‘So- quarantine am I right?’

‘This is a terrible introduction to what we’re doing today.’

‘It’s already on the title, I don’t think anything we say now will matter.’

‘…I mean I guess-‘

‘Guys welcome back to unsolved! Where we try to solve!’

‘Quarantine bods!’

‘By which we mean!’

‘Solving the issue of this chunka-hunka-munka jiggle all over our bodies!’

‘Now I want to put an instant disclaimer out right now- during this time, you’ll hear a lot of people say things like “you should work on being productive- like working out, improving your body, reading books, getting into hobbies”- and stuff like that.’

‘And we just want to put our opinion- OPINION- in on this which is-‘

‘-that’s bull. Absolute bull.’

‘Let’s try and not swear.’

‘It’s bull-crap. This is a hard time, emotionally, mentally, psychologically- financially. Just because you are in quarantine doesn’t mean your worries are all just gone- so take it easy on yourselves. Don’t feel guilty about putting on weight, or not catching up on books or shows or whatever despite having this abundance of time. There are so many factors to be considered, don’t let some hoo-ha on the internet-‘

‘-WHICH ALSO INCLUDES US BY THE WAY-‘

‘-tell you what to do during this time!’

‘Be kind to yourselves everyone!’

‘Unlike what we’re about to do!’

‘Nice segue.’

‘Thanks- because genuinely, this is going to hurt!’

‘Today we will be starting out on!’

‘A two week fitness shred by the one and only queen of online fitness videos!’

‘Chloe Ting!’

‘Not sponsored or in collaboration by the way.’

‘And now- as you all know, and have seen, we’re not…not exactly the highest quality specimen of physical fitness.’

‘We are not! And there’s no shame in admitting so!’

‘I mean, we do try to stay fit. We normally walk everywhere we go, and we try to live healthy clean lives.’

‘We do!’

‘But as quarantine no longer allows us to go for walks, we’ve been…well, lagging behind in the whole health thing.’

‘Yeah- honestly, somehow the more time I have, the more I don’t want to cook.’

‘Which has resulted in eating a lot of processed food and basically- it’s just not helping us out.’

‘Yeah- and besides, I have these child-bearing hips, and you know what they say about hips- they don’t lie.’

‘Baekhyun this is not an ABO fanfic please-‘

‘-OH BABY WHEN YOU TALK LIKE THAT YOU MAKE A WOMAN GO MAD!’

[WE’RE PUTTING IN AN AD RIGHT NOW]

‘So we need to try and get back on a healthier lifestyle!’

‘Which is why! We turned to someone, through Zoom of course, who we know is absolutely shredded and ripped with pure glistening sweaty hot muscles and stamina for days!’

‘Minseok-hyung!’

‘Is…is that really the introduction…’

‘Yeah!’

‘…and you’re going to put this in right?’

‘Of course!’

‘You’re studying right now and we miss you and we know you work out and we wouldn’t want to impede on your schedule by asking you to edit so we’re doing that, and also killing 3 birds with one stone by asking if we can join you for a workout session so we can see your handsome face!’

‘…-three birds-?’

‘SO we watched the Chloe Ting workout and Minseok-hyung sent us 3 links to start off with!’

‘That’s a total of 30 minutes, more or less.’

‘Hyung, I think we could do more than 30 minutes.’

‘We’re doing those 3, no more.’

‘Yes hyung-.’

‘-understood hyung.’

‘And we will start with a warm-up, a 15 minute shred meant to be done for 2 weeks, and a cooldown!’

‘We will be putting the links down in the description box!’

‘Hyung, can you tell us a bit more about these workouts? We watched it and it doesn’t seem too bad, is that why you suggested this?’

‘Yeah- I follow her other workouts- mainly the HIIT programs. Especially now that I can’t go to the gym.’

‘What’s HIIT? Not that I don’t know, but for the viewers!’

‘HIIT stands for high-intensity interval training.

They’re short bursts of high-energy cardio and anaerobic exercises.

You basically do them as hard as you can, and as fast as you can.’

‘This reminds me, hyung, is there something you want to add to that?’

‘…is this the segue you mentioned-?’

‘YES!’

‘Right- uh, a special episode will drop maybe next week, something we shot way before quarantine- it was meant to be the first episode of Season 3 but we will be putting it up, and all the revenue from the ads will be going to local organizations that are distributing care packages for the elderly.’

‘I knew Minseok-hyung would be perfect for this. He just-!

So genuine and wonderful I love him so much.’

‘I can hear you.’

‘We know!

