(Youngjae's Perspective)

At the knocking coming from the front door, Youngjae slipped away from his piano to answer it. He was understandably nervous, this being the day Youngwon had agreed to come over. Some time in front of the piano did help clear his thoughts of the what ifs of how today could go, at least.

He unlocked the door to be met with his brother sipping from a drink picked up from a fast food place. His facial hair was well trimmed and groomed, as it had been the last time he saw him. But this time, his choice of dress was less casual formal and more... casual. Which was fine, Youngjae didn't care either way. But he'd always been curious as to why facial hair was so easy for his brother to grow while it'd never worked out that way for Youngjae...

Perhaps it was a testament to the fact that two children born from the same couple could still be different genetically?

“Damn, you weren't kidding when you said you lived out of the way, Youngjae.”

Youngjae chuckled and motioned him in. “I told you it would take a while. Decided to stop for a bite to eat on the way?”

Youngwon kicked off his shoes at the door and followed as Youngjae went into the kitchen. “Yeah, I decided to pick something up for the ride. I got two drinks, though. This one's my spare.”

After grabbing his empty mug from by the piano, Youngjae refilled it with the last bit of tea in the kettle he'd made earlier. 'I'll make sure to get another one going when it comes time to make dinner.' It made enough for two cups, and Daehyun always got the second mug come dinnertime. Youngjae joined his brother at the table, taking a sip before speaking. “So... What's been up with you?”

“Oh, you know. Life. The grind.”

“I meant over the years, Youngwon,” he clarified. “What all have you done with yourself? Daehyun said that Hyunmi told him something about you being a teacher and a coach?”

“Yeah, didn't expect me to be a teacher, huh? I didn't either!” Youngwon chuckled, the facial hair on his chin. “But the school needed the space filled, and the school I coached for told me if I took the necessary classes, the spot would be mine. It pays the bills.”

Youngwon wasn't wrong. Based on how much Youngwon seemed to dislike classwork and studying, teacher was one of the last professions Youngjae pictured his brother doing. Coach fit the bill more, though. “Can't imagine you like being cooped up in a classroom all day.”

“I actually have to move around a lot between different rooms. From the gym, to the recreational hall, back to a different part of the gym... I'm moving around plenty!” This time, Youngwon scratched at the facial hair on his jaw, close to his bottom of his ear. “So, Hyunmi said your lady- Well, man but she said lady in her message-” Youngjae couldn't help but chuckle while Youngwon waved a hand to dismiss the thought. “Beside the point. He said he was a waiter. Is that true?”

'Well, we lied about Daena being a woman, so I guess it's fair that other things are being questioned.' “Kind of. He's one of the managers of a restaurant in the city we used to live in,” Youngjae explained. “He does still wait tables when it's needed, but he's in charge of everybody else there more than anything. Making sure things run smoothly and all that.”

“Is he in school for anything?”

Youngjae shook his head. “He likes his job, and he doesn't want to make any of his hobbies into full time work.” Daehyun did get some spare income from crocheting and making jewelry for friends that asked, though. Mainly from Zelo, but Jieun and Umma Choi had also asked for things before.

“And you?”

“No, I'm not in school for anything.” Youngjae never liked the idea of putting himself into massive debt when he could just freely look things up online. Besides, his boss thought he was qualified enough without any sort of food science degree thanks to how long he'd been doing 'hands on learning', as she called it.

Youngwon took a quick sip before shaking his head. “Not that, I meant... in general. Like, how you've been since... since I moved away.”

“It's been... up and down. I've...” Youngjae hummed, taking a sip from his tea as he thought. 'How the hell do I describe seven years of life simply? No wonder the first answer my brother gave was so vague.' “I've managed. It's been hard at times, but I'm happy with where I am now.”

Youngwon stared for a moment, then he let out a sigh. “Look, Youngjae, I... I'm sorry I haven't been there for you the way I should've been.”

Youngjae's brow raised. “It's not your responsibility to look after me, Youngwon.”

“No, I... I always told myself that as your older brother, I'd be there for you when nobody else was. I ed that up during our school days, and right about the time I was starting to make up for that, I was gone, and... and... ” Instead of continuing his thought, Youngwon groaned in exasperation.

