‘HELLO’

‘HEEEELLLOOOOO’

‘AYEEEEE MAKE SOME NOISE!’

(it’s been 5 seconds and already the chaos is over the roof please save me – KM)

‘So as you all can see, we have with us, founder, creator, owner, of Studio NNG with us for today’s Autopsy!’

‘Aye wassup guys, Chanyeol from Studio NNG here-‘

‘-none of that basic YouTuber here-

‘-yeah enough of that before we start opening with an announcement of Patreon or something-‘

(it’s been 20 seconds please help me I beg)

‘So! Let’s start with some questions from the comment sections from YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter!’

‘Can I just say this is really cool, I never thought I’d see this whole part of the video ever being filmed-‘

‘-oh yeah, we only just started with Autopsy after you got too big to work with us anymore-‘

‘-that’s not true don’t say that-!’

(sigh)

‘-this question comes in from YouTube account ‘Wishing Pigs Could Fly For Instant Bacon’-‘

‘-wait I have so many issues with this username-‘

‘-seconded-‘

‘-let’s be realistic here- have you seen how massive pigs actually are- it’s like we have this assumption that pigs are like, the size of dogs, maybe a bit larger- THEY’RE NOT! PEOPLE OPEN YOUR EYES PIGS ARE LARGE OKAY!’

‘-I really second this because a few years back when I went back home over the winter break, like it was really cold and there was this great barbecue an uncle of mine was hosting- like, not real uncle, just someone who’s close to the family-‘

‘-oh yeah I get that-‘

‘-that kinda uncle yeah-‘

‘-and he’s just really good at getting that ratio for barbecuing meat really well- I’ve spent more time watching him and timing him to get the perfect barbecue but it’s like- he has a sixth sense because I mean of course, not all meat cuts are gonna be the same-‘

‘-yeah, like, fat ratio, how the meat has been cut-‘

‘-precisely- so anyways, he always had this barbecue thing which was great- and I used to play with his kids when we were little, and his wife, this was in the past of course, she was a night-shift nurse, and so one night, I had a sleepover, and he didn’t know what to cook for us- ah, how men have survived for this long we will never know-‘

‘-yeah, just a PSA, to all men-‘

‘-cis men-‘

‘-it’s not “gay” to know how to cook, because by that logic, it’s gay to be able to feed yourself independently-‘

‘-also bold of you to assume gay people can all cook??’

‘-yeah point being- at least learn how to fry an egg, cook rice, throw together something that’s not instant-‘

‘-no one is saying you should do 5-course meals-‘

‘-but at least, some basic man-‘

‘-but he could do a barbecue, and that’s where the whole barbecue tradition came from- so this one specific night- his wife came home from a shift earlier than expected and she took this picture of us because the irony of the whole situation was that they had a farm as well- not like, the kind where they breed animals and stuff-‘

‘-just a kinda basic farm? A few chickens, etc?’

‘-yeah, and the kids wanted a pet pig? So they had a pet pig, and we were eating barbecue pork, right outside of the pet pig’s pen- and listen that size-‘

‘-were you like, half of the pig-‘

‘-I kid you not- the three of us could fit inside the pet pig-‘

‘-so yeah, that means, if pigs could fly, how the - wait, can I say -‘

‘-I think Minseok-hyung would bleep it out-‘

‘-wait- where did hyung go?’

‘…’

‘…’

‘Uh-‘

‘-I think Minseok-hyung is crying.’

(some minutes later)

‘Username ‘Wishing Pigs Could Fly For Instant Bacon’ says: ‘this was a cute video – tho I think if I had the camera and gear NNG did, I would have set up everything myself – was fear of actually spotting a ghost stopping you from setting up surveillance by yourself?’

‘Ah! Okay so I should explain I guess?’

‘Please do!’

‘At first, like I said, I thought I was just being forgetful about - stuff, about stuff, and that I was maybe just stressed, or tired- something like that.’

‘Understandable and reasonable.’

‘But then I came across you guy’s tweet- I think maybe you retweeted it Baek, about how spirits manifest in the subconscious of our actions or what we think our actions are-‘

‘-I don’t know how you came to conclude that your studio was haunted after that-‘

‘-and I thought, am I excusing something supernatural as my own absentmindedness? Was a spirit manifesting in my internal self-doubt regarding my own habits? And was it ing with me, moving my - stuff, and then guiding me and my actions, to against me?’

‘…’

‘…’

‘I-…I mean, that’s one way to translate the tweet-‘

‘-so I thought, what if something supernatural was responsible for all of this misplacement of stuff around my studio? And yeah, I could’ve totally set up my own camera- but then again, I did remember you guy’s channel- and I thought, you know? I miss those guys, this will be fun- maybe eye-opening, and possibly in need of an exorcism, that would always be fun to film right?’

