Just before the first day of trauma rotation begins, the interns have a day-off of recess time. Being the morning people that they are, Yeonhee finds Yixing is already out for a run when she gets out of her room. She knows it because he lets his door ajar, and his running shoes are gone when Yeonhee steps out to throw out the trash.

She wakes up with a bit of edgy feeling this morning. Last night was a mess, everything was just too messy as she let her exasperation took control and got the bad side of her. She's not the best at expressing her feelings, she grows up to hide it instead and tended to keep it for herself. But she can be emotionally unstable sometimes, especially when it comes to dealing with that certain Oh Sehun in her life.

Nobody has an idea of how important he is for her. He literally raises her, emotionally. She spends most of her time following him, listening to him, watching him grow and be the one that he is right now. She believes everything he says, she does what he orders her to do to the point that even if he tells her to jump off the cliff, she will just do it right away. She has nobody else in her life beside him, she has no one in her family that she can lay her trust on, so it's only him. She's like the earth, and Sehun is her sun. And if the light that he shines fading away, she's like a fish thrown up to the seashore.

Sehun might not realize how big the part that he's been playing for her life, but having no one else to rely on, Yeonhee is really depended on him. And when he ignores her, she feels like a part of her life is almost gone away. And she can't let that. Maybe that's why she behaved like the most insecure person in the world last night, she knows she messed up.

She's not supposed to treat Yixing like that, it's really unfair for him to be in the middle of her frustration. She's been thinking all night, and now she feels so guilty for the selfishness that she pulled off the day before.

Doing the best she could at this kind of situation, Yeonhee decides to cook for breakfast. She cooks a simple meal by making a tofu soup with some other side dish that the chauffeur sent from the family's kitchen. Yixing gets home when she grills the mackerels.

"What are you cooking?" he asks when he steps out from his room to get ready to shower.

"Breakfast. Go get shower, let's have it together."

"Okay, five minutes."

And exactly five minutes later he walks up to her and helps to arrange the eating utensil at the living room. Yeonhee brings the soup pot and put it on the table and takes a seat beside her roommate to start digging in.

"Whoa, are you in a happy mood again?" Yixing asks out of nowhere, maybe referring to the last time she actually cooked for them for a 'real' meal.

Yeonhee is a bit hesitating in replying that, should she say what she has in mind? Or let him think what he wants to think? She has no idea that the simple question can lead to a dilemmatic answer to do.

"Uh, it's for you actually. Yesterday was supposed to be your day, we went out to celebrate it but I ruined it. It's unfair for you to see me lashing out, it's my bad." she says finally after deciding that she owes him a little explanation the least.

And for a few moments, there's only silence. Yixing doesn't say anything while he takes the second round of the soup and pours it into his bowl. And Yeonhee mentally counts, because she can see that his silence means he's trying to process her words. She just wishes that she can be more direct into expressing what she means by all this, but unfortunately she's just not that kind of person. She can't just say it.

"Oh," she hears him reacting a moment later, "So you're cooking when you feel happy, and you're cooking too when you feel guilty. Is that it?"

"Uh, yeah." 

"Can't you just do it simply with 'Yixing, I apologize' or something like it? You don't have to get through all this hard work just to say you're sorry."

Well, that's the problem. She wasn't raised to do wrong. She doesn't have a proper parent-child relationship to tell her what to do when she wrongs people. And Sehun never does apologize, she learns that from him.

Yixing's eyes stay on her while she's thinking all that, because it's the thing that she never did and it's not just that easy to say it for the first time in her life. But after a minute Yeonhee only stares at him with her lips are sealed, Yixing starts to chuckle, maybe knowing that he's not going to have her proper apology.

"Just forget it, Yeonhee, you said my scar is not ugly so I say we're even." he waves his hand to let it just go.

"But I do feel, guilty, you know. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, I do. And I appreciate this, I mean, this meal. You're forgiven."

Yeonhee nods in relieve seeing that the messages is clear, he gets what she's trying to deliver and he forgives her and it's all that matters. She gets back to dig into her soup and silently finishes it when Yixing breaks it a few seconds later.

"Are you okay now?"

"I'm okay." Yeonhee nods again, but she avoids his eyes while saying so.

"You don't look like you are, though."

Yeonhee says nothing for that, not having the slightest idea what to reply.

And Yixing puts down his spoon to the table to turn his torso facing her.

"Look, I know I'm not Sehun or anyone you're close with, but you know, I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. You can tell me anything you feel, I'm going to listen." 

That gets her attention right away. No one ever offered their ears like how Yixing just did to her, no one really pays attention to what she feels or ever be her listener. Not even Sehun. And she's literally fazed that this person, who is no one just like he says, and only knows her for a month, offers her one thing that she never got before. It's nothing big, it's two ears, but he has no idea that it can mean everything for her.

She looks up from her bowl to meet his eyes, and she pauses for several moments before she says,

"I'm never used to it." 

"To what?"

"Telling somebody how I feel."

