You couldn’t help but worried about Taeyong. It turned out none of the boys could reach him. Johnny and Jaehyun personally told you so. At first Mark still had contact with him, but then he just disappeared. Mark thought he went to his personal studio, but when Johnny tried to go there, there was no answer.

Things got even way weirder when you were going out with Ten and Sooyoung, you saw Hyemi at a lace and accessories shop. You were looking for some lace to add on your veil and dress, and you just decided to let Ten and Sooyoung do the pick. So you just sat there, looking around, until you spotted a familiar girl. You wanted to call her but she left once she saw you.

“You know you don’t have to.” That was how Doyoung responded when you told him you wanted to see Hyemi in person, since seeing Taeyong seemed impossible.

“You don’t understand. She looks kinda off. There must be something wrong,” you insisted. “I wanted to say hi. I was about to get up but she just left in hurry, like she was avoiding me.”

“Maybe she was in hurry.” Doyoung tried to convince you. “Jooyeon, please don’t meddle—”

“I’m not meddling, okay!?” You started to raise your voice. The mood suddenly became tense. “I saw her, she saw me. Even our eyes met. Isn’t it normal to, at least, say hi and how you’re doing? It won’t even take 5 minutes.”

Doyoung went silence as the tension was slowly increasing after your high-toned, slightly emotional intonation. He cleared his throat before he headed to the pantry and took a glass of water. Him being speechless was enough to make you feel guilty after almost yelling at a friend who you never had a fight with. You immediately followed him to the pantry.

“Doyoung, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, no, it’s okay. I get it, I know how much he means to you.” He forced a smile, sipping his water. “I just hope that… this, all of this complicated things, won’t affect you—I mean us, too much,” he hesitatingly continued, looking shy.

“What is there to affect us?” you said without thinking much, yet hoping it could comfort Doyoung.

He faked another wide smile as he pulled you for a quick hug on your side. “I know,” he muttered, trying to keep his mind clear. ’What is there to affect us?’ These words kept replaying themselves in Doyoung’s head. What is there to affect him and you? What is there to shake your relationship that has no genuine love? Yes, people could call it ‘steady’ now. But Doyoung could give you a long list of why and how this relationship might be over in a snap of a finger.

Maybe starting from the basic stuff: Taeyong loves you. A lot. If he says you mean the world to him, he really means it wholeheartedly. He didn’t seem to have any doubt if he were to choose you over anything else. And he almost did. Second, you also love him although not in the same way. You would always worry about him. What would happen if you knew that Taeyong had been missing in action these days when he should be prepared for his big day? What would happen if you knew that even Hyemi could not reach him and she had no idea of his whereabout? What would happen if you knew that Taeyong was really this close to cancel his marriage, because he can never get over you?

Doyoung could imagine you going silently frantic, blaming on yourself, saying the words that he never wanted to hear: 'We shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have done this.’ And the worst part would be you asking him very nicely to call it off. Now that he actually developed genuine feelings for you, yes, he understood perfectly how Taeyong felt. He didn’t want to lose you.

“Anyway, don’t forget tomorrow is ladies day out with Mom and Hyesung noona.”

You nodded as you walked beside him with his hand on your shoulder, heading to the living room where a new sofa had been installed.

“Can’t you stay longer? Eventually this will be our home,” he whispered as he hugged you tight, letting you to rest your head on his chest.

“Sure,” you mumbled.

As expected, your parents were beyond excited to allow you to spend the night with Doyoung. Just the two of you. For the first time alone in Doyoung’s apartment he bought for his future little family. That would perhaps include you.

“Netflix?” he offered as he set up the bed and the LCD, directing it to a wall as the big screen.

“You can choose,” you answered without looking at him. You were already laying down with your back straightened against the wall. Your eyes and your hands were occupied with your phone.

Soon he joined you on the bed, covering himself and you with a blanket. He also gave you a pillow for your back and neck. “So, um..” he spoke hesitatingly. “Do you mind… the phone?” He gestured to put your phone away. It was supposed to be a quality time, that was what he believed.

You got it, thankfully. “Yeah, sure. Sorry. I was just trying to reach Taeyong. But I don’t think these messages are delivered.” You tossed your phone to your side.

The bed made a creak sound as Doyoung repositioning himself to match your head level. He seemed restless. “I’m sure he’s alright. He just needs time for himself.”

