Save your smile,
Everything fades through time
I'm lost for words,
Endlessly waiting for you

Have you ever have a moment that you met someone in an instant which it have you so many reasons to appreciate life in a short span of time? But without knowing what's her name, her work, her likes and dislikes but you only knew her story. She was a complete stranger yet there's something changed inside me it felt like I knew her for years. She didnt' say goodbye. I never have a chance to see her again, If only i grabbed the last hours with her. Regrets. It haunts me hanggang ngayon... 

As I puffed the last cigarette, I stepped on it exhaled deeply
Di naman ako ganito DATI, I was open to people before not until may nakilala akong nagpagulo ng pagkatao ko... I can't get enough of her. 

Andito nanaman ako sa tabing dagat, with a liquor beside me. Every night nagpapakalasing sa alak, it puts me to sleep. She was my serotonin a hormone that produces happiness, i was addicted to it being with her was my drug. But, here i am alone, beneath the starry night with a bucket  of beer beside me. Still lost in her. Di ko alam anong meron sa kanya I'm about to finish my last bottle and have it replaced by the other round but Dannie, my youngest  sister tumabi sa akin at inagaw ang huli kong tagay. 

"Ate ilang buwan ka na nagkaganyan. Di ka naman marunong magsigarilyo and yung tolerance mo sa alcohol tumataas na naging adik ka na ata. is it again because of Miss-Makulit-Na-Maganda-yung Boses. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

In response, tinapunan ko lang siya ng tingin at kinuha yung bote sa kanya at tinapunan ng buhangin sa paa. Inaasar nanaman ako eh. Porket ngayon lang ako nagkaganito. Yes, I met a girl in this Island without knowing her name and details about her. Kaya ako nabaliw ng ganito. Di siya mawala sa isip ko. Pumunta ulit ako sa Bar Counter tinawag si Azi to replace my bucket of beer to a new one, for sure magpapakwento nanaman tong bunso kong kapatid. I think its time. Kailangan ko ng lakas ng loob. Linabas ko bagong kahon ng sigarilyo at hinarap ko yung bunso ko. 

"what do you want to know?" 

"ready ka na ate? I might write your story and open it to public okay lang ba? “

Napatitig ako sa kapatid ko sa mata, it reminded me sa mga mata niyang napakakinang like nakakahypnotize that mapapaamin at open up ka sa kaniya.

"ate, huy"

Napaisip ako ng maigi, if ito lang ang paraan to meet her bakit hindi? I smiled. 

"ready" 

Stay with me
Yes I know, this cannot be
As morning comes,
I'll say goodbye to you when I'm done
Through the sun...

Lumayo muna ako sa resthouse namin took a break from editing, sikat na din kasi yung vlogging industry well for passion lang naman kasi akin. I'm specifically into photography pero ayun nga to kill my time habang walang racket i entered vlogging. Nasa duyan ako under the palm trees sa maraming tao, may something sa maraming tao na magpakalma sa akin baka siguro to avoid from drowning myself to sadness. 

With my earphones on full blast with this on peat song. The song i mean the title mismo kasi naattract ako tapos like if feels me like this is my story for the people i loved i once heard from someone that Synesthesia is seeing and hearing when others are deaf and blind. Kasi ako I usually keep things to myself kasi parang i have that sense  na alam ko anong isasagot ng pamilya ko or ng iba sa iniisip ko, like alam ko kahit di sila aware. Basta, i tend to keep things to myself kaya i have this struggle to express my feelings thats why i push away people kasi ayaw kong masaktan sila kasi on how wrecked i am as a person. I'm about to close my eyes, bigla akong nakaramdam may nagpoke sa akin, at ramdam ko yung basang kamay niya. Namulat ako di naman ako nagsisi, cute naman si ate girl. Ngumiti sa akin kaso kumunot naman noo ko dahil sino naman di magagalit na patulog ka na sana... 

"Ah, Miss Pwede po ba magpapicture? Di kasi ako marunong magtimer tsaka baka pangit yung angle. Tsaka sabi nila dito vlogger ka naman, tsaka you're alone- -ay teka, sunget naman.. “ 

Pinwesto ko na sarili ko para kunan siya ng litrato, ayun yung camera niya nakazoom, unang nakita ko ngiti niya na may mole sa gilid ng labi niya, pisingi niyang napakalaki. Natila ako at tiningnan siya

" sige na, pumwesto ka na dyan. Nakazoom to miss, adjust ko muna wag masyado magalaw di makafocus yung camera mo... "

Yung  camera ba o ikaw? Seryoso Sandy?

