now playing: a white night - irene
"a snowy night"

 

things were really looking up and for the first time in a long time, joohyun could confidently say that she was optimistic about the way her life was going.

 

her work life was slowly but surely flourishing. after she received the job offer from ATV as an anchor, she started off reporting smaller stories and taking the pieces other people didn’t want to cover. so yes, she had to put up with terrible weather, long nights, and chaotic public situations, but it was her dream job, and joohyun was grateful for any opportunity to do what she loved.

 

eventually, she started getting chances to cover bigger stories and her name became more and more well known in the news station due to the good feedback from camera crews for her kind and easygoing personality, as well as the executives who noticed her performance being well refined despite her ‘rookie’ status in the field.

 

her social life was better now that she had friends from work, and surprisingly, that included choi seyoung who wasn’t actually that bad once joohyun talked to her a few times at the work events. she also had friends she met through seulgi and they had all gotten close despite rarely meeting up. there was sooyoung and yeri, the girls who were two years younger and used to be in the music club with seulgi in high school. they were both in university now but managed to maintain their friendship with seulgi despite their busy schedules and although they could be rowdy, joohyun appreciated their presence in her and seulgi’s life - bringing some chaotic fun into their usually mellow lifestyle.

 

then there was seungwan, a cheerful and talented girl who worked at the same cafe as seulgi. she was the same age, loved singing, and did a bit of composing in her free time, so it was no surprise that she got along with seulgi quickly. they were all nice girls and joohyun warmed up to them after a few meetups, soon considering them as her own friends too.

 

her relationship with her parents was also improving little by little. at least they couldn’t use the ‘what if you never get a job as an anchor?’ hypothetical against her anymore. even though they never directly showed it, joohyun could tell that they were gaining respect for her and her career after seeing her do a good job on television. they still weren’t at the stage of being vocally proud of her, but joohyun was content with how things were now.

 

then, her love life was better than ever. her and seulgi had been together for over a year now, and in joohyun’s humble opinion, their relationship was close to perfect. that didn’t mean there weren’t disagreements or bickering; of course there were, but they always resolved conflict within the same day and made sure neither of them had to go to bed upset.

 

seulgi still worked at the cafe, she still busked on some nights, and she took over joohyun’s babysitting job after joohyun began full-time work. she was still working on her dream to be a musician, but didn’t let the rejections affect her and joohyun could confidently say that seulgi was happier than she was a year ago.

 

and her life? don’t ask stupid questions. (of course, it was good.)

 

overall, things were going great for joohyun. the future was bright, everything felt like it was coming together in place, and things couldn’t be better.

 

~

 

joohyun gasped quietly when seulgi lightly bit down on the most sensitive area on her neck, laughing afterwards at the way joohyun practically melted in her arms and she moved her head back up to kiss her breathless.

 

“i missed you so much.” she said, pulling back to look into her eyes.

 

“i missed you too.” joohyun replied, leaning up to kiss her again; overly eager for the touch and taste of her that she had missed out on for three days.

 

joohyun was sent to busan for a three day and two nights trip for work where she had to follow a political event that was occurring over those few days. it was the first time since they started dating that they had to be apart and joohyun didn’t realise how dependent she had become on seulgi’s presence until now.

 

she had become so used to being able to return home from work and go straight into seulgi’s arms for hugs and kisses that the feeling of returning to an empty hotel room after work made her feel a massive void in her life.

 

joohyun’s jacket was already hanging off her shoulders when she remembered something important she had to tell seulgi about.

 

“seulgi- baby, hold on.” she held seulgi’s shoulders to bring her away from kissing her neck, momentarily stopping her from undoing more buttons on her shirt.

 

“yeah?” seulgi asked, looking at her with innocent eyes.

 

“i have good news to tell you.” joohyun said, an excited smile already forming. “they’re giving me the winter olympics speed skating team to follow.” she revealed, “and i get a full expenses paid trip to beijing.”

 

“oh my god, that’s amazing!” seulgi said, knowing just how popular the news would be and how that would help boost her career a lot. “and you get to go to beijing too, that’s an incredible opportunity.” she said, impatiently moving back in to kiss her neck because she was incredibly attracted to, and unable to keep herself away from her girlfriend.

 

joohyun giggled, tilting her head back. “i’ll be flying there next friday.”

 

the warmth of seulgi’s lips left her skin unexpectedly and seulgi looked up, eyes swirling with an unreadable emotion.

 

“seriously?” she asked in a quiet voice.

