Youra shifted for what seemed like the millionth time on the comforter they were sleeping on.

Jackson had told her multiple times already to just stay still because she was making noise, but she couldn’t help it.

She just wasn’t sleepy.

Or rather there was something that wasn’t letting her sleep.

Youra turned around to see the letter Mark had given her underneath her phone. She was about to read it before everyone went to sleep but Mark had suggested leaving that for the morning, so that they could end tonight on a good note.

But the letter never seemed to leave her mind. Youra desperately wanted to know what Namjoon had wanted to say to her before passing, what he was thinking before turning to the bottle of pills on his bed stand.

She sat up and picked up the letter. She knew there was a high chance that she would end up going to sleep upset after reading the letter, but she couldn’t help it.

She quietly shifted from under her blanket and grabbed the letter before walking to the door and slowly opening it.

There was a pleasant breeze outside and she smiled as she felt it wrap around her, as though the wind wanted to comfort her, which was an odd sentiment but one that she appreciated nonetheless.

She left the door a bit ajar because she didn’t have her key on her and sat on the steps of her house. She sighed and looked at the letter again.

It was scary how she had been addressed two suicide notes within the span of only a few months.

People would say it was an omen for the future to come.

She shook her head. That was such a grim thought to be thinking at 2 am in the morning.

She looked up to the small patch of sky she could see from where she was sitting. The sky seemed to be playing around with colours this morning. It was tinged with shades of pink and purple with dark blue all around, no clouds in sight.

She could see a part of the moon and let out a soft laugh.

Seemed pretty fitting to be reading Namjoon’s letter under the moon.

She flipped open the flap of the envelope she was holding and pulled out the letter.

Dear moonchild,

“Couldn’t hold it in, huh?”

Youra jumped at the sudden whisper and jolted her head towards the source. She relaxed on seeing who it was.

She placed a hand over her chest and closed her eyes. “Oh my God, you scared me.”

Mark carefully closed the door behind him and Youra moved to make space for him. “Serves you right for sitting out here alone like this. What happened to reading it in the morning?”

“I mean, it is technically morning already.” Youra argued, showing him the time on her phone.

Mark scoffed. “Of course, my bad. Point to Ms. Technicality.”

Youra rolled her eyes but couldn’t hold back her chuckle. “I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Well, you might as well read it now that you’re here. I’ll give you some privacy.” Mark went to get up but Youra grabbed his wrist and he looked down at her.

“Stay with me? Please?”

He looked at her for another second before nodding and sitting back down. She smiled in thanks and opened the letter.

She knew that Namjoon probably didn’t expect her to be sharing his letter with anyone else but right now, she didn’t feel like she could take another note by herself. So she shifted closer and leaned her head on his shoulder before holding the letter in the middle so he could read along with her.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded before getting back to the letter. Mark would have looked at the letter if it weren’t for the fact that he was trying not to focus on how Youra was now slowly wrapping an arm around him.

Should he be wrapping his arms around her too?

Wouldn’t that be nice. He could delude himself into imagining that their little touches were more than just platonic, that they meant that she wanted more than to just be friends.

He broke from his reverie when he felt her arm tighten around him as she read the letter. He looked at the letter and he could tell why.

Dear moonchild,

I’m sorry that our last correspondence has to be like this.

Ideally I would have wanted you to remember your last time talking to me as the time I came to Seoul and we spent a whole evening catching up and reminiscing about school.

And that was my intention too.

But I felt like I would be lying to you if you never found out why I ended up deciding to take my life because the Namjoon you always knew always seemed too fascinated with life to even consider the possibility of not living.

But at the same time I won’t write much because I’m sure you have somewhat of an inkling as to why I may have taken my life in the end, considering you were the only one I ever shared my problems with.

To keep things concise, I decided to end my life because I no longer have a direction in life.

It seems so odd coming from me, the guy who was probably the most confident in his music capabilities and skills that he knew that music was the only thing he could ever pursue as a career.

Yeah, I know.

Turns out the music world and the risks that came with it weren’t as manageable as I thought they were.

I had deluded myself into thinking that just like in the movies, I too would surpass all the obstacles and challenges that came with becoming a musician, to become someone I was truly proud of but I realise now that those were all just unrealistic and childish fantasies of mine.

It all started when I told my parents that I wanted to audition to become a rapper.

But you know all this, my parents said no so I decided to go to underground rap battles instead of the library, yada yada yada.

My life seemed a bit shaky then but I thought I could manage after I proved to my parents that I was talented.

That was where the music competition in 2017 came in.

I thought that by winning the competition, I could prove that music was a viable option for me.

But that only made things worse, my parents started monitoring how much time I spent on studying and started lecturing me on how I shouldn’t waste time on music and rapping.

I think they had finally understood how passionate I was about rapping, which normally would have been a good thing, if it weren’t for the fact that it made them all the more worried that I would end up dropping out of school and running away from home like they had heard about happening to one of my cousins.

It got harder and harder to persuade them that I had no intentions of wanting to do anything other than rapping and music. I just didn’t have the passion I needed to pursue anything else.

In the end, I ended up running away from home after all. I had been saving money for the past few months and decided it was now or never. I ran away and decided to never look back.

That’s why I disappeared after high school.

After getting away from my parents, I auditioned for a few entertainment companies. I got rejected multiple times but I still told myself that I could do this and that this was only a minor setback.

And for a while, it really seemed that way because I eventually did get into an entertainment company.

I got in and immediately got to trying to improve myself and working hard to prove my worth. I was determined to do well.

Months passed by, I was made to go to dance classes, basic vocal classes and constantly practice. I didn’t mind as long as I would get to debut soon.

But the day I was scheduled to debut, I found out the company I was training under had gone bankrupt. They let go of all their trainees and cut off all communications.

At this point, I had no money to pay for rent or food. I was barely making ends meet.

I started writing songs in an effort to distract myself. It was hard because all I could write about was how betrayed I felt and how I had dreams and goals that I wanted to achieve and how I wanted to prove myself to my parents.

I figured that I could use these songs to apply for the position of a songwriter at other entertainment companies but a lot of the times, I was told that my songs weren’t professional sounding and that I needed to work harder on my lyrics.

At this point, I was starting to lose hope.