Dahyun had to admit that she was lost. 

Firstly, alcohol usually helped her lose control, it didn’t make her feel self-conscious to the point she could feel the air slipping between her teeth as she breathed out like what was happening at the moment. Secondly, one of her friends was always there to help her out of uncomfortable situations, but not this time. 

Chaeyoung was fast asleep on Jeongyeon’s lap after having had one too many drinks, and Tzuyu had been staring at a pair of shoes next to Nayeon’s bed for a good 10 minutes, so it was safe to assume she was pretty gone as well.

Who saved her was Jeongyeon, who cleared to get everyone’s attention. “I think we should call it quits tonight, most of us are pretty burned out and I think we all need some rest.”

The problem was half of the people there wanted to leave as soon as possible and the other half would’ve rather stay there forever. 

Nayeon was freaking out because of what would happen once everyone left the house. What was supposed to be a romantic night for her and her girlfriend could easily become her worst nightmare, she just hoped the short kiss they had shared was enough to make Jeongyeon less angry at her. 

But on the other hand, Jeongyeon just wanted to get rid of everyone (in a polite way, of course) so she and her girlfriend could talk. What she wanted to say? She had no idea. All she knew was that, for once, she wanted Nayeon to listen.

“I think a little longer wouldn’t hurt, right?” Dahyun stopped swirling the liquid inside her cup to lift her head. “I’m not tired yet.”

Not like Sana was the epitome of bravery, but seeing so many people hiding their feelings and doing everything in their power to avoid the inevitable was frustrating to a new extent. “I think we should all go home. Half of us are about to pass out and, besides, Jeong is the birthday girl and she clearly wants to rest.” 

Jeongyeon didn’t miss the wink Sana gave her. “Thank you, I just had a really long day.”

Of course, it wasn’t that easy. Nayeon and Dahyun also tried arguing back, but once Jeongyeon tenderly woke up Chaeyoung to tell her it was time to go home, they figured it was useless to keep trying. 

--- 

Dahyun was never the talkative type when she was nervous, Momo had come to that conclusion after noticing that pattern in the younger more than a few times. 

She was unsure about how to proceed., but she knew she couldn’t go to sleep without receiving some sort of answer as to why. Why would Dahyun say that when she knew how she felt? 

The walk home was mostly silent; the only time they exchanged words was about halfway through when Momo offered her a piece of mint-flavored gum but Dahyun just shook her head as a reply. It didn’t feel rude, which was a huge relief the the older.

The younger’s cheeks were not as red anymore and it was clear the buzz was leaving, but she still seemed deep in her own thoughts. 

After some time the pair arrived. They were both standing in front of the door, Dahyun fidgeting with her fingers to keep herself busy and Momo staring at her shamelessly. 

“You know you have the keys, right?” The older remarked while leaning on a pillar. She was certainly enjoying seeing this new version of her roommate.

“Right,” supporting her purse on her shivering thigh, Dahyun started taking things out until she touched something jingly and handed it to her roommate, “here.”

Purposefully making their fingers touch before grabbing them, Momo inserted the keys and gave it two turns to unlock the door, entering the house before opening the door wider for her Dahyun. 

Everything was silent and Momo wondered if Dahyun was aware of how heavy her breathing was. The younger slipped in and, before she even got the chance to escape, she had been cornered to the wall.

“What are you doing?” Dahyun tried escaping by moving to her right, but Momo mirrored the movement immediately.

‘Breathe in, breathe out.’ The older repeated to herself to keep her cool composure. Taking a few small steps forward, she smiled when she heard the faintl gasp that left Dahyun’s lips when her back touched the wall. 

It was exciting, seeing how easy it was to make Dahyun flustered, and the height difference that forced the younger to look up only helped feed that satisfaction. “Do you still want me to kiss you?”

“We can’t, and you know that it will on-”

“No, I’m not going to accept that. You should’ve thought about that earlier.” Momo didn’t want her voice to sound upset, but their relationship was making her go crazy. “You can’t just expect me to forget all the things you said.”

Perhaps it was the wrong decision, and perhaps Dahyun would regret it later, but she was tired of fighting. For the past months she had been holding back, telling herself it was the only way to maintain a relationship with Momo, but for once, she wanted to be selfish. 

As carefully as she had never been before, Dahyun tucked a strand of hair behind Momo’s ear before grabbing her cheek, using her other hand to keep her roommate in place by the waist. “I’m sorry- The last thing I want is to cause you pain. I’m sorry for how I’ve made you feel in the past and I promise I’ll do everything I can to keep you from feeling like that ever again.” 

Momo closed her eyes and nodded; it wasn’t exactly what she expected but it made her happy nonetheless. 

The younger dropped her arms to the side and whispered, “Now, we have to go upstairs before we wake someone up. Okay?” Her eyes were shining with tears but they weren’t sad ones; it was a mixture of fear and pride and Dahyun didn’t feel the need to hide them.

