korean, it seems that almost all (except Luhan) are well-versed in the Korean tongue.

Soyeon tags along, somewhat lagging behind the duo who are still talking around random stuff. Suddenly, Victoria loops an arm around her and pulls the girl so that three of them are somewhat walking in a straight line.

“What about you, Soyeon? What are your interests?”

“Erm,” Soyeon starts off softly, not knowing what to say. She looks up to see Daehyun smiling at her.

Daehyun smiling.

At her.

“I like... writing,” Soyeon falters somewhat towards the end, and suddenly Daehyun adds in;

“Yeah, her stories are really nice!”

Soyeon can’t help but wonder if that is supposed sarcasm or Daehyun is really meaning it but she also notices the dramatic change in personality of a certain Daehyun around a certain pretty Chinese girl.

Somehow, she doesn’t mind the presence of the new Daehyun. The new Daehyun who smiles and talks to her as though they are old friends.

Unfortunately though, the new Daehyun disappears when Victoria disappears.

 

__________________

Youngjae sighs, dragging himself out of bed with heavy limbs and a heavy head. Lifting his arm slightly to check the continually rising temperature of his forehead, he frowns when the back of his hand still comes off a little hotter than usual. He sniffs slightly, already affected by the colder temperature outside of his room.

He spots the usual post-it note on the coffee table in the living room. He doesn’t even bother to read it but just takes the money on top of it.

‘Youngjae-ah, here’s your pocket money for the day!’

Beside that, are another two post-it notes, saying almost the same things, the first;

‘Daehyun — your pocket money for the week.’

The second is almost the same just that the name changes to Sohyun’s.

He drags himself up the stairs again and opens the door to the first room; Daehyun’s. If the elder has ever gained knowledge that Youngjae has been in his room without his permission, he’ll probably be killed. Youngjae walks over to the coin bank shaped as a camera and drops, for good measure, almost half of his pocket money inside.

He then goes to the other room, Sohyun’s, and drops the remaining of his pocket money into her coin bank.

Funny how both of them never realise that their savings grow day by day because Youngjae puts all his excess money in there.

Or so he thinks.

After all, it is his pocket money /i for the day.

While he is leaving Sohyun’s room, a certain object catches his eye. Youngjae stops at the shelf right beside the door, filled with Sohyun’s mini-collection of almost everything. He smiles gingerly as he picks up the teddy bear that he has won for Sohyun a few weeks back, and sets it back down as a certain photo frame catches his attention for the second time.

It is not a very big photo frame, but it is certainly not a very elegant one either. It is a handmade frame, made from colored ice-cream sticks held together with glue. On the surface of the sticks, someone (probably Sohyun) has scrawled a ‘I♥FAMILY’ with glitter glue. Youngjae picks up the photo frame. The reason why this particular picture has caught his attention is probably because it is the only picture in which the two boys from every other picture are standing together, beside each other.

The picture inside is yellowed with age, but nothing stops the memories from coming back. It is a sibling photo, one that they always use to take when they are younger, just the three of them. Daehyun is standing on the far right, Youngjae beside him in the middle and Sohyun on the left of Youngjae. The picture is taken at a beach, a beach in Jeju-do if Youngjae doesn’t remember wrongly. The wind was strong and resulted in their hair being messed up in the photo. However, no amount of hair can block the bright smiles on all three kids’ faces.



“Last one to reach the beach gets dunked!”

Daehyun immediately regrets yelling that when the two younger kids shove him out of the way and start running towards the beach, screaming at the top of their voices. At this rate, it is currently impossible to tell whose voice belongs to who as Youngjae and Sohyun scream their way down to the beach, Daehyun a short distance behind.

“Oppa you slowpoke!”

“I lost on purpose, okay! If we tried again, I wouldn’t have—”

“Enough with the nonsense DUNK DAEHYUN HYUNG NOW!”

“YAH YOO YOUNGJA— AHHHHHHHH DON’T CHASE ME YOU IDIOTS!”

 

__________________

“Go away.”

“I’m sorry.”

Daehyun glares briefly at a meekly half-bowing Youngjae through a mop of dripping wet hair. “You really sorry?”

“Yea— YAHHHHHH—”

He feels himself being slightly lifted in the air for a few moments before water engulfs him whole.

Youngjae splutters out salty seawater as he struggles to stand in the water, feet tangling in the wet, heavy sand.

“Now let’s go get Sohyun,” Daehyun grins mischievously as he offers a hand which Youngjae takes graciously.

He was nine then, and Daehyun was ten.