"Ready? “ tanong ko. 

" bagay ka pala nakangiti" sagot niya

"huh?“ 

" Wala, nakita kasi kitang ngumiti. Bagay sayo. Cute mo pala eh, parang rabbit..seryoso mo kasi. . " sagot niya pagkatapos niyang ngumiti kasama ng silaw ng araw

"perfect." sabi ko sarili ko. 

Well, naudlot na tuloy pahinga ko kasi nangangailangan niya ng tourguide, bilang kilala ko na tong isla na to nag tanong siya kung san ba pwede magpa henna dito. 

"tagal ko na kasi gusto magpatattoo kaso bawal, habang magisa ako. I want to accomplish my bucket list" 

"b-bucket list? Mamatay ka na ba?" 

Narinig ko tawa niya "shunga, hindi kasi habang wala pang sumasakal sa akin dito ng puro bawal. Habang malaya pa ako, why not live for the best diba? “  ayun. I was dazed. Iba din pala tong babaeng to. I became curious sa kwento niya. 

Habang papunta kami kung saan siya magpatattoo, nakaearphones pa din kasi ako, she suddenly grabbed the other side and listening to the song that I'm listening on peat. 

Nabigla ako, sumabay siya sa tono, alam niya din pala tong kantang to? 

“Because I've waiting for you, Waiting for this
Dream to come true, just to be with you.
And if die, remember this line,
I'm always here, guarding your life...
Guarding your life...“

I was stunned. 

"A-alam mo? “

“siyempre, emo days right? When sadness attacks me nakikikinig ako ng mga songs na ganyan it was one of my playlist. Malungkot ka din? Sabagay lahat na ng tao makakaexprience ng kalungkutan." 

Sa daldal niya, di na ako makakasagot. Nag-nod at ngumiti ako in response. 

(P. O. V pa rin ni Sandy pero she is like talking to her Mystery Girl, we all know kung sino siya naman diba? HAHAHAHA) 

Pagkatapos mong nagpahenna, sabi mo nagutom ka. Dinala na kita sa isang ihaw ihaw na pinakasikat sa isla. 

Nilapitan ako ng isang waitress na kaibigan ko na rin
Tsaka may spot na talaga ako every night dun sa bandang itaas na makita ang buong dagat.  

" Hayi, bigyan mo kami nung best seller para sa bisita natin na kasama ko ngayon" sabay tingin sayo. 

"Sige, Miss Sandy"

" kunan mo ako ng litrato dali, libre ko na tong dinner natin bilang pasalamat ko sayo. Sikat ka pala talaga dito eh no?“  Sabay pose at pinakita mo yung henna mo. 

" Maganda ba? " tanong niya pagkatapos niyang nagpahenna, pinakita niya yung crescent moon na parang nagtago sa mga ulap. Sa bandang left side ng likod niya.

" b-bakit yan? Yung pinili mo? If you dont mind me asking.." biglaang tanong ko. 

"i am fond of the skies, especially kapag gabi, naappreciate ko kapag makita ko ang buwan.. It gives me a constant reninder that no matter how hard life is, yung magisa kang lumalaban  sa kwento ng buhay mo, there is still brightness in darkness ng makaksalanan mong buhay. And it makes me calm. Sht. Am I too deep? Uhm, miss?.. Nakikinig ka ba? “ tapik niya sakin

"Ah, eh, wala naman, parang masyadong hugot ka kasi" natawa kong sagot

"Parang Oo, kasi lately nawala na ako sa sarili ko,  I am not the person who I want to be. Kaya here I am sa island na to para hanapin ko sarili ko. I want to find my inner peace. I want to try being free once in a while. Ang sarap pala dito sa view na ito no?" 

*shutter* 

Lumingon ako, sa direksyon mo. 

" Maganda features mo kapag nakaside view. And stolen, nakikita ko lungkot sa mga mata mo eh" 

Then. At. That. Moment. Naalala ko yung nabasa ko na tungkol sa synesthesia nakikita niya ang nalulunod kong isip sa mga malulungkot kong mata. She heard and felt it even di naman kami magkakilala. Then, ayun, naramdaman kong may nagiba sa tibok ng puso ko. 

Wala kasing nakakabasa sa akin like mas nasanay ako magaadjust sa situation pero its a blessing diba to have someone na nakakaintindi sayo... 

Bakit. Bumilis. Bakit. Anong. Nangyayari? 

This cannot be... 

Am I falling For A Girl whom I just met 7hours?

