I was in your ward; with you lying on the bed; unconscious. Hearing you breathe softly; watching your chest inflated and then deflated; it should give me comfort that you’re still alive but it didn’t. I felt worst. I felt terrible. I felt sorry and I felt like I was the worst human being on Earth.

 

I was a jerk. I was a . And I did the worst thing. How could it be? How could I be the one who did this to her? And I hurt her on our 3^rd anniversary.

 

-

 

I drove all the way to Sunmi unnie’s place. I thought that would be best place to calm myself down. I couldn’t think properly but I just wanted to get away from Yongsun unnie now.

 

Sunmi unnie was stunned to see me. Nevertheless, she opened the door and embraced me tightly. I felt comfortable in her arms; how despicable I could get.

 

“What happened? What are you doing in the middle of the night?”

 

“I fought with my girlfriend.”

 

“Yongsun-shi?”

 

I nodded. She offered me a cup of Americano and we sat comfortably in her lounge. She probed further and I poured out everything to her. She listened attentively and nodded every now and then. She smiled softly before squeezing my right shoulder gently.

 

“Sounds like you’re stressed out with work and you’re venting it on her.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“Yes, and those words you said to her; don’t you think it’s a little tad overboard?”

 

I stared at the coffee cup in front of me. I recalled my last haunting words and it finally hit me. I was insulting her. I was mocking at her and my heart shattered into million pieces.

 

“Is the new promotion taking a toll on your relationship with her?”

 

“I never see it that way until now.”

 

“How long have you not been spending time with her?”

 

I closed my eyes and started counting the number of days I went without seeing her. I chided myself when I realized it was almost a month since I properly sat down to have dinner with her. God, I felt like a total fool. And it hurt me to the core of my heart.

 

“I’ll tell you what. Take few days off and spend time with her. Apologize to her; make it up to her. You have been with her for almost 3 years. Don’t put it to a waste for all those moments you shared with her.”

 

I bit my lower lip and nodded obediently. I thanked her and got up before making my way to the front door. There was a calendar hanging on the cupboard door; my gaze fell on it. I gasped when I realized the mistake I have done.

 

“What’s today’s date?”

 

“10 April.”

 

“.”

 

I have totally forgotten about our anniversary! My face turned pale and my heart was thumping hard. I reached out for my phone when I realized that I didn’t take it with me.

 

“Sunmi-shi, I need to take a few days off urgently.”

 

“Sure, you can do that. I’ll take over your duties for time being.”

 

“I have done the biggest mistake of my life. And I think I might lose her tonight. I’ll probably need more time to settle my personal issues.”

 

“Take your time, Wheein. Now, go get her back.”

 

I left immediately and jumped into my car. I sped off almost instantly. Tears kept welling in my eyes; I remembered all the fights we had for the past few days. Dammit! I was so rude to her; I probably tore her heart again and again without even realizing it.

 

All my promises came flooding into my mind. My heart ached even more when I realized how much I miss her.

 

“Please baby, please be at home. Please please.”

 

I was begging as I skipped all the red lights just to get home as quickly as I could. I need to be with her now. I have never felt so terrified in my whole life before.

 

I reached my apartment in one piece. But there was an ambulance and a police car around the vicinity. My heart felt uneasy. This neighborhood was usually quiet and peaceful. Did something happen?

 

Nevertheless, I made my way up and when the lift opened on my floor; I saw my apartment door was wide open. An officer was standing at the hallway; he turned to look at me. I rushed up to him.

 

“Jung Wheein?”

 

“Yes, did something happen??”

 

But before he could reply me, Moonbyul unnie appeared at my front door; she was livid; she was pissed, and she started shouting at me.

 

“JUNG WHEEIN! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YONGSUN UNNIE?!”

 

My eyes grew larger. I couldn’t remember anything; I tried to recall what I did before I left in a hurry. Hyejin was staring at me too; her eyes were filled with sadness. She held on to her girlfriend and pulled her back.

 

“Wheein ah, what happened to you?”

 

“What did I do? Where’s Yongsun unnie?!”

 

“YOU THREW A VASE AT HER AND IT CRASHED ON UNNIE’S FACE! SHE’S BLEEDING SO BADLY AND YOU ARE NOWHERE IN SIGHT!”

 

Moonbyul screamed at me once more. I was stunned; shocked beyond words. Now I remembered. I threw something at her. And I threw a vase at the woman I love! This was not supposed to happen.

 

“Where is she? Where is she?!”

 

Just then, a stretcher came through the front door; you were on it. There was a bandage across your face, and you looked extremely pale. My heart was already broken but now it was shattering even more. And all I could hear was just voices chiding me at my stupidity.

 

I reached out for your hand; you were semi-conscious but were just too weak to respond to me. I followed you to the ambulance; sat next to you while the paramedics took care of you. They took your blood pressure; your vitals and then they informed me that you have a weak heartbeat and your blood pressure was way too low than usual.