 

joohyun almost chuckled softly in confusion, “yeah?” she answered. “the 17th…” she stopped when it felt like a stone dropped to the bottom of her stomach and the realisation hit her. “oh, seulgi…”

 

seulgi’s hands left her waist and she stepped back, biting her lip unsurely. “you forgot.” was all she said.

 

“i’m so sorry, i just- i had it marked in my schedule and everything but it must’ve slipped my mind because i was too surprised by the opportunity.” she explained hastily, “but i know that’s not an excuse, i’m just really sorry.” she apologised.

 

“it’s fine, i get it.” seulgi said and she ran her fingers through her hair, almost nervously. “but you’re going to come, right?“

 

seulgi was selected as one of the artists to participate in a local art showcase, and the exhibition opening was on the 17th - a date that they had known about and cleared their schedules for a month in advance. it was something seulgi had been ecstatic about for ages and she had expressed countless times how much she wanted joohyun to be there with her on the opening night.

 

joohyun blinked, “i don’t know, seul. i have to be in beijing before nighttime on friday.”

 

“then, can’t you just-” seulgi’s voice faltered as her courage to finish the sentence waned because she saw the change in joohyun’s expression.

 

“can’t i just what?” joohyun asked, voice coming out more taut than usual. it was like the tiredness from the trip had just hit her, in the form of a headache and impatience. “can’t i just not take the story and go to your exhibition instead?” she asked, not intending to sound so bitter but the way seulgi winced indicated that her words didn’t sound nice.

 

it was like seulgi knew the request was absurd so she didn’t have the heart or courage to make it. she looked down at their feet, noticing joohyun was still in her heels - not having had the time to remove them before seulgi greeted her at the door.

 

“you promised to be there.“ seulgi said quietly.

 

joohyun exhaled, feeling both guilt and anger at the same time. guilt because she knew she promised and it was horrible of her to not uphold it - but anger because what was she meant to do?

 

“i don’t know what you want me to do.” joohyun said, sounding more tired than accusatory now. she knew she didn’t have to say the words out loud for seulgi to know. they both knew it wouldn’t make sense for joohyun to pass up on a big opportunity for her career for the sake of a local art show.

 

“nothing.” seulgi replied, looking to the side and blinking. joohyun feared she was crying but there were no tears. “you should get ready for sleep. you must be tired.” seulgi said, almost monotonously. “i’ll get your bags.” she said, moving forward to take them before joohyun could reject her offer.

 

joohyun had half a mind to call her back- to resolve the issue somehow because she hated being on bad terms- but she was drained from the trip and wanted nothing more than to sleep, so she let seulgi walk away.

 

that night they slept side by side without initiating any contact and if joohyun wasn’t so tired, she would’ve felt more awful about it.

 

~

 

the morning was tense too.

 

she could tell seulgi was disappointed. upset. unhappy. frustrated. she understood that, of course. seulgi had been looking forward to and planning for that night since a month ago and now all her plans were ruined because joohyun wouldn’t be there.

 

joohyun was in a clearer headspace after a long night’s sleep and she was more rational- but still stubborn. still thinking it was unfair of seulgi to act like it was her fault she couldn’t go to the exhibition. it wasn’t like she intentionally requested for the trip to be on that day.

 

they ate breakfast at different times; joohyun earlier than seulgi because the younger didn’t get out of bed for a while after joohyun was up. joohyun got dressed and ready for work, only saying a good morning and a “it will rain today, bring an umbrella” to seulgi when she was awake. she didn’t have the energy or time in the morning to properly talk about what was wrong between them, so she chose not to say anything about last night for now.

 

it was already 7:20, so joohyun had to leave to catch the 7:30 bus in time. “i’m leaving now. bye.” joohyun said to no one in particular as she put her heels on at the door.

 

“have a good day at work.” seulgi responded, looking up briefly from her breakfast. joohyun managed a small smile, trying not to think about how seulgi didn’t make her way to the door to give her a hug and a goodbye kiss like she always would.

 

“you too.” joohyun murmured before leaving the apartment.

 

seulgi watched the door close and she sighed, absentmindedly spreading the butter on her toast. she hated being in this state with joohyun; hated not being able to act as she normally would, hated feeling like joohyun was annoyed with her or that she had made her upset.

 

she glanced up again and that was when she noticed the purple umbrella on the dining table. joohyun must’ve forgotten to take it in her hurry to leave. seulgi looked away, thinking for a bit, and then looked at the umbrella again. with another exhale, she got up to grab the umbrella and made her way out the door.

 

joohyun was halfway to the bus stop that was just a two-minute walk down the street when she heard a voice call for her and rushed footsteps behind her.