'So that's his angle?' Youngjae sipped at his tea as he took it in. “I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't upset, but...” He stared down into his mug and the reflection shown in the liquid. “We didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms. I told you that your marriage was rushed and likely wouldn't work out to your face on your wedding day.”

Youngwon huffed. Amusement? Annoyance? A mix of both? Youngjae couldn't be sure. “Well, you weren't... wrong? Kind of? It's pretty complicated...”

Youngjae looked up from his drink to see Youngwon rubbing the back of his head. Briefly, he recalled a conversation he'd had with Daehyun shortly after the truth had come out. Daehyun admitted to being confused on the nature of Hyunmi's and Youngwon's relationship. Clearly there was care between them, but he was unsure if they were still married due to how Hyunmi had frozen when asked where her wedding ring was.

“What do you mean?”

“Okay, so, we're technically still legally married. But we decided after so much fighting that we needed to step back and focus on our own things before we got to the point we couldn't stand each other,” Youngwon explained slowly. “If we decided to split after that, then we'd go through with divorce.”

“Given that you didn't say you two had divorced, does that mean you're still figuring that out?”

A light smile found its way onto Youngwon's face. “Actually, we're back dating. The hard reset on our relationship really helped. Now we're able to date the way we want, without having people constantly looking over our shoulders and telling us what we should and shouldn't do.” He chuckled. “No offense to you. I preferred you chaperoning to Umma or Appa.”

“No offense taken.” Youngjae had never enjoyed being the glorified babysitter for his older brother given that it kept him from doing his own things, so he'd never been too harsh on them when they were out together. So long as they weren't doing anything illegal or indecent. “They never would've let me chaperone if they knew the things I got into under the guise of studying with classmates.”

That declaration caused Youngwon to nearly choke on the sip he was taking. He cleared his throat, voice a bit rough when he spoke again. “Excuse me? What sort of things did you get up to?”

Youngjae waved a hand, fully expecting the surprise in his brother's voice. “Dating, mostly. Testing the waters on what I did and didn't want in a relationship.” Looking back on it, some of those things should probably have waited until he was older. But Youngwon had gotten himself into the exact same things caused by teenage curiosity and hormones! He'd gotten caught and scolded for it, too, which led to Youngjae's enlistment as chaperone in the future. Since Youngjae was more cautious due to his preferences, he was never caught. He snickered thinking back on it. “Nobody ever questioned me if I said I was studying.”

One final throat clear and a drawn out sip to wash down the roughness, and Youngwon's throat was cleared. “That's pretty sneaky.”

“I kind of had to be. Back then, the possibility of coming out was... a worst case scenario. I always tried to do everything I could to avoid it. Even if it meant constantly lying through my teeth.” Youngjae sighed. “If things had gone my way, none of you would have ever known I was gay.”

“You were never going to tell us?”

“I never planned on it. With who you were back then, and with how much our parents disregarded me saying I wanted to focus on my studies over dating, why would I? I figured I was better off keeping things secret and leaving everything behind once I graduated.”

“Well, when you put it that way...” Youngwon took a hefty sip from his cup. “What made you go against your plans?”

Back to reminiscing as he looked at his reflection in his tea. The school year had just started. Youngjae was giving 'wanting to get ahead on his studies' as an excuse to hide how much his heart was hurting. Eunkwang had moved away at the end of summer break to get away from the bullying he'd been subjected to at the hands of Youngwon's friend group, and he'd decided it was better if he called things off with Youngjae to cut all ties from the town. Youngjae didn't fault him for it, but it still hurt so very much at the time. To this day, he wished Eunkwang well, wherever it was he'd found himself.

But that dinner... That dinner where it all boiled over for the first time...

“At the time, I was heartbroken,” he answered quietly. “That evening, Umma's spiel of how I'd be happier if I just got my nose out of my school work and found myself a nice girl to date really rubbed salt into that wound, and I just... hit my breaking point.”

“Heartbroken?” Youngwon's eyes narrowed. “Who broke your heart?”

