Chapter 7 : Realization

It took Jongkook a few minutes to react. He let every words Kwangsoo uttered enter his brain, one by one. Every single word pierced like a needle going through Jongkook’s heart. His hand physically went over his heart, trying to relieve the feeling of his heart being squeezed by something, slowly and painfully. Something at the back of his mind is screaming for him to get out of there and go straight to Jihyo’s place. Hell, even kneeling down in front of her won’t compensate the he put her through, especially these last few days.

Everything came back on him, the words he said that night, the only single tear Jihyo let out, she must’ve had a hard time holding it in. He tried to re-organize his thoughts, and when he finally did, he should’ve let either Donghoon or Kwangsoo to hit him. If the roles were reversed, Jongkook is sure whoever is wearing his shoes will end up in the hospital. He’s so disgusted with himself and his actions. No wonder Donghoon lost his cool that easily, he only have that explosive actions when the camera is rolling. On his day to day life, he’s almost like Jihyo’s twin, he's calm and reserved.

Jongkook can pinpoint which moment Kwangsoo looked like he’s battling himself not to kick or punch Jongkook since they got to Sechan’s place. Jongkook internally thanked Kwangsoo’s parents for the manners they taught him, or else he’d probably have nose-bleed by now. Sechan… bless his soul. Ever since he came to the show, he embraced everything with his hands wide open. Somin too, to some extent. They came when the show is undergoing some situation, and they did their best to entertain and worked harder to bond with each and every one of the older members.

The two maknaes were always polite to each other and to the older members. Jongkook used to think Somin is too much, but the girl finally grew on him and everyone else. She's perfect for the job. Sechan is a little different. He's loud on the show but when the camera is off, he's the observant kind of kid. He will say his piece when someone asked for it, or when it's becoming frustrating for him to hold. He's not the type to just barge into things because he's there. This must be uncomfortable for him, but he held himself well.

The look on Sechan’s face when he realized how horrible Jongkook is treating Jihyo, made Jongkook wanted to punch the wall. He’s disappointed, sad, and puzzled, as if he wondered if Jongkook deceived everyone by acting like a polite man all these times. And Jongkook always felt somewhat responsible for his dongsaeng. Not to sound arrogant but they looked up to him a lot, it's a burden and a blessing for Jongkook. He didn't want them to pick up anything negative from him.

Both Kwangsoo and Sechan let him pondered over everything, they know he needed to absorb everything first. Sechan also used the time to absorb everything while still trying his best to read the atmosphere in his living room.

Kwangsoo knew that Jongkook had a lot going on inside his head now. He didn’t mean to interrupt, but he had one more thing to say. “Hyeong, it’s not too late to fix everything. She will give you a chance if you work for it.”

December 19, 2020

Jongkook woke up with a headache. Right, he went to bed at 4 am. It’s still 8 so he only got 4 hours of sleep. He also had his share of soju last night at Sechan’s place. Jongkook and Kwangsoo left the maknae’s house around 2 and Jongkook tossed and turn before he finally fell asleep. Talking with the 2 dongsaengs helped Jongkook a lot, in realizing what went wrong with him and Jihyo.

He finally had a plan now, maybe not entirely detailed but he had a plan. He never thought she’d take him leaving her house that day as his way of saying that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. He was confused, scared, and he had no plans. So he left that night to cool his head, and plan things with clearer mind. But he was so busy, he needed to finish all of his work and meetings and everything. So he selfishly put work first, as Kwangsoo pointed. He also needs to apologize to Donghoon, he must’ve been furious. Jihyo is truly like a sister for both Donghoon and Kwangsoo, they’re the closest two to Jihyo out of everyone.

It’s a Saturday but he’s determined to launch his plans. Hopefully, he’s not too late to win Jihyo’s trust back.

December 20, 2020

Jihyo has a new hobby now. She loved browsing through online stores to buy baby things. It’s too early to buy things like clothes and toys, but she had fun listing the things that needs to be bought now before she was too big. She already ordered a baby crib, a new cabinet with a changing table, a stroller and even some baby monitor and wall decorations for the nursery. She had in mind to change her room a little bit. Jihyo’s room is spacious enough for her to make arrangements for the nursery. She had in mind to have one part of her room with the large window transformed into a connected nursery. The window is big enough to be divided into two parts so her room will still have some sun streaming in. But everything has to wait until she found a right architect to do it, she asked her manager to see if he found someone.

