now playing: moving - krr 
"i woke up in an unfamiliar bed"

the last of the boxes had been unpacked and stacked neatly in the corner of the house next to the front door but there was still a long way to go until she was anywhere close to being done. moving houses was truly one of the most tedious tasks, even though she already had comparatively very little belongings to move.

joohyun sighed, looking around at the empty living room that resembled a wreckage with the furniture packaging haphazardly lying around and the said furniture unassembled with parts scattered. there was still so much to do, she thought, her gaze drifting to the kitchen with the fridge the owners had left behind for her and then to the tv-less and couch-less space in front of her. she ran a hand through her hair, sighing at her own carelessness for making a mistake with the delivery dates.

now seemed like a suitable time to write a list. a list always helped her get her life together.

she rummaged through a mess of miscellaneous items on the dining table to scavenge a pen and a receipt that she could write on.

to-do list:

joohyun paused to read over the list and a sigh left . there was too much to do.

she wondered how long it would take to do these things. and how long would it take for this to look like a home?

she wandered to the bedroom, her mind vaguely present as she gathered the bedsheets she needed to wash.

“is that a new fabric softener?”

“yes.” joohyun replied, carefully pouring the right amount into the cap. “do you like it?”

“it’s nice. but i associated the last one with you, so it’ll take time to get used to a new one.” and then, to prove her point, she moved forward and buried her face in the crook of her neck, nose against her shoulder and inhaling the scent on her shirt.

joohyun chuckled lowly, flinching at the ticklish sensation and shook her head. “okay, weirdo.”

“okay, says the one who is obsessed with fabric softener.” she smirked, leaning against the washing machine as joohyun knelt down to adjust the cycle settings. joohyun just rolled her eyes playfully as she started the machine and straightened up.

“you’re hanging up the laundry later.” she said.

“why?”

joohyun raised an eyebrow at the whining tone. “because i washed our laundry so it’s only fair that you contribute.”

“all you did was press a button.”

“kang seulgi.” joohyun put a hand on her hip, looking up at the taller girl.

“bae joohyun.” she mimicked her with a serious expression before a cute smile spread across her face. “i’m kidding, of course i’ll hang it up later.” she said in a singsong voice to placate her, moving forward to poke her cheeks to get rid of the serious expression on her face.

“you better not forget.” joohyun warned, trying to sound serious but a smile tugged on the corner of her lip and seulgi just nodded, eyes still smiling.

joohyun blinked, the silence and emptiness suddenly hitting her as she stood alone in front of the washing machine. the armful of bedsheets were still tucked under her arm and she had let herself get carried away by her memories again.

time and time again, she would think of the past and she couldn’t help but reminisce. after all, how could she forget? she couldn’t help but think about the happiest moments of her life when she lived with her best friend and all the memories they made back then.

shaking the thoughts out of her mind, she stuffed the sheets into the machine, body automatically carrying out the necessary steps to start the laundry cycle without much conscious thought and she thought maybe it was good to have so many tasks to do because it would take her mind off her.

joohyun set the tools down determinedly next to the stray furniture parts, grabbing the instruction booklet to read.

“do you really need the instructions for such a simple piece of furniture.” seulgi plucked the paper from her hands, teasing smile on her face.

“just to be sure.” joohyun refuted.

“it’s just these parts into this bigger part. so easy.” seulgi said, lifting the smaller piece that looked like one of the four legs of the bed. she confidently started assembling it, screwing the bolt in place.

“but is that piece 2a or 2b?” joohyun asked, reading the instructions again.

“is there a difference?” seulgi looked at her.

joohyun laughed, “yes!” she showed seulgi the page on the instruction booklet. “the side with the hole will be different. so 2a has to be on the left.” she said, looking at the defeated seulgi with a smirk. “who needs the instructions now?”

seulgi huffed, “fine.” she said, struggling a little to undo the screw. “you were right.” she said with a roll of her eyes when she saw how smugly joohyun was smiling. she tossed a screw at joohyun who managed to catch it in time. “now help me get this done quickly so we can sleep on a new bed.”