 

“Patient is not doing well. We have to rush to the hospital right now.”

 

The head paramedic was instructing the driver and the ambulance sped off instantly. It was hectic in the ambulance itself, but my focus was just on you. I took your hand; put my fingers around your wrist – I could fit it perfectly in my and I cried bitterly. You lost weight. You were thinner than you used to be.

 

Your fingers were long and slender but now I could feel the joints too. They were just too prominent and felt easily. What did I do to you? How did you reduce to this just within a month? I couldn’t think properly anymore.

 

“Unnie…”

 

I called out painfully. I held your hand tightly. I leaned closer; kissing your knuckles as tears fell from the corner of my eyes.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

 

My heartbreaking apologies. I wished I could flick my finger, and everything would be gone. You would still be standing in front of me; smiling happily with radiance on your face. But no, I was greeted with silence and a bloodied face – an injury that was caused by me.

 

The more I looked at you; the more the knife in my heart twisted painfully and agonizingly. I was desperate to hear your voice. I was terrified.

 

“Baby, please. Don’t give up on me. Stay with me, Unnie. Please, let me make it up to you.”

 

I was selfish. But no matter what happened for the last few nights, I knew I still love you. It was a mistake; a stupid mistake that led you to this and I regretted this even more. It was worse than the last time I broke your heart with my ex-boyfriend .

 

The ride to the hospital was devastating. You were not responding to me; you struggled to open your eyes, and this was my first time seeing you whined incessantly. My heart ached so much.

 

“The gash is wide, and the wound seems be infected. She will probably need more than 15 stitches across her face. That would leave a nasty scar. And it’s infected because she’s running a temperature hitting 39 Degrees Celsius. And some small pieces of the vase cut through some veins in her eyes. This could be dangerous. We will need to put her under observation.”

 

The waiting was tormenting. And the moment the doctor stepped out from the operating theater, I grabbed his arm and demanded an update. Her condition was not critical, but it was still as bad as ever.

 

“Will she be alright?”

 

“She’s really weak and has a lost quite substantial amount of blood. And she has a weak constitution; seems like she’s not been eating well. Her body weight is too light for her built.”

 

It was me. It was because of me, she was reduced to this.

 

“She will recover. Just give her some time. But I would like to put her under observation. Once I’m satisfied with her recovery, I’ll discharge her.”

 

“Do what you can, Doctor. Please.”

 

“I’ll do whatever I can. But it will be best if you can stay by her side and nurse her back to health. She has been muttering “Wheein” while we prepped her for the operation earlier on. I believe she’s referring to you.”

 

God, my heart broke again. I nodded.

 

“Don’t think too much. You’ll get to see her later. For now, just allow her to rest.”

 

-

 

“Unnie has been worried about you. You barely get enough rest and you have been flying around the globe for too long. She told me she misses you so much.”

 

Moonbyul unnie finally calmed down. She came with Hyejin to visit Yongsun unnie. My baby was still sleeping soundly on the bed.

 

“I feel like now, Unnie.”

 

“You’re so busy with work. I even told her to take it easy. Your relationship hit a rough patch so one of you had to be patient and understanding. I told her she should be the one. But she must have endured it for too long. Yongsun unnie is a very straightforward person. For her to hold back her most honest inner thoughts; she must have really loved you so much, Wheein ah.”

 

“All I want to do right now is to turn back the hands of time. To bring back our old times together. All our memories and moments are on my mind like a broken record. They kept replaying and I couldn’t handle this silence anymore. I just want her to wake up now and tell me that she still loves me and I’m still the one for her.”

 

“You’re still the one for her. But this time around, you probably need to do more than just words.”

 

“I’ll do anything.”

 

“Did the doctor say she will have a scar across her face?”

 

Hyejin asked and I nodded but with so much guilt in my heart.

 

“Don’t worry, we can get cosmetic surgery to cover up the scar.”

 

“That’s not the point. I hurt her. I broke her. And I promised her before that I’ll never hurt her. I broke all my promises and today’s our anniversary. Our 3^rd year anniversary and I put her into the hospital instead of celebrating it.”

 

“We are aware of that. Unnie made you a cake.”

 

Gosh, my world was spinning so badly. Hyejin pulled out something from the big bag and there was a cake; a home-made cake.

 

“She hid it our place. She wanted to give you a surprise for your 3^rd anniversary. We were looking forward to spend this with you but …”

 

Moonbyul unnie’s voice trailed away and I was left dumbfounded with my own stupidity. I don’t deserve her. I really don’t deserve Yongsun unnie’s love. But I was selfish.

 

And I wanted to hold on to it for the longest time; because she’s my everlasting. And I still wanted to be her forever in her eyes. I grabbed her arm; put it above my head as I cried into her chest.

