It's Okay Even If It Hurts

Love, Life and everything in between (Seohyun's Oneshot stories)

 

Luhan was never a firm believer of love at first sight. He trusts that such thing was too absurd to happen. What possible was split seconds of attraction towards a stranger, but not love, no. He carries that inside him for so long; refusing to believe whatever his friends' rambles about their love-at-first-sight encounters. He would just smirk, or nod out of courtesy while his heart opposed with all might.

 

Yet it was so easy, so very easy, for his heart to jump a lap the first time he spotted her. Just in one usual afternoon, when he had finished his lunch with a bunch of other trainees, he saw her in person for the very first time. She was just sitting at the corner of the practice room. Her hands holding a book, her eyes focused on the page while reading intently, her lips curled into a small smile, and her head nodded every now and then as if agreeing whatever stated on the book. She was just wearing training pants, with plain t-shirt on top and her face was makeup-free. The sight wasn't the prettiest of hers, probably even the messiest. Still, it was enough for him to stop on his tracks, to hold his breath like he was afraid one faint noise would make her go away, and it was definitely enough for his heart to race faster and faster each passing second. There was something calming and soothing about her that he couldn't help but to drown in. For several more minutes, he stood there, basking in the image, recording it into his brain. The way her fingers brushed the page, the way she pouted her lips, the way she slipped strands of her hair behind her ears; everything was so enchanting for him. To Luhan, it was the most beautiful picture of her ever; the picture of her getting lost in her own world, lowering her guard, demolishing her walls and just be... Her.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Every day after that, he would always grab a chance to see her. Be it only for 5 split seconds, he would be contended. He knew that whatever he was feeling towards the lady was somehow weird. How could it not? First, he never knew her personally. Other than brief greetings, they never spoke to each other due to shy characteristics they share. Secondly, he doubt that she even knew his name for there were so many trainees in SM and the only ones she ever interact with were her same-age friends, Jongin, and Sehun. Or at least, those were the people he ever saw her with other than DBSK, Super Junior, her SNSD unnies, Shinee and F(X). And the third, he knew for a fact that she was off-limit. There were so many men after her already, in SM and other male artists from different companies. She was the untouchable goddess, pricking males' curiosity to know her better under the polite yet distant manner that she usually shows. And Luhan knew that he was no one compared to those men. However, the reason wasn't enough to stop his stupid heart for yearning to get close to her, to miss her on days that she wasn't in Korea, to be too eager for the next day to come just so he could say another timid hello. It was strange even for himself. Never in his life have he experienced those feelings; deep admiration followed by unexplainable longing towards a woman he barely spoke to. Instead of pulling out though, he fell even deeper, growing his feelings for her little by little.

 

When he caught a sight of her playing a piece on her piano, he was so sure that she was an angel in disguise. How could she not? She's just glowing, her charm overflowing from everywhere. He could just look at her for eternity without getting bored. But then, his bag dropped from the table, creating several loud noises due to the stuffs that came out of it. She abruptly stopped before turning around and finding him there. Like a thief being caught, he just stared at her apologetically while staying rooted at his place.

 

"I'm so sorry! Did I disturb you?"

 

"No, no! Of course not! I should be the one who says sorry. I halted your beautiful performance there" he said immediately.

 

"Thank you" she smiled shyly, her cheeks turned a bit pink. "I shall be going then"

 

"No, please!" He jumped. "I mean... You can continue playing, I'll be leaving. I have nothing to do anyway, Sunbaenim"

 

"The name is Seohyun, Luhan-ssi. You don't have to be so formal with me since you are also older than me" she chuckled, the most beautiful chuckle he ever heard.

 

"How do you know?"

 

"I need to know all of SM family members' facts. Even it's just limited to birthdate, the least"

 

He smiled slightly, feeling a little giddy after knowing that she wasn't blind about him. That he existed in her eyes too, though it was just because they're under the same company. "I see... I shall go then, Seohyun-ssi"

 

"You can stay"

 

"Oh no, you can continue playing"

 

Again, she chuckled lowly. "I can continue playing and you can stay... The fairest way possible" she turned around and started playing again. And Luhan? He stayed, watching her from behind while being succumbed to the sweet melody she produced; unaware of his already taken heart.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

"So, yeah, you are going to be one of them" Manager Hyung finished his speech, pointing at Luhan who just had his eyes bulged. He couldn't believe that God was helping him to get this amazing chance. What was it, again? It's a photo shoot, with f(x) Krystal and Sulli, Shinee Jonghyun and Taemin and also, SNSD Yoona and Seohyun. The last name was the most important for him. Because, it's been months, almost years even, since he bore such deep admiration. And during those times, except for that day in practice room, he never had the courage to talk to her again. Just Hellos here and there, but nothing more. This opportunity, however, was like an oasis for him. He unknowingly had the biggest smile oin his face after he was told the news. And that last, until the shooting day.

