now playing: moonlight - dhruv
"can we fall in love in the moonlight?"

if joohyun knew how taxing a 3 hour drive would be, she would’ve chosen a different mode of transport. but unfortunately, here she was, 2 hours and 45 minutes into the journey back to her childhood home in daegu.

“what made you decide randomly to visit your old home anyway? last time i checked, you were never keen to go back.”

joohyun hummed at the question, not taking her eyes off the road as she drove past the expansive fields along both sides that were an indication she was getting closer to her destination.

“i thought it might be nice to get a break from…life, you know?” she said. “a change of environment with fresh and unpolluted air might be just what i need.”

“i agree, it’ll be good for you.” the voice on the other end of the call said. “maybe you can do some soul searching and finally find out what’s wrong with you too.”

joohyun sighed out loud and laughed, “okay, rude.” she said. “there’s nothing wrong with me, i’m just… figuring things out.” she said, glancing at her phone to check the map.

“if by figuring things out, you mean throwing away a perfectly good relationship, then i hope i never figure out!”

joohyun chuckled at how comedic wendy’s voice was every time she became a little more passionate about the conversation. “well, i also hope you don’t. i don’t want sooyoung coming after me.” she shuddered at the thought of the much taller girl and heard wendy snicker.

“since you’ve exhausted the options in seoul, maybe you can find someone in daegu.” wendy suggested and joohyun waited, thinking she was making a joke but wendy didn’t laugh.

“oh, you were serious?” joohyun asked.

“why not?”

“wendy.” joohyun laughed, shaking her head. “firstly, no i have not exhausted my options in seoul. secondly, do you really think i’m going to find the love of my life in tiny, secluded guam-dong?”

“that’s a lot of emphasised words. i’m going to assume that you are being sarcastic right now.”

“do you want me to get with a farmer or something?”

“i’d love to see that actually.”

“shut up.” joohyun glanced at her phone again and saw that she was 4 minutes away from her parents’ house. finally.

“you always said city people are too self-absorbed and dull and mindless. so this is perfect!”

“i just want someone romantic and sweet who genuinely cares for me and understands me.” joohyun lamented. “someone that feels right and when i’m with them, i shouldn’t feel any doubt or be questioning whether i love them because i should just know that i do.”

“you watch way too many romcoms.”

“yep.” joohyun didn’t even bother denying it.

“life’s not always going to be like the movies or fairytale love stories. it’s normal to feel doubt in relationships but if you take that as a sign that it means it’s wrong for you, then you’re only ruining your own chances of having anything with anyone.” wendy said, switching into her serious and wise mode that made joohyun groan inaudibly.

“yes mother.” she replied, pulling into the driveway. “which is actually a perfect segue to say that i’ve finally arrived and my real mother is waiting for me.”

“send my regards to your mother for me.”

“if she even remembers you.”

“real funny, bae. i’m going now, sooyoung’s almost home.” wendy bid her goodbye and ended the call, filling the car with silence and joohyun exhaled, looking out the window at the two storey house that she called home. her parents had it specially built for them when they moved to daegu when she was 4, so it held a lot of sentimental memories.

she hadn’t been back here since she moved to seoul at the age of 15 and now, ten years later, she was finally home.

~

“kids, we have a new friend with us! this is bae joohyun, her family has just moved into our village so let’s be nice to her and let her play with you at lunchtime!”

joohyun had always been a shy child growing up and one of the worst things that could happen for a personality like hers was a constantly changing environment. having to adapt to life in a new village while entering school for the first time was a challenge and joohyun coped with it by closing herself off from the rest of the world and living in her own world.

her favourite spot in the playground at preschool was next to the fence. she could look out past the fence and it gave her comfort to be near the “outside” even if she wasn’t able to go past the fence.

she could tell the other kids didn’t want to play with her. at that age, she didn’t know why, but she realised later that they were all just scared of her because she was too quiet and unresponsive to their attempts to be nice to her. reflecting on the way she acted back then, she really didn’t blame the kids for not liking her.