So next week is a special episode and like Minseok-hyung said, 100% of the money made from the ads will go directly to local organization, all their links and information will be posted in the video next week as well as on our Twitter, Instagram, and Patreon! So if you want to donate to them directly, you can!’

‘And if you’re wondering how HIIT became a segue into this well-‘

‘-you’re going to have to check the next episode and find out why!’

‘All right! So let’s get started?’

[a few moments later]

‘I love my exercise mat, it’s so cute.’

‘Isn’t it distracting?’

‘Yes.’

‘…okay hyung! We have our mats out!’

‘All right then- are we ready? On three!’

‘Ready!’

‘Ready!’

‘One.

Two.

Three!’

(Hey guys this is a warm up routine that’s perfect to do before any workout of the day. We’ve got 12 exercises in this warm up-)

‘Wait- did she say exercises as in this is not just stretching?’

(-and no rest time in between.)

‘It should be okay! Warm up is just to get your heart rate going and get you moving and ready for the actual exercise!’

‘Okay!’

(Let’s start with a simple march. You can speed it up to a jog, but this is great if you’re getting started.)

‘We’re sticking to a march.’

‘Agreed-

Hyung, why are you jogging?’

‘This is fun! The music is cheery!’

(Plant your feet apart and we’re doing some cross body toe touches. We’re doing a full range of motion as this will really help with your next work out.)

‘WEE!

I’M AN “X”!’

‘Am I supposed to bend my knees or no-?’

‘You can.’

‘Hey this is fun, we can totally incorporate these!

I think it’ll be good to do these in the morning, to just stretch our arms and legs out.

Motion is lotion after all.’

‘I hate how you say things sometimes.’

‘But seriously, all those cracking in your body?

It comes from not moving your joints or from being stationary for too long!

It’s normal of course and-‘

‘…did you just lose your breath?’

‘No!’

‘Hyung are you actually doing full lunges…she said it’s not needed…’

(We’re doing some arm circles next-)

‘This sounds like fun!’

‘I- wait, why does this hurt?’

(Great work guys-)

‘Thanks Chloe!’

‘Thank you Chloe!’

‘I love that name- inch worm- but wait-‘

‘-I have no balance what the heck-‘

(Now we’re moving onto lunge taps. Just nice and easy guys, no need to go all out, just go at your own pace!)

‘WAIT I’M STILL INCH-WORMING CHLOE HOLD UP-!’

‘Why does this feel difficult too?’

(We’re halfway through-)

‘Oh! Okay but that’s a relief I think-‘

‘Wow, Minseok-hyung that’s so cool your rhythm is so spot on!’

‘Thank you?’

(And next we’re doing a squat with our arms crossed like so to warm up the entire body. This is a full body movement.)

‘This is really a warm up- feeling warm.’

‘Wait- I can’t go any lower than this-‘

‘-that’s barely anything-‘

‘-you’re not going any lower either!’

‘HYUNG HOW ARE YOU FORMING 90 DEGREE ANGLES LIKE THAT?!’

(All right now, get into a low lunge and move your hands up like so-)

‘Like what?!’

‘I didn’t catch that either-‘

‘HYUNG!’

[a few moments later]

‘This hurts-‘

‘Oh god my thighs- the back of my thighs- why are they hurting-?!’

(Now get on all fours and use your knee to draw some imaginary circles! Just two more exercises and we’re done!)

‘My coordination is so bad oh god guys-‘

‘Hyung how are your circles so- so circle?!’

‘It’s practice! You can’t get it right immediately, don’t worry about it too much.’

‘Okay, thank you hyung!’

(Now get up right and we’re doing some standing crunches. Remember to engage your core-)

‘Engage my what? Isn’t this just a warm up?’

‘Wait- I’ve- I’ve heard people talk about engaging your core and-

-and what does it mean?

Hyung?’

‘Some people describe it by saying to tuck your belly button to your spine-‘

‘What?!’

‘-but it’s kinda like, flexing your abdomen, kinda like when you exhale after a cough, that kinda clenched feeling? That’s engaging your core.’

‘Oh-‘

(And the final exercise is cross jacks-)

‘Wait- I don’t think we should be jumping-‘

(-you’ve got this! Let’s finish up!)

‘Okay Chloe I trust you!’

[a few moments later]

‘I- I can taste colour-‘

‘-what-…what taste are you then-?’

‘-like-

[wheeze] [gasp] [audible problems breathing]

-I think- maybe I’m-

Really watered down-

…-watermelon that’s-…that’s not ripe-‘

‘Uh…uhh [groaning] [wheezing]

-uhh- yeah- gross. I guess.’

