Note to readers: hi, its been a while charot. Uhm nagdadalawang isip ako kung tatapusin ko to yet sa ngayon. Sorry din sa errors. If may tanong ka or suggestions dm niyo lang ako sa twitter @unniegizibe. Thank You :'>

Now playing: For You by Liam Payne & Rita Ora

Chaeryn's POV
5:45am

Isang araw nalang para makasama ka, tiningnan ko yung relos sa right arm ko habang nakasandal ka sa left shoulder ko. Napangiti akong nakatitig sayo, i would love to have these in the future, as long as ikaw makakasama ko. Habang sumiskat na ang araw, you crinkle your nose parang nasisilawan ka, kaya triny kong takpan ang araw sa mata mo para di madidistorbo yung sarap mong tulog. Being with you for a day was just too short for me,nirerecall ko kung paano kita nakilala kahapon, you're not the Sandara Alexis I knew, but I'm still into you.

Finally, nahanap na kita. This will be the last day, I checked the time, malapit na magumaga. Paalis na sana ako nung bigla kang tumalikod sakin, kasi nasisilawan ka na nga, dahan dahan akong tumayo at napangiti akong nakaisip ng bright idea, ireready ko lang ng breakfast. Pero habang papunta na sana ako sa resto at makaorder ng breakfast. 

"paasahin mo nanaman kaibigan ko? “ 

It was Bom. 

" Bom, bumalik ako kasi alam kong mahal ko pa siya. I liked her ever since di nawala yon. I hated her before but nangingibabaw yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I need her. "ako

" Teka Luna, you need her? Gagamitin mo siya? Di na tayo bata. Please she's been suffering a lot, ngayon naging okay na siya babalikan mo na? Nung kailangan ka niya, nasaan ka? I cant still believe you want her back. Umalis ka na dito. “ sagot niya

"No. Its hard for me to realize it ilang taon na nakalipas, it took me for another person to understand my own life, kaibigan ko ang sumampal sakin ng katotohanan na i love her. Sisisng sisi ako sa nangyari Bom, nasaktan ako, ramdam ko yung pagtingin niyo sakin dahil baka idrdrag ko siya ng palayo sa inyo, sinakripisyo ko din kaligayahan ko non, she became my friend, my best of friend which showed me the love that i needed, i became lost too. Thank God for my Fam that kept me still and God for keeping me alive until now. But now i found her. I think my life will be just fine. I made her a promise not the as the Chaeryn Luna before but the CL now, who is ready to fight who she loves. Mahal ko yung kaibigan mo Bomspring. I would risk my life for her. She may not be the Sandara Alexis we knew before pero when i met her yesterday, it feels like she's a new person and yes. I love her now. Walang makakapigil sa akin. Just let me prove to you that i can be a better one not only a bestfriend but the one who'll be with her. Because she's worth the risk."

Nanginginig kong sabi, nakakahingal nanghihina ako, after i said everthing kay Bom, umalis ako at hinanap ang restroom. Di ko napigilan, napaiyak ako. I bit my lips to stop it from crying but i just cant ang sikip na. Ang hirap din itago ang naramdaman mo, its hard to be tough sometimes. Kaya nga i tried so hard to understand myself para maintindihan ko yung iba. The time nung iniwasan ko siya i pretended just to be okay as it is kasi thats what i see in her. And i dont want her to worry, it was my pride.

As soon na bumalik ako sa SoKor to have my training nahihirapan akong magadjust, i must be likeable to succeed, i studied and practice hard as i could para makamtan lang tong pangarap ko, i survived. I met Minzy, jun, and my ever loving Harin were there for me but kulang pa, may hinahanap pa ako. But then i found her now, and i would give up everything for her. She's the one ive been looking for. My happiness. 

After i ordered our meal, tapos ipinadeliver ko sa Cabana niya, mas cozy kasi don kasi i knew it was hers kasi nung unang gabi after nagusap kami ni Bom, napasilip ako sa labas ng Cabana niya kasi May Duyan nga, napasosyal naman so i asked Jasmin, sinabi niya its hers. So ayun. 

As i head back, i checked my phone i searched for a signal, then there notifications came in, i checked many notifications popped out from my parents, managers, minzy, but i only clicked harin's messages. 