 

“Unnie, wake up soon. I miss you. I really miss you so much. Please, don’t let me wait for too long. I need to hear your voice; I need to see your eyes. Please unnie, wake up soon.”

 

I cried so bitterly.

 

-

 

It had been more than 5 hours since she was wheeled out from the operating theatre. But it felt like a decade of my life had washed away while waiting for her to wake up. This must have been what she felt when I cruelly threw her away few nights ago.

 

Sunmi-shi came to visit her earlier on. I cried like a baby the moment I saw her. It hurt so much. And I knew Yongsun unnie was affected by her too. I just wanted to tell her that I love her not Sunmi-shi.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, Sunmi-shi.”

 

“I shouldn’t have answered your phone when we were in KL. It must have killed her.”

 

“It would. I’m pretty sure she was torn.”

 

“I’m really sorry, Wheein.”

 

“You’re not in the wrong, Sunmi-shi. It’s me. All this happened because of me. I got so cocky; I forgot who she was to me. I have forgotten that one person who believes in me and loves me. She allowed me to grow my own potential and I got all so big-headed. She’s equally capable; but I was being ignorant.”

 

“I heard that she’s an investment portfolio analyst?”

 

“She is. She’s probably much smarter and more knowledgeable than me. Sunmi-shi, I feel like a complete fool now. I felt like I don’t deserve her but the thought of not having her with me scares me. I’m totally irked by my ignorant behavior.”

 

“But you still have a chance to make it up to her. I’m sure you will do it, right?”

 

“Yes, this time I will let her dictate my life. If I must quit my job to appease her, I will do it in a heartbeat.”

 

-

 

It was close to 12 midnight. Our anniversary was soon to be over but Yongsun was still sleeping. I felt like she was probably doing this on purpose. She probably wanted to torment me because I did that to her first. Or maybe the man in heaven wanted to teach me a lesson.

 

He’s probably protecting Yongsun unnie’s heart more than I ever did.

 

And I couldn’t stand this any longer. I climbed on the bed; lying next to her. Putting my arms around her waist; resting my chin on her shoulder – tears fell the moment my eyes fixated on her pale cheek.

 

“Unnie, I’m scared. I’m really scared now. You’re not going to leave me, right?”

 

She was unresponsive and the silence was killing me softly.

 

“Baby, please. Please don’t do this to me. Please wake up. Don’t me wait for too long. I love you so much. I still love you. Forgive me, darling. You can screw me up when you’re awake. You can yell at me; you can hit me; you can do anything to me – just open your eyes and let me look at them. For now, I really want to hear your voice, Unnie. Please unnie, please wake up soon. I cannot take it anymore.”

 

I cried on her shoulder. My wrenching heart was slowly dying. Gosh, I was so desperate; I would kill anyone if I need to just to turn back the hands of time. But it was fruitless. This was the punishment I had to face.

 

The long, tormented and haunting waiting time was taking a toll on me. It was the worst feeling ever. It felt like I was tortured for 100 years.

 

Then, out of the blue, at the last minute before the clock ticks to 12 midnight, I felt a soft squeeze on my arm that overlapped on her stomach; I thought I was hallucinating at first. But time stood still, and I stopped breathing for a second when I heard the softest; the voice I longed to hear for the last 12 hours; whispered softly.

 

“Happy Anniversary, Jung Wheein, my forever; my amazing you.”

 

-

 

“Stop it, stop it!”

 

“Unnie, eat! The doctor said you have lost 20% of your body weight!”

 

“But stuffing food into me won’t make me fat instantly!”

 

“Hyejin made this amazing tteokbokki just for you. You won’t get elsewhere!”

 

“Moon Byulyi, stop it! I cannot swallow anymore!”

 

“I don’t care! You got me worried for the last few days!”

 

“ARGHH! GO AWAY!”

 

Eventually, Hyejin went to my girlfriend’s rescue. She pulled her annoying girlfriend away and smacked her forehead for being an idiot. Moonbyul pouted.

 

“Leave Yongsun unnie alone. Her girlfriend can look after her.”

 

“Oh, right. I’m sorry!”

 

“Stop making me jealous for no reason. And I’m hungry now. Feed me.”

 

“Yes, my royal highness! Let’s go. You two start packing. We will see you later.”

 

My girlfriend was expected to be discharged today. I have been nursing her back to health since that night she woke up at the nick of time. It had been 3 days since she woke up, but I have been diligently staying by her side.

 

I stood at the edge of her bed; staring at her. Her bandage was taken off but that scar across her face often reminded me of the pain I had inflicted on her. My heart ached each time I looked at her.

 

“Stop it, Wheein.”

 

She suddenly spoke up. She must have noticed me staring at her.

 

“Stop feeling guilty each time you look at me.”

 

“I cannot help it. I caused that scar.”

 

“And I never blamed it on you.”