 

“seulgi?” she turned to look at her with a surprised expression. she spotted the purple umbrella clutched in seulgi’s hand and realised why she rushed out of the house still in her pyjamas. “sorry, i should’ve remembered to get it.” joohyun apologised when seulgi was close enough to hand the umbrella to her.

 

“it’s okay.” seulgi said before squinting up at the sky and the gray rain clouds forming. “just didn’t want you to get rained on.” she said.

 

“thank you.” joohyun said quietly, hands twisting the umbrella nervously.

 

“so…um, i’ll go back now.” seulgi said, biting her lip and gesturing awkwardly behind her. joohyun nodded, quietly watching seulgi turn to walk back up the street. she stared at the umbrella in her hands, feeling her heart clench in guilt.

 

“seulgi!” she called out bravely and seulgi turned back around immediately, looking at her questioningly.

 

joohyun ran towards her, throwing her arms around her neck and kissing her desperately. she could feel seulgi’s shock through the tensing of her body and for a moment, joohyun really feared she would get pushed away. but then seulgi’s arms wrapped securely around her body as she deepened the kiss with equal desperation and it felt like she didn’t want to ever let go of her.

 

they parted to rest their foreheads together after a long while, eyes still closed and just breathing in sync with their arms wrapped around each other.

 

“i’m sorry. i’m so stupid-” joohyun started.

 

“no.” seulgi hushed her, “i was stupid too, i should’ve been more understanding.” she said and joohyun shook her head, opening her eyes to look into seulgi’s warm brown pair and her heart ached from the guilt of hurting her loved one. “i’m sorry.” she said with a sigh.

 

“we’ll talk properly tonight.” joohyun said softly, placing a hand on her cheek. “we’ll be okay.”

 

“yeah.” seulgi said, holding onto joohyun’s hand. “we always are.” she reassured, bringing a smile to joohyun’s face. “oh your bus… you need to go now.” seulgi said, realising the time and joohyun nodded.

 

“i love you.” joohyun asserted as they reluctantly parted ways.

 

seulgi smiled, leaning in to plant one more firm kiss on . “i love you too. have a good day at work.” she beamed, and her smile felt like the sunshine warming joohyun’s entire being.

 

she walked the rest of the way to the bus station feeling much lighter than before and with a smile on her face.

 

later that day she would call the manager of the art exhibit and convince him to give them early access to the exhibition a day before the opening.

 

and on the 16th, the day before joohyun had to leave for beijing, she would surprise seulgi by taking her to the art exhibition and informing her they had their own private viewing of the showcase. after all, all seulgi really wanted was for joohyun to be the first person she could show around the exhibition. and this turned out even better than her original plan, because this way, seulgi could kiss her in front of every piece of artwork.

~

 

it was always the little things.

 

it was the small kisses throughout the day and night, the soft gestures of affection, the reassuring words and daily reminders of devotion, the acts of service like ironing her clothes without her asking and making her favourite foods for her to bring to work, the small gifts that she surprised her with, and the attentiveness she always had towards her.

 

seulgi appreciated it all and they were part of the many reasons why she was so in love with joohyun.

 

but it was also the little things.

 

the slight hesitancy in joohyun’s voice whenever she was introducing seulgi to a coworker or acquaintance, the awkward smiles she gave whenever her coworkers gushed about the expensive gifts their rich boyfriends gave them, the longing looks at the social media posts of people travelling with their partners, the small sighs that joohyun didn’t think she’d hear every time she was dealing with the bills, and the disappointed but unsurprised reactions she had when seulgi told her she didn’t hear back from yet another agency.

 

seulgi could tell.

 

she knew joohyun loved her, but she also knew she had worries and doubts. and it was awful to think about but she knew it was the truth. the more joohyun’s career flourished, the more of a burden seulgi became, and the bigger the figurative gap between them became.

 

“it’s alright, i’ll take care of it.” was what joohyun would say whenever the bill arrived for their meal.

 

“i’ll take care of this.” she said when seulgi’s vintage camera from her dad broke and would cost a decent amount to be repaired.

 

“i’ll take care of that.” whenever seulgi came home with an envelope containing their rent or phone bills or whatever other documents that adults had to deal with.

 

“i’ll take care of you.” she would whisper whenever seulgi voiced her concerns about her future and (lack of) career.

 

seulgi wondered, for how long would joohyun be okay with taking care of everything? with taking care of her?

 

of course, joohyun never expressed or indicated any of her dissatisfaction to seulgi. but it was always the little things, that is, until it was the big things - like joohyun’s family.

 

it was cold that day when joohyun came home from dinner with her family for her father’s birthday.

