How can I forget you?

Should I put an effort to try and forget you?

will we ever be able to go back to what we had

Words that hurts no matter what

Words of Goodbye.

TVXQ - How Can I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47k_X6pnJOE

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I will never forget that day. The day where he let his tears be seen by me. It was such a chilly night, some weeks after he had a concert in Tokyo Dome. I remember how he sounded gloomy rather than being excited when I congratulated him. It was such a big step for them to have a concert in Tokyo Dome. But his reaction to my phone call was just a mere "Hm, thanks" then he hung up. That day I thought he was just too nervous or maybe too excited that he was lost for words. But then the worst thing happened.

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He sneaked into my room that particular night. Plopping himself beside me with his strong arm holding my waist. His lips snuggled into the crook of my neck. I stiffened at first, afraid that it might be someone I didn't know. Or that it would be another prank from my unnies. The moment I smelled his scent though, I relaxed. A smile crept on my face as he kissed the side of my ear. My mind was filled with things like "He must be apologetic about the other day". But what came out of his mouth was something I didn't expect.

"I don't know what to do" His voice was so weak, and I could sense the burden he was carrying. For some time I tried to digest his words. What happened to my strong man right here? He was never the type to complaint. Instead, he was the one that gave strength to his group.

I cleared my throat. "What's wrong, Oppa?"

"Everything" he said lowly. "Everything went from perfect to a complete disaster"

Trying to hide my gasp, I held my breath. I took exactly 1 minute to calm my heartbeat. It somehow pained me when he said those words.turning my body around, I looked at his face. It has lost its glow. His eyes were so lifeless, so dull, so empty. They were like never before. They used to be full of passion, energy, love, joy. But it all vanished tonight. Again, my heart hammered inside. "Do you want to share with me?"

He shook his head lightly. "Not tonight. I just want to hold you tonight. Please" and I scooted closer to him. Burrying my face on his chest, I started to pat his arm. I kissed his skin which was uncovered by his shirt.

The hold on me tightened with his chin on the crown of my head. I could feel him shaking a little. And then I heard a sniff coming while my hair got a little wet. Instantly, I froze in my position. I didn't know what to do. I was clueless and afraid at the same time.

"O...O..." I took another deep breath before finally calling him properly. "Oppa?"

"Hm?"

Gently, I removed his arm and sat up. I looked down on his face. His cheeks were damped by tears, his eyes were closed and his lips trembling. My heart did another jump, and it hurt. So, so , much.

Hesitantly, I reached out for his face. The tip of my finger wiped his tears then I could see how his chest raised and fell rapidly. He was holding his cries, I could tell.

Leaning down, I put my lips on the side of his face, planting a lingering kiss there while I tap his back. I whispered on his ears, murmuring "I love you"s to him so that he knew that I would always be here. That I was willing to give my shoulder for him to cry on. That I would dry his tears and kissed his pain away if I could.

He hugged me with all strength left in him. The dam finally broke as his tears came streaming down. His cries were no longer hidden as he poured out his heart. His aching heart. All his troubles and pains had piled up to the point where he couldn't contain it any longer. I knew. I understood. Though not knowing what exactly was wrong, but the despair he showed me was enough to tell that it was indeed a bad one. An ugly happening just occured and that stressed him out. He bawled against the side of my body, the sound was muffled but oh god, the ache in my heart was too much to bear. It just unbelievably hurt to see him like this. All helpless and numb as if his world was crumbling down on him.

Not knowing what exactly I should do, I just embraced his body so close to mine. I kept giving butterfly kisses on his arm, his neck, his ear, and his face while saying that everything was going to be okay. Which we both knew was something we weren't sure of. Lying down fully on the bed, I could finally see his misty eyes. Oh the agony. It was so clear. Those eyes that could never lie. Those which would flash the emotion he felt inside without failing.

