Youra hugged the letter close to her chest before dropping to the floor.

There were so many things going on in her head which didn’t help her ongoing headache at all. She felt dizzy with the amount of information she had received in what seemed like merely an hour.

She wondered how people with high IQ managed computing so much information and were able to then compile that information into a format that other people could understand. The amount of information she had just gotten seemed to just completely blindside her.

She had no idea whether to feel relieved because she now knew why her sister had taken the drastic step of taking her life or whether to cry as she tightly clasped the last thing her sister had written, her last thoughts before she passed.

And then there was Namjoon to think about.

She had no idea what happened to him but the mere thought that he wasn’t in this world anymore, that he couldn’t sit by her at their swing set and play colour smash was enough to make tears stream down her face all over again.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Both Namjoon and You-Jin were such kind souls.

They didn’t deserve this.

Youra’s faith in God was already starting to shake when You-Jin passed, but now it seemed like God wanted her to believe that He didn’t exist.

That there was no supreme being who overlooked humans as they went on with their lives.

A reverend from the church that her family went to had once told her at You-Jin’s service that God was testing her to see how strong her faith was, and in that moment Youra had never felt more infuriated, to think that her sister had reduced down to a mere ‘test’.

Her sister, the person who she looked up to the most, the person she loved the most, who had passed away, was now being called a ‘test’ by a man who didn’t even know her.

Youra was starting to wonder why God hated her so much, why she of all people had become privy to a fate where it seemed like she had no hope and where it seemed like she was all alone.

She closed her eyes and rested her head on the frame of You-Jin’s bed. She was tired.

Tired of all the grief, anger, frustration, anxiety the world seemed to lay on her shoulders.

She felt tears stream down her face as she let loud sobs out.

This was the first time she had cried out loud since You-Jin had passed.

She was always worried that if she cried out loud, her parents would burst into her room and try to console her and she of course didn’t want that.

But now that her house was all empty and it seemed like no one would be able to help her, she cried like she had never cried before. Her hands were trembling as they went to wipe her tears away, only to be replaced by new ones and louder cries.

If this is what a ‘test’ looked like, then she never wanted to pick up a pen ever again.

-

Mark was sitting outside Jackson’s house when he saw Youra come out of a taxi and rush inside her house. He could see her hands were shaking as she tried to open the door and his mind instantaneously started to freak out.

He started pacing back and forth, debating on whether he should go check on her. His first thought was yes, of course he should go check on her, but a part of him thought that if she really needed someone, she would call him.

Youra had always grown up trying her best to be independent. She very rarely depended on people other than You-Jin noona and occasionally her friends.

Mark worried that if he went to check up on her, it would only aggravate her even more, effectively making the situation worse.

But he couldn’t stop worrying about her.

He couldn’t stop the niggling feeling at the back of his mind, that natural instinct he seemed to have about her that made him worry.

He looked at the front door of Jackson’s house, his mom had told Mark that she had sent him grocery shopping so he wasn’t at home. He had wanted to come and apologise to Jackson about doubting him the way he did but now looking at how stressed he was getting about Youra, it seemed like that would have to wait.

He turned around and crossed the road to her house. He opened the front gate and knocked on her door before figuring she wouldn’t come and looking for the spare key Youra had once told him about.

He remembered how excited she was about the spare key. She had watched a video in which someone had hid their key in a jar in their garden while gluing on a pebble on it so that they could identify it whenever they didn’t have their key.

Mark thought it was silly that she was getting excited about what seemed like such a trivial thing.

But then again, this was Youra. He loved her because of all these little things.

“Found it.” He whispered to himself as he picked up the pebble jar and took out the key. He quickly put it in the door and opened it.

The house was empty, and pretty silent. Seemed like such a stark contrast to the girls he knew who lived here.

“Youra?”

He gently closed the door behind him and walked inside. It had been a while since he had come here. The last time he remembered coming here was when You-Jin had passed away. Mark and Jackson had come inside and immediately gone upstairs to go check on Youra.

They found Youra in her room asleep, her pillow covers stained with tears and her blanket wrapped tightly around her like she was trying to imagine someone hugging her.

They took turns that night on checking up on her before eventually heading back home after the service.

That was the night both of them had found themselves crying themselves to sleep.

Thinking back, it felt like so long ago for Mark, but he knew that for Youra, it probably felt like it was yesterday.

Like it was only yesterday she had found her only sister dead.

Mark walked up the stairs and his brows furrowed when he found the door to You-Jin’s room open. He slowly approached the door and looked inside.

He could feel his heart clench when he saw Youra on the floor having fallen asleep. He walked up to her and he let out a soft gasp when he saw the faint streams of tears down her cheeks. She was hugging a piece of paper to her chest and he figured that it was noona’s note before passing away.

He gently moved a strand piece of hair away from her cheek and sighed.

Why do you think you deserve to suffer alone?

He carefully bent down and put his hands underneath her knees and back. He got up and walked out of You-Jin’s room, trying not to cry himself, before walking into Youra’s room and gently laying her down on her bed.

He wiped the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs and let his hands linger around her cheeks.

What had she ever done to deserve this? He thought.

He bent down and kissed her forehead and was about to walk away when he felt a hand grasp his wrist.

“Mark, stay.” Youra whispered with her eyes half open.

She extended her arms and he lied down beside her before wrapping his arms around her tight. He could hear her sniffle and he caressed the back of her head before rocking her slowly to sleep.

He rested his cheek on her head. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

-

Jackson walked through the aisles of a nearby supermarket, secretly wishing his mom hadn’t forced him to go buy groceries when he could have been at home playing on his PS4.

But then again, his mom was planning on making some of Youra’s favourite food to make her feel better after he had reminded her that it was You-Jin’s birthday a few days ago.

And Youra’s favourite food meant some of his favourite dishes too so he couldn’t complain much.

He looked up at the little signs on top of the aisles, in search of the condiments section. He usually hung out around the snacks and the meat aisle considering that’s where all the good stuff was, so navigating for the condiments aisle was a first for him.

He finally decided to just ask someone for directions. He looked around for an employee to ask but he couldn’t find any, instead he settled on asking a guy in the pasta aisle.

He pushed his cart along and walked up to the guy. He tapped him on the shoulder and was about to ask him where the condiments aisle was, when he recognised him.

“Yoongi hyung! Hey, how’ve you been?” Jackson pulled him in for a hug and Yoongi awkwardly patted Jackson’s back. He wasn’t really that great with skin ship.

They pulled apart and Yoongi crossed his arms. “I could be better, but I guess we all could be, huh?”

Jackson stared at Yoongi, confused. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Is everything okay?”

Yoongi slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Youra didn’t tell you? Nam-” He sighed and looked at the floor before looking back at Jackson. “Namjoon passed away.”

“What?”

It felt like Jackson’s world was becoming more and more unstable by the minute. Memories raced by his mind and he could feel his chest tighten as he imagined Namjoon’s smiling face. This wasn’t possible. Namjoon was healthy, surely this was some sort of mistake.

Yoongi’s voice had been reduced to a whisper. “They found him in a hotel, he passed in his sleep.” Yoongi gripped the handle of his shopping cart tight. “They found an empty bottle of sleeping pills by his bed, the police think he overd