So you think it's over? Nope. It's not.

Yet.

==

"There's this thing that Yixing once said to me, like, in our first week being friends. You said, Yeonhee, I think you're an awe-inspiring woman. You're pretty, smart, and any straight guy won't even think twice to fall for you. When I listened to that, I was thinking... ah, is this guy is flirting with me? Because this was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard my life," 

Yeonhee pauses to let the audience has their moment to laugh on it, she turns her head to the groom's chair, where Yixing sits in his drooping head, keeping his chuckle in a closed-mouth smile. She takes another breath before she continues,

"Fun fact, it's also the most genuine and the sweetest thing that someone has ever said to me. I remember every word that you said that day, and despite the awkwardness, that's when I decided that you're s a great person. And that I can trust you."

People said that you never knew how important someone was until they're gone. It took her so many stages of suffering, deaths, and ignorance to learn how to appreciate the little things because someday she would realize that they're big things. And Yeonhee's someday was when the Death almost took him to His hell, she thought that he's dying on her. It almost drained her will live as well.

"They told me that I have to be grateful to be with someone like you, the only one who could stand my imperfection, my childishness, my selfishness, my every bad trait. They told me that we stand in this clear side of duality; you're the angel, and I am the evil one. They even said that I must have saved the country in my previous life to have someone like you to love me because I totally don't deserve it."

Yeonhee pauses to let out a chuckle, glancing sideways, Yixing shakes his head mouthing a 'no', disagreeing with her.

"And I think I can't agree more."

If Yeonhee could choose, she wanted to turn back the time so she could treat him better. God only knew how awful she had been treating him for all these years. She had made terrible mistakes that had hurt someone she cared the most, and she's terribly ashamed of herself. Sometimes it still amazed her to see how Yixing handled this. It took very great patience and perseverance to deal with her. With all these things that happened to her, with her extreme defense mechanism, she's just that person people wouldn't find as an easy deal. She compiled all the disappointments that people had made her feel, and she lashed it out to him because he's just easy prey. She'd taken him for granted on a daily basis, assuming that he's always there and would come back to her no matter how mad she had made him.

Because he loved her, she forgot that he's also a human with a heart. 

"Yixing is unrealistic, I told you guys that so many times. How can a person be that kind-hearted and patient at the same time? You have a great amount of understanding, that you still smile even when a drug-addict stabbed you with a scalpel, and you'd go around telling people calling this as one of those bad-hair days." 

Yeonhee was deeply sorry, because despite everything, and he still gave her his loyalty until the very end. The more she thought about it, the more it hurt her because, after claiming how much she hated those people who hurt him with the mockery and everything about his flaw, at the end of the day, she came to realize that the person who hurt him the most was no one but herself.

She couldn't sleep soundly after the incident. It took her peace away from that she couldn't ever take rest properly because every time she closed her eyes, these nightmares haunted her. And she would dream about the worst of things. In her dream, he wouldn't wake up. In her dream, she had to let him go in a flat line. And it always made her jolt in the middle of the night, thinking that she might lose him for real. She would find him lying next to her, and she would put her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. There she would know that he's sleeping soundly, and there, she would hold him by his chest, and she would lie awake all night, waiting for him to wake up.

And it's going on for weeks.

After that incident, she'd realized how much she loved him. She didn't want to lose him that she became more alert in everything that came with him and his safety. There's one time, about a week after the proposal, Yeonhee was taking a shower after a long day at the hospital when she heard a commotion from outside the room.

It's the sound of glass breaking, not one, not two, but many. And Yeonhee jumped in shock that she rushed from the shower room, checking on what's happening only in her bathrobe. She found him holding a plate, freezing in front of a cabinet watching the mess he had caused.

"You okay?!" she almost yelled in panic, rushing to check if he hurt somewhere all of his body.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I was trying to get the plate for the food, but I knocked on the glasses. I'm sorry, I was trying to help."

Yeonhee swallowed hard and took a breath deeply. Once she made sure that he's fine,  she pushed Yixing out of the kitchen.

"It's fine, Yixing, let me do it. I should've plated the food once I was done with it, you must be hungry. Let me do the work." 

She went back to the kitchen, and she realized that her hands were shaking hard once she squatted to clean the broken glasses. She could hear her pulse banging in her ears and there was cold sweat dripping down her back. And there she held up her palms, watching them trembling as her tears broke like water burst from a dam, spilling down her face. And this was the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress she'd been living with for weeks after that incident.

When Yixing found her sobbing silently under the sink cabinet, they decided that she needed to seek some help.

"We've been through so much. I don't think anyone here can match the dramatic story that we've had with each other. Eight years with you was a rollercoaster ride. So many things happened, but I only want to reminisce about the good ones only. Because the bad ones come with a cost, as addictive as they feel, once lessons are learned there is nothing in them of value. But I think it's mostly to the fact that I feel sorry over the terrible things that I did to you. I feel ashamed because no matter how much I've hurt you, you decided that I'm still worth the chase, and you still stay to fight for me..."

Yeonhee swallows lightly, putting a smile as she turns her head to look at him, who's now staring at her intensely.

It's not easy for her to express her feelings, Yixing knew it best. No matter how sorry she felt, it's just hard for her to apologize. No matter how grateful she was for the things he did, she never felt the need to thank him, assuming that he could see it by how she showed it. No matter how much she loved him, she couldn't ever say it with words.

She went to the psychiatrist to get herself diagnosed with PTSD. She never had any nightmare before the last blast. She was okay when the first suicide bomb killed Haein and her colleague. She was okay to witness people died from the fighting, in their worst shape of the situation. But since it's Yixing, it triggered everything. She's in this moment where she tried to live her complex bereavement; not because Yixing was dead, but because of the nearly-dead experience itself.

She had no idea if things would be different if he didn't almost die on her, that she's not the one who had her hands on top of