"I feel like a girl. Crying to you like this. I'm so sorry"

Upon hearing his words, I shook my head in disagreement. "No, Oppa. Crying doesn't make you less manly than you already are now. It just makes you human. Sometimes you forget that. Sometimes you try to bolt everything inside and smile despite everything that goes wrong" I smiled to him sincerely. "It is okay to cry, Oppa. People do that"

He gave me the sweetest smile he could muster. Though still damped in tears, I couldn't help but notice how his smile was gentle and full of unspoken words. The one I always loved. "Can you come closer, please, baby?" He pleaded and I obliged. Moving closer to him, I could feel how his hands engulf me wholly into a longing hug. He was trying to convey his feelings, to share the misery whilst I encouraged him to talk by brushing his hand lovingly.

"They want to file for lawsuit. Against SM. And will leave" I frowned at his words.

"Who will?"

"The members. Junsu, Jaejoon and Yoochun. All three"

I tensed immediately. The world was spinning in seconds. Whatever news he delivered to me was a huge shocker that left me speechless.I would have never expected something like that came out of the blue. I was shocked, scared, sad and angry at the same time.  No wonder why he was in so much pain.

"Have you... Talked things out?" Carefully, I asked him.

"I don't know. It gets too awkward, too painful, too much anger when we sat down together. We just gave heavy sighs. I am failing my job as a leader" he whispered the last word. I couls barely hear it but I did.

"Don't say that! You are a great leader, Oppa. You always are. It's just that... Sometimes, people grow apart. They want things differently"

"And I cannot stop it. They have their rights to do things they want. Right?" He asked me with his raspy voice. A nod was my answer along with a thin smile on my lips.

"They have their rights to do so. I believe they already think this through. I know them for such a long time, I'm sure they have good reason behind their decision. Jaejoong Oppa is not a reckless decision maker. He would consider everything in detail. Yoochun Oppa is always wise and maybe his heart tells him that this is the best thing. And Junsu Oppa is a hard working man with big dreams. Maybe this time, to realize them, he needs to do this. I am sure this pains them as well" I tried to reason with him. Maybe I was right, that this was not something easy for them too. Maybe, this just killed them inside the same way it killed Yunho Oppa and Changmin Oppa inside.

"You think so?"

"I know so" confidently, I voice out the answer to his question.

"Baby... What if..." He sighed. "What if they ask Changmin and me to join them too? In this lawsuit? What do you think I should do?"

The pang in my heart was back. I silently prayed that it would not happen. But then again, if it's the best for him then I wouldn't interfere. I should let him fly, catching his dream and I would be here as always. It's not like he would leave me, right? So with heavy heart I said "Follow whatever your heart is telling you. It never lies"

"Then tell me"

"Huh?"

"My heart is yours. Tell me what I should do then I'll do so"

He spoke those words slowly, emphasizing the meaning, telling me that he was nowhere near lying. I gave a slight chuckle before I answered "I know that deep inside, you have your answer already"

"How could you even possibly do that every single time?" He was referring to my on-the-spot answer earlier.

"I love you, Jung Yunho. And whatever decision you'll take, I'll stand by you" I gave a peck on his lips after struggling to look up. He sighed into the kiss the same time as tears welled again in his eyes.

"I love you too" he whispered. One hot drop of liquid fell from the corner of his eye and I hurriedly bruhed it away.

"Things will get better. You'll get through this"

"I love them so much, Joohyun. We went trough a lot together. All those years, sweat, hard training, practices, tears, and smiles. I really don't know what to do" he sobbed. I bit my lips, preventing my own cries to break.

"I'm sure they love you just as much. You've been a great hyung, amazing leader and a dependable friend. Things will fall back into pieces, Oppa. Give it time and may the answer comes along with it. No matter what it will be. It may be for the best"

"I just wish I will not lose them" his eyes slowly closed as all of his strength has been drained. I rubbed his cheek to put him to sleep.

"How I wish for the same thing, Oppa" I murmured to myself while looking at his sorrowful face. Taking deep breaths, I prayed for a better day while closing my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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I shut my eyes tight as the memory flash in my mind like it just happened not too long ago. Trying to distract myself, I look back to the monitor in front of me. My heart is thumping rapidly as if it wants to explode. I'm not the one having a come back stage but why am I the one feeling this nervous? I intently stare at their stiffened body. It is so easy to tell that they are nervous as hell. Well, of course they are. After years of hiatus and a final of unfortunate event, they are finally back on stage. And for the first time in almost 8 years, they come as just two. It looks rather empty and somehow sad, but I brush my feeling. I have to get over that.