‘Aww! Chanyeollie!’

(I am so tired please please help me)

‘Next question is from Twitter user ‘Silver Ink- on MZD Lockdown’: ‘wondering if either Baekhyun or Jongdae have like, a sixth sense or something- either one could have it- it would explain why Baek is sensitive, and why Jongdae is stoic- people respond differently to stuff, and I think it’s quite neat.’

‘Okay- I can say it- once and for all, everyone, I DO NOT have any sixth sense of any sort- unless it’s for some really good food but that’s just my stomach leading me-‘

‘-I would like to think that most people have some sort of sense- and you can’t refute me in this, and I’m sure Chanyeol and Minseok-hyung would agree with me- humans have another kind of sense- gut instinct, for example- you can’t explain it, but it just is-‘

‘-okay I can agree with you on that one- but I doubt the explanation is a supernatural one-‘

‘-and yes I agree with that too!’

‘…you do?’

‘Yes! As you once said, there are a lot of things we don’t know or understand till now- in the past, people believed the sun was a god, and now we know it’s a star, formed by great pressure, gases, gravity, and a lot of other cool science stuff – and maybe what we categorize now as supernatural, can in fact, later be explained by science-‘

‘-but what the people in the past believed, doesn’t make it any real less or meaningful for them, just because now we know more-‘

‘-exactly! You! Come here you-!’

(sharp and painful high-five ensues)

‘This question is specifically for Chanyeol and it’s from Twitter user ‘Stop Hoarding Toilet Paper Oh My God’: ‘hows the dormouse? I hope mr Chanyeol is taking good care of the little fellow!’

‘I love that everyone’s comments are mainly about the dormouse-‘

‘-and how they all call it little fellow-‘

‘-ah yes! My son!’

‘Ooooh! It’s a boy!’

‘Yes! And so yeah, his name is Gollum-‘

‘-WHAT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-‘

‘IT’S FITTING OKAY-‘

‘HOW IS IT FITTING-‘

(after a 5 minute discussion of names, the Lord of the Rings legendarium, and how names are just a social construct)

‘So Gollum is a boy, just over a year old! He’s healthy, has no worms, no ticks, nothing- and I’m setting him up with a nice cozy home that I’m in the process of building right now! It’s fully organic- no plastic, all plant based no-dye nice and cozy complex and airy- but most importantly I am getting another dormouse!’

‘Why?’

‘Because well- I did a lot of research of course- I mean, I wanted to adopt the little fellow, but would it be better for him to be out in the wild y’know?’

‘Ah yes.’

‘Yeah, some animals shouldn’t be kept as pets!’

‘This includes raccoons and I haven’t stopped being mad.’

‘Raccoons have creepy human hands-‘

‘Take that back right now-!’

(I have never been more tired my whole life)

‘So I read that the dormouse is a social creature- and they need a buddy with them or they can die of loneliness?’

‘That’s- that’s so sad oh god-‘

‘-so I’m bringing in a little buddy for him in a few days! And I’m naming him Smeagol!’

‘…’

‘…’

(I deemed it nearly impossible to continue after this, rest assured you’re not missing out on anything useful!)

‘So! This coming episode is-!’

‘-possibly, our most ambitious!’

‘Season finale tri-episode series-!’

‘I’m excited to watch!’

‘Silence, name-doomer-‘

‘Name-doomer?!’

‘-This will be a very very special series- yes! Series!’

‘And for the three-part episode series, we will be joined by our good friend who came forward and spoke to us about this special place. We will be staying a full working-week here because y’all this trip- it’s gonna be epic.’

‘Even more epic than our Greenhouse episodes! So definitely don’t watch those episodes at night!’ 

‘As a small spoiler- we are definitely going out of the city, travelling quite a distance in fact- and we will be visiting the DK Hostel for Young Children!’

‘I already hate how this sounds.’

‘Thanks!’

‘I can tell you right now that Minseok-hyung is not happy!’

‘But hey! At least it won’t be just you guys right?’

‘Right! Because the person who brought this place to our attention is someone who studied and lived here for almost 6 years!’

‘But more details in the coming episodes!’

‘Understandably guys, this series will be coming out a little late- but we will be updating you guys with small tidbits and spoilers through Twitter and Instagram!’

‘So follow us on there for some-‘

‘-wait- how is this not some basic YouTuber - stuff?’

‘Silence name-doomer-!’

*

(Author’s Notes)

Seriously the next 3 chapters are definitely going to be scary because it’s based off of a real hostel my sisters went to when they were younger, and it was super haunted, or so they tell me, and overall terrible place