“Do you think he will talk to us again one day?” you whispered.

He sat up straight again. “Maybe. I mean, I guess.”

“You’re not so sure, huh?”

He could tell you were smirking as you spoke. He grinned to himself as he shook his head.

Now you fixed your position sitting up straight too. “Yeah, neither am I.”

You two became silent as the Netflix series you watched started. As Doyoung dimmed the light, you started losing focus. Sometimes you followed the flow, and the other times you just stared at the screen blankly. Doyoung noticed that.

“Sleepy?” he asked.

“No,” you denied but you yawned.

Doyoung stole a glance at you, and his hand smoothly sneaking its way to your shoulder, then to your head. You were quick enough to catch that hint which was saying he wanted you to lean on him. You repositioned your body again, responding to him by shifting closer and placing your head on his shoulder. As your forehead brushed against his neck, he also put his chin on top of your head. You shut your eyes, and you let him your head gently.

“You can go to sleep,” he mumbled as he took your hand and placed it on his belly, his thumb carressing the back of your palm.

“Ah!” You suddenly got up with a jolt, startling Doyoung. “I almost forgot,” you mumbled as you abruptly took your bag, digging for something that looked like placed on the bottom.

Doyoung wordlessly observed you with a big question mark in his eyes. He was sure you were asleep.

You pulled a tiny pink box from your bag, then handed it to Doyoung. “Happy late birthday,” you whispered as you scooted back to your spot, to Doyoung’s shoulder.

Doyoung couldn’t say a word while unboxing his present. You eagerly watched his hands opening the lid to find a bracelet that had passed on to his hand. A wide gummy grin was formed slowly and he couldn’t stop it. Although he looked weird because his eyes were a bit teary but he was smiling joyfully.

“Sorry for the late present. I didn’t get to pick it up on time.”

“Thank you. I will treasure this” A sincere, gentle kiss was planted on your forehead.

You woke up the next morning, and as usual the first thing you did was checking your phone, ignoring the squirming Doyoung beside you poking your hands, seeking for attention. Taeyong hadn’t responded to any of your texts, which you made sure that the messages were delivered. Yet he didn’t seem to read them. Honestly it would be much better if you were left on read.

Doyoung noticed how you often checked your phone the whole day. Sometimes he felt like dying of curiosity what happens there in your conversation with Taeyong. What kind of messages you sent him. What kind of words you used to persuade him. That day when you took a break in the middle of setting your space and moving some of your stuff to his apartment, he got that chance to peek at your phone when you left it without locking the screen.

As expected, the chat room was dominated by your unread bubble texts. From ‘hey, I hope you’re doing okay.’, 'please just hear me out’ until the recent ones that made him curl his brows. 'I’ll wait for you in our City Lights.’ Then all of a sudden, all the messages had their read notification. Quivering, Doyoung’s eyes got wider. There was this strange feeling, which he had to weigh whether it is quite right to be jealous. Especially when a new bubble text appeared saying okay.

He should be happy if finally Taeyong would talk to one of you again, shouldn’t he?

You came back, sat down next to the fiancee, took your phone and checked it again. Doyoung had to pretend he was watching TV while he was actually observing you from the corner of his eyes. Your expression didn’t change much, which was something beyond his expectation. He simply thought you would get excited and would tell him right away. He started feeling anxious as he kept looking at the clock, and wanted to ask if you’re going to see Taeyong on the very that night.

“Are you staying over again tonight?” he asked with his shiny, full of hopes, bunny eyes when he saw you putting your phone away.

“Wasn’t going to though. Why?”

“I just thought maybe we could go for noodles, and late night movies. It’s weekend after all, please?” Doyoung blinked cutely, making you squint your eyes in disbelief along with a little bit of disgust.

“Only if you promise not to do this,” you said, copying the way he blinked, then continued, “Ever. Again.”

Doyoung grinned happily. He was relieved to have you in his arms again. Now it was clear that he was the one who was anticipating with joy and excitement living together with you, sharing his life with you and he was ready to shower you with genuine love.

If only he could tell whether you feel the same.