Youngjae gave a half-hearted chuckle and glanced up from his drink. “That heartbreak is seven years in the past, and I've had worse than that one. Don't worry about it.” Then he took a little sip. Ultimately, it was more to protect Eunkwang's identity. But Youngjae also didn't want to make a habit of lingering on his past heartbreaks. If he did that, then he'd lose sight of the good things he had in the present!

Youngwon hummed. “Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't worry about something that happened so long ago.” After another hearty sip from his straw, enough that it was clear to tell the drink was just about gone at this point, he said, “That's not going to stop me from worrying about the here and now, though. This Daehyun fellow you're marrying... You're not rushing into this, are you? Not gonna get your heart broken by him?”

“Of course not! I wouldn't marry someone I thought would break my heart down the line.” 'The only thing heartbreaking with Daehyun is just how much he put up with under the guise of love prior to us getting together,' Youngjae mused. “After seeing how rushed you and Hyunmi were, the last thing I wanted was to find myself in the same position. So I've always tried to take my time to make sure that I'm really compatible with who I'm dating and that we can live under the same roof without problems. And if there are problems, to make sure we can solve them rationally.”

'Well, maybe not as much time as others take.' Yongguk's courting process with Jieun was a couple of years, and Jaebeom's relationship with Jinyoung was seemingly turning out to also be a years long process. But for Youngjae's family, taking time meant over half a year of courting. Which both he and Youngwon had done, technically. If only because Youngwon and Hyunmi were in school for their dating days, so they had the privilege of having years together beforehand.

Youngwon pouted at his now empty cup, shaking it a little bit before tossing it in the trash can near the table. “Wait, you live together already? I thought he'd be moving in after you two got married.”

“Oh no, I wanted to make sure there were no problems learning how to live together beforehand,” he explained. “After all, if you can't live together unmarried, then you certainly can't live together married.”

His brother made a sound of understanding. “So the two of you got this place and moved in together?”

“Kind of. We did get this place together, but we were already living with each other before then. He moved into the apartment I lived in at the end of last year, and we got this place this past spring.”

“You? In an apartment?” Youngwon wondered, amusement in his tone.

“I was desperate to leave home. I wanted a place where I wouldn't walk out of my room and find that Umma had invited a woman over to introduce to me. Despite me telling her I had a boyfriend.” Youngjae sighed in annoyance before sipping at his tea.

The sound Youngwon made was somewhere between 'eesh' and 'yikes'. “You and Daehyun have been together for that long, huh?”

Youngjae shook his head. “No. I was with someone else at the time.” That particular ex was his biggest heartbreak, but rather than think about those wounds, he mentally shrugged the thoughts that were threatening to come to the forefront of his mind away and replaced them with thinking about how he should refer to Zelo in this anecdote. Daehyun and Zelo technically weren't brothers at the point they were introduced, but given that they were now, it was easier to just go with that. “I met Daehyun in the apartment complex, though. I was friends with his brother, who lived up on the top floor with the son of the owners. It was him who introduced the two of us to each other.”

Youngwon chuckled. “And the rest is history, huh?”

“I might tell you more about it one day,” he chuckled along. His eyes glanced to the clock on the wall. 'Not too much longer now. I should go ahead and start dinner.' Youngjae gulped the last of his tea down before getting up and putting the mug in the sink. “Daehyun will be home in about an hour or so. I'm going to get dinner going. Should I make enough for you, too? Or you do plan on leaving before then?”

“If you don't mind me staying for dinner, then I'll gladly stay. I want to see for myself the man who's going to be my brother in law,” he declared.

After washing the mug and kettle appropriately and setting them to dry, Youngjae searched through the fridge, freezer, and cabinets for things he could put together for dinner. The reserves were a bit thin due to the usual Saturday grocery trip being moved to tomorrow to accommodate meeting with his brother today. “You've already met him, Youngwon.” He pulled out a few things he could make do with and got started.

“Not as who he is. I only saw him dressed as a woman and we didn't even exchange words.”

As Youngjae the stove, he hummed in thought. “That's... fair, I guess. He does enjoy the skirt and the wig, though. So you weren't too far off from meeting who he is.”

The only sound for a few beats was Youngjae peeling and washing potatoes. Daehyun loved mashed potatoes, so making some homemade ones with the few potatoes they had left was a no brainer. “Oh. So dressing like that is... normal for him?” Youngwon wondered.