‘…guys that was the warm up…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

[15 minutes later]

(Hey everyone today’s workout is only 13 minutes-!)

‘We can do this!’

‘Yeah!’

‘And after all of this quarantine is over!

We can intimidate ghosts and demons with our muscles!’

‘YEAH!’

(All right we have three sets with seven exercises each, five to ten seconds rest and 15 seconds rest in between sets-)

‘Okay, we can do this- 13 minutes right?’

(Let’s kick things off with cross-body mountain climber!)

‘That sounds good?’

[3 minutes later]

‘Chloe please I can’t-!’

‘CHLOE PLEASE!’

‘WAIT WAIT-

HYUNG STOP!’

‘…are you guys okay?’

[we were not okay]

(We’ve got a quick 5 seconds break and then we’ve got Burpees next)

‘This is too short to be 5 seconds what the fuc-‘

[Insert side by side shot of coordinated burpees vs 2 young men flopping on the ground while screaming]

‘WHY IS BODY AGAINST ME?’

‘OH GOD THIS IS ONLY 40 SECONDS BUT WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE 3 YEARS?’

[loud breathing into mics, sorry about this, this is definitely NOT categorized into ASMR. If you don’t want to look at us, please just look at Minseok-hyung’s side of the video, I can assure you it’s much more satisfying]

‘I can hear the-!

-the timer!’

(We’ll have a 10 seconds break and next is high knees)

‘I can feel my pulse in my eyes is this normal-?’

(Make sure your core is engaged and bring your knees up to your hip level.)

‘Knees up to where-?!’

(Do it fast and controlled and remember to breathe!)

‘I’m trying Chloe I really am!’

‘Can I do the low-impact version my legs are like noodles I can’t-‘

‘You guys can do low-impact versions!

I told you guys it’s okay to do low-impact-.’

‘I’m pushing through and I’m breathing I won’t-!

-won’t let this break me!

I am a-!

-young healthy man-!

-with no reason to be this-!

-argh [grunting and groaning].’

‘J-Jongdae-?

You- [groaning]-you okay?!’

‘TIMER!’

(All right we have push-up with mountain climber next)

‘This can’t be 5 seconds break it’s too short I don’t understand time-‘

‘-push-up and what-?!’

‘Guys, just do either one of the exercises, don’t try do both.’

‘My coordination-

What am I doing I don’t understand-‘

‘I nearly kicked myself I don’t even know how-‘

‘BREATHE!

CHLOE SAID BREATHE!’

‘BREATHING!’

‘IT’S THE TIMER OH GOD-‘

[I feel bad for Minseok-hyung he clearly looks like he feels bad but rest-assured guys, we survived]

 (Skater jump is next. This is a really great exercise to keep your heart rate up!)

‘No I can’t do it Chloe I beg-‘

‘My heart rate is already up-‘

(Make sure you take a big jump, but be safe guys, that’s really important. For low impact, you can it without the jump!)

‘I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do with my right leg-‘

‘How- how is this figure-skating-

-…wait, hyung why are you actually doing the jump-?!’

[Pause.]

[If you were thinking from my actions here that I looked like I out you would be right]

(The last exercise for Set 1 is Spider-Man plank!)

‘But-

But Spider-Man is-

-he’s airborne-!’

 (This is a great exercise to work the abs, so keep going guys, you can do this!)

‘Your faith in me is misplaced Chloe-!’

‘Chloe please, have mercy-!’

[we are so sorry for what you’re witnessing, we genuinely thought this would be a fun and uplifting video. You’re just watching two young men get destroyed by a fitness routine]

 ‘Do you want to take a break between the sets?’

‘Y E S.’

‘Y E S.’

‘You know what-

-We’re not going to subject you to this torture-

-here’s a montage of us suffering.’

[Here is a minute of compressed sped-up video of us exercising for the next 10 minute]

[Oh, and this too:]

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…wow…’

‘…yeah…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘-HEY!’

‘Sorry!’

‘Hyung it’s just-‘

‘-hold on were you just-…were you just watching me?!’

[Here’s an ad!]

‘OH GOD FINALLY THE COOLDOWN!’

‘WILL WE HAVE TO DO THE UP AND DOWN PLANKS AS PART OF THE COOLDOWN I DON’T TRUST ANYONE!’

‘It’s genuinely a good cooldown, you’ll be okay guys.

You both did very well for your first time trying a Chloe Ting workout video.