 

Secret glances were done occasionally. His eyes just couldn't stop following her every move. When she had her solo, he stood by the side, monitoring as well as gawking at her beauty. Kai was getting suspicious while Sehun threw this knowing smile. Yoona looked back and forth to him and Seohyun. There was a teasing smile and an understanding chuckle from her.

 

"You know, you will never get her if you stay as silent as she is" he jumped then, denying with all his might. But the girl only nodded and dismissed whatever his excuses were. He glance up then, knowing that he was caught red-handed by the others while the woman in subject remained oblivious.

 

Throughout the shoot, he stayed as far as he could from her; afraid that his feelings would show. That didn't last long though. When Kai was happily introducing his dog to the sunbaes, he could see how comfortable she talked with him. His eyes caught their hands brushed and he felt something inside him burned. After that, he kept glaring at Kai unintentionally. Until the younger guy rolled his eyes on him and whispered "Good God, Hyung. It was just a subtle touch. You don't have to kill me with that stare" which Luhan scoffed at.

 

"I didn't do anything"

 

"Sure you didn't. If only looks could kill, Jongin will be dead and turned into dust by now" it was Sehun, standing beside him while holding his laugh.

 

"Whatever you say, guys" Luhan groaned.

 

"Alright, gather around guys! Let's do the group photo and we're through"

 

The boys jumped, while the girls gracefully walked to the place. They stood in random order for a bit before the photographer decided the arrangement. To Luhan's delight, he ordered "Luhan and Seohyun on the left please".

 

Shivers went through his body when her hand was placed on his shoulder. He swore that she had felt it. How could she not? He was literally shaking for split seconds.

 

When everything ended and they had wrapped up the last interview, she turned to him and clapped her hands. Well, it's actually not just to him, but he would count it as special anyway. She was laughing with Yoona and Kai afterwards, and he looked with envy to the Maknae.

 

"Hey, let's exchange phone number!" It was Yoona's suggestion which everyone agreed to. They fished out their cell phone, jotting each other's number while throwing some talks in between. All the while, he kept staring at her until it's his turn to be asked.

 

"Great!" She exclaimed after saving his number to her phone. "Luhan-ssi, I probably won't help much, but if there's anything you need to ask or other things you want to talk about, please do not hesitate to call or text me. I'd gladly help the best I can" that charming smile that got him going was the best view of the day. Because when she flashed it right in front of his face, Luhan couldn't do anything than nod absently. Until the angel disappeared, he remained perfectly still. If not for Sehun's nudge, he probably would have stayed with the image of her filling his brain. And he wouldn't mind; wouldn't mind at all.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Heartbreaks; he had several of those. But never were they hurt this much. It was unbelievable how disappointed he felt just because he spotted her laughing so happily with her hand slightly patted the taller guy's arm. Her crispy, fresh laughing voice echoed around the hall, while the guy's voice followed the same way. The maknae of SNSD and the maknae of DBSK were having a great time together as if they forgot that they were in SM's lounge room which was occupied by several other people. Unfortunately, Luhan was there to witness their closeness.

 

"No one will beat Changmin to get her open up" he could hear someone say from the side and his eyes automatically diverted to the other side of the room. There were Donghae and Eunhyuk, watching the same scene as he was.

 

"He was her first Oppa, what do you expect? At least she opens up to us too now, though not that... Much"

 

Luhan then turned again, to find Seohyun and Changmin sat together accompanied by a laptop. She was still grinning and he was playfully poking her cheeks.

 

Trying so hard to hold his raging heart, he curled his fingers into a firm fist. His breaths unknowingly fasten as he could hear something break inside of him and he felt pain; an undescribeable pain.

 

"Hyung, you're not the only one, you know" he turned to Suho who had his brows raised.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Joohyun" Suho whispered. "She's quite the famous one here. No one admit it openly, but, well, it shows"

 

Luhan sighed, knowing perfectly well that he was not in the position to get jealous. She's not his, probably would never be. Just then, he saw Eunhyuk, with the cheekiest grin on his face coming towards Seohyun.

 

"Seohyunnie..."

 

"Ne Oppa?"

 

Luhan's heart winced at the word 'Oppa'.

