Notice to the readers:SO THIS IS NOT CONNECTED BY THE PREVIOUS TWO STORIESl? :)) if you're reading i wanna know ur thoughts 🥺

JUST SO YOU KNOW by Jesse McCartney 
▶️ play 
🎶🎶🎶

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

Sandra's POV
I was in my room , nagbabasa ng tweets at comments ng mga blackjacks and watched some performances of ours then i stopped when Hailey's name popped in my notifications.

Hailey: unnie? Are you at the dorm?

H: can you bring Unnie Ciel back there?She seems drunk we're at Unnie Junnie's crib. You know where it is right? 

Me: Yep. Be there in 20.

----------------------------------------—

Here we go again, she got herself drunk for some personal reasons. This woman will always have her personal times too, thats why im used to stay only at the dorm kasi yung kama ko ang comfort zone ko. But this leader of ours will have really her own chill time with some of her friends and with her sister when she is in vacation from her international School,Hailey. I dont know of the reason why she got drunk but i know somethings up. Kaya kinuha ko agad yung susi ng sasakyan ko and a cap and a mask grab my coat and speed up bago malaman nila manager.

Before going, ipinaandar ko lang muna yung engine ng sasakyan and texted Spring that aalis ako to pick up Ciel. 

When I try to start to speed up,biglang tumawag si Spring. Bago siya magsimulang masalita inunahan ko na siya... 

"Spring, wag ngayon. Alam ko tinawagan ako ni Hailey para sunduin siya. Yun lang. She needs me.Spring, just trust me okay? " 

Spring took a moment to absorb the excuse that I made. I heard a very deep sigh and began to speak. 

"Ang defensive mo, but totoo naman. Nagaalala lang ako sayo, ako na bahala sa manager natin. Basta, andito lang ako." 

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Let me get this story straight to the point. 
Allow me to tell it to you guys,

This is my first time I ever laid my eyes on a woman. But well, that's not that easy thru this song I may tell you how my story revolves around her.

She became my world. My CL~roo. Kaso di pwede. I took a deep breath and began to speed up para kukunin siya.

And I don't know
How to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know
How to make a feeling stop

I tried so hard to stop my feelings towards her, but my heart wont stop beating when Im with her, I shouldnt be the one who'll treat you like this because doing these kinds of things will make me falling deeper in love with her.

I havent introduce myself pala, I'm Sandra Park.We are in a group of four, CL, Me,Spring and Minzie. We started as a band from different auditions we've joined like we met and talked while waiting for our turns yet we end up making our band. Me as the lead guitarist, Bom as our lead vocal and Minzie as pianist/ melody mixer , Lastly Ciel as our leader, drummer, composer. 

Mejo kilala na din kami na band bilang kami nagsimula na puro babae at we can play differrent genres dun ata kami lumamang sa music industry napalawak namin ang musika. Laking pasalamat namin sa aming leader na si Ciel for using her wit para sumikat kami, naging mahirap lang dahil sa aming intuturing ama na akala namin susuportahan kami dahil he promised us to have a future with them. Pero sa ilang taon na nakalipas may hangganan pala. 

Baka yun nga yung rason bat naging busy na tong leader namin para sa aming grupo. I wish i can help her to lessen the pain that she's been experiencing. 

Ayokong makitang nasasaktan siya, we always say that its painful for us to see our loved one experience tough times, right? She became the love of my life eversince she captured my heart how can i see her in pain, if i can absorb the pain for her I will do everything i can. 

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now

When I saw Hailey waiting for me outside the house, she immediately waved and i blink the headlights in response. 

"where is she?" i asked

"she's inside, Unnie. Sobering up. She got a message from the director that y'all be split up for individual opportunities. She tried to stop the management's plan but things might get more complicated. She dont know what to do. She dont want to shock you guys with the things she's into, but I think you must know it first because you understood Unnie Ciel in the first place right?" 