ㅡ

It had been several days since you rejected Doyoung’s offer to drive you home. Although with a heavy heart, he accepted your excuses not going home together. Starting from girls night out with Sooyoung and other junior high school babes, gossip girls night with Sooyoung and Ten (and still Doyoung can’t sit with you guys despite being the same age), reunion with English club, even welcoming some new guys from China who were friends with Ten — and none of them involving Taeyong. It can’t be he was imagining things when he 'unintentionally’ saw your chat with Taeyong talking about seeing each other, right? Honestly he was dying from curiosity when would you meet Taeyong. Because, it should be a good thing that Taeyong is finally opening up again, right?

“Can’t we spend the night together today?” Doyoung activated the puppy eyes. This particular day he spared a long lunch break just to have a meal with you since he can’t see you at night. 'Are you going to see Taeyong?’ This question had been revolving around his head and was very often almost slipped out of his mouth. But he often reminded himself not to be that boyfriend who questions around.

“No can do today. Sorry,” you said, without explaining your excuses anymore.

Doyoung forced a smile. “Going out with Sooyoung again?”

You just nodded.

Sometimes you felt bad for telling a lie to Doyoung. Well, it wasn’t completely a lie though, because you did go out with Sooyoung. Then after that you went somewhere else. You had been anticipating this after dozens of unresponded texts, finally Taeyong replied to you. Finally he said yes to see you again.

The 'City Lights’ in your text referred to a place where you can see the night view of the city. It was a special place for you and Taeyong. Whenever one of you had problems or when your mind wasn’t clear that you became unable to think straight, you and him would go to this place. No need to talk, no need for comforting words. Just being there for each other was enough. Since Taeyong dated Hyemi, he rarely came there. It was just you alone. But it was okay, you thought to yourself. He had to find happiness too, even if it meant you were no longer a part of his life. Of course you would be disappointed, but you would never demand him to stay with you. Especially now things were complicated between you and him. It was understandable that he wouldn’t talk to you.

You were waiting for Taeyong patiently. You had some sweets ready, because when it comes to him, what can be better than sweet snack? Both of you knew that better than anyone else. You were munching on some jelly candies when you spotted a slim figure with messy, light brown hair came approaching you. You can’t help but silently gasping in relief. You got up to welcome him.

“Hey.” Taeyong was the one greeting first. He didn’t look very fresh. He was slim already and now he looked even skinnier.

You flashed him your best smile. “Hey. How are you doing?’

"I, uh… I don’t know what to say.” The straight eyebrows of his and the little frown supported the uncertainty heard from his voice.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to talk about it, about anything else, if you don’t want to. I’m just glad you’re here.” You sat down again, followed by him beside you. “Thank you for coming.”

Taeyong paused to inhale as he scanned the surrounding. “You know, I… I think I…” He sounded hesitant.

“Keep it. It’s okay.” You offered him the snack which unfortunately he refused.

“No, I think you should know,” he firmly stated. “I… Hyemi and I are over.”

“Taeyong…” you gasped, reacting faster than you thought, looking obviously apologetic.

“It’s okay. Don’t blame yourself.”

“But still.. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I am the one at fault. If we were to continue to marriage, it would be unfair for her. I can’t spend my entire life with her when my feelings for you are still there, and still strong. Honestly it still hurts whenever I’m reminded of you.”

Your eyes started getting teary. You didn’t want to repeat this kind of conversation since it never went smooth. “Taeyong, please…”

“I know we have talked about this. Please, I just want to say it.” His sharp eyes and his everyone’s-favorite eyebrows found yours. “I love you.”

“You know I do too.” You frowned hard, your jaws clenched, trying your best to keep your tears from falling.

You heard him sighed deeply. “I can’t get over why it can’t be me. Why does it have to be Doyoung?” he muttered calmly, different from the last time he took it all out on Doyoung.

“Taeyong, I… I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. I respect your decision.” Your voice became shaky.

“Truthfully, I can’t do that.” There was a slight sad smirk on his lips. He had turned his eyes to the city lights over the fence before him.

“I’ll stay away from your life if I have to,” you continued as you started letting out sniffles. You used this opportunity while he was looking away to wipe your tears.

“Actually, please don’t. That would be much, much worse and you have no idea. I.. I don’t think I can live without you.” He looked back at you again. “I think.. I’d rather stay here, watching you living your new life with Doyoung. You know we’ll be neighbors, right?”

