III 

mariposa

Jennie has been in Seoul, Korea for two weeks now. She processed her papers while looking for companies that might be hiring. It's been difficult, but she's not one to give up. MinHo has been helping her and accompanying her on occasion, and she appreciates it. Jennie took advantage of a cheap apartment offered by a friend of MinHo's. It's a little, run-down apartment on the outskirts of Seoul, but she doesn't have a choice because she's on a tight budget. She is just contented to have her own space and a bed to sleep in. Fortunately, she is on the 15th floor of the building, and from her modest balcony, she could see the grand skyscrapers of Seoul. It's a stunning sight at night, when the city lights twinkle like stars on the glowing plain. It's a sign of hope for Jennie.

After two weeks, she can say she's gotten used to waking up in the morning with a cup of coffee in her hand and a view of the city streets in front of her.

MinHo had contacted her earlier and invited her to meet him at his brother's recently opened coffee shop in Seoul's downtown district. Jennie didn't inquire as to why. She simply agreed to do anything MinHo requested because she owed him a great deal. MinHo did try to court Jennie when they were at university, but they were also friends. Because Jennie shied away from rumors and concerns that might arise, she kept her friendship with MinHo hidden behind closed doors. He was one of the kindest college seniors she had ever met. He may had been obsessed with Jennie at one point until she found a boyfriend. He realized he didn't stand a chance, so he quit pursuing her until their friendship fell into obscurity. They had a falling out when MinHo received his hotel management degree. She didn't get the chance to meet him after his graduation. She only heard that he returned to their family's business in South Korea.

Jennie's mind may have been clouded by the break-up and being kicked out when she messaged MinHo on Facebook. She was going to hate herself for doing it, but MinHo responded with a message promising to help Jennie in finding work in Seoul. MinHo is one of the only people she appreciates because he doesn't ask why and only helps her. MinHo still has a soft spot for her, which she may or may not be aware of. She was, after all, his college crush. Though it isn't the only reason he helped her. Kai, or Kim JongIn, and Jennie had broken up, he had heard through his old university friends. He was perplexed as to why. According to rumors, Kai ended their relationship because he wanted to pursue his ballet career overseas. MinHo couldn't care less if it's true or not. What matters to him right now is that Jennie is here.

Despite the fact that the truth is out there, Jennie, who was left behind, has no idea why they split up. It might take forever for the universe to answer her questions, but Jennie doesn’t linger around that place anymore. When she can't sleep at night, her thoughts may go to that place where all she can think about is where she went wrong. Perhaps she dreams that it was all a nightmare she can wake up from when she falls asleep. It doesn't matter anymore. Because it didn't matter to him in the first place.

Even so, Jennie wakes up expecting that things will get better. It does, in fact, get better. She'll be OK. So, while she waits, she goes around, finding and discovering bits and pieces of herself. She'll complete herself by putting the pieces together. When that day arrives, she'll be ready to face the world—and to fall in love with someone who will love her no matter what.

But now, she wants to fall in love with herself. Dream and achieve things by herself. Make mistakes, learn from them, and make things right in the future. Go to places she’s never been before. Meet strangers who are in the same journey as her and listen to their stories. She wants to do it all alone. All by herself. Because growing up her life only revolved around people whom she was dependent to. To her friends and past relationships. She was always chasing after people and their dreams, forgetting she’s a person of her own. Because she is co-dependent, she is frequently pushed around. A lot of her past partners, even her friends, took advantage of it. It’s one of her flaws.

Jennie was, and continues to be, a dreamer. She's been a hard worker since she was a child. She is unyielding. When she sets her mind on something, she will go to great lengths to attain it. She wasn't, however, self-centered. All that matters is your happiness before hers if she loves and cares for you. Because it's enough to see you happy to make her happy. This was exploited by some. And that wasn't supposed to be a flaw of hers.

Kai must have known that. Because their relationship was the longest she had. He knew Jennie like the back of his hand. He knew how to take advantage of Jennie’s weaknesses. Despite that, Kai wasn’t one to do that. He knew that Jennie will do anything for him. The rumour is true. He ended their relationship because he finally found a job as a professional ballet dancer in New York. He loved Jennie, but he loved ballet even more. He knew Jennie would have followed him to New York. He wants Jennie to follow her dreams before his. And the only way he knew was to end things with her and kick her out of his apartment. So he didn’t give her a reason why. He’d agree if you say he’s an . It’s for the best. He’d say.

If only Jennie knew, she could’ve understood him. Kai was selfish and she kept Jennie in the dark. Jennie would’ve let him do what he wants if it makes him happy. But Kai turned out to be the same as her past relationships. It's always the same breed of egotistical men who believe they have the final say on what is best for you. However, it is always a matter of what is best for them. Jennie learned it the hard way.

She now promises she will never make the same mistakes again. The scars are enough proof that she needs to change for her own good. The friends and relatives she left behind in New Zealand must think she's insane for abandoning her entire life in such a manner. She may have been selfish in her abrupt departure.

You don't have to carry everything on your shoulders just because you believe they molded you into the person you have become. It's often better to keep things as they are in order to create a space for yourself where you can grow unapologetically.

And sometimes you have to leave your hometown and the people who have become a part of your life in order to truly see the world with your own eyes.

That’s what Jennie thought when she left New Zealand. It wasn’t a decision made on the spur of the moment. She had always wanted to get out of there. Except she didn't want to leave it alone; she wanted to leave with Kai.

The tides have changed, and she now finds herself alone on a vast ocean with no idea which way to go. Because she has no one else on board, Jennie is now the captain of her own ship and must take the helm herself.

She may be alone, but she is not lonely.

≈

When she arrives at the coffee shop in Gangnam to meet MinHo, she expects it to be a small coffee shop. She is proven otherwise. It’s a two-storey building. It is probably one of the biggest shops in the neighbourhood. If MinHo's brother opened a shop in the heart of the city, he must be really wealthy. Jennie thinks.

Someone calls her name as she walks into the coffee shop. “Jennie!”

When she looks to the right, she notices a strange man approaching her. Her brow furrows in confusion. The stranger looks at her and laughs. 

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