Being shock and been trying to digest the situation on our leader and what she's been trying to do for the past years. Napaisip ako, kung gano ka hirap niyang itago na inilaban grupo namin na ibat iba kasi yung pinanggalingan namin pero we are  together pero di talaga kasi din mawawala sa parte ng isang band group may iisang magniningning. Napapansin ko yun, i also tried to comfort our youngest, kami ni Bom. Kasi we a have so many dreams na gusto namin matupad kaso nahihirapan kaming lumipad kasi tinatali na kami. Ayun nga din pala di namin nahahalata yung leader namin sinasakal na. Nahihirapan na. 
But before we came in, pinigilan ako ni Hailey and i looked up to her and she then said. 

"she also knew that her ex boyfriend is in critical condition. He's in LA preparing for his operation.
I need you to comfort her Unnie"

Then i finally decided na i want them all to be happy. 

"Sandy-tokki,*him*  ikaw ba yan?*hik*"

"yes, Unnie. Tinawagan ko na para sunduin ka, pasaway ka talaga eh" sabi ni Hailey

Ayoko makita niya akong apektado sa ginagawa niya, alam ko naging strength niya din kami para magtagal kami as a group minahal niya kami bilang pamilya niya, di lang halata sa amin pero Ciel shows her love not in a usual way its in Ciel's way. Then i chuckled and smile like i used to.

"Nako, pinagalitan ka tuloy ng bunso mo. Baka siya nga papalit sayo bilang leader namin eh. Bumangon ka na, mas mabigat ka pa kesa sakin hahahhaha. Hailey, patulong naman bigat ng ate mo huy aishhh. Libre mo ako ng street food bukas nakoo" Natatawa akong sabi

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you 
but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

Ayun na nga, inaalayan ako ni Hailey at Junnie pasakayin si Ciel sa sasakyan. Hingal na hingal akong pinaupo ka sa backseat para makahiga ka ulit. At nagpaalam sa kanilang dalawa. 

"Unnie Sans, thank you for being there to my Ate. I owe you a lot. Im sincerely thankful that you two met when you needed each other the most" then Hailey hugged me and gave me a smile. 

"yo, sands take care of that drunk woman there at the back. We'll invite you soon okay? Drive safe! “ Junnie waved goodbye 
Then i heard the lowering of the windows of my car

"Hailey-ssi, Junnie-san saraaaaaanghaeyoo"  

"Okay, Kailangan na talaga namin umalis, bye sa inyo" i bid them goodbye before this woman will get loud. 

Pinipigilan ko mahulog sayo 
Pero parang intinadhana tayong magkalapit 
Alam ko na maaring hindi maging tayo
Handa akong makakatanggap ng sakit

I know you are worth the risk, 
Subukan kong sumugal. 
Aamin na ako sayo kahit sa ganitong paraan man lang maiparamdam ko sayo kung ano ba talaga meaning mo sa buhay ko. 
Kahit alam kong  di tayo para sa isat isa. 

It's gettin' hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other away

Hinatid muna kita sa dorm and I decided to take a stroll around the corner lang sa neighborhood baka sakaling hanapin  mo ako at ni manager. 

Then while i stopped at the park then decided to chill and took a deep sigh, thinking on how to save you all from these pain we're experiencing. And for my someone to stop suffering because of our heartless management who've been using us for their benefit only. I decided to call our manager and talked about my plan to put an end to all these mess they made on us. 

"manager kim? It's me Sandy. Sorry if i disturb you but please let me be an admin in the team. Let's do the plan A “

“you sure of going back to the Philippines? How about the girls? “ 

“Ciel will be busy for her tour in US, Spring will rest and Minzie will tried to breakfree from the group right? If that will make her happy, why not. You've worked hard for us for years you knew how tough to be controlled and abused mentally, emotionally and verbally right? Dont worry I will be here for you until we can put the pieces together when it breaks, it will take time. But if this will happen anytime soon, why not now, right? I know the admin is up to something they made me and Ciel be busy because they're doing their play right? So we have to play ours"

"Its your call, Sandy, I will do my part as your manager." 