 

"Wanna go grab some drinks? I will go out with Hyoyeon later"

 

"Pfft, what are you, Hyung? A junior high student? Why would you bring another girl to a date?" Changmin retorted.

 

"Well, there's someone I want to introduce you to"

 

By this, Seohyun frowned.

 

"Hey Seohyunnie, he probably is handsome and charming" Donghae said, after settling himself beside Changmin.

 

"I'm not interested in handsome boys though" he cheered secretly.

 

"But Oppa is handsome, aren't you interested in me?"

 

"Eunhyuk, have you seen yourself in the mirror. I bet you haven't"

 

"Yea Hyung, you look like monkey"

 

"Yah! There is no monkey as gorgeous as me!"

 

Seohyun could only laugh, shaking her head on the silliness of her close Oppas.

 

"By the way, I won't let Joohyun to have a blind date"

 

"I thought you will always encourage her to have a boyfriend?" Eunhyuk asked.

 

"Well, only guys who I approve can have a date with her"

 

"Like who?" This time, it's Donghae who was eager to know.

 

"Like..." Changmin scanned the room, and Luhan was expecting his name to be said. "Well, I need to see for myself first" his heart fell in disappointment.

 

"You're just as bad as Leeteuk hyung"

 

"Yeah"

 

"Whatever. Shoo. Shoo. I was having a great time with Joohyunnie before you guys came" changmin jokingly pushed them away but the two guys didn't budge.

 

"Let's enjoy the movie together!"

 

"Who said you're allowed to do that?"

 

"Okay, Oppa-deul. Let's watch Yoona Unnie's drama" to which Donghae groaned at.

 

Seohyun laughed while patting his shoulder. Changmin was busy trying to take her hand off there. And Eunhyuk was frantically searching for the file.

 

Luhan stayed behind, unnoticed by any of them.  Suho sighed in sympathy. The older guy, on the other hand, looked with envy. He yearned for that level of closeness with her. And how she looked perfectly fine and comfortable teasing her Oppas. He wondered when his time would come.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Never in million years would he have thought to get another chance. For months, after that fateful photo shoot and brief exchange of numbers, he could finally talk to her in close distance. Sure, they met in music stations, passing by in hallways with mere polite greetings, and other backstage moments that passed with nothing significant to their relationship. It was still as stiff as ever. She just, he bet, knew what his name was and what his group was. While he knew almost everything about her, as many as the internet allowed.

 

Imagine how thrilled he was when suddenly the management decided to have a special collaboration for the next SMTOWN. And what made him happy was that he got to be part of it, as well as Seohyun.

 

He was jumpy when he came to their first practice. TaeTiSeo just finishing up their practice for twinkle and ready for their collaboration song. She stood up when she saw all of them arrived. Her hand waved sweetly towards them, replied by respectful bows from the EXO boys. That day, she was just wearing a plain shirt, pair of leggings and running shoes. She had light make-up on with her hair tied into a messy ponytail, pretty much like that fateful day. But she looked gorgeous, nonetheless. Because Luhan still couldn't hide his long stares at her. Because every now and then, he would always sneaked a peek from the corner of his eyes. Just for the sake of getting the image of her dancing and laughing and singing in close distance. There was no one stopping him from gawking at her. No one seemed to notice except for Sehun.

 

When Seohyun suddenly turned towards him, and gave him a smile, his heart nearly stopped beating. He could hardly breathe. He felt lightheaded with the sudden rush of emotions.

 

"Luhan-ssi, after your part, should I just pass by to switch side?"

 

He was lost; having no idea whatsoever about what she said.

 

"Yeah, noona. So Tiffany Noona and Luhan Hyung stand in the middle and you can just dance your way here" Sehun came to the rescue, pointing at one direction while managed to send a wink towards Luhan.

 

The older guy sighed, and then smiled in appreciation.

 

"Yeah that'd be okay, Hyun" Taeyeon echoed from behind while Chanyeol and Tiffany seemed to be engrossed in a bean plushie that Taeyeon brought along. D.O. Was munching his chocolate, murmuring several satisfied sounds, clearly liking the taste.

 

"Hey, since we'll be doing this a lot, let's just drop the formality!" Tiffany suddenly sprang up, handing Chanyeol the beans for him to play with. He gladly accepted while hopping around the room.

 

"Okay, so starting from the oldest Taeyeon" the one in subject glared dangerously at this, "What? You're gonna deny you're the oldest here?" By this, the leader turned her face; knowing exactly well that she has nothing to go against it.