she always thought it was because she was different and didn't fit in with everyone else. all the kids in her class had been living in guam-dong their entire lives and their families were part of the humble and tight-knit community they had here. joohyun’s family came into the village unexpectedly, gaining attention with their newly built western-inspired house and causing even more of a stir when they found out joohyun’s father was an externally hired executive for a big company in town.

needless to say, joohyun found it difficult to make friends in her new home village.

that day was like any other day at preschool. joohyun sat next to the fence on the grass, silently staring out past the fence and waiting for the bell to ring to signal the end of their playtime.

but that day, someone approached her unexpectedly and joohyun was shocked when she was offered a handful of plucked flowers clutched in a small hand. they were the small yellow flowers that grew all over guam-dong and could be considered weeds, but they were pretty to joohyun regardless.

young and clueless joohyun looked up at the person holding the flowers and was greeted with the brightest smile and most cheerful voice she had ever heard.

“hi, i’m seulgi! let’s be friends.”

~

“you broke up?” her mother exclaimed, putting her chopsticks down on the table loudly after receiving the shocking news from her daughter. “why?”

joohyun shrugged, continuing to eat her dinner quietly. “i didn’t love her. it was never going to work out anyway.”

“with that attitude, of course it wouldn’t.”

“she was nice but it was just so bland being with her, all we ever talked about was work.” joohyun explained simply. “and we met at a business event, so i really don’t know what i was hoping for.”

“hyun-ah, you’re already 25.” her mother said in a softer yet exasperated tone. “you shouldn’t be still playing around, you should be seriously considering who is a good person to be with you.”

“i'm not playing around, mom. and i'd rather stay on my own than settle for someone i can't even enjoy being around.” joohyun replied, doing her best to hide her annoyance.

“you know i'm just worried about you being all by yourself in seoul. your dad and i would be much more reassured if we knew you had someone by your side.”

“i have friends.”

her mother gave her that look that joohyun always gave people when they made a stupid point and now joohyun realised how it felt to be on the receiving end.

“i don’t need a partner. i am perfectly fine on my own.” she protested.

“i know you are, sweetheart, but you’re also a romantic. remember all the fairytales and love stories you used to adore? i still remember little joohyun always telling me how someday she will find the perfect person and marry them and be happy forever.”

“that’s very cute and naive.” joohyun said, letting out a sigh and putting her utensils down to lean back on her chair. “maybe it's time to be more realistic about this whole concept of love.”

“i can set you up with a nice girl. i heard that sookhee’s daughter recently started working in a big company in seoul. i don't know if she likes girls though…”

“please don't set me up with your friends' daughters.” joohyun groaned, making her mother chuckle. “and enough with this conversation. when will dad come back?” she asked, changing the topic.

“he said he will make sure to come back before sunday so he can celebrate daeboreum with us. you’ll be here on sunday, right?”

“yes, i’ll be leaving on monday.” joohyun said. she had been able to take an extra day off work, meaning she could stay for three days in guam-dong and spend some time away from her usual busy lifestyle. “i forgot it was daeboreum.” she added.

“yes, the first full moon of the new year.” her mother told her, knowing joohyun’s knack for forgetting most of the traditional holidays. “they’ll start celebrations on saturday- tomorrow.”

joohyun only vaguely remembered the traditions in the village and the celebrations that took place every year. it felt like she really left her memories behind in guam-dong when she left for seoul back then.

“so, did most of the people my age stay in the village after high school?” joohyun asked tentatively while finishing the rest of her food. “or did they move to bigger towns and cities?”

“i think it was common to stay in the village and with the family. you know how people are here, they are very filial and loyal to their home village. maybe some kids left to study in a different city but they always came back.” joohyun’s mother said. “i’m not very knowledgeable since we left for seoul when you were 15 and your father and i only came back a few years ago, so i haven’t been very involved in the village’s matters.”

“yeah.” joohyun mumbled. “i was just curious whether anyone i knew was still around.”

“oh, i’m sure they are! like that…gosh, i’ve forgotten names already. your friend- your best friend from back then. what was her name again?”

joohyun swallowed the rice that suddenly felt dryer in . “seulgi.” she said quietly.