For a slight moment she catches this flash of shocked expression on his face, but he hides it right away with a concerned smile. She knows what he probably has in his mind. He's possibly thinking how can she be not used to telling people of her feeling when she has Sehun all this time, and Yeonhee doesn't feel offended though it's true because he's not wrong at all.

In retrospect, it's not only Sehun who never talks about his personal feeling. Since he never did, she learned not to do it either. Sehun never asks anything, so she never tells. It's only she who's being persistent of wanting to know what Sehun has been keeping inside his head, just because she doesn't like the feeling of not knowing anything. 

She's touched by Yixing initiative to open up to her. He's always the one who tells her stories about his life, but now that he actually offers to listen, it's really overwhelming.

"Well, that's good, you can start doing that to me. Tell me what you feel right now."

She looks up to the wall, asking herself the same question. How does she feel right now? There are so many feelings actually, like, all emotions are cramping up in this small imaginary box inside her heart that her chest feels so tight. She's sad and she's upset, there are just so many feelings, she can't figure out what's best to tell him.

"I don't know." she finally says what she actually feels the most right now. She really has no idea what she feels or what to feel, it's just too complicated.

"It's okay, that's a start. It's okay to not have any idea what you feel. You can start filtering them from now on and tell me once you find out."

And she gives it another thought, there's actually so many things that she wants to say to him. She wants to say that she's tired. She wants to say that it hurts when she goes through something that kills her inside, but she has to act like it doesn't affect her at all. She wants to say that it hurts when she has to stay silent, because no words can explain what's going on in her mind and her heart. It goes for a lot of things in her life, the things that left unanswered.

Sometimes she just wants to stop, like, really stop doing everything and just run away. She needs a break. She really wants to leave, but what hurts her the most is how she's so afraid of losing Sehun when he's not even hers to begin with. Honestly, she just feels really stupid for holding on to things that keep on hurting her. She feels like she's stuck in the world that doesn't belong to her, and it makes her miserable now that she's reminded to it.

And she wants to tell Yixing all that, but she just has no idea how to start.

"Hey, do you want to go to amusement park?"

The question takes her back from the land of reverie, and Yeonhee almost frowns in disbelieve hearing it.

"In winter?" 

"Yeah, I bet you've never been to the amusement park in winter." and she shakes her head for that. She's never been to the amusement park period, all her life. And she's somewhat hesitating whether it's a good idea or not.

"Let me check on Baekhyun and Sejeong, see if they want to join us. A sudden plan is sometimes the best plan, because it's where you actually can actualize your plan." he rises to get his phone and starts typing a message at the group chat.

He continues eating while waiting for an answer, finishing all the leftovers on the table when Yeonhee says that she's full. It's when she rises to take the dirty dish to the sink, his phone makes a sound, notifying that he just got new messages.

"Baekhyun is in, he'll be ready ... oh great, Sejeong is in too! They'll be here in half of an hour. Let's get ready." says Yixing excitedly. He tells Yeonhee to leave her dirty dishes not washed and says that he's going to do it tonight so she can get ready right away.

And Yeonhee does as she was told. Because she has never been to an amusement park before, she has no idea what to expect from this trip. She doesn't know where they are going, or what to prepare. She just checks the weather and sees that today will be sunny, so she wears jeans and sweaters, and tops it with a navy long puffer. Baekhyun rings Yixing about forty-five minutes later, telling him that he's in the parking lot waiting for them. They find him with Sejeong there, who moves to the backseat to sit with Yeonhee.

"Told you, the sudden plan is always the best plan," Yixing says again to hear Sejeong exclaim how Yixing's invitation comes at the right time when she was almost bored at the thought of spending a day at home just studying and watching TV.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, planned to sleep all day before Yixing invited them away, and thought that spending a day outside sounds far more fun than being at home all day. Especially after a month in the hospital almost every day.

So, after discussion, they decide to go to Everland today. They stop by 7-Eleven not far from Yeonhee and Yixing apartment complexes, filling the shopping basket with snacks and kimbab triangle because they don't want to spend much money there. Yixing purchases the tickets online for some discounts, and from there it's about an hour and a half trip with Baekhyun's driving the car.

"When was the last time you went to theme park?" Baekhyun asks halfway the trip.

"I think it's high school for me," Sejeong answers first, "We went there for a graduation trip, and that's the last time. I never had the chance to go after med school."

"To think about it, I think the movie theatre was the farthest place we went during our study. Med school is really something." Yixing then says, and the others can't disagree with it.

One thing that you can't really do as a medical student is having a real fun, unless you're an addict. Yeonhee recalls how her days were filled with studying most of the times, and then labs or clinical rotation. The library was her second home after Sehun's, that she felt more comfortable there than in her own home.

She once whined to Sehun to take her to go to the amusement park, but he was too busy to go with her. It's even difficult for them to spare their time to go to the movie because of their conflicting schedules. And when they really had free time, Sehun preferred to spend his time at home, sleeping all