As the baby is 18 weeks old now, Jihyo ate almost everything. Well, not everything but those recommended healthy and nutritious food for pregnant woman. Jihyo went to the kitchen to get some breakfast. Ever since she accepted that she’s definitely pregnant, Jihyo noticed a few changes in her routines. She can’t really sleep-in nowadays, as she’s always on the verge of peeing, she can’t really went back to sleep after she relief her bladder. Maybe the baby is an early-riser.

Jihyo also never skipped breakfast these days. She woke up around 6 or 7 in the morning and ate her breakfast by 8, it’s a new routine she never had before in her life. She mostly stayed at home so she ordered groceries to be delivered, because she’s obviously pregnant, she’d rather stay at home than being spotted randomly at the market.

Jihyo was about to take a bite of her breakfast when someone entered the passcode on her door. Who could it be? She had no plans with anyone. Jihyo walked slowly to the living room, and the sight almost made her fell on the spot. It’s Kim Jongkook. Ah right, he knew her passcode. Jihyo’s eyes widened upon seeing him so early in the morning, after almost two weeks of him being MIA. To her surprise, he dropped down to the floor, kneeling.

“I’m so sorry Jihyo-ya. I’m a horrible person.” He said, eyes casted to the floor. “Oppa, what are you doing here?” Jihyo asked, genuinely confused. “I came to apologize, Jihyo-ya.” He answered, eyes still not looking up from the floor. Jihyo’s heart melted, this isn’t something she expected from him. She expected him to call her and ask to meet her, he’d say excuses on why he disappeared on her like that and they’d talk about it. She didn’t expect him to show up and kneeled like this.

“Oppa, get up. Let’s talk.” Jihyo tried to help him off the floor but he refused. “I’ll stay here while I explain.” He finally looked up and Jihyo’s heart clenched, he looked like he gotten no sleep for days. “Ah oppa, just sit on the sofa please.” Jihyo tried again but he wouldn’t move.

“Ah arasseo, explain now, let’s get over it quickly.” Jihyo took a seat on her sofa, Jongkook still kneeling on the floor. “I’m sorry for storming out that night and for making you cry, Jihyo-ya. I apologize, it’s my fault.” He started. Jihyo sighed. “Oppa, I understand.”

He looked up in surprise. “Huh? Why? I mean… what?” Jihyo laughed. “Oppa, remember when I threw up and made a fuss on the set? The doctor told me that I might be pregnant that time, it took me almost a month to finally went to see a doctor. So… I can understand you, taking 12 days.” She explained. This is what she also told Donghoon and Kwangsoo on their group chat. She’d still give him a chance if he came in a month time, because she was in denial herself at first. This isn’t something light for anyone to handle.

“I… I feel so ashamed now.” He said, eyes on the floor. Jihyo smiled sadly. “Oppa, can I ask you something?” Jongkook looked up and nodded. “Do you want to be in the baby’s life?” she startled him, being so straight-forward like that. “What do you mean? Of course, the situation is not ideal but I’d never abandon my biological child.” He answered with his usual know-it-all tone, Jihyo hated and liked it at the same time. She stood up from the sofa and left Jongkook who was still on the floor. “Where are you going, Jihyo-ya?” he asked.

“I’m hungry, I need to eat my breakfast before it’s cold. Come and join if you want, oppa.” She said loudly from the kitchen, she had a new favorite place to eat her food, on the kitchen counter which she had to climb with a little chair she had in place. Jongkook stood up and jog a little to the kitchen, he had a bright smile on his face. “Why are you eating there? You have dining table.” Jongkook pointed to the dining table. “I like it here, I don’t know why.” She answered, feet dangling like a little child. “Isn’t it dangerous? It’s a little high.”

Jihyo laughed out loud, a genuine one after a while because she was truly nervous of how Jongkook will take this. She didn’t want to get her hopes up but she also didn’t want to stress herself over nothing, she s