FORMAT AS FOLLOW: Italics - Past | Straight (but really gay) - Present

 

 

“Hello, my love.”

No matter how many times she heard it, Jiwoo managed to swoon each time. But she was careful as she held a huge crate of granny smiths.

Sooyoung, littered with wood chips and sawdust, approached her smiling wife and took the box from her hands. Years ago, it wouldn’t be a struggle but her muscles weren’t as utilized as much as before. When she was a knight and underwent missions abroad and ate to her heart’s content and fenced like there was no tomorrow.

It brought her mind back to her recent bout. Sooyoung’s wrist was healing nicely thanks to the balm Vivi supplied. It was like she hadn’t been nearly mangled by her best friend a few days ago. The same best friend that would soon command her dear daughter.

“You won’t believe what came to the doorstop at work today.”

“It wasn’t me,” Jiwoo pouted, not having time to check on her wife this week with the influx of shipments. With the winter season fast approaching, it was crunch time at the market.

As well as in the woodworker shops. Sooyoung needed to finish all requests before they closed up shop for the year.

“No,” Sooyoung kissed the pout away, making up for Jiwoo’s weekly visit by waiting for her to get off work instead. “A summons.”

Jiwoo stopped in her tracks, allowing Sooyoung time to readjust the crate.

“For...?”

Sooyoung let her wife fill in the blanks.

No doubt Jinsol was serious about advancing Hyejoo’s bid. Sponsorship from a royal was the highest possible honor. Regardless of class, it guaranteed a crest. It was like deja vu to Sooyoung’s own summons.

(Jiwoo would remind Sooyoung that she got in for brawns and brains - not her mother’s personal connections with the queens - when the two of them discussed this in the privacy of their home.) 

No doubt Hyejoo would excel at her knight training.

It’s what came after that worried them.

Jiwoo didn’t know Jinsol as well as Sooyoung and Jungeun did. They did spend a considerable amount of time together when younger. She was Jinsol’s go-to Jungeun expert. Unlike her best friend who’s been silent since the incident - she sadly accepted that Jungeun leaving the castle for a visit was as frequent as an eclipse - she didn’t want to think about this new Jinsol was her true self.

Years ago, they had a “new” Hyejoo. Within Hyejoo’s wolf exterior, her sweet daughter still lied.

By that optimism, Jiwoo applied it to Jinsol. Within the whirlwind of a fencer still lied the shy queen that would knock on her chambers to ask whether Jungeun liked purple or green grapes. Or ask Sooyoung what an appropriate distance was between her and Jungeun when they went on strolls. Or ask Vivi what she needed to know about Jungeun’s condition.

---

Qian and Fei squealed when they received a letter in the mail.

An official summons.

Their only daughter was chosen to be one of the Eastern kingdom’s castle official physicians. She was a toddler when they performed the child-bearing ceremony on the queens there but her short-lived friendship with the newborn princess Jungeun left a lasting impression.

Their daughter came from a long line of healers. Doctors and nurses are what other Westerners labelled them. Kahei was more in tune with their lineage than either of their sons were. Their oldest, Kayee, was seeing if it was possible to paint a portrait of oneself using a mirror. Their youngest, Xu Xi, was holding the mirror higher than necessary to annoy his brother.

At least they had Kahei to even out their...innovativeness.

Only a very few of their kind made a smooth move across the border.

Qian and Fei knew that for their kind, if asked to share the wrong opinion, there were consequences. But their daughter shouldn’t worry about that.

She barely spoke when she went to medical school.

(Not that she needed it. She had a natural aptitude for healing but everything needed written proof in this era.)

They worried she’d be taken advantage of but Kahei was more in touch with reality than anyone else.

There were rumors that Eastern kingdom people treated them as magicians. Amazed at them at first - sometimes izing them for their foreign features. But if they couldn’t quite solve a problem, they were banished or called frauds. Some say their people that were stripped of their medicinal ways have found refuge in the mountains. Others say they became bait for the wolves.

But Kahei was strong. Silent but deadly.

Her brothers laughed at that description of her and her mothers feared asking what that phrase meant in other contexts.

They knew Kahei would bring glory to their name and if she needed help, she could always visit her distant aunts in the mountains.

---

Jinsol fell back in her throne, blowing her hair out of her face.

This lengthy briefing cut into her apology time.

She should’ve been on page two of her apology to Chaewon but the dispatch council had to tell her everything. Even things she deemed irrelevant. Who cared if the trail guard and the water mill operator were dating? Apparently dispatch did.

But Hyunjin raised her hand, prolonging her anguish.

The seneschal had trouble falling asleep as she knew her vacation was coming to an end. Jinsol excused her to class after the initial overview but Hyunjin stayed.

“Permission to speak freely…”

Jinsol nodded and Hyunjin spoke her piece.

Even though that weekend left a lot unanswered and unspoken, Hyunjin had a proposition. In order to avoid the glaring stares from the other kids at the castle, still terrified since that fencing bout, she wanted to undertake the next mission alone.

She too was like her Aunt Jinsol. If left unchaperoned. Jinsol and her were one of the same coin. She would unleash all hell to make sure the wolf in front of her was more than dead. Their passion to uphold justice and keep the ones they loved safe made them do unspeakable things.

But sometimes her aunt would go overboard. Her kills were unrecognizable as a previous living and breathing beings.

(Hyunjin had years to control herself so her kills were at least buriable.)

And as the council nodded along, opposite Jinsol who was frozen in stature, Hyunjin knew that if she did this alone, she wouldn’t have to worry about calming Jinsol down over and over.

(And could now execute her job using her skills’ true potential.)

---

“Come follow me!” Yerim directed to her small army of animals.