You didn’t answer. You were well aware of that although Doyoung never mentioned it directly. In fact you knew that from Taeyong himself, way before you and Doyoung were a thing. And way before Taeyong and Hyemi became a couple. Basically it was when you were still good friends with him, when he told you how he and his friends promised to purchase a house close to each other someday. When that day came, Taeyong, Johnny and Doyoung were the first ones to choose the apartment where Doyoung lived now.

“I can’t wish you happiness. It’s still hard for me to deal with you and Doyoung being together. But at least I know you will be around. That would be enough, for me, I guess?”

You went speechless with your eyes getting teary again.

“I’ll talk to Doyoung in a bit. Just give me some more time. I promise I’ll make it up with him.”

You came home to find Doyoung having dinner with your parents. Although it had reached the point when you it wasn’t surprising anymore to have him visit your house, you still found it odd when he visits without telling you a word. Particularly when it was this late as the clock showed past 11.

“Honey, why are you so late? I thought you were going out with Doyoung,” your mother greeted.

Doyoung silently glanced at you, until both of your eyes met for a second.
You diverted your attention to your parents. “I thought I told you I was with Sooyoung and Ten. Ten is going back to Thailand tomorrow,” you said as you took off the scarf and coat, hanging them in front of your bedroom door.

“Oh, right. Mark told me that too,” Doyoung mumbled, nodding to himself.

Soon you joined your family and the extra member in the living room. Watching TV, munching some mochi, talking about random stuff coming out on TV. Sometimes Doyoung would steal moments not-very-subtly looking at you. You quickly responded to his obvious gesture; you would always turn your head to face him and confronted him asking what or why. A little smile with his lips pursed was the only answer you got. While there were several things running inside his head. One specific thing was the phone call from Jaehyun he received just before he decided to visit your home.

'I think I saw Jooyeon with Taeyong hyung just now.’
'Where? She didn’t say anything to me though.’ Doyoung tried to sound as normal as possible.
'I was just around the city. It looks like now they are in good terms.’
'Really? That’s a relief then. But… I mean, she would tell me, right?’
'Yeah, I guess? I mean, well, it’s been a while since I saw him smiling like that.’
'What do you mean? Smiling like what?’
'Like, you know, like the weight on his shoulder has been lifted. He looked… how do I say it? He looked okay. And genuine, and very content. Also, he looked… carefree like he used to?’
'That sounds great, I guess?’ Doyoung faked a cheerful response.
Jaehyun paused, noticing the unusual intonation from Doyoung's voice. 'Hyung, you okay?’

Am I okay? After hearing this, and not to mention, I got to see them with my own eyes how they were hugging warmly, with Taeyong’s tight embrace like it was going to be the end of the world in any second. Am I okay?

Yes. Doyoung followed you because he couldn’t help it. He just had to play it safe and clean so you would never know he followed you like this. He was relieved when he saw Sooyoung and Ten came approaching you at a coffee shop. After silently observing for whole 20 minutes, he decided to go but Sooyoung and Ten leaving you just stopped him. Usually you would stay hanging around longer with your close friends, right? And knowing Ten was going back to his hometown, shouldn’t he get a farewell party?

He wanted to call you so bad and ask you where you are. But again he had to stop himself from doing that unless he would love to get some nagging from you. And it wouldn’t be a lovey dovey nagging, that was for sure. In the end he called Sooyoung, but her answer was clearly a practiced dialogue; 'we’re having gossip girl’s night, so many things happen within 24 hours, you know’.

Doyoung cautiously followed you even on foot and stay unseen until he reached a place, which he assumed to be the 'City Lights’. A funny, new, mixed feeling crept up on his stomach to know you and Taeyong had such a special place that you shared for only both of you.

'Will I be that someone special for you too? Can I be the only one you share everything special with?’ he wondered, and he was dying to know the answer. But as the future husband, with an odd journey to marriage, can he even ask that question?

Doyoung sat himself on the ground, his palms rubbing his face. He was contemplating to go home, instead of staying there and questioning about his existence in your life. He got up, but he recognized Taeyong’s voice talking to you. That guy really came to you finally. He wanted to feel relieved, but it was difficult at this time. He wanted to be happy for you because finally you gained back your friend, but that thought instantly got shattered when his eyes captured the intimacy between you and Taeyong.

Doyoung knew it was not your first time hugging Taeyong. It was just the way he embraced you. Rather than possessive, it was more like Taeyong had been longing the warmth in your arms. It seemed he found security in your arms. It seemed like… he came home.