 

“hey,” seulgi greeted with a soft smile. “how was seeing them?” she asked, knowing joohyun hadn’t been keen on it.

 

“it was alright.” joohyun replied shortly, removing her coat and tossing it on the couch as she made her way to the kitchen.

 

seulgi frowned, knowing things weren’t okay with how joohyun acted and she put her music sheets aside, getting up to follow her into the kitchen.

 

joohyun was pouring herself a glass of water when seulgi slipped her arms around her and hugged her gently, making her let out a small sigh of content and lean back into her warm embrace.

 

“talk to me?” seulgi murmured beside her ear.

 

“it’s nothing, it’s just…” joohyun exhaled. “the usual. they’re irritating.” she said.

 

“was junmyeon there?” seulgi asked and wasn’t surprised when joohyun nodded. she knew that nothing ticked her off more than her parents’ constant comparison of her to her younger brother.

 

junmyeon was the epitome of the perfect child that her parents dreamed of. they had wanted a son right from the beginning, so joohyun grew up knowing she was just an unsuccessful trial run. but unfortunately it didn’t mean she was free from their high expectations. luckily for the siblings, they were both capable and met the expectations growing up- until joohyun decided to go after her own dream instead. the moment she turned against her parents to live on her own, she knew the damage would be irreversible.

 

meanwhile, her brother went on to become an engineer, starting his own company even, and became the pride and joy of the family with his high starting salary and respectable career. now he was even dating a lawyer, which made their parents even more proud of him. joohyun could only scoff at how ‘perfect’ his life was.

 

she had become very used to the remarks and passive aggressive comments about her life from her parents, but the moment they started commenting on her partner, that was when she couldn’t stay quiet. she argued with them at the dinner table- being mindful to keep her voice down in public- but still having the bite in her tone to get the point across that she was unhappy.

 

she defended seulgi of course, and it was the usual same arguments her parents used. how seulgi doesn’t have a career yet, how she’s chasing a dream that is ‘unrealistic’, and how it shouldn’t be joohyun paying for everything despite joohyun’s insistence that seulgi pays her part. they would bring up their friends’ children who were joohyun’s age and had stable careers and income and joohyun understood their implication that she should’ve chosen to be with someone like that for the sake of an easier life. she disagreed with them fully and made her annoyance known when she threatened to leave the restaurant if they wouldn’t drop the topic.

 

but as much as joohyun didn’t want to, the words stuck with her. those thoughts embedded deep into her mind, barely conscious, but emerged every time joohyun felt stressed about finances and paying bills. she felt horrible for even thinking the same way her parents did every time she saw her friends on fancy dates or holidays, and more so when she saw the same aged people around her moving onto the next stages of life like marriage and more. and here she was; only just starting her career and dating someone who didn’t have one.

 

comparing is never good but it was impossible not to have those thoughts of how much nicer it would be if they were wealthier. how much more they could do and experience together if they had the money for it. how much more confident joohyun would feel telling others about their relationship without the fear of judgement...

 

“what else is on your mind?” seulgi asked, bringing her back to the present.

 

joohyun bit her lip, turning nervously to look at seulgi’s neck because she wasn’t brave enough to look up into her eyes.

 

“have you thought about what you would do…if…you don’t get a callback?” she asked quietly, gaze fixated on her neck.

 

“you mean if i never get one?” seulgi asked directly, saying the word joohyun avoided. joohyun gulped and nodded, daring to glance up at her briefly to see what kind of expression was on her face.

 

much to her relief, seulgi didn’t look offended or upset by her question. she just gave a small smile, arms still secure around her waist.

 

“there will come a point when i’ll have to realise this isn’t the path i am meant to take.” seulgi said, and her calmness and acceptance of that was a surprise to joohyun. it felt like seulgi knew- or was prepared for this kind of talk.

 

“but what would you do?” joohyun asked in a small voice, hoping it wouldn’t sound like she was questioning her abilities.

 

“i’m not sure.” seulgi admitted.

 

“that’s okay.” joohyun said quickly, before seulgi could start thinking bad thoughts. she reached up to caress her face, “don’t worry about it for now.” she said, despite her own worries.

 

“okay.” seulgi whispered, leaning down to nudge her forehead against joohyun’s, making her close her eyes and smile.

 

“i’ll take care of you.” joohyun said, assuringly, making that promise not just to seulgi but herself too and since her eyes were closed, she didn’t see seulgi’s smile fade.

 

~

 

“joohyun!”

 

she jumped a little in surprise, turning to look behind her and saw the car slowly driving behind her on the street. the person who called her name stuck their hand out the window to wave.