Hyunjin was trying on her father and mother’s armor in the courtyard. Fitting into them wouldn’t be a problem anymore with her recent growth spurt. It smelled too much like the home she lost and she angrily threw it across the courtyard at a breakneck speed, denting them.

But the parade led by Yerim distracted her.

“YERIM!” 

“But-”

“NOW!” Hyunjin barked, hoping no one saw the act. It lost its cuteness when Yerim opened .

“They’re only cockroaches,” Yerim nagged.

“I don’t care. You know not to do that out here,” Hyunjin reasoned.

If only mom and dad were there to help them learn more about the family gifts. Thankfully, they had told Hyunjin before their passing, the reason why knighthood was in their blood. Hyunjin knew to keep a secret. It’s not like she was new to holding any secrets within the castle herself. She had put in a good recommendation for Jinsol to join her clan on their next excursion after catching her looking through her notebook. And she was sure the other queen would be very concerned when word got out.

So she was asked to keep mum until Jinsol got confirmation.

Hyunjin knew that if the queen joined her, she’d really have to focus on self control.

Whereas Hyunjin inherited the family speed and the strength, Yerim’s talents manifested differently.

At least her talent didn’t put her in danger.

Until now.

Talking to animals was fine until you actually communicated with them like they could understand you. Different than calling a horse to come, Yerim would have lengthy conversations with all genus and species. 

Hyunjin was very careful to not reveal that side of them. Generations of her family have hid it well. It’s why she had to fight against her kind. Be against them or be suspected to be with them. Being a descendant had its pros: one of them being, her sister and her were never questioned and never assumed to be anything other than human.

Hyunjin knew the history. She had the page bookmarked so she could learn about it again and again, comparing it to her mother’s watered down version of their legacy.

She wondered who flipped to that page more: her or Jinsol.

She dog eared the page but would know it by memory.

Page 394.

---

“‘Fly like a butterfly,’ Heejin?”

“A simile, Teacher Vivi.”

“Very good. ‘You attack my heart,’ Yerim?”

“A metaphor.”

The kids were behaving well today. Almost too well…

Except for one student who had been staring out the doorway the entire morning lesson. Vivi would try again after lunch hour.

Hyejoo had stopped by and bid them goodbye before departing to her knight training. They playfully about the humongous knapsack her parents packed her.

She would be getting fed at the camp.

The knapsack held her on-the-go meals, made by hers truly. She barely got enough sleep as her mothers clambered away in the dark kitchen, providing Hyejoo a good breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and second afternoon snack. If she traveled at her wolf speed, she would be able to get there faster than it took to tear into one of the meals her parents prepared. 

She decided to walk to camp rather than take any of the horses Jinsol or Jungeun offered.

(She wanted to spend her last few moments as a non-knight sight-seeing and visiting her family cottage.)

Yeojin high-fived her and told her not to eat the lunch meat. Heejin asked if she needed more food as there was extra from breakfast - Jungeun and Jinsol didn’t make it to the dining room yet. Hyunjin gave a stale wave, distracted from the early morning briefing. Yerim gave Hyejoo a flying jumping hug, knocking the wind out of her.

But it was nothing like Chaewon who gave a lecture - rivalling Haseul’s and Vivi’s lectures - telling Hyejoo she had to make it back it one piece.

(“Or else you’d poke me to death?” Hyejoo joked.

“Not funny,” Chaewon huffed with a smile on her face.)

She gifted her one of her many bows and arrow filled quivers, from her birthday gift, to keep her safe along the way. Jinsol was supposed to return it but her parents had other things to worry about and by her actions, the gift would be out of the castle grounds and could hopefully lessen the rift between them.

(Jungeun forgot all about the damned gift. Apparently her mental health issues gave her memory loss.) 

Slinging it with ease, only Hyunjin wasn’t impressed how Hyejoo was able to carry all her things.

Chaewon hugged Hyejoo longer than it took the sun to rise.

Thankfully, Vivi was respecting her spacing out. The princess had a lot running through her mind.

One: her parents weren’t speaking to each other.

Two: her new friend would be gone for a month.

Three: her mother would be sent off on another mission.

She was used to Jinsol leaving. She knew of children with parents that were gone for month long fishing voyages and hunting excursions so she shouldn’t feel commiseration. But after seeing what her mother could become, how reckless she could be if provoked, she couldn’t help but feel scared of her mother doing that in the wilderness.

(Ironically, she hugged her wolf stuffed toy tighter that night as she willed those nightmares to go away.)

---

An arrhythmic knocking pattern came from her door.

Jungeun tore it open, ready to tell Vivi that she was fine after drinking her chamomile tea. It should help her sleep soundly tonight.

What she wasn’t prepared for was her daughter stifling her cries into her hand.

Crouching down, she took Chaewon into her arms. Jungeun worried she wouldn’t create a good scenario to distract herself tonight. ‘Visualization technique’ as Vivi called it. But consoling her distraught daughter would be enough.

She had a good guess at the cause of her daughter’s breakdown.

This morning, the council announced that they couldn’t find traces of the Has in any of the neighboring kingdoms. She knew Chaewon was listening in as her little feet stuck out from underneath the curtains. Chaewon should take notes from Heejin who knew how to sit still in a chair even when chaos ensued around them. Once, the kids in the castle balanced potted plants on their head and Heejin simply sat there like it was a normal occurrence. 

Walking her daughter to bed, Jungeun held Chaewon until she was ready to talk.

“I miss mom,” Chaewon spluttered all over Jungeun’s sleeping gown.

She wasn’t ready for that.

Jinsol’s trips were seasonal until she proved herself effective. Then she was sent out monthly. Then weekly. Until she spent more time out of the castle than in it.

Jungeun held the blubbering girl tight, her blonde locks while agreeing with the statement but not letting her weakness show. She had to be strong in front of Chaewon.

