(Taeyeon POV)

"E-Erick... Oppa..."

My mouth was silent as I looked at the figure of the tall man with glasses in front of me. Of course, I still remember him—even though it's been almost five years since that day, the day I cut my ties with him—the guy I dated in college. That day, I intended to go home early because I had to do the packing. I took the earliest flight to Tokyo on Saturday morning, I did it on purpose, so I could get some things done in advance, so I had time to meet Jessica in the afternoon along with Soojung unnie.

"It's a surprise."
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to surprise you like this."
"That's... That's fine!" I grinned. "Do you want to drink something? Tea? Coffee? Let's go to my room?"
"Gwenchana. Are you free after office to have a coffee with me? Outside."

I looked out the window and it seemed that outside the rain was pouring down and from the droplets of water dripping down his long brown coat, he must have taken his time and energy to come see me. Regardless, I was really curious about his reason for coming to see me after all these years. There was a feeling of joy in me seeing how he transformed into a well grown man who looks much mature from the last time I saw him. I nodded slowly and asked permission to tidy up my bag for a moment before going with him for a coffee at a café, the one near campus that we used to go there frequently back then.

"So, Oppa... What's happening?"
"I will marry somebody next week, Tae..."
"What? Jinjjayo? Are you being serious?"
"I'm serious. Super serious. Look at my serious handsome face." We laughed for a moment. I waited for his next words. "I finally found the one to marry. I love her so much, but the reason I came here, I just wanted to clear things up. I... I really want to clear things that stuck up inside my heart and it's something about you. Something about us, in the past."
"Oppa, I don't understand..." I stunned instantly. My brain couldn't seem to process things.

As sharp as an eagle's gaze, he stared at me faintly as he inhales the aroma of a cup of espresso in front of him and drank a little. It seemed like he noticed that the atmosphere had suddenly become tense, so he smiled a little and with his warm charm, he did relax me a little.

"I heard you didn't date anyone after you left me." I held my breath. "All this time, I thought that you were in love with somebody else. Taeyeon-ah, you know, I loved you so much. I gave up everything for you, even though every time, I felt that we were so far away, that I couldn't ever reach you. Don't you think, maybe I deserve a better explanation for it all?"
"Oppa... You're a good man. Really. I was a happy girlfriend, but—"
"But I'm just not the one you love? I knew it. Even from the first."
"Then why did you date me?"
"Because I loved you and I don't give up somebody I love. I took the chance."
"Oppa..." I felt hit at his words. "I broke you up because I couldn't be able to love you as much as you did to me. I didn't even know what I want. It was so hard to explain to you that time because I didn't even have the ability to explain myself better. To see you today, I feel so happy for you that you finally found somebody that could love you more than I did. I think we both have to let it go." I held his hand and rubbed it softly. "I know... You came to get your answer, but I'm sorry if turns out, I can't get you the answer that you want. Maybe... Just maybe... It was never your fault, but it was mine. I was so clueless so that I hurt you. For everything I caused you, I'm sorry... I feel terribly sorry..."

He patted my hand, smiling warmly. I've always known that he is one of the few people I admire. And still. If I can choose someone to love, I will definitely choose him all the way. Obviously I would go for him, with all his sincerity, his love for me, I would be foolish to skip it all. But in fact, my heart was screaming someone else's name and that name, not his. No matter how hard I try, it was never his, my heart.

"Taeyeon-ah... Thank you. I feel relieved that you never cheated on me."
"Why would I do that? I would never..." I smiled softly.
"Can I ask you one more thing?"
"Oppa... I feel like being in the middle of an exam once again."
"Mianhae..."

His laughter was soft and her eyes formed a line that made his face very comical. I stared at him for a moment, staring at the face of the guy who have filled my life and for the moments we had, I felt happy and grateful that we had that laugh once again, as friends.

"It was nothing, just wondering... That day, you rejected me to be your boyfriend, but then suddenly you asked me to go out in sudden. Actually, I worried a lot about you, that you looked like you cried a lot." His sharp gaze shook me again. "I was so confused on what happened to you. Can you tell me the truth now? As a friend, I will zip my mouth."
"Oppa... I don't even remember." I lied.
"I guess you do." He teased me.
"It was one blurred day."
"Tell me about it..."

My mind drifted away remembering that day, the day Jessica confessed it all to me, that she's more comfortable with women than men. Yes, that day. The night before, Erick asked me out on a date and asked me to be his girlfriend, but I refused. All those years I spent questioning my feelings for that person, someone who, without even realizing it, kept hurting my heart.

"So, this is why you can't accompany me to the bookstore? Cause you'll be having date with a girl you met on apps?"
 

I held the tightness inside my chest. I felt done enough. I've been thinking a lot about my feeling for her and I came to one conclusion, that she's... just... not into me. Of course, Taengo... You're her bestfriend. I was breathless to accept the defeat and the fact she kept on dating and playing all those stupid people on the apps, hurting me while I should have not.
 

"Oppa..." I sighed deeply. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you,