Jinyoung urged the sun to go back down. He didn’t want the new day to arrive and yet it had done just that, blinding him whenever he looked up to curse the heavens.

He had been reluctant to do anything this morning.

It had been a brief slice of paradise, he realised. Since the last raid, orders had been to stay on the low. And then right before tattooing you yesterday morning, Mark had found him and slipped him the messaged received through the radio.

They were expected to plunder another region with one week as the timeframe.

It was foolish, on his behalf, to get so wrapped up in you. The highs and lows of having you here had distracted him from his usually clear focus. And after sharing his body and becoming one with your heart and soul, Jinyoung wondered if this was how you felt when you had your rebellious stage as a teenager. Back then, he hadn’t understood your defiance towards your parents and their rules. Now, he could explicitly.

He wanted to crumble the note within his hands, pretending the radio never picked up the order. Yet, too many of his men knew of what was expected here. BamBam and Yugyeom were stationed in the radio tower most days and would have passed on the message to Mark. It was fruitless to deny the order’s existence.

Could he object fulfilling it, however?

There was a growing moral concern within him now that you were at his side. Numb, he had followed orders for the past decade in hopes it would somehow lead to a way out of the army. He knew it was hopeless, and yet that was how he had processed it.

You brought out a different side within him. Jinyoung wanted to scrub his hands clean of his sins. Although he couldn’t change the past, he wanted to keep the blood from his hands so you didn’t have to clean it off for him.

Being an honest man when he was a seasoned warrior would be impossible and yet he wanted to try.

“Mark told me they’re readying the horses for the trip out,” you murmured after stepping to Jinyoung’s side, holding a hand over your eyes to keep the bright light out of them.

Were you trying to comfort him right now, knowing full well he was about to take the lives of others? Jinyoung closed his eyes guiltily. He didn’t want you to see him at his worst again.

“I don’t hate you,” you announced a moment later, stepping in front of him and rearranging the protective armour to his outfit. Your expression was grim as you fussed over him. “I can’t hate you.”

“It’s okay. I can do that in your stead.”

“I’ll send a prayer to those who cross paths with you all that it ends quickly.”

Jinyoung turned his head away from yours, blinking back his emotions. He hadn’t cried over the cruelness of this world in years. Now you were rendering him into a bubbling mess. Stepping back from you, Jinyoung shook his head.

“Don’t do anything. I don’t want you involved in this.”

“I am though. I know that people will lose their lives by the man I love. My lack of stopping you means I am now a part of this too.”

Static filled his mind, buzzing away whatever you were saying to him now.

He didn’t need to you see him off like some housewife sending her husband off to work. This wasn’t a job worthy of such a send-off. In fact, the longer he stood near you, the more repulsed Jinyoung became, wanting to get away from you immediately.

He strode over to the stables as quickly as he could and mounted his stead, patting its neck before kicking it to charge forward. His men scrambled to follow after his hasty departure, keeping up with the race he had made it into until some miles away from the base.

There, Jinyoung in a deep breath and expelled it shakily. Jackson glanced in his direction and groaned. “Some leader you are.”

“Shut up.”

“Can’t even tell the woman you love that you’ll miss her whilst on the road,” he continued and ignored the seething expression Jinyoung shot him. Jackson shrugged. “If I ever find someone to love, I’ll make sure she knows it every day.”

“Do make sure she’s aware she’s lying with a man who has sins stacked up so high that the heavens above won’t ever grant him access beyond those pearly white gates.”

“You think she can’t cope with who you are? Y/N isn’t like that.”

“What would you know? It was me who spent years at her side, not you.”

“Whilst you’ve been brooding like a petulant child, I’ve spent some time with her. I’ll have you know, Jinyoung, she’s far easier to talk to than you are.”

Jinyoung merely grunted in response.

“When you love som