Chaewon would grow up to be a strong queen and if she didn’t set a good example, she feared her daughter would end up like her.

---

Jungeun looked a mess.

Eyes swollen.

Hair unruly.

Face bloated.

Vivi had thankfully checked up on her a few times with meals bigger than her stomach could handle. (Haseul snuck back in later to eat the rest in case Vivi was offended.) Chaewon had just left, spending her lunch hour with her. Her daughter talked about everything and anything to distract her mother.

Make her feel like she was normal.

A normal queen with a normal life and a normal wife.

But she couldn’t even pretend the latter was true. She couldn’t wrap her head about the Jinsol she last saw. Hyperfocusing on how her slim body moved swiftly across the bout, her footwork impeccable, her grunts grew louder in volume until they echoed in the training room. She remembered how the others reacted too. How Jiwoo pretended that Sooyoung’s cut wasn’t that bad. How the other kids rushed to leave the room. How Hyunjin had to violently shake Jinsol, almost lifting her off the floor. How Vivi and Haseul shared conspicuous looks across the room. How Hyejoo had to bury herself into Chaewon’s neck. How Chaewon was afraid of her mother.

How she was afraid that the love of her life was gone and replaced by this monster.

No, not monster.

Jinsol was eradicating the true monsters. But one had to match one’s opponent so that’s what Jinsol was doing. Buffing up in order to take on the werewolves. Getting ruthless to match her enemy.

That’s what she was doing.

No need to be alarmed, Jungeun.

She envisioned of a wolf in Sooyoung’s position to calm her nerves.

They weren’t in the training room anymore but the woods.

Any woods. She couldn’t place them. Not like she could anyway. When was the last time she stepped into a non-Jung kingdom forest?

And as the wolf slashed at Jinsol with its claws and Jinsol tried to fight back. The snarling, Jungeun could easily recreate. She tried to tell Jinsol to be strong but she couldn’t open . Soon enough, Jinsol was on her back, begging to be spared.

Why did this feel so real?

Bracing her knees, Jungeun sank against the wall, banging her head against it so the visions could stop.

Jinsol was safe.

Jinsol was home.

Jinsol wasn’t a monster.

---

“YOU MADE A FOOL OF ME!”

“Permission to speak…”

“I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU!”

Jinsol turned herself away from the new knight. She gave her a chance and she blew it. Beat up a bar patron to a pulp and had the town in a frenzy. Even Haseul was there to witness it.

Jungeun was smart to let the painting dry in the office as Jinsol came face-to-face with the new painting of Chaewon and her friends. The inhabitants of the portrait were far from decent - Yeojin sticking out her tongue obscenely and Chaewon not crossing her legs in a ladylike manner - but they looked happy to have their photo taken.

It was the least they could do.

They were like their own kids so a family portrait was in order.

(She knew Yerim was secretly calling Jungeun and her mom when Hyunjin wasn’t listening.)

And that’s why Jinsol was so angry at Hyunjin. She didn’t even know the girl possessed something within her to even tackle that man that overpowered her in strength and size. But she also was angry that Hyunjin would put herself in that situation. If she was hurt, she could never live it down. But she couldn’t keep the young knight safe forever. The girl was wearing a Jung crest.

She would have to learn what sacrifice was.

“Messenger duty,” Jinsol uttered.

“No, Auntie, I can…” Hyunjin begged.

Those were the easiest jobs to get rid of when it came to staff cuts. If another attack happened, she would - and subsequently Yerim - be the first on the chopping block.

“Please, Hyunjin. It’s for the best. When you prove yourself worthy, we can think about reinstating you.” 

They could both hear the protestors outside the castle walls chanting for Hyunjin’s resignation. But Jinsol wouldn’t give it to them. 

This was Hyunjin’s home.

---

Chaewon volunteered to do the dishes for the castlehold. The less time she spent in the classroom, the better. Not like they had afternoon classes anyway. (She had Haseul to thank for that.) Chaewon had just finished her own lunch after visiting her mother and updated her about what they were learning, Hyunjin’s sudden departure from the castle, and how she gifted the rapid fire crossbow to Hyejoo.

Even among the flurry of hair and snot, Chaewon could make out her mother’s relief.

Without Hyejoo and Hyunjin’s voracious appetite, there was a lot of food left. Should she make a plate for her other mother?

“Chae?” A small voice called from the kitchen archway.

Chaewon froze as her blonde mother brought the rest of the dishes inside, helping her scrub off the food scraps without a word. She knew her mother was waiting for recognition before saying whatever it was she wanted to say.

Maybe asking her to get her horse ready to go on the mission the council was prepping her for. Maybe to check on her mother which she could do herself if she just swallowed her pride and...

“I’m sorry,” was not what she was expecting.

Chaewon harbored Jungeun’s anger, shame, and fear but she didn’t cause direct harm to her.

“What happened in there. It was not me. No, it was me. That side of me is useful out there but here, in our home, I can tell it’s a shock,” Jinsol started.

She had drafted so many of these apologies but she knew this one and the one she saved for last would be the hardest. When Hyunjin told her about her proposition, Jinsol immediately refused. But the letters spilling out of her coat pocket onto the floor labelled with different people’s names changed course. Hyunjin picked up the letter addressed to her and was shocked at the first two words

(“Why are you saying ‘I’m sorry?’”

“Trust me, it’s not enough to convey everything. Keep reading, Hyunjin.”)

While the council agreed with an addendum of their own, Jinsol was a naysayer. Jinsol digressed and said Hyunjin couldn’t partake in a personal mission on her own. Hyunjin cheekily inserted she would have time to apologize if she went on her own, listing five occurrences when Jinsol went on her own as well.