 

"Taeyeon, will be calling you all by names. And Me too, since I'm the second oldest" they nodded.

 

"And then Luhan-ssi? I guess I can call you Luhan now, right?"

 

"Yes"

 

"Okay, Luhan, you can call me and Taeyeon as Noona, so no more Sunbaenim and that applies to the three of you too, okay boys?"

 

Chanyeol clapped, D.O had a huge grin while Sehun shouted his approval.

 

"And you can call Seohyun by her name. Is that okay with you, Joo?"

 

"Of course! You can just call me Seohyun!" She exclaimed brightly, that nearly sent Luhan to heaven and he didn't even mind.

 

"Alright, since Seohyun is the fourth by age, I guess you can now call Luhan as Oppa"

 

He held his choke. His heartbeat went to the sky already, secretly anticipating her saying--- "Alright. Luhan Oppa, that is" she laughed, offering him a playful handshake which he trembingly complied to.

 

"And the rest of you, well, call us Noona and settle the rest by yourselves" Tiffany finished her arrangement with a high squeal, acknowledging a job well done, by herself.

 

They all laughed in unison. But during that time, his gaze was fixed at one figure. The one that just made him the happiest man on earth, just by calling him 'Oppa'.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

He's getting tired, with all of these hidden emotions. With the turmoil of his insides whenever he hears her hearty laugh, directed towards the man she's talking to. He's just a human, for Pete's sake. A human whom can only take such level of pain. He desired to stop all of this nonsense. The urge to just shut down his feelings completely was so big. Because after all of those practices they did together, they still couldn't dismiss the awkwardness. Because it seemed like someone occupied her heart already. Or maybe, her barrier's that hard to be destroyed.

 

Sometimes he would sit on the edge of his bed, thinking of ways to tone down his growing love for her.

 

Yes, life . It's not fair how instead of falling out of love, he fell even deeper. All because of her. And her kindness. And her goddess-like figure. The way she speaks to him and his dongsaengs. The way she cheered for EXO whenever they got ready for their performance.

 

He cursed at how perfect she was. If she's not that kind-hearted, not that supporting, not that caring about him and his team-mates, he probably would have just passed it as a temporary crush. But no, Seo Joo Hyun just had to take him down even more, all of his sanity and replaced it with imaginary romance stories of them which he knew would not happen. Not anytime soon. Probably not ever.

 

He sighed. Slumping himself on the couch as tiredness engulfed him. All of those schedules, those back and forth plane rides, those long practices succumbed all of his energy. The thought of Seohyun didn't really help either. It's considerably the most important thing in his mind anyway as he just witnessed yet another so-called-sweet-scene of her with Kyuhyun in the hallway.

 

"Luhan Oppa?" He was sure he's going crazy. Even having an illusion of her sweet voice calling his name. Closing his eyes, he hoped for the voice to never stop. His dream was probably the only place where he could freely express his affection towards her. "Omo, is he sleeping?"

 

Yes I am. Isn't this dream wonderful?

 

He felt hot breath near his face. He nearly flilnched, but managed to not show any reaction. He's afraid if she's really there and would go away the moment he open his eyes.

 

"Oppa?" He gulped. God, is this real? Is she in front of me?

 

"Aigoo, he must be really tired" he could feel another weight was added on his side. She had just sit down near me; very, very close to him. "Hfff, I shouldn't be so perfectionist and ask them to practice every single chance we get. You must be ten times more tired than all of us because of all those overseas activities"

 

Couldn't take it anymore, he opened his eyes and pretended to just have woken up from a nap.

 

"Omo! You're awake"

 

"Oh... Hello..."

 

"I'm sorry, I must have disturbed your sleep"

 

"No! No!" He fervently denied. "I wasn't in that deep slumber. I was just taking a breather"

 

"Ah, really? Why? Is there anything bothering you? I will totally understand if you want to skip today's session. I'll just tell the others--"

 

"No I'll manage. I cannot miss any practices. We've agreed on it. I am a man who stick to his words" he forced a playful chuckle, just to calm himself from the close distance they were in.

 

"You're a keeper then" his heart raced in seconds after what she said. It successfully made him fly to cloud nine. That mere sentence. "Luhan Oppa..."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Isn't this awkward?"

 

"Is it?" Hell yes. But I don't mind. I will never do as long as I get to be with you even if it's just for a little while. Please, look at how desperate I am right now. Look at how helplessly in love I am with you. Maybe, just maybe, being the kind woman you are, you will stay for a bit more. Just minutes more will do.

