From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

I HATE THIS WEEK!
It seems that my parents don't want to listen to me. I told them, I would like to take a Liberal Arts major with Taeyeon cause that's what I really want to learn. They judge me I chose it because of Taeyeon, yeah her, my best friend, the smartest person alive. That might be true that I always want to be with my Taengo since we never separated since middle school, but I really want it for me too. Instead, they pushed me to apply for law school. You know, it's like a tradition, the tradition I hate cause whatever they gonna say about it, that being a lawyer is in the blood of this family... Well, maybe it doesn't run the same way to me. I couldn't seem to talk to them cause everytime I try, they will push me right away.

I realized that I will never be as smart as my big sister, Soojung Unnie, who's a lawyer right now. Soojung Unnie is five years older than me and she currently taking a Master in Netherland. Why am I so different like this? Tell me, PurpleStar, why am I like this?

Also, I hate that I couldn't talk to Taeyeon cause she's out for a family trip to Busan. She couldn't be here for a week straight cause she has to visit her grandma, who's sick right now, so I can't do anything about it. I really hate it how it feels recently.

Good night.
XOXO!
#GoldenStar

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

What holds you back to say whatever you want to say to your parents? GoldenStar, there's nothing wrong for being different, for being comfortable with who you are and as much as I believe your parents love you want every best for you, they should want to be happy for you too. Also, I guess you have to stop comparing yourself to your big sister. You're not her. She's everything you're not, but that's make it a normal thing. You are you and they have to see you, not in the way they want to, but the way you are.

I think you could talk to your best friend to help you focus on the final year so you could pull out great numbers and also with the preparation to enter the college. Guess you have to work harder to prove that applying for Liberal Arts major is the thing that you want, that you're not shadowing your best friend at all.

GoldenStar, it takes a little courage to change everything, but to make it comes true, you have to believe it first. Good luck! I hope you a better week ahead. Go have a box of your favorite chocolate to make you feel better!

Cheers
#PurpleStar

'Courage...'

I kept on repeating the word like a mantra. I reread some old e-mails I received from my lovely anonymous sender, the PurpleStar. It's been a couple of years since the last time I sent her something. That one. The confession. I've been thinking a lot if she was shocked to read it so she decided to stop all the communication, or Taeyeon was right. She grew up. She decided not to do that stuff anymore. I kinda missed her though. It was weird to admit but I really missed every e-mail she sent to me, especially this past a year, since Taeyeon dating Erick Oppa. Well, the relationship worked perfectly and Erick being a very good boyfriend for her: he respects her, take care of her and he's nice to me as well. He's definetely a perfect boyfriend for Taeyeon and I couldn't be any happier for her.

It was around March, 3 months ago, when I met somebody on a date, right after meeting Taeyeon to give her a birthday present. There, the woman whom I dated, told me that I spent an hour just to talk about Taeyeon. The woman, Kwon Yuri, smiled so warmly and told me that maybe I really fall for my best friend, that I might be looking for her figure in everyone I matched on a dating apps. I would never forget that night.
 

"So, Jessica... How long you've been feeling it to Taeyeon?"
"Pardon?"
"Did you realize that you've spent an hour, having a dinner with me physically, but not a word left without telling a story about her." She smiled widely. Yuri, who was 4 years older than me that time, sipped another glass of wine and seemed so interested with the story. "Oh no... What if you didn't realize that you like her. Seriously? You like her. It's all over your face."
"I... Actually..."
"Your secret is safe with me. Besides, I feel you... I fell for my best friend too, back then when I was at high school. It was indescribable. It's insane. You wish it would be easier that that while it's not."
"Yeah... You're right. A little part of me wishing it wasn't her to make me move like this, cause it will be easier for me." I inhaled deeply. Since I couldn't tell about this to Taeyeon, of course, the PurpleStar who was gone with the wind made the situation even worse for me. So, I decided to spill all the beans to Yuri, the stranger I barely even knew. "She has a boyfriend and he's a perfect one. He makes her happy.  I couldn't take it away from her."
"Oh... She's straight..."
"I guess so." I gulped. "But she knew about me. She accepted me for who I am."
"But telling her that you like her might change the situation. That's what you're afraid of?"
"Yes. You're right."
"What do you want the most? To be with her everyday?"
"Yeah... I just couldn't see myself living this life without her."
"I lost my bestfriend..."
"You did?" I felt a little sad to hear that...
"I dated her, but then... as we grew up, we changed a lot too." She sipped another one. "But it doesn't mean that might happen to you too. What I'm trying to say, it's so hard, your position. If I were you, knowing she's straight and even having a good boyfriend, I would prefer to hide it all from her. Jessica, you have to accept the fact that you can't always have it all. Besides, it's wise to stick being her bestfriend if you want to keep her forever, plus with the fact confessing your feeling might turn the situation to be more awkward for both of you. I'm afraid that you'll lose her too..."
"I will never... never... be ready for that one."
"And you don't have to. You could love her as a bestfriend. The thing with