Jinsol was rushing. But she heard the gates. Hyunjin was already off to find a replacement knight from the academy - per the council’s request, hoping she’d fail so they wouldn’t have to pay someone so soon - while she settled business at home. She had holed herself in her office, listening for any signs of Jungeun leaving her chambers, and finished all the petitions and balances and signings for Jungeun. It was past noon when she finished. No sign of Jungeun but she needed to eat.

After seeing her selfless daughter clean up after the others’ messes, Jinsol stuffed the letter in her pocket and went off script. Before Jinsol could remember what the next paragraph included, Chaewon interrupted.

“Do you get like that often?”

But unlike Hyunjin’s response to her sister and friends, the mom owed her daughter honesty.

“I try not to. I just...I get so angry. I don’t even know why anymore. I see them and I want to kill them. The wolves took away so much. I don’t want that to happen again,” Jinsol hung her head.

(And if I stop, there'd be a price.)

“Mom, the wolves took away more from mom than they did you. You got your best friend back at least,” Chaewon shrugged, hoping she wasn’t undermining Jinsol’s pain, feeling her own tears pricking her eyes. She hated it when her mothers got like this.

“Your mother’s pain is my pain,” the conviction in Jinsol’s eyes startled Chaewon but it wasn’t scaring her like before. She wasn’t out for (Sooyoung’s) blood but out for forgiveness.

(Charwon was more scared her mother would one day take it too far to get rid of all that pain and guilt.)

“I want your mother to have no reason to fear the outside world anymore,” Jinsol broke, turning away from her daughter.

Chaewon put down the plate she was holding and took her mom into her arms. It was quite the sight given their height difference. The young woman knew there was much more Jinsol was not telling her but this was enough to patch the tension between them.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, Chaewon.”

Though her mother’s reasons were valid, her methods were obtuse. It was no different than a knight’s sense of self-sacrifice.

Something Hyejoo told her about when telling her her mother giving up her own career to care for her. Chaewon could see why Jinsol and Sooyoung got along so well - if you take out the bloody fencing bout - they both cared for their families more than their hearts could carry.

That brought Chaewon back to her thoughts on Hyejoo.

In a way, Hyejoo and her sobbing mom were similar.

Like with Hyejoo - she hoped the knight candidate was alright and eating well - Jinsol and Chaewon also had a lot to catch up on.

When was the last time she bonded with her mom?

But Chaewon knew Jinsol would have to ride off again, postponing their reunion once more.

---

“What about Princess Chaewon’s marriage?”

Jinsol gave herself whiplash turning her head so quickly. She must’ve been lacking sleep and Hyunjin was speaking in animal noises again. They had just passed the Western kingdom border to retrieve Chaewon’s eighteenth birthday present and were in dire need of a nap and a shower.

“You know the council hasn’t abolished arranged marriages yet,” Hyunjin said, admiring the craftsmanship on the new weapon.

“I am very aware,” Jinsol seethed.

Jungeun and her talked about how they wanted to throw a suitors’ ball for Chaewon instead so she could pick an heir. It was no use fighting the council as they already had several bones to pick with them. One of them being Jinsol’s right-hand.

After Hyunjin spectacularly took out a wolf single-handedly, Jinsol reinstated her without authorization from the council. She had to. No other human had reflexes and accuracy like Hyunjin.

(No one could calm her down like Hyunjin.)

Also her being a queen doing a knight’s job was still a non-favorite. She needed a strong right-hand.

“I’m sorry Auntie. I didn’t mean to bring it up so hastily.”

“Now, now, Hyunjin. We’ll just treat it as water under the bridge and cross the bridge when it comes to it. Let’s try out this bad boy.”

Hyunjin didn’t feel like correcting her aunt about her mix up of idioms. She actually wanted to try out the new toy. Jinsol rode ahead, testing Hyunjin’s aim as she faked out her maneuvers. Only to be hit by every arrow Hyunjin fired. Chaewon was really going to enjoy this gift.

Come to think of it, Jungeun and her haven’t discussed Chaewon’s arranged marriage for a while.

(The first time Jungeun brought up hating arranged marriage, Jinsol took it personally. But Jungeun salvaged it saying, she’s one of the lucky ones. Just because their chemistry was a godsend doesn’t mean Chaewon’s would be.)

(They haven’t had any meaningful conversation in months if Jinsol paid more attention.)

---

Five sturdy knocks

Followed by three more

Followed by four more

Followed by Jinsol busting through the door in hysteria.

The sight that welcomed her broke her. Jinsol dropped down, ignoring the sharp pain in her knees, as she tried to get Jungeun to look at her by calling her name.

She knew Jungeun was mad at her but could she still touch her?

Jungeun was rocking back and forth against the wall farthest from their windows. Her face was covered in tears, her hair was sticking. She had just started breathing normally again, using the techniques Vivi has taught her throughout the years.

Inhale for four seconds

Hold it for seven

Exhale for eight

Inhale for four seconds

Hold it for

No no no that’s wrong

Again

Inhale for four seconds

Jinsol wasn’t supposed to see her like this. She was supposed to be better by now. Jungeun shook her head as Jinsol called for her. Their efforts couldn’t be shot down in vain.

“May I hold you please?”

Jungeun shook her head again but Jinsol didn’t leave.

Jinsol didn’t know if she could. It had been years since she’s seen one of Jungeun’s breakdowns. Even hearing them through Jungeun’s doors when they weren’t close yet made her ache. And through her numerous near encounters with death - which Vivi patched her up nicely so Jungeun wouldn’t know - Jungeun’s pained cries would override any ache of her cuts, gashes, or bruises.

“May I sit beside you? I promise I won’t touch you.”

Of course Jungeun didn’t want her to know her attacks were recurring. They were two peas in a pod. There were things Jinsol didn’t want her to know either.

And karma had caught up to them on this day.

Jungeun found out how impulsive Jinsol could get.