"ate nakatulog ka ba ng maayos?. Did you see her?" 

“wala palang signal dyan ate. Wait ko nalang chika mo paguwi "

" pero ate buhay ka pa diba? Paconfirm namanoh, bat ka ba mabait nasasanay ako sa updates mo uy. "
" ate palugit na yan ngayong araw ginigisa  na ako ni mommy dito, baka di mo na ako maabutan. "

" ate, hi. "

" Ate, hinahanap ka na nila Marc at ni Kurt for your album daw baka icocontact na nila si Mommy, kung di ka pa magparamdam"

"ate, uuwi ka na diba 5:30? Kakatontak lang talaga nila kay mommy ngayon. Huhuhu." 

"ate, kahit di ka magreply basta uuwi ka lang" 

"ate, please. Babalik lang tayo dyan, just be back before sunrise tomorrow. 5:30pm, mamaya ipapasundo kita sa driver nila Jasmin. Kapag rarason ka na walang bus. Kakausapin ko na si Jasmin ate, make the best for today. Babalik ka pa dyan." 

I just sighed deeply. This dream i made for myself, my passion will always be the first but this time all i want is my happiness. Hello, reality check we need a life, i need to release my album. Dugo at pawis binuhos ko don, i dont want to dismay my parents for it. I made it also to find her, pero here she is i met her after everything. This time we need to take little steps. I turned off again my phone and to get Dara for sure gising na yon. 

As I walked back kung san ko siya iniwan, wala na siya don, bigla akong nagpanic but i saw Jasmin nagturo sakin pa Spring pub she was there i saw her na nakayakap kay Bom. Fxck it. Bigla akong napatila sa may entrance ng bar and looked at her in her eyes, it was full of emotions. There, i was stunned again, ang sama ko pero i find her cute when she's crying. I saw her holding the polaroid i left for her as i leave for later. 

Napangiti pa ako sa kanya, i was about to talk and explain kaso tinakbuhan nya ako, she's too cute. 
Hinabol ko siya dahil i know mahina to sa takbuhan, she was about to run again, pero i pulled her closer to me. I just hugged her, i tried to look at her puffy eyes kaso nagtila siyang baby na mas binaon mukha niya sa may bandang balikat ko. Then i pat her back gently. She is just adorable. Ngumiti ako, then i pushed her gently. 
  
"Akala mo, iniwan kita? Umalis ako to set our breakfast sa Cabana ko. You worry too much. Ikaw naman masyadong naattach na sa akin." asar ko sa kanya. 

Instead sumagot ka, i heard you scoffed, hah! pikon, ang cute talaga. Hinigpitan mo pa yakap mo dahil alam  Kong hiyang hiya ka. A baby it is hahaha, ramdam ko yung psingi kong ngumiti uli at napatawa. Pinili ko pa siyang asarin. 

"Ang cute mong umiyak, don't worry magpapaalam na ako when i leave. Ang taray mo kahapon eh ang softie mo pala. Cute. " 

Pangdagdag asar ko, mas napikon talaga siya. I pushed her gently and saw her puffy face again. She's too cute. Can't wait to see this face every morning as i wake up. Then there, the music played in around the island as if it was on cue. 

~In your eyes, I'm alive
Inside you're beautiful
Something so unusual
In your eyes
I know I'm home (yeah)~

And i really found my home, dahan dahan kitang tinulak para makita ko yung pisngi mong namumula katulad ng kamatis. May mga luha pang natira sa pisngi mo, i gave you reassuring smile, kinuha ko yung kamay mo. I'm about to invite you for breakfast nagkataon ding kumalam ang tyan mo. Mas napayuko ka uli, sa hiya i bend para makita kita, i gently squeezed your hand.

"Kain na tayo? “

Habang kumakain, you were just eating slowly na tila may iniisip ka, thats why habang inuubos mo yung pagkain nasa plato mo, refill lang ako ng refill hahaha. Pero baka nanibago ka lang kasi kakagising mo lang tapos umiyak ka na. 

Umalis ako saglit to check my phone, nakahagip pala siya ng signal. It was a text from Bom. 