Well, i know how to play business tho, because when I was in PH i observed how they use their artists and train them and they will shine to be a star, Kaya alam ko paano nila patakbuhin ang business sa entertainment industry, susugal ka din. Kaya I was ready for this time. Ciel, you'll get hurt with this but this would be better for us. 

Ayokong masasaktan ka, kayo nila Spring at Minzie. I will take this game. After i ended the call with our manager, Spring is calling.... 

"She was in the dorm na, lumabas ako saglit.Bat gising ka pa? " 

"sinsusundan ka?" 

Then there nakita kita naka hoodie and brought food as usual another bonding moments natin to and this gonna be a long talk for us. 

"so, anong plano mo sa nararamdaman mo for Ciel? “

“I cant stop my feelings towards her, no matter how hard i try to stop it Spring, hindi ko kayang kalimutan siya, my life was never been this open with one person. With you guys pero lumitaw talaga siya eh and i'm willing to risk it all para maitama lang ang lahat sa nangyayari satin, Spring. I know something's up para lang mailabas na maglielie low ka sa group, but always remember I will be here for you i planned everything just go with the flow. With regards sa feeling ko sa kanya dont worry i'll end it all tonight. I will be fine basta maging masaya kayo, i will be happy too."

This emptiness is killin' me
And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there
Just never spoken
I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

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Pagkatapos ng paguusap namin ni Spring, hinatid ko siya sa dorm nila Minzie. 

Ewan ko ba sa kanya, bat napapansin niya yung pilit kong tinatago, siya lang din naman nagpamulat sa akin na kay tagal kong dinedeny na feelings ko para kay Ciel, 

"Alam mo Sandra Park grabe ka din kasi makashow off sa leader natin dinaig mo pa president ng fansclub niya akalain mong on call ka para sa kanya, isang tawag niya lang sasagot ka na? Konting iyak niya lang nagaalala ka na? Kahit ang layo niyo isat isa naghahanap talaga kayo ng paraan to catch up? Di ba kayo magjowa ha? Dinaig niyo pa talaga kami ni Minzie eh" 

Alam mo matagal na pala yun, taong lumilipas napapahirapan na din akong kumaripas paalis sa bangin na kinahulugan ko sayo, this was so deep na di ako makakaahon without doing something na mapagsisihan ko in the end. 

The feelings i tried so hard to think na akala ko kaibigan lang ako, but the things i made for you were the signs that i dont wanna lose you from me, you are a keeper. You inspired me to be the version of myself kung ano ako ngayon you are the reason who really reveled kung sino yung Sandra Park na minahal ng masa, ng mundo. You saw something i cant see within me. 

*flashback*
Ciel: alam mo bat kita naging side kick?

You opened your palm and get my hand and you intertwined with mine. Napatingin ako sayo and mas hinigpitan mo hawak mo sa kamay ko. 

Ciel:its because you filled in my missing pieces, and i filled yours. I dont want to lose you Unnie. Thank you for being there for me always. I will promise you to be near you forever. Even if i go back to LA again for Mike, and my family who's there too for vacation and me time. As much i want to invite you stay there but i know you cant you'll get homesick easily. But hey, I promise you i will be here for you when you need me okay? 

Just so you know

This feeling's takin' control of me

And I can't help it

I won't sit around

I can't let him win now

Thought you should know

I've tried my best to let go

Of you but I don't want to

****** 

I was stopped again when this jesse McCartney's song played in my playlist at napansin ko may luha na lumabas sa aking mata, naiiyak na ako i guess its all because of the soju na ininom namin ni Spring  while we were talking konti lang naman ininom namin baka my heart went just too soft for now, napagod lang ata ang puso ko magpanggap yung ngiti ko nangalay na ilabas ko na to lahat habang tulog pa ang mundo, walang camera, walang media, walang manager, walang tawag, walang manggugulo its just me and my heart. I looked up to the skies, im here in our terrace sipping coffee, bihira lang ako makapuyat ng ganito baka siguro my mind is too loud for me too sleep. But this will be for the last time. 