Jinsol found out Jungeun really wasn’t getting any better.

She stood up to draw the curtains so the darkness could soothe Jungeun - just like she would do years ago - and sat next to her, still not touching until Jungeun was ready, waiting for this episode to pass. 

She had run up the stairs to apologize for her behavior and for embarrassing them but she had to add another one.

She was sorry she wasn’t there for the episodes Jungeun had in her absence.

---

Mercy for Hyunjin who wanted a peaceful night.

But the comments at the end of the pub were getting to her. Jinsol’s hearing was mercifully not as acute as a wolf’s.

“Wait? Anxiety? Everyone has anxiety. Don’t feel like you’re so special.”

The patrons bullied one lonely person by their lonesome who had to switch shifts with another bartender because they weren’t feeling good. When they admitted they’d been having strange episodes, they dismissed him.

After all, everyone gets anxious.

So why were they an exception? They should be able to do their job, raise a family, travel...

All things Hyunjin could hear ruining her dinner. She couldn’t help but think of those thrown at her aunt Jungeun’s face by people who didn’t understand.

She knew what people said about her aunt.

That she had gone crazy.

That she should be in an asylum.

That if she wasn’t royal, she’d have drove herself mad.

But they were wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Aunt Vivi was adamant in teaching everyone in the castle that Jungeun had a condition. Not one they could witness or fix with solvents or crutches. It was inside her. And Hyunjin was glad to have someone from a lineage of healers using their talents for good. A lineage of misunderstood beings trying to make the world right again

(Someone she hoped to be.)

And Jinsol was thankfully - for her sake and everyone else in the pub - caught up with her paperwork which Hyunjin has noticed has been growing a bit over the years. Usually a monarch’s files depleted as contracts were stored and sent away but Jinsol was not an ordinary queen.

And neither was her wife.

And neither was their physician.

And Hyunjin would go down defending them.

---

“I had a feeling you had something to do with all this.”

Vivi approached Haseul who was “busy” dusting off the portraits in the foyer. Haseul pointed to herself but she knew exactly what Vivi was talking about.

Afternoon classes were canceled so Vivi could enjoy an early start for her birthday starting tomorrow. She walked into a classroom filled with suds and the desks overturned in the hallway. Haseul bribed the kids - not like they needed it anyway but could use the extra schillings - to be on their best behavior for Vivi this week.

“We had to clean the desks in the reading room some day,” Haseul shrugged.

“And you couldn’t wait until the weekend when they had time to dry or the New Years’ banquet?” Vivi didn’t let up on her stare. “You practically ended the school year...again.”

“Well…you know Queen Jinsol and Queen Jungeun doesn’t like us working during holidays,” Haseul could understand why the kids listened to Vivi. That glare burned.

“You know they don’t like being called that and you know I don’t like the limelight,” Vivi asked, sitting on one of the many benches in the foyer.

It was true.

Vivi was considered a national treasure and she hated the attention that came with it. With the cessation of immigration between Western and Eastern kingdoms, Vivi was lucky to have stayed. Westerners took advantage of the free real estate but Vivi adopted the ways of the people, learned their language, and only shared knowledge when it was helpful.

(Like her begging on her knees for the council a chance to prove that Jungeun wasn’t a werewolf.)

So she often shied away from any big events. If she had to give toasts, she would purposefully give herself less lines.

“I know but it’s your birthday. The day of your birth,” Haseul pouted.

They have yet to celebrate Vivi’s birthday with as much grandeur as they did everyone else. The kids all knew when it was. Chaewon, Yerim, and Yeojin liked snooping around the castle, getting their hands on anything they could read when they first gained literacy.

But to respect Vivi’s wishes, they pretended she was never born.

(Yeojin was fond of the “hatched from an egg” story.)

“You sound like our kids trying to meet a word count,” Vivi joked, bumping into Haseul’s shoulder.

Haseul would find a way to make Vivi’s life easier during her birthday week. Last year, she made all the kids pretend to have food poisoning so classes were canceled but Heejin wasn’t in on the joke and Haseul and Vivi spent Vivi’s birthday consoling the crying chef who felt sorry for almost killing the castlehold.

(The very first time Vivi celebrated her birthday in the Jung castle was the last. That time it was mostly Jinsol and Sooyoung’s fault.

Mostly.)

But Haseul accepted it.

“You didn’t make Jinsol apologize to me because it’s my birthday soon, right?”

“No, no. That was all on her own.”

Haseul wouldn’t be surprised if Vivi convinced Jinsol to go on her apology rampage. In a way, Haseul and Vivi felt like they taught the queens as well. Jinsol had given such exemplary apologies to both of them this afternoon before running up to Jungeun’s room. She expressed her remorse, admitted responsibility, and made a plan of action to never do it again.

They taught her well.

Vivi deserved the apology. She deserved everything. She was brilliant, well-versed, headstrong, talented, and absolutely beautiful.

Haseul just wished the world would see that.

---

Haseul pointed at the chalkboard using a branch she found outside. She knew Jinsol possessed a formal pointer but time is of the essence. And it would be a few minutes before Vivi returned with Sooyoung. Unfortunately, that put Jinsol smackdab in the middle of two very excited loudmouths - one she was beginning to know and the other she was in love with.

“Operation Vivi’s Birthday Bash is a go.”

Jiwoo and Jungeun clapped and squealed.

Jinsol hoped Vivi bought ear muffs while she was down there.

“Now I know that Vivi does not want to make her birthday a big deal which is why we are going to make this only a small event with the people closest to her invited.”

“Ooooh, that’s us,” Jiwoo pointed to all of them.

Jungeun high-fived her over Jinsol’s head making her whine.

How were even their claps loud?

“Exactly! We are small - stop snorting Jinsol, you’re not that much taller than us - but we are mighty,” Haseul beat her chest proudly.