“ah yes! seulgi!” she snapped her fingers triumphantly. “the kang family who lived next to the rice fields. such lovely people.”

“are they all still living there?” joohyun asked.

“i think so. i may have seen seulgi once or twice in the village but only in passing.”

joohyun’s heart started beating faster in a mix of hopefulness and worry. she felt conflicted about the information because she didn’t know how to feel about seeing her childhood best friend who she hasn't seen in 10 years. would they even get along now?

she thought about a lot of things; like what kind of person seulgi had become, whether she would think joohyun had changed a lot, and more importantly, whether she would still want to be friends with her.

~

“seulgi!” joohyun called in a hushed voice, waving her flashlight from side to side to help her see in the dark. “where are you?” she whispered. she was nowhere near as brave as seulgi when it came to being adventurous and being alone at night outside was challenging for a 9 year old joohyun.

it was well past her 8pm bedtime but it was a saturday night which meant it was joohyun and seulgi’s weekly meeting time, so joohyun had to sneak out of her house from her room window. it had been seulgi who figured out the way to get in and out of joohyun’s room without passing through the bottom floor of her house and it took joohyun a lot of courage to conquer her fear of heights and finally climb the tree in the garden.

it had also been seulgi who discovered their secret place - a small lake hidden from the rest of the village that was off the side of the usual walking trail and concealed behind thick willow trees.

(seulgi found it when she was 8 because she tripped while wandering off the trail and rolled through the foliage, and joohyun was sworn to secrecy because seulgi was embarrassed about it).

from then on, it had been their top secret place that no one else knew about or ever went to.

“i’m here!” seulgi burst through the willow leaves and joohyun yelped in fright at the sudden noise and movement before realising it was just a dishevelled seulgi with her favourite orange shirt and denim shorts that showed off the dirt on her knees.

“you are late.” joohyun said, bunching her face up in a frown.

“my brother was being annoying.” seulgi pouted. “but i got you this flower!” she took her hand out from behind her back, showing joohyun the fresh looking flower with white petals and a pink centre. “it’s a magnolia.” she recalled.

“did you pick it from mrs park’s garden?” joohyun giggled, taking the flower from seulgi and figuring out why seulgi’s knees were dirty. “what if you get in trouble?”

“i won’t.” seulgi replied confidently, always so bold. “did you bring your sketchbook?” she asked, flopping onto the grass on her stomach and taking out crayons from her bag along with two bottles of flavoured milk; banana milk for her and strawberry milk for joohyun.

“yes.” joohyun had been hugging the book tightly to her chest for protection the entire time.

“let’s draw the moon.” seulgi said, bringing joohyun’s attention to the night sky and the full moon shining brightly above them.

“it is just a circle.” joohyun commented, sitting down on the grass beside her and seulgi giggled.

“you are funny.” she was already drawing on a new page of the sketchbook, putting the moon in the top corner of the page. joohyun watched for a while before taking a crayon and adding two figures at the bottom of the page.

“that’s us.” she said and switched to an orange crayon to draw seulgi’s shirt. seulgi added bangs to the drawing of joohyun and joohyun complained that she made her look ugly so naturally they started competitively adding more to each other’s drawing to make the other person look uglier.

their usual teasing banters and laughter filled the air that night with the full moon overhead smiling down at them.

~

despite being winter, it was warmer than joohyun expected and the walk to the fields on the outskirts of the village was a pleasant experience. she wasn’t sure if she would find who she was looking for, but it was worth a try.

it had been ten years but she still recognised the path to the kang household. as she got closer, she felt more nervous because she had no idea what she was expecting. who would she see and what would she say to them?

the wooden farmhouse came into view, the familiar sight of it bringing joohyun strong feelings of nostalgia. that was the porch where she and seulgi would drink hot chocolate together in the winter while playing chess and they were both equally bad at it so they'd just try to outcheat the other. joohyun smiled at that memory that she had forgotten until now. 

a woman walked out onto the porch and joohyun’s steps slowed as the woman caught sight of her, the two of them staring but not recognising who each other were.

the kang seulgi that joohyun remembered was a small girl with chubby cheeks who often had her hair in pigtails and only ever wore orange clothes. but as joohyun got closer, she could see that the eyes were unmistakably seulgi, even if the rest of her had changed a lot.

and she really wished her mom had given her a heads up that seulgi had grown up beautifully so that she wouldn’t be looking so dumbfounded right now.