 

“do you want a ride home?” seyoung asked with a friendly smile.

 

joohyun blinked, glancing at the car and then up ahead at the slope that she’d have to trek in heels.

 

seyoung seemed to notice her looking and she scoffed good naturedly, “come on, get in. i’m not letting you walk that hill.” she beckoned for joohyun to get in.

 

joohyun smiled genuinely and gave in to her persuasion, getting into the car. it was the first time she had gotten a ride from seyoung despite them working together for a while.

 

“actually…” seyoung said, starting the car again. “i’m hungry after work, should we get something to eat? i know a good place near here and i’d love some company.” she grinned.

 

joohyun didn’t feel like she could say no, especially since she was in the car already. she also knew seulgi was working until late evening at the cafe so she would’ve had to cook dinner for herself if she went home.

 

“sure.” joohyun said easily.

 

“perfect.”

 

it was ironic; how much joohyun disliked seyoung at the start only for her to actually quite like the woman now. it was the first time they had a meal together with just the two of them, since all the other events had other coworkers. and it was the first time joohyun really got to know seyoung as a person and she realised they were more similar than she thought. their worldviews and mindset about their career and family and even relationships were all similar.

 

joohyun was pleasantly surprised to learn that seyoung could relate to all her conundrums or worries, even being able to chime in with new perspectives joohyun hadn’t thought of before. if joohyun knew she was such a great listener and speaker, she would’ve had a proper talk with her long ago.

 

they ate and talked and drank a little and had fun imitating the news announcers on the tv in the restaurant. time flew by without them realising it because they had so much fun and it wasn’t until joohyun’s phone rang that she realised it was already 9 and seulgi was home.

 

“oh, yeah it’s late.” seyoung realised, quickly going to pay the bill for their meal when she saw joohyun answer the call. “i’m so sorry for keeping you out this late. is everything okay with seulgi?” she asked as they made their way to her car.

 

“yeah, everything’s fine. she was just wondering why i wasn’t home yet and checking to see if i’m safe.” joohyun replied. “oh, and how much was dinner?”

 

“don’t worry about it.” seyoung waved her hand and they got into her car. “it’s our first meal together so let me treat you.” she said. “and you can just make it up to me next time.” she added with a grin.

 

“okay.” joohyun said, starting to wonder about the next time and she noticed the car wasn’t moving yet so she glanced at the driver, catching her staring and seyoung quickly looked away with an unnoticeable blush on her cheeks.

 

“so is your house this way?” she asked, clearing . joohyun nodded, giving her brief instructions on the route and ignoring the weird atmosphere between them.

 

the drive back was more awkward than any other moment they had today and it wasn’t until they were parked again on the street of joohyun’s apartment that seyoung took a deep breath.

 

“i really enjoyed today.” she said, turning in her seat to look at her. “and i’m glad we finally got to have a meal together.”

 

“yeah, me too.” joohyun said honestly. it was definitely more pleasant than she expected.

 

“and…” seyoung let out a small breath. “i just wanted you to know that i really admired you- i always have. even since high school.” she confessed.

 

“oh.” joohyun said, feeling a little flustered from the sincere compliments. “thank you… i actually thought you disliked me.” she said.

 

seyoung giggled a little, “i guess i was just too shy.” she admitted. “that’s why i’m really happy we are friends now.”

 

“yeah.” joohyun smiled again, but her senses were telling her something was off.

 

seyoung glanced out the window and tapped her fingers on the wheel, contemplatively. “if you ever need me…” she said. “if you ever need someone, for any reason, just reach out to me.” she said earnestly. “i’ll be here for you anytime.”

 

joohyun blinked a few times before remembering to respond. “o-oh, right. thanks.” she said, feeling a bit strange under her gaze.

 

“yeah, just-” seyoung looked a little flustered. “just wanted you to know that i…” she shook her head a bit, deciding against what she was going to say. “never mind.” she laughed a little.

 

“i should probably go up.” joohyun said, breaking the awkward silence after a while.

 

“oh yeah, right. sorry for keeping you.” seyoung apologised, unlocking her car doors for joohyun to open.

 

“it’s okay.” joohyun said, exiting the car and turning around to peer inside before she closed the door. “thank you for the ride and for dinner. good night.”

 

“good night joohyun.” seyoung responded with a smile and wave. joohyun, still feeling weird about the whole encounter, just hurried into her apartment. she couldn’t shake the feeling that seyoung’s gaze had more intentions underlying it, but she didn’t want to make bold assumptions.

 

“hey, there you are.” seulgi’s face lit up when she saw joohyun open the door just as she was walking out of the room.