"I asked your number kay Jasmin, gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na may anxiety yan sa iniiwan. Kaya please, alagaan mo yan. Baka sa susunod ko na makwekwento sayo. Basta, i will let you have her for today, last day mo na diba?" after ko nabasa i looked at Dara from a distance na nakatingin lang sa dagat at ang sinag ng araw. Sa ganda niya, i can still see the eyes that I have, its the sadness pero gusto ko siyang mawala. 

I wanna help her overcome it, ayaw kong masanay siya na mag-isa, we all need someone to lean on. right? 

Nagpakilala ako sayo uli, naalala ko tuloy how you approached to me nung highschool tayo but here we are now, I wanna know you more. As we walk farther, napapansin ko you're sleepy like before antukin mo talaga. Kaya bigla akong tumigil. 

"let's headback sa Cabana mo, you need to sleep.Parang kulang pa tulog mo eh. " 

"I'm not used to wake up early kasi, madalas mga 1pm na ako magigising.I'm sorry. " 

Hearing those words, parang injection yung tusok sa puso ko. What if nilaban kita? You would not feel alone? Will you be happy with me? Gusto ko siyang sabihin sa kanya, pero natatakot ako baka mastress siya. I just let her sleep sa Duyan na nasa labas ng Cabana niya. 

Nilabas ko yung notebook namin, yes. Dinala ko siya nakakaenjoy lang kasi we have a common diary and we'll both respond through writing or answering the poems that we made. But di siya napuno because of what had happened. I just looked at her alam ko deserve mo yung galit ni Bom sakin, i decided to write the things i must say to her. 

I am the one of the people
Who made your past worse
I know this may not be possible 
But i need to choose

I dont want to leave 
I dont wanna see you grieve
Trust me love, 
Please believe. 

Just wait for me. 
Save those tears
Let's overcome our fears
Let me fix, mine. 

And I'll fight for you a thousand lives.
For You.

~~Every tear, every fear
Gone with the thought of you
Changing what I thought I knew
I'll be yours for a thousand lives~~

Remembering what happened a while ago, you don't deserve all of it you are just too good for everybody. But i want you to open your heart to me just this time. I heard buzzing from my phone, tumayo na ako it was A call from Harin, 

"Ate, listen to me, dahan dahan na akong iniinterogate ni Daddy. You need to comeback or else wala na akong excuse. I will try to ask Minzy for back up basta get ready to comehome. Its 5pm ate, kung wala ka pa raw ipapanotice ka sa public eh."

I just tighten the grip of my phone after Harin's call.  Then,i heard something from my view. Ibinaba ko yung notebook at nakita kong you were looking at me pala, i handed over a cold orange juice fit for the hot weather. 

"It's hot, uminom ka muna, you need to rest. Pwede naman tayo magusap na di maglalakad. And kasalanan ko, pinaiyak kita. I'm- - sorry. Dara, i mean it. Nagsisisi akong iniwan kita."  eto na i dont want to leave her hanging... 

"Sandy, makinig ka ha. This may be impossible to hear me out pero i just want you to know that, mahal kita. This may be shocking kasi ilang araw mo pa akong nakita pero wag ka masyado magisip. I have loved you for years already. And handa akong magsimula tayo muli. This may not be easy as before, but please i hope you'll accept my love. Pwede pa naman diba? May lugar pa ba ako sa puso mo? You may have a lot of questions running in your mind but being with you for 48hours. You made it so precious."

I gave you my star pendant necklace na pinagawa ko lang naman sa isla but its the sign na babalik ako. I will give you a real one. I saw Bom and Jasmine running towards us, i kissed  your hand. 

Jassy: i'm sorry ate CL pero si HL nagpapanic, di ka raw sumasagot sa tawag, hinahanap ka na ng manager mo tsaka ng daddy mo. I'm sorry ate Dara but ate CL needs to go. 

One last look of you, i just smiled and kissed you on the forehead, that's a promise. I will be back. I knelt down and look into her eyes again. 

"Babalik ako, Di kita iiwan. Dara, thats a promise i ing keep. Ayaw kita mawala uli. Sana ako na yung piliin mo." 

There i turned my back, i saw Bom looked at me. I know ayaw niya ako para sa kaibigan niya pero allow me to prove it to you. I heard some whispers sa ibang Cabana, na mga bakasyonista nakilala ako, so binilisan ko na yung lakad ko. Tapos si Jasmin na bahala sa checkout ko, i checked the time its 5:35pm. Nagpasalamat ako kay Jasmine and i asked her number in case. 

