Since the day I met her a year ago, Choi Sooyoung, my life has changed drastically. We exchanged messages every day, she called me before bed, she invited me to dinner to fancy places in the middle of the city, she invited me to her favorite places, as well as me. I spent several months together, especially since Taeyeon got a job first as an Art Director at a creative media agency in Seoul —and it's a big one. Since then, we had a lot of trouble arranging time to meet up, especially since Taeyeon recently joined the company. She needed time to adapt and manage her own pace. It passed in a blink of eyes, it's been almost a year since graduation date and almost a couple of months since the last time I met Taeyeon. I understand how hard she works, so I felt like I don't have to bother her and maybe that's what we called self-maturation, where we have to let go of our egos and give up a little that nothing in this world can remain the same. People changed. Things changed too.

On the other hand, I was still me, there was no significant change in me. I was quite confused about what I wanted to do with my life. Around a month ago, I got a job to work as an Account Executive at that one startup company in Seoul, but on the 7th day I decided to go home and never come back. I hate it. Sitting in the office all day, having to obey the orders of seniors and superiors —which mostly absurd and arbitrary. Everything was really frustrating for me. Luckily, I have a very caring and supportive girlfriend, who supports my every decision even though I feel that, I do need an encouragement to want to focus on doing something.

Yes. I dated her. After 3 months getting so close with her, with my PurpleStar, Choi Sooyoung. I didn't have any reason to reject her. She's beautiful, smart, kind and really appreciates and respects me. She's also good friends with most of my friends, and they liked her, even Taeyeon. Of all the things she's done for me, I was so sure I could be with her on a serious commitment. It wasn't the ups and downs like I felt with Taeyeon, but this woman was the first person in my life who came to offer a certainty to me and for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't need anyone else.

Self-maturation. These words came back to me, loud and clear. I came to understand that maybe sometimes, you have to choose someone who knows what she wants, who tries to be beside you, not someone you always fantasize about, however much you love that person.

"Jagiya... Mianhae. It's really urgent. Appa asked me to fly tonight to Shanghai." Sooyoung talked to me while putting a full spoon of bibimbap inside . "Guess there will be an urgent meeting with the stakeholders next morning, so I have to."
"Arrachi."
"I'm sorry for being too busy."
"No. I'm sorry for being not busy at all." I held her hand softly. "Imagine having a busy girlfriend who directs a big company of her family while me, I don't even know what I really wanna do with my life. Still... It's embarassing."
"Yahhh... Why do you say so? It's not like that at all."
"It is like that, babe. Don't defend me, please. It's starting to be a whole comfort zone to me."

While bowing to myself irritatedly, I let out a deep breath. I was really bored and I had to admit, I felt a little lonely. Every time, Sooyoung and everyone would talk about their jobs, the people they meet at the office, this and that, A to Z, and me? I felt like I was only an undergraduate who only knew how to spend time by dating or partying. All those facts really made me mad at myself.

Realizing my frustration went up, Sooyoung pulled up a chair and came closer to me so that she could reach me easily. She pulled my body closer until I decided to hug her from the side.

"Baby... Don't be so hard on yourself."
"But I have to... Look at me. Look at you."
"You don't have to be like other people around you..."
"Yeah but still, I have to do something."
"Hmm... Let's think about it. What you really like to do?" She stared at me softly. "I mean, it doesn't have to be something related to work, but maybe you could do something you like and turn it into job?"
"Tell me. You knew much about me. I told you everything."

She pulled herself a little and was stunned for a moment. Showing a thoughtful gesture, she stared deep into my eyes. While folding her hands, she looked back at me sharply with a small smile on the corners of her lips.

"I don't know about you."
"You're my PurpleStar."
"Still, I don't know about you." She winked. "But you do. No matter how much the things you told me, or your best friend Taeyeon, or anyone else. Nothing knows you better more than yourself. Besides, those emails we exchanged been years ago and as people changed, you should move on. I'm dating you because you're Jessica Jung, not because you're my GoldenStar. I didn't say it means nothing to me, just... let's be real, Jessica."

Half of me wanted to oppose her words, but the other half confirmed everything. We were indeed brought together through the letters and from everything I could remember about PurpleStar, I felt that the two of them are two different people. However, then I remembered that I lied to her several times, through the letters, I told something that never happened or was just my imagination to be able to look good in her eyes. I lied to her several times and I think she could have done the same too. PurpleStar and GoldenStar are fictional characters that we created ourselves when we were younger, looking for ourselves. I decided to agree with her. I'm dating Choi Sooyoung, not PurpleStar.

"You're right."
"By the way, why lately you really like to post some motivational or life and love related quotes on your Instagram? Liking to repost the quotes from Pinterest or Tumblr a lot lately?"
"What do you mean?" I tapped her arm. "It's not that I reposted it!"
"Whoa! Easy... So, you made it?"
"Yeah! I made all the quotes that's why I watermarked it."
"You could be a quote maker and sell it. I mean, I'm referring to greetings card, postcard, anything. Like Hallmark, you know?"

As if under a miracle, I immediately stopped eating and looked at her with sparkling eyes. I felt the rumble of happiness roaring inside my chest which suddenly made me smile widely. Sooyoung looked at me in confusion, still not understanding that she had just given me such a brilliant idea.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Did I say something wrong? It's scary."
"Baby... Chwegoyeya! Saranghae!"

'Taengo... Eodiya?'
'I'm at my apartment. Wae?'
'You really forgot about me, aren't you?'
'Yahhh why do you say that? Where are you?'
'Meet me at the café we used to go there every day!'
'When?'
'Now! I'm on my way there.'
'Sica, why so sudden? What if—'
'You're so annoying.'

After a while, I finally called her that Saturday afternoon and finally, I could hear her loud laughter again. It made me feel tremendous relief from the longing that I had held for so long. Time flies quickly as we had different lives to live.

'Arra... I will come soon.'
'I'm happy that you'd come.' I bit my lips. 'I promised it won't take long. I know you might be busy.'
'Sica...'
'Ne?'
'Are you do