Maybe not... 

Maybe.... 

Ughh.... Please heart, don't. 

~~~~

I am yours
I'm completely trapped in your soul
Dazed and confused
Swept away with your own world.

Pagkatapos natin kumain naglakad lakad tayo, kasi sabi mo you love walking sa dagat kasali ata sa bucket list mo. 

"Anyway, Miss Vlogger what's your story? Sabi pa naman ng isang movie na nakakagaan daw sa feeling to talk with strangers, walang awkwardness kasi isahan lang di naman tayo magkakilala" Sabay lingon sakin you pushed me down at umupo tayo sarap sa dalampasigan. 

"Trust me, boring ng kwento ko."

"makikinig ako, i was born to be a listener. Parents ko nagoopen up sa akin eh. Sige I will open up muna para naman di ako maging stranger." lumingon ka at ngumiti sa akin. Ayan nanaman yung ngiti mo. 

Ang pure ng mukha mo, i mean transparent talaga totoo ka sa sinasabi mo, wala akong nakitang pakitang tao mo lang. While I was studying your features mo, nakikinig naman din ako sa summary, you are here kasi nasasakal ka na sa mga taong nakapalubot sayo, you are tired being controlled ultimo nga gusto mo di mo na alam. You don't know what you really feel kasi top priority mo is to never be a disappointment to your family. Thats why you have a bucket list to fulfill while you are away for days. You are thankful sa sister mo who was the opposite of you na pinaglaban kung ano gusto niya and you love photography too kasi your sister is also a model and a traveler too. 
Bigla kang tumigil. 

"Can we have a drink? Nauuhaw ako kakasalita eh"

You are effortlessly adorable. 

"tara, I know a place" sagot ko. 

"malamang taga rito ka eh" 

Nauna akong tumayo dahil sa pagtataray mo, napatigil ako nung nakaramdam ako ng paghawak mo sa wrist ko. Teka, sana naman di mo ramdam yung bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. 

"wait lang, iiwanan niyo ba talaga yung bisita niyo? Di ko na ito irerecommend na island." Kahit naging nagger ka na, cute mo pa rin. Natawa ako by thinking of it. Tinitigan na kita muntik nanaman ako mawala sa mundo dahil sa mga nakakalunod mong titig. I really admire your almond-shaped eyes parang nakikita mo na rin kaluluwa ko. Bago ka pa magsalita muli, inunahan na kita. 

"dami mong satsat. Halika na bago mawalan tayo ng spot dun" sabay tawa at tumakbo ng mabilis para mas mabilis. 

Pero nabigo ako, naalala kong hikain pala ako. Naunahan mo ako at nagtongue out ka, napakachildish pero ang cute. Lalapitan na sana kita, kaso may nakaharang sakin na dibdib sa pagmumukha ko. 

"Ate? San ka galing? Magsisimula na gig ko maya-maya. Manonood ka ba?" 

Si Theodore pala, 2nd sibling ko. Well, singer siya dito for his sideline lang dahil sila ni Daddy kasangga sa business namin. Stress reliever niya kasi ang kumanta kaya after a stressful day at work andito siya. Alam niyang tambay din ako kapag free time ko. 

"O-oo. Thei (thay). May baguhan nga akong kasama eh, kaya wag mo ako papahiyain." then I pat his shoulder, napayuko siya at pinalo ko ulo niya like i was playing drums so ayun i run ahead. At naabutan kita parang nagtatanong kung sino. Bat curious ka? Nagseselos ka ba? Bat di kita mabasa? Naghihintay ka ng kwento ko. Pero gusto kitang asarin. 

Ngumiti ako. "Pasok na tayo?" at hinila kita papaloob. 

Di pa gaano karami ang tao so nakikita pa ako ng mga kakilala ko, i was saying Hi, and shaking of hands sa kanila, hi five's ganon. Pero ayun nga by your stare. I was captivated(?) that quick?. 

Oo, ganon ka bilis. 

You were waiting for me along sa bar counter na mas malapit sa dagat kasi mas tahimik, when my lil bro was strumming his guitar for a start, may tumawag sakin bigla ka nawala sa paningin ko, at i saw my bestfriend na nagmamay ari sa bar na ito na lumabas, kasi may magpeperform (?) well, dalawa ang kakanta? I saw my lil bro lumipat sa gilid ng stage kasi you were there. Teka, baka mapahiya ako di ko pa naman alam na singer ka or ambisyosang singer. Ayoko mapahiya. I was about to leave, napatila ako i heard the intro played by Theo, the song. Is so familiar. My bestfriend is now beside me, Bomspring. She held me. 