Morning. Parang panaginip lang lahat, nasa bahay na pala ako. Nung naramdaman kong may tumabi sa akin, its Dad. 

"San ka galing ?" 
"out of town. “
“sino kasama mo? Sana naman sinama mo si Harin? Very unusual of you, anak." 
"well, napaisip ko lang siya, tsaka busy si Harin sa thesis niya kaya di ko masama." i bit my lip sorry Dad. 
"Anak, Kurt called for your album, pupunta ka na sa studio? “
" yes, dad. Maliligo na ako in afew. Ihahatid daw ako ni Minzy. "
" eat your breakfast before you go okay? Pinagaalala mo mom mo. “ and he kissed my forehead. I just smiled in return. 

Days had passed, di parin siya nawawala sa isip ko, patapos na kami sa album ko. Kurt was my co- producer and my ex. But we're just best buds na, although yung tropa namin inaasar kami eh but wala na talaga simula I met Sandara, the island, the breeze.. Then Minzy snapped me out, 

"EARTH TO CL!!!! “Minzy
" Girl, we are asking you and Kurt to buy coffee"
Then blankly i responded "Give your orders to Kurt." 

While i was writing a letter for my fans for waiting for my first album made by me of course. I was stopped by Harin, there's an article about us not with Dara but with Kurt. Alam na sa public I want to keep my personal life private pero this is not a rumor anymore, because this was an article about us but became ex lovers, but the photo was recent. When we went to the cafe and ordered the coffees for the gang, I looked for Minzy to handle the situation kasi gusto ko na matapos to. Somehow i was occupied sa album and i don't have time for dealing these kind of issues. 

Days had passed, patapos na din yung album actually tapos na siya. May konting promotion events akong iaattend kasi kakasimula ko lang naman as artist. I am so thankful for my family for supporting my passion kahit mahirap silang iinfluence, and to let you guys know they dont know about my lovelife kasi tanggap na nilang liberated yet stubborn woman anak nila and they respect my decisions as well (well, my decisions are from them, all i need is to follow). 

Namulat nanaman ako from spacing out habang naglalaro ako sa baso kong may wine. At lumapit at may pinakita si Minzy at Harin sakin, it was some photos na ang familiar, sa Spring Pub. Dara's drinking nonstop it was not only one photo, marami na din. I looked for the sender its from Jasmine and some Sandy's fans from her vlogs. Hinawakan ko yung phone ko, tried to check my notifications I saw message from Bom, it was a photo, Dara looked so wasted. She sent it with text beneath,

 "nagwawala yan  nung ika-tatlong araw nung umalis ka.hindi ko na siya gagalawin for tonight, may nakilala ma din siya ngayong gabi, co-vlogger niya. She's good match.I knew you've been monitoring Dara thru Jasmine but sinabihan ko na ako na kakausap sayo, wag mo na guluhin mundo niya ulit okay? " 

. I went thru my closet got a cap and a jacket. Then Harin and Minzy followed me inside while i was rushing out. As i grabbed my keys. Tiningnan ko yung dalawa at hinawakan ko ang bunso kong kapatid at tumingin sa mata niya. 

" Ahh-ahm HL just for tonight okay? Babalik ako umaga. I just need my star back. I want her back really." 

"Min, help harin just for tonight. I will be back, I can't let her be in danger again."

~~I'm free as a bird
When I'm flying in your cage
I'm diving in deep
And I'm riding with my no brakes
I'm bleeding in love
You're swimming in my veins
You've got me now~~

Without waiting for their respond. Umalis na agad ako, speeding up rushing thru sa traffic. Parang nagflashback nung nangyari sa isla, then this song played again. It made me realize na I was truly free at that time. When Im with you i dont feel isolated and left out. Sa presensya mo, sa yakap mo I was me, ramdam kong i can open up to you freely, i can talk about some stuffs, about life, my weird ideas na  natatawa ka, your smile and your eyes that makes my bitter life tastes a little sweet. 

Here, i am driving fast as i can to be able to be with you tonight cause i cant help to worry that someone might be doing the things that I should to to you. I am worried that you'll forget me, and the fear of being replaced. My fear, my anxiety rises up as i drive, so i called jasmine. 