Jinsol had never seen anyone so excited to celebrate a castle physician’s birthday but Haseul was over the moon. Last time she was this happy, it was when people admired her singing when her mother was sick - pretend sick of course - so her daughter could take centerstage.

(Jinsol couldn’t wait for the day Haseul showed her talents to the world.)

While Jiwoo and Jungeun loudly discussed details of the party - poor Jinsol in the middle - Haseul joined in with as much enthusiasm. Jungeun would find some of the best chefs - winking slyly at Jinsol as a reminder when someone gifted her a chef a while ago before they were married - to recreate some of Vivi’s favorite home-cooked dishes. Jiwoo would figure out decorations that mimicked Vivi’s homeland but not appropriate it because they don’t do that here.

Haseul was on a mission to figure out Vivi’s favorite songs to serenade...er sing to Vivi.

After all, Vivi was an amazing…. coworker.

---

Her moms were going to kill her.

Hyejoo had passed the obstacle course with ease. Being last on the roster, she was able to observe how it was done. Beef jerky hanging out - one of Jiwoo’s many snacks - Hyejoo did the initial skills evaluation without breaking a sweat.

Or without any blisters.

Or bruises.

She could probably do it sleeping but she would get eliminated.

But when the proctors gathered around to discuss a remarkable feat, she hoped she didn’t make it too obvious. Unlike the other candidates who had the equipment to learn the obstacle course in their own time, Hyejoo had to read books. It was a disadvantage. She could see the rookies pitied her and tried to start a fight but she was the one laughing now.

(Her mothers definitely wouldn’t be.)

It was her own excitement that caused this.

She figured the faster she passed this, the sooner she’d be back home. And the sooner she received her crest, the sooner it would be for the parents to move back into the castle. And the sooner she was in the castle the sooner she’d be in Chaewon’s ar…

Chaewon.

Chaewon bid her goodbye like one of her lifelong friends. She could still feel her arms around her and the warning poke in her shoulder. She had safely stowed away the princess’ bow and arrow in her old cottage.

Hyejoo crawled out from her tent to use the bathroom. Her roommates made the worst snoring orchestra in history. They discussed girls worth fighting for last night. One wished for a girl who could cook every type of meat: beef, pork, chicken, etc. The lankier one wanted a girl that liked his chopstick nose trick. The shorter one hoped his girl would refer to him as king of the rock.

When Hyejoo said she wants a girl who’s got a brain that always speaks her mind, they shut her down saying not even a princess could speak her mind.

What was the princess doing now?

Hopefully sleeping.

Another knight rode in hastily, almost knocking Hyejoo off her feet. Her reflexes saved her and she dusted off her shoulders to congratulate herself.

(She was spending a lot of time with Chewon.)

When the knight apologized, Hyejoo heard a familiar voice.

---

‘So...have you and Hyejoo made up?’

‘’There’s nothing to make up.’

‘I thought you were mad at her.’

‘Not anymore.’

Chaewon and Yerim were passing a parchment back and forth. Chaewon thanked her mother for investing in desks with a storage unit underneath. It made it easier to pass notes.

She knew it was classist - or was it crassest - to be thankful Hyejoo was illegitimate- or was it illiterate? Chaewon should really start paying attention during grammar lessons. It didn’t help that Yeojin tried to shorthand all words into smaller versions of themselves and she caught onto the trend.

(Poor Haseul and Vivi.)

Hyejoo was seated behind them with Hyunjin - who was taking another nap - as they listened to Vivi talk about how the Earth is tilted on its axis and its rotations - or was it revolutions - caused the change in seasons.

(Yeojin couldn’t help but quip that her older sister’s superpowers - she would never call it a curse - was also a cause.)

‘So?’

‘So what?’

‘Come on Chae. Don’t think I didn’t see you walk in slow motion to make sure your path to school happened to cross Hyejoo’s.’

‘Shut up.’

‘I’m not talking princess. I’m writing.’

But Hyejoo was far from illiterate (or illegitimate). Her keen eye sight could hone in on the parchment. Chaewon and Yerim were terrible at stealth and she could see it regardless. Chaewon’s ears turned pink from Yerim’s teasing.

Heejin thought they were hiding snacks under their desks and loudly asked them not to ruin their appetite for dinner, making Vivi drop her charade and ask the troublemakers to pass the parchment to her.

(And when the teacher read it during her walk back to her chambers, she knew why Hyejoo was smiling behind her desk.)

---

“FELIZ ANNIVER-SEE-SAW!”

“HASEUL!”

“You said I couldn’t wish you ‘happy birthday’ but you didn’t specify what language.”

A little past midnight, Haseul couldn’t help but sneak in the first birthday greeting as they went to check on the queens.

Who hadn’t made it down for dinner.

It was an eventful dinner per usual when Vivi asked everyone why they ditched afternoon classes that they could’ve held in the dining room and they all supplies amazing alibis. None of them matching. But full points for effort and creativity.

(“The horse ate my homework.”

“I forgot we had homework.”

“Aunt Jinsol stabbed my homework.”

“Yeojin ate my homework.”)

Jungeun and Jinsol lay in bed, the younger queen clinging to Jinsol like her life depended on it. Vivi and Haseul went to cover the duvet they were sleeping on, careful not to flip them to the floor.

Vivi and Haseul could make out visible tear stains on the queens’ cheeks. They knew the two held secrets from each other - nothing like the adulteress and gambling debauchery other royals had - but these secrets were just as dangerous. Everyone suffered under them in order to keep the happy royal family facade.

A family.

Jinsol and Jungeun insisted they were all a family. The council would disagree as their bloodlines varied. But lineage only meant so much. For Vivi, family histories got her to this point where she felt like her genealogy was respected and given its due.