Unconsciously, my mind flies back to the night I spent with Junsu Oppa before he left. And he was still the funny Junsu Oppa whom I knew since long ago. He told me to look after these two guys and that he was sorry. And to tell them that no matter what, they will still be his brothers whom he love dearly. And never ever would he forget those happy memories. Just, they have to go their separate ways now.

I wiped the drop of my tears quickly before anyone notices it. Whenever I remember that night with Junsu Oppa, I cannot help but to weep. How can I not? He was sad and deeply hurt, the same way as the others. It was so clear that he holds them in his heart and silently prayed everything will go back to normal someday. How his confession was carried by the wind. His saying that he would miss this place, miss his hoobaes, his friends and most importantly, he would miss these two brothers of his'. I sigh at the thought again. What's done is done. What happened cannot be undone. And so, here is the new start for both of these men.

For years of hiatus, I have witnessed how they have practiced harder than ever. Spending days and nights in practice room and in the studio. They were trying so hard to heal from the pain by being there for each other, supporting one another and not giving up. They'll stand back up immediately when they fall. Start from the beginning when they mess up. That they did repeatedly until everything's flawless. So the moment of truth begins when cameras are ready and the director gives them the clue. I can hear his faint voice "We'll be ready in 5 seconds. 5... 4... 3..." Then I clasp my hands, praying for the best as the music starts to play. "Do your best, Oppa-deul"

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"Joohyun, let's go" kyuhyun oppa nudges me out from my trance. I see his face flashing a small smile, dragging me out of the waiting room. I just saw their performance and it was amazing. They were flawless though Changmin Oppa kinda looked so beastly in "Keep Your Head Down".

But then when I watched their perfomance of "How Can I", my heart seemed like it has been stabbed by millions of knives. Their eyes were so full of emotion. Each word carrying sincerity that I knew they wanted to convey. I saw how Yunho Oppa tried to hold his emotion intact so that it wouldn't be too obvious. But those pair of pure eyes could never lie. He nearly cried, his hurt was so apparent. Anyone could have read it.

"Joohyun" I look to Kyuhyun Oppa's direction again and he flicks my forehead.

"Ouch! Oppa, what was that for?"

"Yunho Hyung is so lucky to have a girlfriend like you"

"What?" I pout.

"You share his pain. Even feeling it too" he laughs. "For now though, let's just keep our happy faces"

I nod, getting what he means by that. Clearing my throat, I try to put on a cheerful face and throw away my sadness. I've had enough of that. He had enough of that.

"Changminnieeeeeeeeeee" I hear Kyuhyun Oppa squeals and I flinch slightly. His voice is too high for a man, I have never heard him like that. In jiffy, I can see him running towards the other tall man who has just exit the stage. Kyuhyun Oppa throws his arms onto Changmin Oppa and gives him a big, tight hug. "Man! You sang like you have just been harassed by someone"

"Yah! What does that mean? Did I sound pitychy?!"

I chuckle at how he is worried about that. "No, babo! Your glare was scary!"

He turns to me, asking from his eyes "Really? That bad?" And I had no choice other than nodding timidly.

"Did I look like I was eyeing my prey?!" He palm-faced himself.

"Yep. But it was a great performance. You always have such sharp gaze anyway!"

"Yes Oppa, it was flawless. You did such splendid job. Congratulations"

"Awweee, this is why I am happy whenever Hyunnie is watching our performance. Come here, give your favorite Oppa a big, big, biiiiigggg hug" Changmin Oppa is no one with explosive aegyo. He only does so to several people. I, surprisingly, is one of the people he allows to see that adorable acts and poses.

Just when he is about to wrap me in his arms, a deep voice calls out "Yah! The hell you want to do with my girl?!"

