You heard a knock on your door. You found it weird since usually your mother would barge in without knocking and your father would prefer to yell his lungs out calling your name. “What is it, Mo—”

It turned out it was neither your mother or father. Doyoung’s presence simply surprised you. It was past 10 PM and that was when you know your father had his full trust in this guy. “How did you get here? Did you break in?” you still asked in sarcasm.

“Your father gave me access card for your house.”

“What?” You squinted in disbelief. You started to think that your father might be too fond of this man.

Doyoung grinned as he entered your room. “No, I’m kidding. He opened the door and he told me to go straight to your room.”

You sat on the floor, leaning your back against your bed and crossing your legs. Doyoung followed and claimed his spot beside you. “Did something happen?” he asked, noticing your fidgeting and your lost expression.

“You haven’t told Taeyong, have you?” you asked back calmly, without any means to accuse him or something. “I feel terrible. I think I’m really gonna lose him now.”

He silently glanced at you lowering your head. “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

A rare moment of silence between you and Doyoung was happening. The only sound lingering in your room was his music player he put on earlier. Both of you were staring at nothing. Your thoughts were jumping on one to another in uncertainties. Sometimes you were deep thinking about the future with Doyoung, then the thoughts of Taeyong would creep up and make you feel guilty. But again, being with Doyoung seems to be a win-win solution for you, for him, and for both of your parents. You and Doyoung didn’t do this for yourself as you were fully conscious when calling this decision. You always had this positive thought that Doyoung is better than some random dudes out there.

Suddenly your door was knocked and your mom’s head popped up. “Doyoung sweetie, are you staying for the night? Would you like an extra bed?” she asked lovingly, which almost made your jaw dropped. You never knew that your parents could be so casual about you sharing a bedroom with a guy. Well, at least it was not a random guy.

“Mom,” you called her out in embarrassment.

“You’re getting married anyway. I think living together prior to the big day would be a good idea.” She even winked to Doyoung.

“Mom!” you shrieked in quiet.

Doyoung chuckled lightly. “I would love to stay but I don’t think this princess is ready for that.” He got up and bid good bye to your parents. Your mother was being nosy telling you to him until the parking lot. So you did. Doyoung became all smiley because of that.

“Be careful on your way. Drive safely,” you said to him, thinking he would go home directly.

He grinned wide. He didn’t hop in immediately to his car as he was taking his time staying with you. “Come visit my parents when you have time.”

You nodded.

“How about next Saturday?”

You nodded again.

He looked at you a bit longer, somewhat observing the odd silence behavior. “Jooyeon, are you sure about this?”

You chuckled blankly. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to call it off?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I know Taeyong is important for you. It’s okay if you don’t want to continue this thing.. whatever our relationship is now.”

“Even if we cancel this, it’s not like Taeyong and I can go back to the old days.” You drew a smile. But he knew that was a desperate smile, knowing that there was nothing you could do to make up with Taeyong. That guy really can’t accept the fact of you being with his best friend.

“I know this may sound ridiculous, since we don’t have that kind of romantic relationship. But I want you to know that when it comes to marriage and having a partner for a life-time, I want it to be my first and last,” Doyoung stated. “So, Jooyeon, if you’re firm about us, I will really proceed everything quickly. So there is no turning back.” He paused, waiting for your response. “But if you’re not…”

“Right.” You cut him off. “At least I still have you. You promised we’ll still be friends, right?”

“You have my word.” Then he reached your hands, gripping them tightly. “Whatever we are later, I will be by your side as your bestest friend, so you can be sure that we’re walking in the same pace. When needed, I will walk in front of you, lead you, and protect you. Like an older brother. Maybe sometimes I will also walk behind you, and support you. Like a father.”

You gasped as you covered your nose and mouth. “That’s my dad’s words.”

He smiled, signing a yes. He received a long lecture from your dad when he met him officially to express his intention, which you never knew. He never told you that. Now he only wished that he could be walking with you in the same pace to the same direction. “Now do I get an answer?”