(Hyunjin and Yerim hoped one day they could feel as gracious.)

Jungeun tensed and before Vivi could console her, Jinsol lightly shushed her wife, rubbing gentle circles on her back, all without opening their eyes.

For Vivi, that was all she wished for her birthday.

For them to all be a happy family once again.

---

She was early.

She technically wasn’t supposed to be there but she wanted to make sure Jungeun accepted her gifts in time. Her parents already sent a dowry with contents she didn’t know of before she even knew she was to be married off. So she decided to send her own gifts, this time coming from her.

Deciding to spend her free time walking around, Jinsol kept close to the Kim castle walls so as not to get lost.

“I didn’t know you were coming today.”

The Kim kingdom was special. It held some of the prettiest people in the world and now walls were talking to her. It sounded a lot like...

“Huh?” Jinsol asked, her voice higher than normal due to the surprise.

“Jiwoo, come on. You know they’ll clear you tomorrow. Maybe you’re too eager to meet someone else residing in the castle.”

Was that Jungeun behind the wall? Thankfully, the girl had a knack of rambling so Jinsol’s silence - disguised as Jiwoo’s silence - wasn’t suspect.

(Jinsol liked listening to her voice anyway.)

“You won’t believe what showed up yesterday. A whole chef. Like a whole entire chef. Thankfully IU didn’t see it as an insult to her skills. But the chef was from a Western kingdom. Emeril Lagasse or something. He made pizzas. Any kind you wanted. Take a wild guess who it came from?”

“Uh….”

“That Jung Jinsol. Like she’s trying to buy my love or something. She hears me say I like pizza one time, how does she even remember that? I said it in passing. What is she, taking notes on me? But that’s besides the point. Besides it being the best pizza I have ever had, I don’t know what she’s trying to do. We’re already going to marry.”

Jinsol was at a loss for words. She wasn’t being a good future wife. She was pushing again.

Someone cleared beside her and Jinsol turned around at the guest.

“You okay, Jiwoo?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” Jiwoo raised an eyebrow.

So this was Jung Jinsol, her new best friend’s fiance.

She didn’t want to know how Jinsol ended up in her secret spot with Jungeun but she was curious why Jinsol looked like she was broken. As Jungeun continued talking, Jiwoo understood.

Unlike Jinsol, Jiwoo could see through it all. Jungeun despised the tradition of arranged marriages and with it, transferred the same sentiment towards Jinsol. Jiwoo would agree that Jinsol’s gift-giving was excessive it but the new shipments - earrings for Jungeun had many ear piercings, personal chefs that specialized in Jungeun’s favorite foods, and custom clothes from Jungeun’s favorite designers - were thoughtful.

Jiwoo knew those gifts were personally from the girl, not the kingdom. And it showed that before marriage, Jinsol was focusing on Jungeun the person, not Jungeun the bride.

But her new friend was too thick-headed to see it. Jiwoo and Jungeun were new friends. Not let-me-spill-out-my-guts-to-you friends yet.

Jinsol excused herself with a bow and Jiwoo continued the conversation, watching Jinsol walk away dejectedly.

---

Sooyoung closed her eyes peacefully as Jiwoo pampered lazy kisses up her neck. The peaceful humming Sooyoung emitted - contrasting the thundering rain they didn’t know was happening - made Jiwoo giggle. Sooyoung melted as she felt Jiwoo smile against her skin. And now that the markets and stores were on limited selections until the new year - Jiwoo’s stalls having sold all their stock until the new year and Sooyoung’s boss taking a pilgrimage west - they could certainly do that again.

Flipping her wife onto her back - a beautiful laughter springing from Jiwoo’s mouth - Sooyoung returned her loving kisses until...

Three resounding knocks

“HOW DARE YOU!” Sooyoung did not bother hiding her annoyance.

“Who is it?” Jiwoo saved.

If Hyejoo were here - thankfully not because she would be scarred for life - Sooyoung would sic her on the unwanted guest.

“Jo Haseul of the Jung Castle.”

Taking one look at each other, Jiwoo pulled Sooyoung down to kiss quickly to apologize for their interruption and to promise they’d make up for it. They scrambled to look decent. It included Sooyoung hitting her head on Hyejoo’s bed above her and Jiwoo tripping over herself to get to the door.

Hurrying Haseul in - the rain pouring down in buckets outside, when did that happen?

"To what do we owe the pleasure?” Sooyoung rubbed the back of her head.

But Haseul possessed hawk observation skills when it came to certain people. (Not Vivi.) One of the few things Yeojin and her shared. And Sooyoung was as discreet as a swan.

“Sooyoung. What happened to your head? You could have a concussion,” Haseul rushed over, doing what she thinks Vivi does. 

“What is a concussion?”

“It happens if you hit your head. You could lose access to your brain,” Haseul tried to recall what she picked up from Vivi’s talks which she may or may not eavesdropped in. “You could even die.”

“WHAT?!” Jiwoo screamed, pulling at her hair.

“WHAT?!” Sooyoung echoed, surprisingly louder.

“You can’t yell that loud. You’re exerting too much brain power.”

Before they knew it, they rushed to the royal carriage, startling their driver Yeojin who was trying to catch up on sleep after being rudely awakened to prepare Vivi’s not-so-surprise birthday breakfast.

---

“What do you think, doctor?”

Vivi didn’t know how to answer this as she sat patiently on one of the couches. Jinsol paced back and forth behind her desk. On top of the woodwork, a foreign vial that could be Jungeun’s salvation. It came with the new shipment of seafood and wool and Jinsol made sure it was kept on a low-profile.

Since the Has’ disappearance, Jungeun’s episodes have been weekly and lasted hours. It pained Jinsol to see her in this state but once the medicine arrived, she was having cold feet.

Quite literally as well. They should invest in a better central heating system.