 

joohyun felt something inside her stir when she caught sight of seulgi in her baggy sleepwear, messy bun, and her tired but happy expression.

 

so what if they lived in a small, old rental? so what if they didn’t have the luxury of travelling or eating in expensive hotel restaurants? this was what she came home to everyday; this was the life she had and she loved it no matter what anyone else might think or say.

 

“sorry, i know it’s late.” joohyun breathed out, kicking her heels off carelessly at the door and walking to her with her mind set on one thing only. gently pushing seulgi back against the wall, she leaned up to kiss her, hands resting on her shoulders to keep her near. seulgi raised her eyebrows in surprise but she was never one to turn down a kiss and she also missed her, so she pulled her waist closer and kissed her back.

 

“mmm.” seulgi pulled back slightly, eyes sparkling with amusement. “what’s with you tonight? are you drunk?” she chuckled, running her tongue across her lower lip to taste the soju from joohyun’s mouth.

 

“no.” joohyun replied. “i’m very sober.” she said but seulgi still pressed a hand to her forehead to see if her face was hot.

 

“then what’s up?” she asked, surprised by joohyun’s unusual impulsiveness.

 

“just missed you.” joohyun said simply. seyoung’s gaze flashed in her mind and the weird atmosphere in the car between them came to mind again. she forced it out of her thoughts, focusing her eyes on seulgi who was looking at her innocently. guilt gnawed at her and she didn’t really know why.

 

“i love you.” joohyun said.

 

“and i love you.” seulgi responded but with an amused tone. “seriously, what’s going on? you’re acting funny.” she said, tucking joohyun’s hair behind her ear.

 

“been a long day.” joohyun murmured.

 

seulgi nodded understandingly, “wash up quickly and go to sleep then.” she said, caressing her cheek lightly. joohyun nodded, smiling at her as seulgi gave her a peck on the lips and nudged her towards the bathroom.

 

seulgi was always so good to her. and it made her feel even worse for the thoughts that crossed her mind more often these days.

 

~

 

joohyun was getting busier as she became more recognised within the company and given more schedules. at the same time, she was also being sought for by other news stations who knew her contract with ATV was ending soon. that meant a lot of networking was now necessary for joohyun to know what the best next steps would be for her career.

 

thankfully her (best) friend, seyoung, had all the connections joohyun needed. they went out almost every weekend to meet executives or scouters who expressed interest and joohyun’s confidence in herself had never been so high before. respected professionals in the field recognising her talents and skills was something she only ever dared to dream about.

 

even her idol, moon heejung, had praised her one time when they met at a fundraising event. it was like all her dreams were coming true.

 

after a very promising dinner with the hiring manager for WTV, she was feeling hopeful and excited about her options. she had spent an hour with seyoung in the car afterwards, discussing future plans and everything else related to their field of work. gossip, like who in their office had a crush on who, who was flirting with the executives to get better stories, and juicy news like cheating politicians, celebrity dating scandals or famous music producers who fooled around with idols.

 

she expected to go home to seulgi and tell her the good news of the meeting but was left surprised when she returned to an empty home. frowning, she checked the time on her watch to confirm that it was close to midnight and seulgi didn’t have a shift at the cafe tonight. she checked her phone as she the lights and set her bag down on the counter, seeing no new messages from seulgi since the last message at 6pm when seulgi said good luck with the meeting!

 

joohyun’s thumb hovered above the button to call her and she was about to press it when she heard shuffling outside their front door. the clumsy sound of keys went on for a while before the door was unlocked and seulgi pushed it open, stumbling inside.

 

“oh, hi.” seulgi said, looking at her while kicking her sneakers off. “did you… just get home?” she asked after observing the handbag on the counter and joohyun still in her coat.

 

“yes.” joohyun said, wrinkling her nose slightly because seulgi smelled like alcohol. “i didn’t know you were going out tonight.” she stated, not sure what kind of emotions she was feeling. seulgi walked over to the kitchen to get some water, laughing to herself a little.

 

“i think there’s a lot you don’t know these days.” seulgi mumbled, “it’s not like you’re ever home.”

 

“sorry?” joohyun could barely catch the words but she knew from seulgi’s mumbling that it surely wasn’t a compliment.

 

“nothing.”

 

“all i’m saying is that you could’ve at least texted me to let me know where you were going. especially if you’re going out drinking, it would be safer for me to know where you were.” joohyun said, walking closer to the kitchen.

 

“i was safe. and it’s not like you care anyway, you’re too busy going out with seyoung everyday and meeting your big shot people.” seulgi said carelessly, walking past joohyun towards the bedroom.