You guys did great.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

[neither of us know if those are tears or sweat on our faces]

(Hey guys hope you’re enjoying my workouts! This is a cool down and stretch that you can add to your playlist to do after any of my workouts!)

‘Oh thank you, we’re sitting down for this one.’

‘YOU SPOKE TOO SOON-

Oh, it’s still on the floor okay-‘

[We’re speeding this up as well but it genuinely made us feel better when we were done despite what you’re about to witness]

‘Uh- can you guys hear me?’

[a hand flails up to form a thumb’s up]

‘Jongdae-ah, don’t lie down on your front, turn over.’

[a body flops over much like a fish out of water]

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

[5 minutes later and we’re still on the floor but at least we’re on our backs!]

‘Can’t promise you guys on this but we might post pictures because-

[wheeze]

-because there’s no way this doesn’t shred you-‘

‘There has to be results after doing-

-doing this-‘

‘…Jongdae you’re turning purple.’

‘Nonsense hyung- it’s-

[shallow wheezing groans and pants]

-just how I naturally am.’

‘Well- this was totally-

-totally fun!

[barely audible and heavily slurred words]

It’s great!’

‘Yeah I- I feel really good!’

‘…I can’t see either of your faces…

And uh…Baekhyun-ah, I think maybe adjust your uh, position on the floor, it kinda looks wrong.’

‘Just blur me.

I don’t want to move a muscle.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘Okay, um, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and uh, please check out the workout routine we did! Chloe Ting has an amazing range of exercises that you can add to your daily life! It’s all free, and very effective too! And like Jongdae mentioned in passing about jumping inside apartments, she has several where there’s no jumping involved! Um, so yeah, I hope you all stay safe, I hope we were able to at least make you smile!’

*

Erikyoooooooonggggg_ggg: I DIDN’T THINK THEY WOULD ACTUALLY BLUR BAEKHYUN FOR THE REST OF THE VIDEO I’M CRYING

minghaoFrogagenda: The fact that Jongdae knows about ABO just took 20 years from my lifespan I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. And the fact that this all happens in the first minute of the video i-

Mareete: WHEN I HEARD THAT SONG MY WHOLE LIFE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES (not kidding I quit 3 days in) CHLOE IS A FITNESS DEMON THAT LOOKS LIKE A SWEET ANGEL

Professional Procrastinator 3000: Anyone else vaguely terrified of what’s gonna happen next week because I cannot for the life of me understand how HIIT segways into their normal unsolved content

Indigo_salad: LMAO I REALIZED I WAS STARING AT MINSEOK WORKING OUT THE SAME TIME THEY WERE DOING IT

167 Is Average Height: I’ve been doing this exact exercise too I don’t envy the muscle soreness that’s gonna hit them. Also, really appreciated Minseok’s arm, where’s that cursed JB tweet that just says “arm”?

Today is March 89: The timer beeping from 3 to 1 is the best thing you’ll hear during a Chloe Ting workout I promise you. That, and ads.

Bread for Cheeks, Cheeks for Bread: Baekhyun saying he can taste colours is so valid because that’s how I am after I physically exert myself too

DaeDroid: …this really wasn’t clickbait i-

DaeDroid: …Minseok is…did you guys…see his triceps when he was leaning in to talk to the camera…I have…never been more confused

GrimArtandStuff: I am so strangely motivated to workout now I never thought a supernatural channel on youtube would insoire me to take up working out

Sehun_omayaaaaaa: I’m sending this to Chloe so she can react to it on her next reaction videos this is priceless

SinB is My High Priestess: Okay so guys listen. I did her 2 weeks abs shred routine and let me tell you, I got abs. Jongdae and Baekhyun are both quite fit actually, HIIT if you’re not used to it, takes YOU THE OUT even if you’re fit. So my point is…what if when they post their result pictures and

Incorrect Baekhyun Quotes:@SinB is My High Priestess “WHAT IF WHEN THEY POST THEIR RESULT PICTURES AND-“ AND WHAT OP??

Baguette Au Pain: @Incorrect Baekhyun Quotes the visual idea of Jongdae and Baekhyun being ripped and posting it up online was too powerful for them, so they couldn’t complete their comment it’s okay it happens to us all.

(Author’s Notes)

Yes I am doing the Chloe Ting workout and yes I am dying!

It’s great!

I do a 5 minute warm-up, and a 10 minute no-jump workout, then a 15 minute leg workout, and then a 10 minute cool down! I was in pain for a whole week but I feel so much better as a human being right now!

Also the next update is going to be so fun I cannot even begin to explain the-