"Unnie?" jas
"Is Dara okay? “me
“she's been drinking more tonight unnie, while staring in her phone." jas
"The article." i whispered. 
"I'm coming, can you watch over her for a little while? I'm hanging up." 

The 8hour bus drive naging parang the flash ako  sinwerte din kasi wala masyadong traffic. And i tried to check my speed and i used some shortcuts para mapabilis and i brought my car so walang stopovers and without her knowing mostly on weekends i used to drive and see her getting drunk and carried her to bed. Habang papalapit na ako, bumibilis tibok ng puso ko, one thing that i fear is being replaced and forgotten,i've been dealing this quietly, inaral ko yung kaso ko, then i successfully handled it pero eto ngayon nagkita na kami muli, sa taomg kay tagal ko na hinintay, ayaw ko mangyari sa amin ni papa Sandara, Nahanap ko na siya, ayaw ko siyang pakawalan. Takot akong mawala siya. Katulad ng sinabi ko sa kanya, babalik ako kapag handa na ako, yet seeing her now, because of that ty article. Nasaktan ko siya. Hindi alam ni Bom na bumabalik ako isla, only jasmine knows.

Sands, im coming home, i had fallen in love with you. I can't get enough of you. I can't loose you this time. You've got me now.Then I hit the gas and tried to speed up. 

Just then I arrived to the island, as i wore the cap and the jacket. I hurriedly went to Spring Pub kung san galing yung ingay. There i saw Jasmine sa may Entrance she waved at me and thank her. 

"I'll take care from here. Thank you Jaz."
"Welcome, Unnie. Mas malala nga lamg siya ngayon." 
"Uhm, nga pala is there any near Cabana sa Pub? Para mas malapit paghatid ko sa kanya tonight." 
"yes, unnie, i'll get you one."

Watching you from afar makes me feel how bad i am, na putting you in this kind of mess again. Pinagsisihan ko talaga araw-araw, okay lang ako makakaramdam ng rejection but i dont want you to feel those things again. Kasi di ka naman dapat masaktan. Kami dapat yon because of Karma na nagawa namin against an angelic person like you. Naluha nanman ako habang tinitingnan ka, but i saw that vlogger na sinasabi ni Bom, she was tall maybe a model cause she's familliar. Pero she was far naman from you, nung bumalik si Jas to give me the key sa may bar counter. I saw her na papalapit sayo. Then there may nakita na akong lalaking nilalapitan ka,di ko na din namalayan naparami na din pala ininom ko, i just said kay Hayi na sa room na isasama sa bill out. 

~~Skin to skin
Breathe me in
Feeling your kiss on me
Lips are made of ecstasy
I'll be yours for a thousand lives (for a thousand lives)~~

I dragged you palabas, toxicated with the alcohol. I just missed you, sinabihan ko na si Mino na ako na din hahatid sayo since may nahanap akong vacant na malapit na Cabana, fck sumakto yung cue ng music. Init ng katawan at dahil tagal ko na gusto kong magawa i kissed you, first i felt the anger na thinking baka sa iba ka mahuhulog, sa situation ko na di mapabilis, gustong gusto na kita makasama. You touched my jaw and the mark, my mole, you knew it was me, you were about look in my eyes, ye i kissed you, gently, I want you to feel my longing. The kiss was addicting yet ramdam ko yung pagod mo, and i dont want to take an advantage siyempre. I put you to bed, you were tired from crying, alam kong kasalanan ko, you just hugged me and you said. 

"I miss you, I- i forgive you, I love you, Chaeryn Luna." 

I didn't respond kasi nga im still on the process to get you, after this. I'll be yours, Kahit hindi ka pa si Sandara Alexis na nakilala ko dati, kahit nakilala kita as stranger. You are the only one that i truly like and to be with for the rest of my life. Kay tagal kita hinanap at hinintay. I'm home.

Then i was playing with your hair as i sing along to the song without disturbing your sleep. 

~~Been waiting for a lifetime for you
Been breaking for a lifetime for you
Wasn't looking for love 'til I found you
Ooh na-na ayy
For love, 'til I found you (oh)
Been waiting for a lifetime for you (oh yeah)
Been breaking for a lifetime for you
Wasn't looking for love 'til I found you~

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