"Best, fave song mo to diba?And siya kasama mo ata buong araw ah, you awe me a kwento. " sabay kurot sa akin. 

Di ko alam anong irereact ko kasi was spaced out dahil sa kantang plineplay ng kapatid ko at ang babaeng na nakilala ko lang ng ilang oras pa lang. 

"Okay, Good evening po uhm, i just wanna sing for you tonight guys. Hope you enjoy"  sabay sabi mo sa mic. 

Then ayun sinimulan mo nga na kinanta yung Synesthesia, lahat na ata ng mura nasabi ko na sa utak ko. Ang lamig ng boses mo,  I was there standing along the entrace of the bar staring at you, nabigla nalang ako maraming lovers nagsidatingan, teka Valentine's Day ba? Well the song is quite romantic. They were also captivated by your voice too. Nabigla na ako sa part na kasi na pinakagusto ko. You tried to search me sa middle nabigo ka, pero you saw me. You caught me. Napatingin ka sa bandang shoulder where you saw a line of my tattoo na may guhit na star. Di ko alam nakita mo pala yung tattoo ko. 

~~You're my star
Invincible, haunting and far
Grace under fire
Someone is building my heart, in my heart...~~

Then, Boom. It felt like ako yung kausap mo, there something inside me had changed too. Ayokong i admit, well if ano man ito it made me feel na may nagpahilom sa mga ingay na nasa utak ko. 

Patapos na yung kanta, hinawakan ako ng bestfriend ko sa braso. Like sinasabihan ako na I should keep you. Well, I'm open to girl and boyfriends, kaso di ko alam kung ganom ka din, ayoko magexpect. I shook my head in disbelief sa mensahe na pinapahiwatig ni Bom. 

Nagsihiyawan ang mga magjowa at mga girl, boy, bakla tomboy, lahat na witness yung talent mo nasinagpalakpakan sila, habang ikaw, tumakbo ka palapit sakin at inayakap ako sa leeg at ibinaon mukha mo sa leeg ko. I caught offguard sa pinaggagawa mo, tinapik lang kita sa likod. 

"I did it. I sang infront of the crowd." Paiyak mong sabi. 

"Uhhh, congrats? “ 

" Have a deal with me" sagot ko. 

"Ano yun?“

“help me to finish my list. " 

"sure" 

Did I. Say yes. Immediately? Sandy? Are? You. Sure? 

Then umupo nalang tayo with a bottle of wine na nilabas nalang natin sa resort at umupo sa mga buhangin. 
"Mabuti di umulan nung kumanta ako no?“

" don't be too hard sa sarili mo, ganda kaya ng boses mo. Na-lss ka ata sa pinakinggan mo kanina. Many people cheered on you. "

" uhmm, thank you? Naging happy ka ba? Ganito kasi, Gusto ko lang malaman mo, i wanna know about you. Sa mga mata mo at ngiti mo, alam mo there's something hiding. " sabay hawak sa kamay ko na for assurance. 

Sabay kuha mo sa cam ko, at tinangkang videohan mo ako, nagpapacute. 

"I more of a complex person." seryoso kong sagot.

"I can bear complexities" Sabay kindat mo sakin. 

"Trust me. - -" 

"Do you? Kwento mo na kasi" binaba mo yung camera. Ngumiti, ayan ka nanaman.  

I sigh in defeat. 

"Well, eto hirap ng buhay ko kasi i tend to be the good daughter sa harap nila pero nahihirapan din ako minsan, sa pagvlog ko nalang tinuon yung pansin ko para to make myself busy, habang nagaaway parents ko, i became their mediator matagal akong nasundan ng dalawa kong kapatid which you met kanina sa stage, yes that was my brother. And my sister is a writer. Kaya everytime nagaargue sila, kinukuha ko kapatid ko at kinakausap kung paano sila idedeal kapag naipit sila sa gulo ng parents namin. I tend to be so tough for them kasi sino pa ba maging lakas nila? But they wont hurt each one physically but words do hurt too much diba? Kaya i tend to close my mouth din para wala na akong masaktan. So ayun. Okay na?" sabay lingon ko sayo. 

" Bayad ka na, tsaka thank you for trusting me. you are strong. Pero napaisip ko lang wala bang nanliligaw sayo? Ang ganda mo, bente anyos ka pa ata eh. Kamukha mo pa kapatid ko na si Haylin. For sure nagmahal ka na. " napatingin ka sa kawalan, sabay ininom ang wine.

