Part Eighteen

“Say something, you’ve stayed quiet the whole class period,” I mumbled as I hit his arm slightly. I was used to sitting silently with him, but our silences have never been like this, so awkward. I could tell he was mad at me, I could tell he didn’t want to talk to me, but this was making me feel stuffy. I’ve been wanting to talk this whole time, but all he has done is ignore me.

“I told you to stay quiet until class is over, I have no intention of talking to you,” his voice was angry and that only made me angry too.

How is this all my fault?

Did I not have the right to get angry? How could I just be okay when I walk out and see him holding that so tightly in his arms while confessing to her. I’m supposed to not want to kill both of them? He should be saying thank you to me instead for not ripping her stupid eyes out.

But I stopped myself, because this isn’t the way. No. Choi Minho doesn’t react to anger, he reacts to… me.

“Hyung,” I whine, grabbing his hand and pouting, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to push her like that and I really, really didn’t want to hit you either…” As I say this I remember that I had slapped him, and pretty hard at that. I did feel bad, I didn’t want to hurt him! So I took this time to lift his face up and move closer, caressing his cheek with my hand, “Does it hurt? I’m sorry, Minmin,” I mumble, putting all my attention in lightly patting his cheek.

“If you were going to feel bad why hit me in the first place,” was all he said as he looked away, but he didn’t move away from my hand so I felt successful.

“I just… I can’t help it, Min. I can’t stand seeing you with anyone else because- because you’re mine. I want you only for me and with me and I know you’re so perfect, who wouldn’t want you? So I got even more possessive and-” While I spoke I had gotten closer and Minho had accepted this, but suddenly he slapped my hand away from his face as he stared at me angrily.

The bell rang signalling class was over but I didn’t move, waiting for what he had to say, “If you feel like that about a middle-aged woman you could care less about, how do you think I felt when you kissed my best friend?” He hadn’t taken anything out of his backpack in the first place, so as soon as he finished his sentence he got up and left.

Hyung, don’t walk away from me…

But I had to make this right, and I shouldn’t really be worrying about myself right now, so I quickly stuff all my pens and notebook into my backpack and run after him.

“Minmin, wait up!” I say as I finally catch up to his car, though he was already inside and ready to leave, and he probably would have had I not jumped on top of the hood, preventing him from driving off unless he wanted to kill me (he probably did…)

“Taemin, get off, we’re done talking,” he had put down the window, sticking his head out to look at me but he really needed to stop using that cold voice with me because… because it made me feel bad. It’s not Minho, not the one I know.

“If I get off will you let me get in the car?”

“In your next life,”

“Then I’m not getting off! Drive, see if I care!” I huff and hug the car tighter, putting my head on the hood as well as I clench my eyes shut, because, to be honest, I fully did expect him to drive off. But after not feeling the car move, I slowly raised my head to look up and saw Minho standing in front of me, an annoyed look on his face.

“Get off,” that cold voice again… stop it before I can’t take it anymore.

“I can’t… I can’t let you go,” I whispered the last part asI looked back down, ready to lay here all night, but it seems Minho wasn’t willing to wait that long, because he grabbed both my arms in one hand, while the other s around my waist to pull me off, and I should really start working out because that was too easy.

On one hand I enjoyed being in his arms, but on the other, I was so overly … sad. I didn’t want him to push me away, I wanted him to hold me and tell me he loved me. I knew I messed up and didn’t deserve it at the moment, but that didn’t stop me from yearning for it.

As soon as he set me down I ran to the front seat and got in, buckling myself and completely waiting to be yelled at and told to get out, but I wouldn’t. It would take hell for me to leave this car.

He stayed standing outside of the car for a while before sighing and gettin in. He must have known I wasn't going to let up.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your house or practice?” he asked me in a defeated tone, but that’s not what this was about. I didn’t just want a free ride here, I wanted to be with him.

“Ming, look at me, please,”

“And do what? Stare at those lips that I knew were on Jonghyun just yesterday? Stare into the eyes that lied to me- that accepted everything I did for you this morning without feeling an ounce of guilt for kissing me best friend? I can’t do that Taemin, I can’t-” I stopped him as I leaned in for a kiss.

I knew he was right, he had every right to think like that and I didn’t blame him. I didn’t, but I didn’t know what else to do. I really couldn't let him go, not if I knew he still loved me. I arleady told him once, but I wouldn't make that mistake again. When he broke up with me the first time I let him go too easily and I didn't fight back and I thought that's what you're supposed to do, because you can't jus stick yourself to someone. But that doesn't count if I know he still loves me, and I can see that he does. I know he does.

I was thankful he didn’t pull away from me, because I don’t know how I would have dealt with the rejection.

“My lips are only yours, Ming. I’m only yours. Please, you can be mad at me and you can blame me and you can punish me in whatever way you want but not by pulling me away from you. I need you by my side, Minho. I- I can’t not be with you,”

“You seemed to do fine the last time,”

“No! Minho, don’t you get it? I physically can’t go without having you next to me! I- I’ll go crazy, I swear. Don’t you see that’s why I acted like a brat to you? Having you hate me and resent me was 100 times better than being irrelevant to you and never seeing you again. It didn’t matter to me if you were calling me a or stupid or whatever else because I’d rather have those words coming out of your mouth than none at all,”

This seemed to have struck him, but he still didn’t give up.

“And I suppose your undying love for me lasted with you when you slept with all those other guys too?”

“What guys!? What guys, Minho?! There has never been and will never be anyone besides you! I can’t stand the idea of someone else touching me! I already told you, I- I can only…. I can only perform if I think of you, alright? It’s to the point where I seriously think there’s something wrong with me! I know what hot guys look like so why is it only you that can get me so hot and bothered? So easily too, may I add. It’s only you, Minho. And the only reason why I went along with those rumors is because seeing you get upset about that was the only thing that made me feel like you still wanted me,” It was completely emberrasing to say these things, but at the same time they were true and I didn't know what else to do. How else could I prove that I was serious?

“Taemin if you lie to me right now, I will never be able to trust you again, have you or have you not slept with anyone else? Have you or have you not been touched by anyone else?”

“The only person whom I’ve allowed to touch me like that is you. Minus that kiss with Jonghyun.” I mumble the last part, because it is, after all the reason why I'm in this mess in the first place.

“Only me?”

“Yes, Minho,”

“How far did you go with Jonghyun?”

“I kissed him once that's all.”

He stayed looking at me intently for a full minute that seemes to pass slower than normal, but suddenly, I was not expecting for him to pull me onto his lap and kiss me so passionately, but I was not opposed to this.

“I’m still mad,” he said before kissing my lips once again.

“That’s okay,”

“I won’t let this go,” now my ear.

“I know,”

“And you will have to make this up to me,” my neck.

“I’ll be happy t- Minho!” I couldn’t help but yell out as he particularly hard on the spot on my neck. It even slightly hurt with the amount of pressure he was using, I was sure that the hickie would be a deep purple.

“You’re mine, only mine,” he whispered to me, as he held my face between his hands. He didn’t do anything but look at me intently and I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.

“I know, Ming. I know. That’s all I want to be.”