and if you were to know

i want to tell you something
8:30 pm

yeah? what is it?
8:30 pm

i want to tell you in person
8:31 pm

alright, let's meet each other tomorrow :) goodnight, saku. i love you
8:31 pm

goodnight, haru. i love you too.
8:32 pm

i lay in bed and stared at the blank ceiling. i raised my hand to cover the light hitting my eyes then brought it down to touch the elephant in the room.

she said we'll meet tomorrow. normally, i would be excitedly planning what to wear. i'd pick an outfit i combined with what my closet can muster and would end up awake until 12 am before getting satisfied with it. normally, i would send her pictures of me in different clothes, letting her pick what i should wear and her saying that everything looks good on me, that i shouldn't worry about it because i'd still look beautiful.

but right now, i don't want tomorrow to come.

i tossed and turn on my bed, my mind wandering in every possible scenario in my head. i want to quit thinking about it but i couldn't. i wanted to just call her and tell her but she might think that i attached a flower on my eye and compliment me.

good morning, saku! had breakfast yet? if not, we can go eat together. what do u think?
7:45 am

good morninggg :> what time are we gonna see each other?
7:50 am

we can go right now. there will be less people since it's too early and it's a Monday. how bout that?
7:51 am

"i don't think i can tell her." my mom was sitting beside me drinking her hot coffee while trying to comfort me with her presence. the living room was quiet that i can almost hear my mother's beating heart. the pace faster than normal because of the caffeine.

"i'll go with you. your father will also fetch us from work and you'll stay with us after." i looked at my mom and she was looking outside. the front doors were open and the sun lightened up the roofs of our neighborhood.

"will i go completely blind?"

"i'm not sure yet." i found myself biting the ends of my fingernails.

i entertained my thoughts for a moment. if she leaves because she got scared of my eyes, that might be the last image i'll see. but if she stays and accepts me for who i am, then the flower will wither. i'll have to explain that part to her as well. but if she changes her mind and called me a freak,... i shook my head to remove those thoughts. that is something she would never do. out of everyone i know, she's the most accepting and... she was the one who didn't question this dumb eyepatch, she's the only person that made others think otherwise about me, she...