Naalala ko pala, aside what will happen sa group natin while you will be on tour sa LA, I heard your long time  boyfriend Mike got into an accident now he had a damaged spine and his operation will start soon, i know kung gano mo kamahal siya para bang siya ang other half ko na lalaki na mas sapat at karapatdapat sayo. I heard from Hailey, you'll have your own family soon. Mas at home ka doon, I know you will be more happy if nandoon ka, kaya i will take this game for you and the rest. I know we will be okay soon. 

I just cried and recall all the memories that we had. 

Ciel: Unnie come and help me to compose, does it sounds right? 

: Unnie, are you okay? Do you need help?? 

  : Whatever happens, I'm here for you I won't leave you 

  :just dont let go, Unnie. It's just an earthquake. I'm here with you. 

  :don't believe what the people surrounds you dictates you what to do, you know what you're capable of, prove them wrong. Shine my Unnie Sandy-tokki-ssi. 

I just dont know, umupo ako sa tabi mo looking at you sleeping peacefully still listening to the song, inaadmire ko nalang pagmumukha mo habang tulog ka. Sa ganitong paraan i will be able to confess it sayo. 

Huminga ako ng malalim i touched your cheek then your head.

Uhm, Alam kong tulog ka na, pero hear this out thank you for being there for me just like we had promised each other to stay. I heard from Hailey you're having a tough time, and I just wanna say thank you for everything, I cherished and treasure the moments that we had together. 

Then tears begin to fall from my eyes

Sorry for not knowing na nahihirapan ka na pala, dont worry you still have me in the process. I know you will be there for good, dont worry I will be fine. Manager Kim will be here i still have people to be here for me ako pa. Do what makes you happy, wag ka na magalala sa amin tatlo. I will make sure na maeexplain ko ng maayos ang sitwasyon mo sa kanila, Spring knew already.

Nagkausap na kami ni Manager Kim naghahanda na kami for the worst, alam ko may irerelease silang issue kay Spring para maglielow tayo as a group kasi Minzie is not willing anymore to be back sa group natin dahil sa pagmistreat nila sa atin, while ako i bought some stocks para sa yg to help and be part of the team para di nila ako matatali, and especially ikaw, you will be busy there kaya I will assure you while you are away, maging okay din ang lahat. Don't worry it will take a long while to take back if ever what we have built but I know we will still be there for each one. 

And uhm, Thank you for letting me feel that I am loved and accepted for who I am. You have a great role in inspiring me to be this kind of person I am. You never see me as weak kahit yun ang sinasabi ng director sa akin. You never leave me kahit nangaganib na buhay ko, di ko alam pero I can't hide this feeling for you, Ciel. I liked you, I really do. God knows kung gaano ko pinilit na tanggapin na di maari, but here I am confessing my feelings to you wholeheartedly pero at least di ka makakasagot kasi alam ko, wala naman talagang patutunguhan to but thank you for allowing me to enter sa buhay mo, I think so too na mas nakakabuti we can be separated from each other na baka nasanay lang ako na i always hang out with you. I know Mike needs you you both deserves each other, witness kami kung gani niyo kamahal ang isat isa. But never forget kahit nagkagusto ako sayo I will still be your Unnie, and be your bridesmaid okay? And Live your life happily away from this mess they made in us. I love you Ciel-roo, Just so you know. 

Please stay being Ciel Faith Lee na minahal namin off cam. I will be always be your number one fan. 

Then I held your hand kissed your head gently.

Just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know, just so you know
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
Just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know, just so you know

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