Deluding Thyself in Pain
Never Again
"Do you think that expected this relationship to come this far?" Jihyo asked Na Kyungeun as they sat on the carpet, embracing her legs as she looked at the already drank legal wife. Kyungeun scoffs. "You don't believe me?" Jihyo chuckles, "Of course, you won't."
"The man I love the most was the man who loved you all his life, and you are telling me that you never thought that your relationship with him won't get this far? Are you mocking me now?" Kyungeun then straightly finished the alcohol in her glass. She sniggered, "Well, with my situation now, it deserves mockery."
Jihyo cannot smile or answer Kyungeun. All she can do is look at the heartbroken woman with pity, but she wonders; she couldn't feel guilt. Will it be the same if I look at their children? Jihyo hasn't met the children since they were born.
"Tell me," Kyungeun said, "Can you describe to me how you felt when Yoo Jaeseok confessed his feelings towards you? I am curious as to how you felt that moment."
"How is it significant to our situation now?"
"It's not, but I want to know."
"You want to know how I reacted to his touch the moment he told me how he felt attracted to me the first time we met more than two decades ago?"
"You are talking now."
"You asked me to."
Kyungeun laughed sarcastically, "You have a smart mouth. Why do I feel that I can't win over you?"
"You only think you can't, but I think you know what to do."
"You want me to use my children against the two of you? Aniji, Yoo Jaeseok will only loath me if I do that. My and my children's lives will be hell if that happens."
"You are a good mother."
"I am not. I didn't like children or to have them, but I still did. And it was all because Yoo Jaeseok wanted to have kids."
"And because you love him, you gave him everything he wanted."
"With the way you said it, it made me sound stupid to do so."
"Ani, you just fell in love."
"Oppa, he gave me everything I needed and wished for, honestly. He made me laugh. He made me smile. He took care of my family and respected them. He did everything he promised to my father when he asked me to be his wife. With all his words and efforts to get my yes, I never thought he could leave me. Then a day came. Something changed. It happened before our wedding. Then, I found out, just as I uncovered your relationship with him, that you were the reason, and even a decade after, you are still the reason." Kyungeun looked intently at Song Jihyo, "Song Jihyo-ssi, just what do you have that I don't?"
Na Kyungeun was the only one who got drunk. Song Jihyo left her uninvited guest in the living while she cleaned up. Out of nowhere, somebody hugs her from behind; it is Na Kyungeun, "What do you think you are doing?"
"I'm just trying to touch what my husband has been touching." Kyungeun embraced Jihyo tightly before running her hands on its waist.
"Na Kyungeun, you're too drunk. You better clean yourself up and sleep on the bed."
"The bed where you and my husband were sleeping?"
Jihyo stopped what she was doing and answered, "Yes, Na Kyungeun. In the same bed where me and Jaeseok oppa were sleeping."
Na Kyugneun laughed loudly, and she suddenly put her nose on Jihyo's neck and sniffed on it like a dog, "You smell so good. This might be one reason oppa can't get enough of you."
Out of nowhere, Song Jihyo was surprised by what Yoo Jaeseok's strange wife had done; Na Kyungeun her neck out of nowhere.
"Na Kyungeun!" Jihyo immediately pushed herself away from Kyungeun, but they were both surprised when Jaeseok appeared and pulled his wife far from Jihyo. "Oppa..." Jihyo's shocked expression was evident as she looked at her lover.
"Are you okay, Jihyo-a?" Jaeseok asked immediately, looking so worried at his partner. He immediately turned to his face to his wife, "What do you think you're doing, Na Kyungeun?"
She was surprised, but she expected that much. Kyungeun immediately freed herself from her husband's hands to face him. Looking at Yoo Jaeseok, she quickly laughed out loud. She laughed almost hysterically. Jihyo stepped closer to Kyungeun and held her gently on her forearm, "You should go and clean up and rest now. You drank too much." She then turned to Jaeseok, "She had a bottle of wine and two bottles of soju. She even drank three cans of my beer."
"Why did you let her get in?"
"There's no reason for me to turn her away, oppa."
"See? See?" Kyungeun punched in."Only oppa doesn't want me to get anywhere near him or you, Jihyo-a."
"Don't call her that name when you aren't even close to her. Show some respect, Na Kyungeun." Jaeseok scolded his wife.
That words somehow triggered Na Kyungeun's anger, "Respect? Did I hear you right?" she jeered over the term, "You are asking me to respect your mistress? You are shameless. You are shameless no matter what, Yoo Jaeseok. How do you even have the guts to tell me to respect someone who just wrecked my family?"
"I'm calling a driver for you. Just go home and never come back here, Na Kyungeun." Jaeseok replied fiercely.
Na Kyungeun shakes her head in disgust and pain, "How can you tell your wife never to come to this place just because of your woman? Have you ever thought about me and the years we have been together? Did you ever consider me a human after all you have done to me? You are surely getting cozy with being the monster, Yoo jaeseok-ssi."
"I am. And I won't deny it, Na Kyungeun. Most of all, if I am facing you. I can be the evilest person you can think of as long as I can protect Jihyo over you."
"Oppa," Jihyo interfere, "Stop it." She then turns to Na Kyungeun, "You should go and take a shower. Clean up. I already gave you the clothes that you can wear for tonight. You can stay for the night."
Without many words, Kyungeun followed what Song Jihyo told her to do. She walked out of the scene with a glare at Yoo Jaeseok.
Jaeseok sighed before he stepped closer to Jihyo, "Are you alright? Why did you let her in?" He asked his lover softly before reaching for her face and gently kissing her forehead.
Jihyo held Jaeseok's hand and looked at him dearly, "I already told you I don't have any reason to turn her away. She already knew everything about us. It's futile to make her go away at this point."
"Are you really going to let her sleep here tonight?"
"It's safer that way. She was too drunk to go out at this hour."
"Did she say anything else when the two of you were alone?"
"Nothing much. The talk only revolved around how we started and felt for each other."
"What more does she want from us?"
"What are you doing here at this hour, by the way? Why did you leave the kids alone?"
"They were both sleeping when I decided to come here. Don't worry; I will come back to them tomorrow early by dawn. I want to see you."
Jihyo smiled at Yoo Jaeseok, "Don't tell me you missed me today too?"
"Of course. I miss you even if I am with you. Every day is not enough for me to be filled with you." Jaeseok bit his lower lip and held Jihyo by the waist, "Can we use the spare room?" Jihyo looked at him, puzzled, "I want to kiss you."
Jihyo chuckled, "Ya, Yoo Jaeseok-ssi. You are getting wild nowadays."
"There is no reason to hold back anymore," Jaeseok said naughtily. He then gave Jihyo a peck on her lips, "You want more?"
Jihyo chuckles, "Your silliness is always over the top, oppa. Have you eaten yet?"
"I just had coffee while the kids were having dinner. I got them some steak and cheesecakes."
"Why you didn't join them?"
"Because I want to come here immediately and have dinner with you. You are always eating alone."
In the bedroom, Na Kyungeun can hear the lovers talking sweetly as if she wasn't there in that house. It's hard. It's painful. She was certain she came there not to hear them being sweet to each other, as if they weren't seeing each other almost every day. Hearing Yoo Jaeseok talk sweetly like that, Kyungeun cannot remember when he heard him do the same to her. Did he even do that to her even once in their marriage for more than a decade and a half? Not once. Jaeseok made her laugh many times, which made her fall in love with him. He had that charm of being a safe place when they first met. NOw, hurting like she is going to die, Na Kyungeun just wanted to end her misery.
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