You tilted your head, chuckling. “Are you aware of yourself that you never take no as an answer?”

“So that’s a yes, am I right?”

“How about no?”

“Then I will try again tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the next day after the day after tomorrow.”

“Let’s see you trying again then?”

Both of you giggled. Finally you showed that sincere smile. Doyoung sighed in relief. He opened his arms and he said, “Come here.”

Without thinking much, you really went to his embrace. The hug felt different compared to when he was just one of your regular friends. It felt warmer and a lot more comforting now. The fact your father trusted him with all his might made you look at him differently now.

—

One day Jaehyun initiated to hold a movie night at his place with the thought of boys night out before some of them moving on with their lives on a new stage of life called marriage. He summoned the hyungs and assigned the younger ones to buy snack. Somehow Taeyong and Doyoung were the first ones coming, followed by Yuta and Johnny. Jaehyun was that innocent boy as he wasn’t aware much about the current condition between the legendary Tom and Jerry. Basically they would always bicker over teeny tiny little something or would joke around when they gather with the other guys. Thankfully Johnny could quickly read the awkward mood, so he took Jaehyun and Yuta out with an excuse to get some drinks that are not available in Jaehyun’s fridge. Johnny just felt that Taeyong and Doyoung really needed to sort something out in order to have this movie night well spent.

“It’s hard to see you these days,” Doyoung started. Usually it was always Taeyong who started the talk. But he kept his mouth shut since he realized Doyoung was in the same room. He only opened his mouth for beer can after another can.

“Yeah, I wonder why,” said Taeyong coldly. He motionlessly sat on the sofa. While his eyes followed Doyoung who brought himself sitting beside him. “Hey, Doyoung?”

“Yes?”

“Since when are you going out with Jooyeon?”

Doyoung’s hands that were about to open his beer can stopped abruptly. “Excuse me?”

“I assume she doesn’t count you as a friend.” Taeyong said, slowly raising his tone. He also talked faster yet his breathing was somewhat unusually rapid. “Did she ever tell you that she would never date a friend of hers? There is no such a thing like from friends to lovers in her world.”

“I’m not dating her?” Doyoung turned his head to see Taeyong in the eyes. But Taeyong stood up so suddenly. He brushed his fringe roughly, showing his frustration.

“Doyoung, stop playing around.” His intonation suggested that he didn’t believe what his friend just said.

“I’m not dating her. I just… I asked her what if she and I tie the knot..” Doyoung spoke slowly. “I’ve been wanting to tell you, but you always say you’re busy.”

“Bull! You don’t even love her like I do!” he spat in anger. He shifted towards the window, hoping the night view can calm him down.

“You’re right. I don’t.” Doyoung stood up and followed Taeyong’s steps. “But she and I believe that marriage doesn’t have to start from loving each other in a romantic way as a couple. We simply feel comfortable with each other. We love each other, as friends for now. I think that’s a good start for us. And I can see we could go far.”

“And I can’t?”

“Taeyong, that’s not what I mean.”

“Then at least tell me, why does it have to be her of all people?”

“I… I don’t know. It just slipped in my mind when I saw her. And I just told her…”

Taeyong recalled when he gathered his courage to ask Johnny and Yuta whether it was true about Doyoung and you, and what could be the reason you accepted Doyoung. He remembered clearly Johnny’s words about you not into looking for any random guys anymore since you had fed up with going on blind dates. “It could have been me!” he shouted. “If only… if only I waited a bit longer, it could have been me instead of you.”

Doyoung almost dropped his jaw. That was a wild thought of Taeyong that he never expected. “Taeyong, are you even fully awake? You’re in relationship with Ahn Hyemi for 4 years and I thought it’s still counting. How could you say that?”