“I mean, he doesn't do it every day. It's more something he does in his free time.” Youngjae filled up a pot with water and set it on the stove to boil the potatoes properly. While he waited on that, he grabbed another pot of water and put it on a different burner. “But yeah. It's normal for him. He's been doing it since he was a kid.”

“So it's about as natural for him as soccer is for me and the piano is for you, huh?”

Youngjae chuckled. “Yeah, like that.”

As he continued along making dinner, Youngjae reminisced on his days as a child. The days of early elementary school when he had no choice but to follow after Youngwon when he went to the recreation department. They couldn't ride the school bus home because no one would be there to watch them, so they were carted off to a place they could stay until one of their parents picked them up.

Youngwon always got scraped up playing soccer and other various sports with the other kids. Youngjae tried to blend in at first and be like the other boys running around and dirtying themselves up, but the roughhousing of sports never appealed to him. For a little bit, he spoke with the girls that weren't playing whatever sports game the kids were playing. Even though they were always pleasant to talk to, hanging out with the girls that weren't on the field led to his umma making comments when she came to pick her sons up, so he ended up isolating himself on the sidelines to avoid that.

It was a mild annoyance at the time. After all, whenever Youngwon and Jaebeom took breaks from the field, they always came to him. And he always looked forward to when he got home because that meant he could play with the piano and maybe even pester his umma enough to let him help in the kitchen!

But looking back on those days as an adult that was jaded from constant battles with his umma...

“Hey, Youngwon?”

“Hm?”

“Do you ever wonder if things would've been different if you'd been born as a girl?”

“Yeah, I've... thought about that before,” he admitted. “It's been a while, but it crossed my mind a lot during my high school days. Especially after Hyunmi and I started dating and she was over at our house all the time. Even more so after we got engaged.” Youngwon sighed. “You wouldn't be asking if you hadn't also thought about it, right?”

“It's really only been recently. Within the past year or so.” Basically since he'd successfully made his parents think he had a girlfriend. Even with that lie revealed, it still crossed his mind from time to time. “How did you... work through it?”

“Time and distance. The longer you're away from what's causing you problems, the easier it is to move on from it,” he explained. “At least that's what the relationship counselor we went to told us. That our internal problems were being caused by external factors, and getting rid of those factors would help give us the space to work through our personal issues. So... that's what we did. We cut our ties and changed our phone numbers, but we kept Hyunmi's old phone as an emergency line on the off chance something bad happened. And... well, to keep updated on you.”

'At least me getting cut off was more an unfortunate side effect of getting rid of our parents rather than any sort of anger at me for how I approached them on their wedding day. If anything, they took my words to heart,' he thought. He also slightly envied how easily his brother had been able to just... cut ties. “Time and distance, huh...”

“What kept you from doing the same? You clearly had intentions to cut them off, what with you living so far away, yet you didn't. Why?”

Youngjae kept his focus on the foods he was making. “Every time I thought about it, I always found myself thinking about how ungrateful it would seem to write them off completely after I was raised healthy and with a roof over my head. So in the end I just made sure I was far away so they couldn't drop by even if they knew where I lived,” he explained quietly. “I also hoped that as time went on, they'd finally accept me. I gave them plenty of opportunities, even before I moved away. If they'd just taken them, then-” He stopped that train of thought with a sigh and a shake of his head. “I guess it doesn't matter now. It's their loss.”

“Damn right it is! We're better off without them putting us down in the name of caring about our futures. A bunch of bull is what that is! If they cared about our futures, then they wouldn't have pushed us to the side so much for our ladies!” Youngwon declared. “Well, your man. But they thought he was a lady, and that's what counts here.”

Youngjae spared an amused glance over his shoulder before bringing his attention back to the things on the stove. “You know, I always thought the feelings I had growing up were singular to the fact that I was gay. I never really thought you'd have the same type of feelings.”

“I got the same comments you got about finding a nice girl to be with, you know,” Youngwon pointed out. “It was annoying as a kid, and when I got older, it made me feel like all I was good for was giving umma a daughter. As if me being her son wasn't enough for her or some .” Youngjae could practically hear the eye roll in Youngwon's exasperated sigh. “Unlike you, though, I did want to find myself a woman to settle down with. Someone who wasn't pushy like Umma, but also someone who was tough in her own right.”