 

__________________

Twelve, thirteen.

The age when Youngjae is graduating from elementary school and Daehyun has just joined middle school. Needless to say, Daehyun’s grades drops drastically because of the fresh new environment and the unfamiliar new subjects.

Things are made worse when Youngjae tops his level for his exams.

Both of them stand in front of their mother, heads lowered as she reads their report cards.

“Daehyun,” she starts, “you are supposed to be setting a good role model for the younger ones. What happened here? What’s with all these ridiculous marks?”

Daehyun continues staring at his feet while playing with his fingers.

“You disappoint me, Daehyun. But as for Youngjae, good job! If only your brother is half as good as you! But no, look at what Daehyun has given me. Disappointing, really. What’s the use of taking stupid and useless photographs when you’re failing every subject?”

And when their mother is done, Daehyun storms off to his room.

Fifteen minutes later, Youngjae tries to look for him, but the door is locked. He stays outside the door and knocks and yells for Daehyun to come out.

“Go away!”

The voice sounds strangled, almost as though Daehyun is suffering somehow, and Youngjae gets worried. “I’m sorry...”

“You really sorry?”

“Yes...”

“If you were really sorry you’ll leave this house and leave me alone!”

But Youngjae stays outside the door long enough to hear Daehyun’s muffled sobs.

From that day onwards, he decides that he is going to be the worst son their mother is ever going to have.

Just so that Daehyun can win his mother’s love back.

 

__________________

Fifteen, sixteen.

It all backfires.

The year when their mother decides to change the amount of pocket money each of them are getting.

Their father doesn’t like the idea. In fact, none of them does. Not even Youngjae.

“Youngjae will be getting 50 thousand won per day while you and Sohyun will get 100 thousand won per week.”

“That’s unfair,” Daehyun tries to argue.

“Don’t you tell me what’s unfair when you should be raising your grades!”

Daehyun doesn’t even reply before angrily throwing a scrunched up piece of paper onto the ground before storming into the kitchen.

“It’s not fair. I’m not taking your money.”

“Youngjae-ah...”

“I don’t need your money,” he adds on coolly before bending down to pick up the paper that Daehyun has thrown.

He uncrumples the paper and scans the contents before a cold smirk appears on his face.

It’s a report card. Daehyun’s report card. Almost all As.

“It seems that Daehyun deserves the extra money, too.”

He walks into the kitchen afterwards, only to be greeted with a cold and hostile ‘go away’.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not. Not at all. If you were sorry you’d remember I told you to get lost. But you didn’t. And worse of all, you decide to act like a total stupid, idiotic, foolish spoilt brat that’s enjoying all of these special treatment. You don’t even belong here, so take the extra money and go away.”

Daehyun leaves the kitchen.

And for the first time in ten years, Youngjae found himself crying the way Daehyun did the first time all of these things happened.



Youngjae sets the photo frame back down onto the shelf, sighing again as his headache attacks him persistently.

His gaze moves down to a pink and blue diary. He picks up the book, and checks the lock. The key is still sticking out of the lock and without hesitating, he twists it and opens the book.

Daehyunnie, Sohyunnie and Youngjae-ie’s book of secrets!

DO NOT OPEN

DO NOOOOT OPEN

WHY ARE YOU OPENING THIS D:<

He opens it anyway, a smile hanging off his lips as he is reminded of their childish ways.

He skips the first few entries, almost all written in childish scrawls, but stops when he spots a recent date.

Sohyun’s still writing in here, he marvels.

He then flips back a few pages to find out that some pages are ripped. Curious, he starts from the entry right after the part with the ripped pages.

25 October 2010

Daehyun oppa has been writing in here. I haven’t read what he wrote recently, but he tore out everything he wrote... Don’t think just because I’m the youngest I don’t know anything, okay? I’m just not saying...

20 November 2010

I found extra money in my coinbank. Youngjae, why are you putting your money in here? But anyway, thanks for the extra money. I want to know if Youngjae puts money in Daehyun oppa’s coinbank too.

29 June 2011

Things are getting worse.

The last, and most recent entry is completely typed out. The content is printed on a white paper that somewhat still looks fresh and glued onto the pages of the diary.

24 January 2012

Happy birthday Youngjae. I miss how things were like between all three of us last time. I’m not stupid, I know we’re all hurting. But just... just go away.

Youngjae picks up a pen from Sohyun’s table and slowly writes below the printed words, firstly the date and then the four words.

미안해요.*

* — mianhaeyo/sorry

________________________________________________