A cynical laugh slipped off Taeyong’s mouth. “When it comes to her.. If it’s Jooyeon, I’m very willing to let Hyemi or anyone else go.” His voice started getting shaky as he was about to spill everything to Doyoung. This would remark his first and last confession to a friend, which he never did since he always kept it to himself. “It’s been more than a decade. I like her at the first sight. I thought going out with other girls would help me forget her. It’s useless. It’s better for me to date another girl as long as I can still be friends with her. Although things are not working the way I wanted now…” He hung his words. Doyoung understood that he was referring to his relationship with Hyemi now, which he was restricted to keep in touch with his female friends, especially you.

“I saw you last night. In front of Jooyeon’s house,” he continued. “I was going to apologize to her for what I’ve said. I even thought of having a talk with her. That’s why I came. But then I saw you with her…”

Doyoung got stunned. Did Taeyong mean he saw you hugging Doyoung for a pretty long time last night? “Taeyong..” Doyoung cried his name. But he didn’t know what to say. What to explain. He did feel guilty just like you. But on the other side, he still believed that it was about time that Taeyong should learn how to deal with all of this.

“I believed her when she said she won’t date someone from her circle. It would be better if she ends up with some random guy. At least it won’t hurt this much.” Taeyong made a dramatic turn and started pointing his finger at Doyoung. “But you, Kim Doyoung, how could you? I thought you were my best friend. Best friends don’t do this.”

“Taeyong, I…” He had no idea how many times he had called Taeyong’s name wih such an emotion.

“By the time you and Jooyeon take the vow, that’s when I will officially sign out from your life as your friend,” Taeyong concluded coldly.

Doyoung reached his friend’s arm. “Taeyong, don’t do this. Jooyeon would be upset,” he pleaded. “Honestly, I want you to know that we didn’t come up with this decision overnight. We discussed a lot of times, we considered many things, the pros, the cons, the plus and the minus, including how we should tell you about this, hoping that you would understand. How we wish that we wouldn’t cause another heart broken. But I know it’s impossible..”

Rage was consuming Taeyong’s mind. He was hurting because all of this marriage joke and you, being upset if he won’t be a part of your life anymore? You both know how heart breaking it is for him yet you still go for it? It was difficult for him to think straight as Doyoung talked. How to understand this? How to understand the heartbreak and the old wound that never heals? “Unless you’re cancelling this whole bull…” he mumbled, yet clear enough for Doyoung to catch that.

“Lee Taeyong!” Doyoung shrieked.

“What?” He smirked. “It’s a win-win solution. Or should I say, lose-lose? I don’t get to be with her. Neither do you. Then she can find another man. I think that’s better.”

“LEE TAEYONG! YOU—” Doyoung’s hands were faster than he thought. He surprised himself when he suddenly grabbed Taeyong by the collar.

“Why? You hate the thought of you can’t be together with her? You hate the thought of her being with someone else?” He locked his icy cold eyes to Doyoung’s. Eventually Doyoung released him before he got worked up even more. “Then why don’t you try imagine being me? I have to accept that I can’t be together with her and I have to always see her with someone else. And now, does that someone else have to be you, Kim Doyoung?” he spoke with his shaky voice in frustration.

“I’m sorry but I won’t change my decision, unless Jooyeon says herself to cancel everything.” Doyoung grabbed his bag in a rush, getting ready to leave. It looked like things wouldn’t go well that night if he stayed there. He didn’t want to ruin the whole mood. It would be better to leave Taeyong with the others instead of making him leave and wander around alone. No matter what Doyoung still cared a lot about him and he didn’t want him to be alone when he was emotional like this. “Until then, I wish you would pray for our happiness someday, Taeyong. Because she always does and always will pray for you sincerely.”

Just the perfect timing, Johnny, Jaehyun, Yuta and the youngsters came back. They couldn’t even say hi to lighten the mood. They silently sent Doyoung off as they more or less comprehended about the situation.

Suddenly Doyoung paused by the entrance. “Just so you know, whenever I’m with her, you are the very first thing she asks about,” he muttered. “Did I meet you today, are you doing okay, how you and Hyemi are doing, are you eating and sleeping well. No matter what I do, it will always be you, Taeyong. She genuinely cares about you. She loves you that much, just in a different way.”