“who said you are sleeping on my bed?” joohyun retorted with a teasing smile.

“please.” seulgi rolled her eyes. “i know you bought a bigger bed because you felt bad that i had to sleep hanging off the side of the bed whenever you begged me to sleep with you.”

“i-i did not beg!” joohyun said, flustered.

“uhuh.” seulgi smirked. “we’ll see when the next thunderstorm hits then.”

joohyun made a frustrated sound into the empty room and dropped the screwdriver along with the bolt that just wouldn’t cooperate and fit into the hole. she had never been good at hands-on things like this and always relied on seulgi who was more careful and skilled with her hands.

she felt tears of frustration ebb in her eyes and she had never felt more useless than right now. all she wanted was to build the stupid bed so that she could sleep in it tonight, but she couldn’t even do that.

after letting herself wallow in self-pity for a few more minutes, she wiped her eyes clear of any tears, taking in a deep breath and got to her feet. it was fine. she could take it slow. this was her house and she could do whatever she wanted.

so even if she decided not to go out for groceries today and just call food delivery for dinner, it was fine. even if she left the house in the same messy state with unassembled furniture scattered everywhere, it was fine.

even if she ignored the unmade bed frame and just slept on the mattress on the floor, it was fine.

“are you asleep?”

“yes.” joohyun mumbled.

seulgi giggled and joohyun felt her pull her closer, pressing her face into her neck and her lips touching her skin. joohyun noticed seulgi being a lot more affectionate recently, which wasn’t a concept entirely new to them, but it was different. something was different and joohyun was too scared to find out.

“joohyun.”

“hm?”

there was a while of silence and joohyun thought seulgi decided not to continue with whatever thought she was having, but then she opened her eyes slowly and saw seulgi looking at her with that specific gaze in her eyes that made joohyun feel uneasy. it was the same longing gaze that she would have whenever she thought joohyun wasn’t looking or whenever joohyun was concentrating hard on something or laughing happily about something.

after two years of living together, joohyun knew seulgi well enough to be able to read her mind most of the time.

“joohyun, i…”

“no.” joohyun whispered, sounding almost scared. “don’t.” she shook her head, hands against seulgi’s chest to push her back slightly.

“not saying it out loud doesn’t mean it’s not true.” seulgi said. “joohyun,”

“you can’t do this.” joohyun whimpered, “you said you wouldn’t.”

seulgi’s hands held onto joohyun’s desperately to stop her from pushing her away, “can’t you give me a chance?”

“seulgi.” joohyun was ready to give her a hundred reasons why, but seulgi seemed to know what she wanted to say.

“i know, i know. but it’s not like i’m asking you to immediately be committed to me for life. i just want you to give me a chance- a chance to be that person for you.”

“i don’t want to hurt you.” joohyun argued back. “i don’t want to risk losing our friendship.”

“you won’t. we can still be friends even if it doesn’t work out.” seulgi tried to persuade her.

joohyun scoffed lightly, “that’s what they always say.” she muttered. “we can’t, seulgi, i don’t…” love you.

the words were stuck in as she made eye contact with her and seulgi was silently pleading for her to reconsider but joohyun was too scared. it wasn’t seulgi she didn’t trust, it was herself.

“you deserve better.” she said quietly, “i can’t be the person you want me to be.”

“i can wait.” seulgi said, her voice full of genuineness and confidence. but to joohyun, she only sounded naive. “until you feel the same. until you’re ready, i’ll wait for you.”

joohyun sighed and rolled over, trying not to notice the big and empty space next to her.

even if she slept alone in her big and empty room, trying not to think about seulgi or how much she missed sleeping beside seulgi, it was fine.

it was fine. she was fine.

joohyun wished she wasn’t the way she was. if only it were up to her; she would be able to truly open her heart and love someone and stay committed to them for a long time.