"I heard you're going for a medical check up." Taeyong was sitting across you. He had been your lunch partner (you really wanted to say lunch date but now it just sounded kinda wrong) for the past week, and you must admit you enjoyed his company. It was great to finally be able to catch up with him. Just like the old times. "Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, looking full of expectation. Usually you would say yes right away.

"Thanks, but no, thanks. I'll manage," you shortly answered before having a bite of your tomato salad.

"You sure?" He raised both his eyebrows, looking concern. He basically knew going for a medical test was one of your weakness. And he would be beyond happy if he could be with you, meaning that you can still count on him. "I can pick you up, and maybe we can go grab a dinner?"

"I appreciate it very much. But I think Doyoung has cleared up his schedule to accompany me."

You noticed how his fork paused while he was stirring his pasta. "Oh, that's great."

Seeing his delayed response, you just knew he must be feeling something yet he was reluctant to tell you. Sometimes he was just easy to read. "Taeyong, I don't know how to put it into words without making you hurt more than you already feel."

The blonde guy gritted his teeth, maintaining his smile. He had to smile, even if it was clearly a bitter smile. He had to be strong for whatever was coming.

"You know I love you, right?" you continued. "You know how I wished you could be my one call away friend again, and it came true for the past weeks. I'm grateful for that. Because you will always have a special place both in my heart and in my life."

You inhaled deeply. Your thoughts wandered around how the past few weeks you had been hanging out with your dear best friend whenever you can. It was nice that you won your best friend again. All that while having no idea that Doyoung was sensitive, and even got jealous. But still, you were grateful he never pulled that 'but I am your husband in a matter of weeks' card. That made you feel more guilty. His feelings for you were genuine and the least you can do when you can't reciprocate them yet was you to accept him, embrace him with open arms. The guilty towards Taeyong was also hard to ignore. You basically acknowledged his feeling too. And you knew he can't let it go.

"But I'm with Doyoung right now. If there is a one call away person in my life, it should be Doyoung over anyone." Your apologetic expression was visible on your face.

Taeyong looked away. He was well-aware of what your intention was. Yes, he understood perfectly that Doyoung would be the one who will share every special moment with you now. But why did he still find it difficult to hear it over and over again? His hands were fidgeting, sometimes squeezing his own fingers. The pasta before him was long forgotten that he didn't even have a bite yet.

"I'm not going to ask you to understand. All I can say is sorry, although you might have been sick hearing my apologies."

Why does it have to be Doyoung? Again, he could never not repeat that question in his head. He wanted to shove it in your face until he got an answer. An answer that makes sense, at least for him.

"I understand if you don't want to see me or Doyoung anymore after this. Maybe, eventually, one of us has to let go."

No. I will never. His mind was quicker than anything. But his lips were tightly sealed while some memories were popping up in a flash in his mind.

If it means I have to break, fall apart, and crumble into pieces, I will never let you go. Even if it means I have to live in lies, pretending to be happy for you for the rest of my life, I'm not letting anyone tell me to let you go. I have suffered once without you. I have suffered spending those years not seeing you at all.

Taeyong reminisced the days when he and Hyemi were lovebirds. Happy? That was what he wanted to be. That was what he wanted to believe. Until Hyemi made herself clear that she didn't like it if her beloved boyfriend kept in touch with you. At first he would still talk to you. Rather than talk, it was actually a one way communication which he only talked to you to merely inform you he had to cancel any plan—every plan—that involved you. Eventually, he said it.

'I don't think I can be your friend anymore. No, it's not because of Hyemi. I just find it difficult to move on completely if you're still around. We've been awkward anyway since the day you rejected me.'

Are you really doing this?'

'I'm sorry.'

'Fine. If that makes you happy.' You sighed deeply, a clear disappointment evident in your eyes. 'Does it mean I can't even text you or call you at random times?'

Sorry was all he could say again.

Your lips pursed, your brain was busy trying to find some good, positive words to conclude the possible last meeting with Taeyong as your friend.

'I think I should go now.'

You nodded. As much as you wanted him to stay, you couldn't find any logic reason why he should. It would probably cause him more pain. 'If you change your mind, you know where to find me,' you muttered in uncertainty.

He said nothing but locking his eyes at yours. 'Take care,' you said as you were about to part ways.