“seulgi?” joohyun greeted hesitantly, walking closer until she was almost at the steps to the porch. “um…it’s joohyun.” she said awkwardly when seulgi stared at her blankly. her heart felt like a stone sinking in a pond when seulgi tilted her head to the side, looking at her confusedly.

seulgi forgot about me. joohyun thought, her face growing hot with humiliation and disappointment.

“i’m just kidding. of course i remember you, bae joohyun.” seulgi’s face lit up with a smile that only grew wider upon seeing joohyun’s stunned expression. a light giggle escaped seulgi’s mouth and she stretched her arms out. “come here, baechu.”

joohyun huffed at the mean joke and the use of her embarrassing childhood nickname but still stepped up onto the porch to hug her long lost friend. seulgi was taller than her now but it only made their hug better because joohyun’s head fit perfectly against her shoulder and she had forgotten how nice seulgi’s hugs were.

“hi.” seulgi whispered and joohyun smiled against her shoulder.

“i really thought you forgot me.” she mumbled, making seulgi giggle again as she loosened her arms around her and stepped back so they could be facing each other.

“i didn’t think it was possible, but you became even prettier.” seulgi said.

joohyun blushed at the compliment, clearing . “i didn’t think it was possible, but you became even more shameless with your sweet talking.”

“damn, and you got a sense of humour too. impressive, bae.” seulgi smirked, making joohyun smile and the atmosphere became much more comfortable. “it’s so good to see you.” seulgi said, more seriously now. “let’s go inside to talk. can i get you anything to drink? some hot tea?” seulgi quickly offered, being the good host she was.

“yes please.” joohyun said, following seulgi inside.

“sit anywhere you’d like.” seulgi said, making her way to the kitchen swiftly to boil water. joohyun took her time observing the inside of seulgi’s family home and she couldn’t remember clearly what it was like back in the day, but it didn’t feel like much had changed. the house still had a very cozy and warm atmosphere, even if it was winter and even if it was currently absent of family members.

“where are your parents?” joohyun asked, admiring a photo frame on the counter above the fireplace that was a graduation photo of seulgi with her parents.

“they’re in seoul right now to visit my brother’s family.” seulgi replied from the kitchen.

“oh.” joohyun said, not knowing seulgi’s brother had moved to the city. she started wondering if seulgi had also visited the city and whether she had ever considered looking for her.

don’t be silly, why would she do that?

“here you go.” seulgi emerged from the kitchen to pass a mug to joohyun and she sat down on one of the armchairs in the living room with her own mug. joohyun followed suit and sat on the sofa facing her, warming her hands by wrapping them around the mug tightly.

“so.” seulgi said with a grin, looking at joohyun. “you’re really here. what a pleasant surprise.”

“yeah.” joohyun smiled a bit shyly from the attention and looked away. “thought it would be nice to have a break from the city and to visit the village again. it also happens to be daeboreum this weekend, so celebrating here would be nice.”

“oh, that’s right.” seulgi said. “yes, it would be quite a different experience spending it here.”

joohyun nodded in agreement as their short-lived conversation tapered off and the silence was only filled with the sound of seulgi sipping her tea.

“so, have you been living here since… high school?” joohyun asked, hoping seulgi didn’t pick up on the stutter where she almost said “since i left”.

“yeah. my brother went to seoul for university, so i wanted to stay with my parents and help with the family business.” she said.

seulgi’s healthy, tanned complexion and lean build were clear indications of her physical work in the fields and joohyun hoped her staring wasn’t too obvious. she nodded in understanding and she admired seulgi for being willing to stay in their small village to continue the family business instead of trying to make it into a big city like a lot of kids often wanted to these days.

“what about you? are you living in seoul now?”

“yes. my parents moved back here three years ago, but i stayed in seoul because of my work.” joohyun said, and upon seeing the curious expression on seulgi’s face, knew what question she had. “i’m just running my own business, it’s nothing big.” she said hastily.