 

“That’s why I’m feeling so bad right now. I feel awful.”

 

She sighed before she spread her arms out. She urged me to move closer.

 

“Come here, big baby.”

 

I reeled closer and she pulled me into her embrace. She wrapped her arms around me; tightening her grip. Then she swayed gently; occasionally gave light kisses at the top of my head and forehead.

 

“I don’t care what happened to us few days back. That’s all in the past. You’re with me now and that’s all that matters. I don’t care about anything else, Wheein ah. You’re here. You’re in my arms and I love you.”

 

“I love you too. I love you so much, Kim Yongsun. Thank you for being so forgiving; giving me a chance to make it up to you. I’m sorry for acting like a jerk for the past one month. Thank you for keeping your faith in me; in our love and in us.”

 

“You’ll always be my baby; always mine and I can never give you up to anyone else. I’m sorry for saying those hurting words and made you even more exhausted than before. I should have trusted you more.”

 

I shook my head profusely. I stood up and pulled her into my embrace instead. This was wrong. She shouldn’t be apologizing.

 

“That’s not an excuse. I took advantage of your patience and kindness and I took you for granted. I became big-headed and ignorant that I have forgotten about us; about our love. Baby, seeing you that night with a bloodied face – I felt like I was a beast. I was stumped by my own violence and I thought I probably don’t deserve to be with you again.

 

Then, I sat in the waiting area; while you were in the operation room. All our moments; our memories and those times we shared our love together – they came to me; fast and hard. My heart was pounding so hard and it was a nightmare knowing that you were hurt by me.

 

I knew then. I was the biggest fool. And this was my worst and biggest mistake of my lifetime – the worst regret and I wanted to erase this moment from our story forever. I’ll do that. I’ll definitely erase bit by bit until our days will be filled with love once more.”

 

“Wheein ah, you know how much I love you too. In our life, in any relationship, it’s not always on bed of roses. We will face obstacles. We probably need to face more in the future.”

 

“I don’t care what it is that will be coming our way. But I’ll never want this to happen again. We can fight; we can quarrel; we can be mad at each other and not talk for days but I’ll never let it drag like this. Once is enough and it really got me bad. I really wanted to erase this from your memory.”

 

She gave me the softest smile ever. Then she gently poked her finger into my dimple. The light radiated from her face; her eye-smiles appeared as her two dimples at the corner of her lips were inviting me to kiss her. And I did.

 

I kissed gently on her lips.

 

“Jung Wheein, I promise you. No matter how tough it gets; whatever obstacles fall on us; please remember that I’ll never walk away from you.”

 

I was moved to tears.

 

Then I had the craziest idea.

 

I need to make this woman my wife.

 

-

 

“What are we doing here?”

 

I dragged my best friend out with me.

 

“I need your help.”

 

“Okay, this better be good. I just ditched a night of with my girlfriend to be with you.”

 

I rolled my eyes.

 

“Ya, ever since you got together with Moonbyul Unnie, you have forgotten about me!”

 

She stuck her tongue out.

 

“Guilty.”

 

“So, shut up and follow me. I need your opinion.”

 

“Opinion on what?”

 

“Wedding bands.”

 

She stopped dead in her tracks; with her huge eyes almost bulging out; she grabbed my arms and shook them violently. I felt like I could leap to somewhere if she had tried harder.

 

“GET OUT! YOU’RE KIDDING?!”

 

“I have never been more serious.”

 

“JUNG WHEEIN GETTING MARRIED?!”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“TO WHOM?!”

 

“To Yongsun Unnie, my everlasting love! Who else can I be married to?!”

 

“BUT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE! YOU SAID YOUR PARENTS’ EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOUR MIND!”

 

“I know my parents’ marriage is a failure, but I cannot stop thinking about it. That picture I had painted on my mind – having a family with Unnie. I cannot give up on that. She has been patient with me. She went through so much with me. And I really want to be hers forever.”

 

“Wait, so you’re making this official?!”

 

I nodded. It has been 4 months since the last terrible memory. And I never wanted Yongsun unnie more. I wanted her to be mine; officially. Make her my wife; have a family with her and get a married certificate – of course, I have made inquiries about marriage in Canada.

 

“I’m going to get married to her. But of course, not here. In Canada most probably where gay marriages are legal.”

 

“You’re going to stay there?!”

 

“No, just get married there.”

 

“OH wow, this is huge! Congratulations, Wheein! You have grown up!”

 

“Shut up. Follow me. I have something in mind.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what it looks like or how it would be. Even if it doesn’t have a diamond on it, I’m convinced that Yongsun unnie would cry like a baby while accepting your proposal. I can picture that perfectly now!”

 

I smiled. I knew that. Because Yongsun unnie is not materialistic. She has simple thoughts – she just wants to stay in love with me forever.

 

And I, I just want to make her officially mine.

 

-