 

"Kind of. I mean, after those times we spent, I couldn't seem to talk to you properly"

 

"Ah... Ne..."

 

"I am usually not a blunt person. But, I think..." The tinges of red on her cheeks made him caught off guard. "I think we need to be more friendly. To help us on the stage too. I don't want us to seem very distant or not connected. And I mean, all of us. But seems you get along really fine with my other Unnies, I just think--"

 

"Yes. Let's be more friendly towards each other. We can start from talking frequently. Just exchanging some stories like friends" it didn't take him long to say yes to that, of course. This was the best thing he could get. There's no way in hell he would just let it pass. No matter how embarrassed he felt, or how weird this sound, he could be care less.

 

"Okay... We still have some time before we start... Should we get a drink and start... Talking?"

 

He laughed then. "Yes, Seohyun. Let's get some drink"

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Greed, he doesn't have that anymore. He knows that it will never get him far. Never. Instead, he suffices himself with the situation he's in. He's not her boyfriend; not even near that. He's not her best oppa; he'll never beat Changmin or Kyuhyun for that. He's not her first love; that shows in the way her eyes twinkle for someone. He isn't her very best friend; her 91-line has already taken the spot anyways. But he can be everything in between, whenever she needs him to take one role. He will always step up when she calls out for him. For he is contended enough with the fact that she sees him. She knows him. She talks to him. She texts him. She calls him. What he gets now is enough to say that he's at least exist in her life.

 

He will not force himself on her. He will never beg for her to love him back. He believes in soul mates; if they're meant to be then they'll be together somehow.

 

He will just be a friend in need. He will be her listener. He will give her advice when she needs one. He will protect her; from afar or in close range.

 

Because he's happy enough to see how she turns her head to him and gives him this super huge grin, congratulating him for a job well done after their performance. He is thrilled enough to see how she can talk freely to him now, stopping midway to have a chat on the backstage.

 

For that, he won't ask for more. This unrequited love, he can bear it. Seo Joo Hyun is worth every second of it. Because he knows; he has fallen for the right girl. In the future, no matter what awaits him there, he is sure that he will not regret this day ever. Whatever they may be.

 

"Oppa!"

 

"Hello..."

 

"Ready?"

 

"I should ask you the same. You're performing any minutes now"

 

"Oh yeah... Hi Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Sehun..."

 

"Hello Noona. Where are--oh, Taeyeon Noona, Tiffany Noona, annyeonghaseyo"

 

"Oh, annyeong, guys!"

 

"TaeTiSeo, get ready!"

 

"Do well, Noona-deul! Fighting!"

 

"Thank you! Come on, Seo!"

 

"Yes..."

 

"Seohyun..."

 

"Yes Oppa?"

 

"You'll do great"

 

"Thank you... I'll see you on stage... Fighting!" He holds his hand high and does the same pose as her until she disappears from his sight. I will see you soon, angel.

 

"Hyung, you'll drool if you keep it up"

 

He snaps his head back to Sehun. "What?"

 

The younger guy laughs. "It's okay, I understand"

 

Luhan can only smile sheepishly at his remark. Despite everything, there is still a faint hope; buried deep within his heart. That he's on the way there; on the right path to get her heart. As long as it takes.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
seolady2806
#1
Chapter 23: Congrats Changmin oppa for your wedding ^^

Wondering when our Seo Juhyun will tie the knot and with whom? Wish them happiness :)
Fanny_riyanti #2
Chapter 20: OMG...just found this fic....read them in one go and I love your stories.....u can have such a various plot line for each character....so far I loved the story with Kai..though it was a sad ending.....keep up the good work Authornim....nb : if i can make any request..can you pair Seohyun with Ji Soo ? Heheheh....
penguin7 #3
Chapter 20: omg.i'm crying again while reading this. i hope everyone have strengths to go through this difficult time.
Bling2 #4
Chapter 20: Please update yongseo story.
Va_asianloverz
#5
Chapter 19: please update soon
i-eunarahae
#6
Chapter 2: Seohae...seohae seohae ❤❤❤
yumi18 #7
I really love your stories especially YunSeo & ChangSeo they are just so sweet haha I hope you'll do one for Seohyun and TOP
kaiexolovers
#8
Chapter 12: Why Seokai story must be like this??? I cry a river.. OMG Today is really a bad day.. I see Kai cry and I read this.. This is heart breakING.
karma705 #9
Chapter 10: Luv changseo! So sweet!! Write more!!
seororonana #10
Chapter 17: Oh dear, I've always loved YunSeo pairing. Wish you would write more of the two :) authornim you are so jjang!