"See, Minnie. This is why I tell you to be careful. He is one scary beast right there" Kyuhyun Oppa whispers to his ears which I manage to catch and laugh at.

"Hyung!" He runs to his big hyung, hugging him. "You did a great job today!"

"And so did you. You've worked hard, Minnie"

"We've worked hard, Hyung"

The scene in front of me was so heart-warming. It's been a long time since I saw them shining so brightly. Now their laughs are not the forced ones anymore. They can slowly back to their old selves, leaving the past behind and move on to the new path.

"Get off me"

"Andwae! I want to hug hyung!"

Yunho Oppa pushes him away. "Since when did this kid become so clingy like this?" He asks me, eyeing his dongsaeng weirdly.

"Fine! I'll just go with Kyuhyunnie and will not play with you again"

"And since when did you become childish?"

"He becomes more expressive, Oppa" I in, chuckling at the sight. I realize that too. Changmin Oppa has been acting so cutely as well as clingy to Yunho Oppa. Maybe it's his way to express his love. His calm and collected demeanour will vanish in front of his hyung. Replaced by totally loveable and cute Maknae.

"Whatever"

"Hyuuuuuuung"

All of us look to the source of the voice and see Minho running towards where we are. I know that he comes for his one-third, Changmin Oppa. The two-third of him is Kyu Oppa, of course. Those three are like inseperable, always be attached to each other since I don't know when.

"Let's get out of here. These three combined is a mess"

I let out a laugh, intertwining my hand with his' as we walk to the waiting room. Once there, I jump on him and take him to my embrace.

"I am so proud of you"

"I got too emotional on the stage earlier" he regretted.

"And who wouldn't be?" I grin. "You did well, Oppa"

He returned the smile I showed him and placed a kiss on my lips. It was fast, but electrifying nonetheless. "Thank you for giving me strength. Thank you for always be there. Thank you for keeping the faith in me. Thank you, for picking me up when I'm in my worst state"

"There is no need to--"

"Stay. And never withdraw from my life. Once hurt me enough. I cannot imagine what I'll do without you. So stay. With me. Just like this, just like now. Always" he plead from the bottom of his heart. The earnestness in his voice says so.

I rub his back gently, kissing the side of his neck. "I will never go"

"Promise me"

"I promise" then I can sense him relax a little. I push him away, enough for me to look at his handsome face. Brushing his cheeks, I place a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Now, you have to promise me that the past has been put behind. No more regrets" he nods obidiently. "Let's walk on this new journey with happy heart and new belief. That everything will be just...fine"

"As long as you stay"

"I'll be here"

"Then everything will really be just fine" he leans closer, claiming my lips into a sweet and longing kiss, candy-coated with unspoken promise to never let go of each other. And this is the way he says yes to start anew, better than before and stronger than ever.

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AN: I do not intend on offending any sides in this story,

I love DBSK and JYJ both but I have to admit, I love them the most when they were 5

I remember how it broke my heart hearing their separation.

They have gone their own ways now, and I wish them all the best.

Though, I still have hope to see them together, having fun as 5. As close-bonded brothers we once see.

WARNING: I did not read back and edit this. Words keep flowing and I typing the first thing that comes  in my mind. I am sorry for excessive repition of words.   Or any grammar and spelling mistakes. I hope you understand :)

ENJOY READING, AS ALWAYS~ :D

I get inspiration to write this story while I browse on my old videos and stumble upon one file. "How Can I" is one of the songs that HoMin sang for their comeback.

And in that, I begin to notice what i didn't see before. How their eyes spoke millions of things they may never could say. It's painful to see that it brought me to tears. Yunho's eyes were so sincere, that got me going and thinking "it must be hard, as a leader, he must have felt some kind of responsibility that others not experience" and Changmin as the Maknae might gone through rough time himself. I believe JYJ members are hurting inside too. After all, they were all brothers, and will always be. You cannot erase that in a short time, not after years they had been together. So I hope, I really hope that even though they are no longer as 5 and whether they'll get back together or not, they will still be friends as they were. I would love to see them interract, though not on stage, but knowing they keep their good relationship will make me happy for now :')