“Hyunmi seems to tick those boxes for you still.”

“Yeah, she does. I really don't think there's anybody better suited for me,” Youngwon said softly. “On top of that, she's never cared for how our parents act, so she never faulted me for being upset at them for it.” Youngjae was aware of at least some of those details thanks to Hyunmi telling him. “I'm willing to bet Umma challenged you being gay so much because it threatened her want for you to marry a girl she could consider as a daughter since Hyunmi wasn't interested.”

Youngjae frowned, barely keeping an eye roll at bay. “Based on how she treated me when she thought I'd gotten a girlfriend, I don't doubt it.”

“Well, now she has neither. Maybe some time to reflect on things will get her to finally realize what she's done and see things our way.” Youngwon's words gave Youngjae pause. 'Umma? Seeing things our way? That doesn't sound like something she'd do.' He turned enough to raise a brow at his brother. Youngwon shrugged. “Or maybe it won't. We Yoos are a stubborn bunch.”

“Yeah, we are.” With the dinner he was making done, which included a new kettle of tea, he began getting things set on the table. As he was finishing that up, he heard the sound of a car door shutting in the driveway. “Sounds like Daehyun's home.” He internally applauded his timing, even if at this point he'd had enough practice that he always had dinner ready when Daehyun was coming in. Unless something else came up that kept them from eating together, that is. “Get washed up, Youngwon.”

Youngwon made a sound in understanding before getting up to wash his hands in the kitchen sink. While he did that, Youngjae poured out the now ready tea into cups. Cups specifically so there would be enough for the three of them. Using mugs would only allow for two drinks!

Daehyun was just coming in the door as Youngwon was taking a seat back at the table and Youngjae was setting the kettle by the sink. “I'm home.”

With a quick 'be right back' to his brother, Youngjae went into the entryway to greet his fiancé. “Welcome home, my love,” he greeted cheerily, voice lowered for the sake of comfort. Daehyun wasn't one to speak affectionate nicknames around the ears of others, even close friends and family, so Youngjae always tried to be mindful of that.

Daehyun pressed a kiss against Youngjae's cheek. “Hey, sweetheart,” he mumbled. “Good day?”

Youngjae nodded. “It's been nice. I invited my brother to eat dinner with us.” Then the thought crossed his mind that maybe he should've asked Daehyun before doing that. “If that's okay, that is,” he added.

“Of course. I already prepared myself for the possibility.” Daehyun grinned as he stepped out of his shoes and made sure they were neatly together in their place. “I'll wash up, and then we can eat.”

Dinner was a nice time, filled with pleasant chatter about various things. Comments about the goings on, about Youngjae's cooking, things that happen on the job... Soon enough, they were all done and it was time to clean up. Daehyun volunteered to do the dishes while Youngjae walked his brother out.

Youngjae leaned in the doorway while Youngwon stood on the porch. “Well, I guess it's time for the long drive home. Thanks for having me and whatever other sort of polite things people say after meeting up like this.”

Youngjae chuckled. “Thanks for stopping by. Let me know when you make it home.”

“Can't make any guarantees that I'll remember, but I'll try,” he assured. “Hey, Youngjae?”

“Hm?”

“If there's anything you need...” Youngwon rubbed at the back of his neck. “I know we live far apart, but let me know? I'll do my best to help you out.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” In the back of his mind, he thought about the things coming up for him soon and decided he'd like it if his brother could be there for that and whatever came afterwards. He was confident that Daehyun wouldn't mind. After all, whenever Youngjae asked for Daehyun's take on the thoughts and feelings related to his older brother, Daehyun made it clear he was for the brothers having a good relationship again! “Youngwon?”

“Yeah?”

“If you're interested, you and Hyunmi both are more than welcome to come to the wedding,” he said. “It's an invitation, not an obligation.”

Youngwon nodded with a smile. “I'll get the details from you later and talk it over with Hyunmi. At the very least, I'll be there.”

--

A/N:

Next chapter's the last...