" uhm, i've been used na kakaubos ko na sa pagmamahal ko sa kanila, i became not the way i used to be naging alipin na ako sa pag-ibig. I gave up everything pero in the end. Wala. Iniwan ako. I tried to love to believe in love again and again pero, nabibigo ako. That's why i entered vlogging and photography. It gives me perceptions na beyond my limits. Yung mas naging open minded ako sa lahat. I tend to focus some details na kailangan iprioritize like sarili mo. So, ayun bayad na ba ako Miss Makulit? " dumungaw ako sayo na umiinom pa ng wine. 

Nag nod ka at " hmm you're right. Its better to be selfish at times. Kaya tatapusin na natinbucket list ko" at nilabas mo bucket list mo na nasa mini diary mo. 

" ano pa ba ang di mo pa nagawa? " sabay silip sa diary mo. 

" uhm, actually nagawa na natin kanina yung halos lahat may natira nalang na tatlo... 
.. To have a stranger open up and listen to my stories.. 
...To get drunk and to sleep with a stranger... 
And yung isa is ikekeep ko na sa sarili ko."

"Well, w-wait yung una pwede na ako yon diba?“

“oo" 

"- - p-pero, ako pa din ba dapat sa pangalawa?" 

"sleep lang naman and look we're drinking na oh. You looked harmless naman kasi.. Its okay you can leave m-"pangbara mo sakin. 

" I will stay. " diretsahan kong sagot.

Because I've waiting for you, Waiting for this
Dream to come true, just to be with you.
And if die, remember this lines,
I'm always here, guarding you

"Thank you" tapos you looked at the skies and chugged the wine. 

Then sa daldal mo, i tend to know your fears, and weakness. Mahal mo din talaga pamilya mo, like tayo naman lahat pero you tend to be more selfless kasi nga mas gusto mo ikapanatag ng loob nila, you tried to do the thing you ever loved, a songwriter pero you were fooled by your producer. Kaya takot ka magsimula ulit kasi baka magffail. Well, i feel your heart is crying out you just need someone to listen and I am here for you. I became your star and you were my moon we both give each other a light. That we can do and deserve mo better. We enjoyed the company we finished the wine and decided to listen to the song Synesthesia again, till we fell asleep. But how can I sleep theres something that keeps bugging me. I tend to write a poem, by putting it in my memo. 

++++++++++++++

I was once a lost star
In a milky way galaxy
The skies brought me closer to you
You were a moon that shines so bright than the stars
Pleaae don't be gone to soon, because with you I started to believe that dreams to come true. 

To meet my one and only you. 

+++++++++++++

After i wrote it i smiled, you slept peacefully under these stars, wishing this night wont end. It was magical. 

I saw you smiling, under the sunlight, the things we did together parang nagflflashback, your smile, your eyes, which i truly admire. Sinabi ko ba sayo that your eyes is so precious to keep? You have a beautiful pair of eyes with that captivating smile na nabihag ako. Teka, am I falling in love with you? Tsaka yung ikaw, well, bigla ko lang naman talaga naramdaman to. 

Slowly falling into you
I'm obsessed with the fact that I'm with you.
I can't breathe without you...

Then I saw the sunrising with you, you were looking at me, smiling and said, "Thank You and Goodbye" with a kiss on my forehead. 

I woke up with a headache, baka siguro di ako sanay matulog sa labas. Paglingon ko kung saan ko siya huling natanaw bago ako pumikit. Nawala na, bigla akong bumangon para hanapin ka, but ang nakita ko nalang sa lugar kung san tayo nagkakilala i saw a polaroid near my camera na I was looking at the moon, nung kinunan mo ako ng litrato. Na may mensahe sa ibaba

+you and me+

At pagflip ko sa likod. 

+I will always be there, just look up xx +

Then there it was kahit di naman natin sinabi sa isat isa. Alam natin, naramdaman natin. Wala naman sa planong maging attached tayo sa isang tao pero nasa iyo nalang kung paghahawakan mo siya kasi umaasa kang babalik siya. Nakaramdam nalang ako ng hawak sa braso ko, Si Bom, at dun na ako umiyak. That was the sweetest nightmare that I ever had.

"Sana di nalang ako nagising" Sabay yakap sa bestfriend ko. 

I'm waiting for you, waiting for this
Dream to come true, just to be with you.
And if I die, remember this lines,
I'm always here, guarding you life...
Life Ooohh ooohh... ohoh

The end.

:)))))