 

“what?” joohyun let out a scoff of disbelief, unable to believe her ears. “kang seulgi.” she said, making seulgi stop walking. “what does that mean? how could you say that?” she asked, equal parts hurt and equal parts angry.

 

seulgi huffed, turning around and her cheeks looked pinker than before. “because it’s true?” she said. “when was the last time we went out together?“ she asked and joohyun wasn’t able to answer quickly. “every day you are either at work or going out with seyoung for more work related things. it’s always work work work, seyoung this seyoung that. all you care about is work and making connections, so why would it matter to you where i was for one night?” seulgi finished with a snap in her tone.

 

“because you’re my girlfriend and i care about you!” joohyun said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“then it’d be nice if you could act like it.” seulgi responded instantly, stunning joohyun, who felt blindsided by all of this. yes, maybe she had thought about whether seulgi was upset about the lack of time they spent together in these past few weeks, but she thought seulgi understood and was fine with her focusing more on her work since it was such a critical period before her contract ended. in hindsight she was very stupid to not ask her how she felt, but at the same time, she was upset that seulgi didn’t understand how much she did for her.

 

“i don’t care about you?” joohyun asked in disbelief, “i’m doing all of this for us, seulgi. i work overtime and i go out on my off days for business meetings so that i can get a better job and better pay so that we can live a better life. i’m doing so much for you and you’re going to stand here and say i don’t care about you?” she asked, sounding more irritated now. “why do you think i work so hard? and maybe if you-” she stopped herself in time, her anger dissipating when she saw seulgi’s surprised expression that morphed into a wry smile.

 

“if i what?” seulgi asked in a quieter voice. “if i had a job?”

 

joohyun tried to shake her head but it was meaningless because seulgi knew already.

 

“it’s okay. you can be honest.” seulgi said with surprising calmness. “i know you are frustrated that you are the only one paying for everything.”

 

“that’s not true.” joohyun said but it didn’t sound very convincing, because it was mainly true.

 

“i’m sorry.” seulgi looked down, breathing out heavily as the shame weighed down on her. “i’m already a burden to you and now i’m complaining about more things.” she shook her head, realising her mistake.

 

“no, you’re not a burden.” joohyun said firmly.

 

“maybe you will be better off with someone like seyoung.” seulgi murmured, making joohyun’s eyes widen.

 

“what?” she asked, voice coming out in a weak whisper.

 

“what?” seulgi asked in response, lifting her shoulder. “she’s pretty, smart, successful, has money and understands your work better than anyone.”

 

“no, what are you saying?” joohyun asked, blinking at her. she knew seulgi was tipsy but she wasn’t prepared for all the unexpected statements she would throw at her tonight. “where is this coming from?”

 

“she likes you.” seulgi said factually. “and you get along well.”

 

“we are just friends.”

 

“yes, but-” seulgi’s throat closed up and tears sprang to her eyes, making her look away. “you could be happier with her.”

 

at the sight of seulgi’s tears, joohyun finally realised how much the issue had been affecting her. this wasn’t a one-time issue or an impulsive thought; this was something that had been bothering seulgi for a much longer time and she wondered how long seulgi had suffered in silence about this.

 

“that’s absurd, seulgi.” joohyun said, her voice becoming shaky. she walked closer to her, hands moving up to hold seulgi’s waist and pull her in gently, looking her in the eyes. “you’re the one i love and you’re the only one i want to be with.”

 

seulgi teared up more and joohyun’s heart ached. “i’m so sorry.” she whispered, looking up at her regretfully. “i didn’t mean to make you feel- or think that way.”

 

“i just get worried.” seulgi admitted while joohyun tenderly wiped the tears from her cheeks and she felt so stupid for even having those thoughts because of the way joohyun looked at her right now with so much love in her eyes. “worried that you will realise she is better than me in so many ways…”

 

“that’s not true.” joohyun frowned.

 

“it is.” seulgi replied with a small smile. “everyone knows it.”

 

“but i-”

 

“people joke about her stealing you from me.” seulgi continued, “but it’s hardly a competition when she’s got her entire life together and i’m just- just barely an adult and my life is a mess.”

 

“stop that.” joohyun said softly but firmly.

 

“you deserve better.” seulgi whispered.

 

“please don’t say that.” joohyun pleaded, shaking her head and the tears stung her eyes because it hurt her to see seulgi belittling herself. “since when was love about career and money?” she asked. “seulgi, we were in the same situation from the start and we chose to be together because despite everything we still wanted each other and we wanted to work for our dreams together. so just because right now things are a little different for us doesn’t mean i’m going to leave you behind.” she told her with assurance. “we promised to do this together.”