“that’s impressive stuff, but as expected from you, baechu.” seulgi teased, taking joohyun by surprise with the sudden playfulness.

“stop calling me that, ddeulgi. we’re old now.” joohyun retorted and she saw the twinkle in seulgi’s eyes when her banter was returned.

“if you just get your bangs again, you’d look the same as you did 10 years ago.” seulgi said with a laugh as joohyun groaned at the mention of her embarrassing past hairstyle.

“are you going to go back to your orange only wardrobe then?” joohyun challenged and seulgi whined in embarrassment, covering her face.

“i wished you wouldn’t remember that.” she said, her laughs blending with joohyun’s as all the awkwardness disappeared and they fell back into a natural rhythm. “but i think i look pretty good in orange.”

“sure.” joohyun teased.

seulgi stuck her tongue out at her childishly, reminding joohyun of their countless silly arguments back then.

“were those magnolia shrubs outside?” joohyun asked out of nowhere because she just remembered noticing them before she went inside. “i don’t remember them being there.”

seulgi looked surprised by the observation. “oh yeah, i planted them… after you left.” she said, dropping her gaze. “a-anyway, do you have plans for daeboreum?” she asked quickly.

“nothing in particular. it’ll be my last day in guam-dong as well.” joohyun said. “did you have plans?” she asked.

“i was going to go up the mountain to see the first rise of the moon.” seulgi replied and it immediately brought back another childhood memory joohyun had forgotten.

“palgongsan?” joohyun asked and seulgi nodded, smiling because joohyun remembered.

when they were 12, seulgi’s father brought the two of them up that mountain to watch the moon rise. the two of them had begged for it because they were convinced that their wishes would only come true if they were the first people to see the moon rise.

“are you going alone?” joohyun asked, feeling worried for her safety.

seulgi nodded happily, “i go almost every year.” she said, and that reassured joohyun a little. seulgi looked hesitant to speak but she finally worked up the courage. “would you like to come with me?” she asked.

joohyun looked conflicted for a multitude of reasons. they would have to go in the middle of the night when it was cold and dark, there was the problem of heights, and joohyun had not planned to spend her supposedly relaxing getaway on mountain climbing.

“can i think about it first?” joohyun asked and seulgi nodded immediately.

“of course!” she said. “i’ll be taking the bus from the terminal at 1am. if you decide to come, i’ll see you there. but if you don’t come, that’s okay too.” seulgi said reassuringly.

“okay.” joohyun nodded, smiling a little. “deal.”

~

“when we grow up we are going to get married.”

“deal.” seulgi shook joohyun’s outstretched hand and they both giggled, shaking hands for a long time until joohyun finally let go.

“i don’t want to marry a boy, they’re stupid.” joohyun sighed, lying down on the grass and looking up at the night sky. “and then i have to spend forever with them if i marry them, that’s gross.”

“i know right.”

“that’s why we are going to get married.” joohyun said, turning her head to look at seulgi beside her. “so then we can be together forever and live together as well.”

“that would be so fun.” seulgi said excitedly. “and we can stay up all night watching movies.”

“exactly.” joohyun said, grinning at her enthusiasm. “and we’ll have a swimming pool in our house.” her eyes lit up and she sat up to grab her sketchbook. “let’s draw it.” she said and seulgi propped herself up to join joohyun in drawing their future together.

“and we can have a cat.” seulgi said, scribbling a small cat onto the page.

“only a small one.” joohyun bargained and seulgi pouted. “and a cool car.” joohyun said and started drawing a red car beside the house.

“a car?” seulgi asked with a snicker. “we don’t need that here.”

“this is in seoul, silly.” joohyun said cheerfully, drawing the wheels on the car before adding, “my dad said we might move to seoul someday.”

“really?” seulgi looked taken aback and the smile on her face faded. “when?”

joohyun shrugged, focused on the drawing because drawing a nice swimming pool was harder than she thought. hers currently looked like a pond. “i dunno.”