Grabbing her hand, Dahyun took her time guiding them both to the room, every step making their anticipation grow. She didn’t know what her plan exactly was, but she was willing to do everything it took to make things right.

Only after Momo and Dahyun entered the room and locked the door did they allow themselves to relax, because even though there was some undeniable tension between them, they trusted each other more than ever before. 

Looking into her eyes as if asking for permission, Momo slowly walked to her roommate’s bed and sat next to her, unsure of what to do next. She swallowed hard and shifted in her seat to look at Dahyun. “Hey.”

The younger’s lips couldn’t help but curve upwards. “Hi.”

“What are we doing? What’s going to happen now?” It’s not like she wanted to pressure Dahyun, but she needed an answer, and she was convinced that her question wasn’t something unexpected.

“I don’t know.” 

At that moment, Momo understood that she would have to be the one to take the big step. She leaned on the backrest and signaled with her hand for Dahyun to do the same, “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

The younger her lips and smiled, “You already know the answer to that, Momo. I know I may not look so experienced but-”

“No. I mean like a real kiss.” Seeing Dahyun's frowned eyebrows, Momo continued hoping that her words would make sense. “A kiss with someone you actually like, someone who makes your heart beat so fast you’re convinced it’s going to come out of your chest but for some reason, it’s still one of the best feelings in the world.”

Letting out a sigh, Dahyun slumped against the pillows and considered the different options. She could lie, it wouldn’t be the first time and also probably not the last, but she felt like she owed Momo sincerity. “N-no, I haven’t.” 

Dahyun couldn’t help but bite her lip as she saw the older getting closer, confidently but somehow still leaving space for her to move in case she changed her mind. She could feel the minty breath on her lips but she refused to give in just yet, it was a different type of scary. A hand came up to her face, cupping her cheek gently. 

“Do you want to?” The voice was barely a whisper; if they hadn’t been so close to each other, Dahyun was sure she wouldn't have understood.

“I just don’t want this to ruin our friendship, I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if that happened.” Still, she contradicted her words by lowering her arms to lightly wrap them around Momo’s waist and tilting her body slightly to the side to face her.

“Dahyun, I don’t want to be your friend. I can’t be your friend.” That was it; tangling her fingers between the younger’s hair, she pressed their lips together. It wasn’t like the first kiss they had shared, full of passion and lust, it was now longing and filled with doubt. 

After a few seconds, Momo pulled away but still pressed their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, I know this is so messed up and I don’t even know why I keep doing this to myself.”

It broke Dahyun’s heart to see her roommate so vulnerable because she knew it was her fault. Opening her arms, she let Momo lay on her chest and caressed her hair. “We’ll figure it out, it’s not your fault. None of this is. I just need us to keep this a secret for a while until I can-”, Dahyun breathed out and closed her eyes for a moment to keep the tears from falling, “I just have to be prepared, okay?”

The older just nodded, nuzzling on Dahyun’s shirt to inhale its scent; she wasn’t aware it could be possible to feel comforted by something so simple. “It’s okay, I understand.” She would never expect Dahyun to get out of the closet with everyone just for her, but it was nice to know that soon they would be able to tell their friends. “Dahyun.”

The girl hummed, smiling at how much she loved it every time Momo said her name. 

“Can you kiss me?” It was a silly request, but she needed to feel Dahyun wanted her as much as she did.

The grin on her face only grew, it was adorable. She supported her weight on one of her arms, holding back the desire to caress every part of Momo’s face with her fingers. “Only if you kiss me back.” 

“I don’t think you should be worried about that.”

---

The second the front door closed shut, Nayeon’s heart crumpled. She had been dreading the moment for hours, but it didn't help her in the least.

“I think you should go rest, I’ll just pick up the rest of the cups and go to bed.” Nayeon advised while pointing at the messy living room, hoping her girlfriend would agree.

She didn’t. “I’ll help you out, it’s not like I can go to bed without finishing our talk.” Grabbing a trash bag, Jeongyeon started throwing the discardable cups in it while humming one of the songs that had played earlier.

Nayeon swallowed hard and thought about a way to divert the conversation to something else. “Who do you think is going to win the contest?” she asked, looking at her girlfriend from the corner of her eye.

“We’re not doing that. You can’t just-” Jeongyeon dropped the bag and sat on the couch, patting the seat next to her. “I need you to listen to me for once.”

It frustrated Jeongyeon, but it also worried her. Nayeon was incapable of having a serious talk and was willing to do anything to avoid them; what was she so scared of? 

Nayeon’s eyes were already watering and they hadn’t even started. “I can’t, can you just forget this ever happened? Please?”

The younger gulped, combing her hair back with her hands. “No, I can’t. I specifically told you I didn’t want a big party and you went and did the ing opposite!”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry and I shouldn’t have done it.” Nayeon’s tears were already trickling down h