 

seulgi sniffed, nodding at her words.

 

“i love you.” joohyun said, making sure seulgi was looking at her when she said those words. “and i’m not going anywhere.”

 

seulgi smiled with tears in her eyes, nodding again.

 

“okay?” joohyun confirmed.

 

“okay.” she whispered.

 

“and i’m sorry for not being home often. i promise you, once i sort out the contracting and everything, i’ll be able to spend more time at home and be with you.” joohyun said.

 

“i’d love that.” seulgi murmured, finally smiling more genuinely and she put her forehead against joohyun’s. “and i love you. i’m sorry for not being more understanding and being ungrateful…”

 

joohyun shook her head, mumbling that it was okay and she tilted seulgi’s head up to kiss her but before seulgi could even kiss her back properly, joohyun pulled back with a soft giggle. “you taste like alcohol.”

 

“oh.” seulgi looked sheepish. “i should probably take a shower first.”

 

“mm.” joohyun agreed with a nod, caressing her face and brushing her thumb lightly across her lips. “do that and then i’ll kiss you properly.”

 

~

 

joohyun was in the middle of practicing her script and it was already close to midnight. she looked out of her window, staring out into the dark night and the faint lights in the distance. the full moon was shining bright in the sky and she unknowingly smiled at the memories of sitting at this same spot and looking out the window while she struggled to get auditions. she couldn’t be more grateful about how her life unfolded since then and how different things were now.

 

she glanced at the time again, wondering when seulgi would be home. ever since their last ‘argument’, things had gotten better between them, especially since joohyun was able to spare more time after settling her contract and next steps in her career. she made sure to spend time with seulgi whether it meant going out on dates or staying in to do more comfortable and domestic activities together and she realised how much she had missed that.

 

seulgi became more motivated to find opportunities and was actively networking whenever she had the chance. tonight she was at a high-end bar where many music producers apparently liked to frequent and although joohyun had some wariness about seulgi going to places like those, she still trusted her to handle herself. plus, seulgi was going with a friend so it should be safe.

 

she was about to go back to practicing when she heard the sound of the door being unlocked quietly and seulgi opened the door carefully, her expression immediately lighting up when she spotted joohyun at the desk by the window.

 

“hey.” she greeted, closing the door behind her. “you’re still up.” she said, surprised but pleased by that.

 

“yeah, i was just practicing this and also waiting for you.” joohyun replied, watching with a smile as seulgi took her shoes off and made her way towards her to give her a sweet kiss.

 

“sorry i came home later than usual.” seulgi apologised after pulling back and she turned to look at the papers on the table. “how is this going?” she asked.

 

“it’s simple enough. i’ve gone through it a few times, so i should be ready.” joohyun told her. she put her pen down and folded her arms on the table, looking up at seulgi attentively. “how was the night?” she asked.

 

“oh,” seulgi bit back a smile, making joohyun raise her eyebrows. “you’d never believe who i had a conversation with.” she said, taking the seat across the table so they could be eye to eye and joohyun looked at her excitedly.

 

“who?”

 

“sunmi lee.” seulgi said, her eyes shining with excitement.

 

joohyun instantly felt bad because she couldn’t match the excitement because she had no idea who the name was, although it did sound familiar. “sunmi lee?” she repeated, hoping that saying it out loud would magically help her know.

 

seulgi smiled softly, not the slightest bit annoyed. “she’s a famous songwriter and record producer in the industry. she wrote and performed some of the popular songs like gashina and siren, and she’s worked with artists like wonder girls.” seulgi explained, referencing what she knew joohyun had heard of.

 

“oh, wow.” joohyun breathed out, realising how big this news was. “and you met her tonight?” she asked.

 

“yeah.” seulgi said. “and she was the one who came up to me first. i was so shocked when i realised it was her.”

 

“how did she know you?” joohyun asked.

 

“she said one of her producer friends heard from another friend about me, because i had been going around meeting people recently, so when she saw me at the bar she decided it wouldn’t hurt to get to know me and what i was trying to achieve.” seulgi said, “so we talked about my goals and i told her about my auditions and applications and she said she admired my work ethic and passion for my dream so-” seulgi took a breath from her excited talking. “she gave me her number so we can meet again for me to show her my music.”

 

joohyun’s eyes widened and the smile spreading across her face mirrored seulgi’s. “oh my god.” she exclaimed. “seulgi, that’s amazing.”

 

“and if it goes well she can get me through to record labels and producers.” seulgi said, “i can’t believe this is real- it’s a bigger opportunity than i ever imagined.”