'You too.'

Taeyong didn't have to wait long to regret what he said. But still, he voluntarily lived his life as the one one and only exclusive boyfriend of Hyemi, while shutting away almost all his peers.

It would be much better to have you as someone's significant other in my life. Even if you won't be there for me anymore, it is still better than to live with none of your presence at all. Even if I can only look at you from afar, at least I know you're there. And I know I can reach you at some point.

"Eyy, what are you talking about?" A convincing, fake chuckle escaped from his mouth. "Of course Doyoung should be your number one." Finally he lifted his fork again and started eating.

Right, being a back up should do. It is good enough.

"Both of you are precious to me," he talked slowly, being careful not to choke himself while fighting internally with his feelings. "How could I ditch you guys?"

You looked at him, slightly confused.

"I mean, I've done that and I must admit it was not very pretty and wise of me. I regret that." He took a deep breath, fighting so hard not to crack his voice, or even worse; burst into tears. "So, it's.. uh, actually, it would be nice if you guys would accept me back as your best friend. Now that you two are together, I should be happy to gain my besties back, right?"

"That would be great." You smiled warmly at him. "Anyway, would you like to join us for dinner tomorrow? It was Doyoung's turn for grocery yesterday and he kinda overdid it, so we were thinking of inviting Johnny and the rest of the boys too. Maybe after that you guys could go for a boys night?"

I'd rather stay with you. "Of course."

"Perfect. I'll tell Doyoung and Johnny, okay?"

Taeyong nodded, then he continued eating silently. At this point, he couldn't even tell the taste of the food he was chewing. He felt powerless. He never knew admitting to defeat was this easy yet so painful. In the end, he couldn't even finish his meal, making you worried again. "I'm not that hungry," he said with a smile. Lie. He skipped breakfast that day and did not even have a proper dinner last night.

"Um, Jooyeon?"

"Yes?"

"Just one quick question."

"Yeah?"

"If Doyoung never proposed to you, and I wasn't with Hyemi, do you think one day..." He inhaled deeply, frustrated. Desperate. "Do you think one day I might have a chance with you?"

You sighed every time you got this question. "I need you to fully comprehend that the meaning of our love for each other is completely different. I won't get tired saying I love you because I genuinely do, but not in the same way like you do, Taeyong. Maybe in some fictional alternate universe, yes, our case would turn into a beautiful friends to lovers scenario. But here we are. Even if Doyoung never came to me, I still wouldn't risk losing our friendship. You know I'm always scared of losing you."

"Uh, it was supposed to be a quick question with short answer, but you gave a speech." He chuckled. You could sense a bit of sadness on his forced smile.

"If you really want to hear the answer you've been desired, maybe you should change your question."

"You mean like 'if we were never friends in the first place'?"

You shrugged, smiling, feeling sorry.

"Are you saying I would have a chance if we were not friends?"

You inhaled for only God knows how many times. "Even if there is, the probability would be less than 2%. Because.. I think I would still choose you to be my friend."

"Oh.." He looked away, embarrassed—or maybe more like mad and mentally cursing himself for still wishing you'd answer differently.

"Look, about Doyoung and I.. we don't have anything like you and I do," you muttered, your eyes gazing at the hot cup of tea in your hands. "Taeyong, we've gone through so many things. We were always together through thick and thin. I wouldn't trade that, our memories, with anything. I just happened to know him longer than you. Doyoung just happened to be my schoolmate ever since kindergarten, and my classmate for six years in a row. But Doyoung was never with me through my ups and downs. We don't even have that much memories together."

Taeyong's lips started to curve into a smile. A more relaxed one this time. He simply liked it when you mentioned about the memories you two shared. "I know."

"Give yourself some credit, will you? You're irreplaceable. You have to know that." You gripped his hand, your thumb slightly gently the back of his palm. "And, please, don't blame Doyoung. We really never plan all of this. It just happens. It really was the hardest decision we had to make. Because you're precious for both of us. But, life must go on, right?"

"I know," he repeated himself, squeezing your hand as a sign of reassurance.

Right. Life must go on. But still, if he was given a chance, maybe in the next life, he would wholeheartedly ask God to make him a stranger to you. Let you have other best friend who is not him. That way, he would have bigger chance to be with you. He wanted to have a faith to that less than 2% probability.