“we will still be friends, right?” seulgi asked hesitantly, fidgeting with the orange crayon in her hands.

“of course. did you forget our deal? we’re going to get married.” joohyun said confidently. “so we will always be together.”

~

seulgi looked at the time on her watch, hugging her coat around her tighter as she looked down the empty street from the bus terminal. it was 12:59am already and the bus was waiting for her to board. she still held onto the hope that joohyun would come in the one minute before 1am, but she knew there was no point.

1am came and seulgi sighed in disappointment, picking up her backpack from the bench and getting onto the bus with an apology to the driver. she heard the doors of the bus start closing and then a voice yelling,

“wait! seulgi!”

she turned around in shock just as joohyun scrambled onto the bus with the doors almost closing on her and joohyun looked at her sheepishly while seulgi stared back with wide eyes.

“sorry, i stopped for some snacks.” joohyun explained with a grin, holding the plastic bag from the nearby convenience store.

seulgi was speechless for a while before uttering, “i really thought you weren’t going to come.” she almost teared up with relief and joy.

“well, i had to make a dramatic entrance.” joohyun joked, making seulgi laugh.

then a passenger scolded them lightly for not sitting down yet and they apologised before quickly making their way to the back of the bus to sit down while stifling their laughter.

“could you have brought a bigger bag?” joohyun asked, making fun of the big backpack seulgi was currently struggling to put overhead.

“could you have brought a smaller bag?” seulgi quipped in response, shooting a look at joohyun’s tote bag.

“sorry, i didn’t think to pack hiking equipment for my visit.” joohyun replied sarcastically, making seulgi laugh as she finally got her bag into the compartment and sat back down beside joohyun.

“don’t worry, i have everything we need.” she reassured. “and this is an hour bus ride so you should sleep if you’re tired.”

“i’m okay.” joohyun said, looking out the window as the bus started driving down the street. “watching the view would be nice.” she added.

“okay.” seulgi said, looking out the window for a moment and ended up looking at joohyun instead.

joohyun noticed her gaze lingering on her for a long time and she turned to look back at her, feeling her face heat up. “what?” she asked.

“nothing, i just can’t believe this is happening.” seulgi admitted with a soft smile, “you being here next to me feels so unreal.”

“cheesy.” joohyun teased, elbowing her lightly to make her finally look away from her and joohyun could stop feeling flustered under her stare.

seulgi was right; it was an unexpected turn of events, one that she never could have imagined when she came back to the village, but one that she was thankful for. seulgi was so kind and welcoming even after they had lost contact for 10 years. she acted like joohyun had never left and like they were still best friends. seulgi was always the kindest person joohyun knew, and that was well established from the first moment that 5 year old seulgi offered to be friends with her even though she was an outcast.

joohyun wondered how different her life would be if seulgi had been a part of it during these past 10 years. what if joohyun never left guam-dong? or what if they had just stayed in contact so they could still talk even if they were physically apart?

maybe joohyun would’ve been happier if seulgi had remained a part of her life.

a weight on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts and she turned to see the top of seulgi’s head. she smiled, endeared by seulgi falling asleep so quickly and unknowingly using her shoulder as a headrest. joohyun didn't mind at all.

even if they weren’t talking, having seulgi by her side made her happy and her presence alone was comforting. maybe this is what childhood friendships were, joohyun thought to herself, no matter how long ago the friendship was, it would always feel comforting and safe, and a little bit like home.

~

“not bad, bae.” seulgi said, watching joohyun take the last few steps up the stairway. “you managed to keep up.”

“haha.” joohyun said sarcastically through huffs of breath, punching seulgi’s shoulder lightly as she stumbled past her. “are we stopping here?”

“yeah.” seulgi slung her backpack over her shoulder to put on the ground with a thud and joohyun realised how athletic seulgi must be to have trekked up the mountain with that bag and not look puffed out. she, on the other hand, struggled to keep up even with a light bag.

how embarrassing.

“here, sit down.” seulgi said, unfolding two small camping chairs. joohyun gratefully sat down, groaning at the temporary numbness in her legs and heard seulgi laugh lightly.

“after seven or eight times, it gets easier.” she