She couldn’t understand half of the ingredients on the packaging. Even Vivi, who had left her home when chemical nomenclature was developing, could only break it down by their prefixes and suffixes. But it didn’t ease any of their worries.

Especially when they got to the long list of side effects.

“DeaTH? EVEN DEATH?” Jinsol tipped the vial over but was scared it would break and make a mess.

Vivi knew with new medicine, there was always a risk. Especially now with pharmaceutical companies rising in bigger kingdoms, they were getting less and less transparent with their business operations.

And even if she was putting up a good front, she was petrified. She’s read the testimonials. Drugs worked for some but not all. And from what they knew - at least from what other kingdoms were revealing - Jungeun would be the first queen to use them. There was no shame in taking pills - Yeojin once pocketed a small bottle that gave energy for five hours which was was an adventure in its own right - but this was Jungeun’s decision.

“Cancel the next shipment, Jinsol?”

Before Jinsol could answer, wailing reverberated through the open door. They rushed out, bumping into Chaewon and Yerim flying down the stairs to fetch cups of water.

Jungeun was having another attack.

And when they asked the next day - Jinsol reading every expression on her wife’s face - Jungeun insisted she didn’t need any medicine.

Because by the time it would get to the castle, she would be all better.

She promised.

---

“I’m so sorry to bring someone but she’s our friend. I know it’s your birthday but…”

“It’s your birthday Vivi! Hey, why did you hit your head on Vivi’s birthday?”

“I didn’t mean to!”

Vivi clicked her tongue as she inspected Sooyoung’s head again. Properly this time. Haseul’s check up almost gave the carpenter whiplash.

The castle physician didn’t have much to do today anyway so welcomed the walk-in appointment. Classes were canceled due to inclement weather even though the reading room was just down the first floor corridor. Her morning chores were all done - Heejin, Yerim, Yeojin, and Chaewon were now knocked out in their rooms having completed them - and gardening was put on the backburner until spring season.

Like everyone else in the castle, they were respecting Jinsol and Jungeun’s privacy so their chamber doors remained closed.

(But Haseul planned on ramming through the door past noon if the queens don’t at least wish Vivi a good day. Not birthday. It’s “not” her birthday.)

“Okay, I want you to look at the wall behind me and follow my finger. Really focus on my finger.”

It felt like old times. When Sooyoung was castle guard under Taeyang, she sometimes found herself on Vivi’s operating table for minor bumps and bruises.

“Is Jinsol out on duty again?” Jiwoo asked, not liking the feeling of seeing Sooyoung hurt reignite within her.

“No. She’s upstairs with Jungeun.”

“Oh?”

“They’ve had a rough few days.”

Sooyoung tried to continue to eye test but bowed her head in shame. If she was more alert during the bout, maybe Jinsol and Jungeun wouldn’t have this rough patch.

Haseul and Vivi shared a look - Haseul more as an apology as she didn’t want to put a downer on Vivi’s special day. It had been a while since they could properly vent about the Jungs’ relationship and personal drama. They couldn’t vent to the younger ones. Other temporary staff like furnace cleaners and knights were out of the question. But they could trust Sooyoung and Jiwoo. 

Making sure the doors were closed, they took turns in filling in the Has on what had happened since their disappearance.

---

Hyunjin did the thing.

Then turned around to make sure no one was listening.

Then she did the thing again but louder.

“That is a very convincing bark,” Vivi complimented as she brought more bales of hay into the stable.

Darn, no one was supposed to hear her do the thing.

Hyunjin left her post to help the woman out. She was glad it was Vivi that caught her out of all people. She had been meaning to ask her a few questions since Chaewon found the files in Jinsol’s desk. Since learning how to read, the students all begged for new reading material so scavenged around the castle until the delivery carriages of books pulled in. Chaewon lucked out on finding something fascinating.

The castle staff’s employment records from the Kim kingdom. When Jinsol single-handedly transferred staff over to appease her wife, she asked for their files for references.

(Really making sure no one had questionable furry ancestors.) 

“Aunt Vivi? Teacher Vivi? Aunt Teacher Vivi?”

“It doesn’t matter. Whichever you’re most comfortable with,” Vivi sat on a bale, seeing that Hyunjin needed to let something out.

That was good.

Better out than in, they’d say.

“Are you proud of where you come from?” Hyunjin tried to look elsewhere, coming face to face with a horse’s teeth and scurrying away to sit next to the physician.

“Why do you say that?” Vivi knew she didn’t talk about her family much but it wasn’t like she was ashamed of them. From what she knew, her brothers took up poetry performances. Many people's refusal for modern medicine ended their lives early in her home kingdom. Something that Vivi didn’t want to transfer to a certain traumatized patient of hers. But Jungeun was managing without medicine.

“I don’t know. It’s just... What if your family came from, I don’t know, bad people? And you worry people will hold that against you.”

Wolves, Hyunjin wanted to say.

She should be able to trust Vivi.

But she wasn’t Head Knight yet. She just got reinstated.

“As you know, I come from a family of healers. And those have good or bad connotations depending who you’re talking to. Remember my lesson on connotations?”

Hyunjin nodded.

“Well, every family, no matter what has good and bad people. Lineage can only explain so much. Even look at the royal families and you’d find a few bad seeds.”

“Didn’t Aunt Jinsol’s moms love other castle staff?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to use that as an example.”

They both looked around for good measure in case Jinsol was nearby. But she was off on another one of her solo missions.

Vivi had a good feeling what Hyunjin was asking ahbout but luckily for a young staff member, knight files were kept with the knighthood archives in an undisclosed location. Quests have tried pinpointing the area fifty one times now to no avail.

When she performed the physicals for the new Jung castle guards, Hyunjin, even seeming calm, had elevated temperatures and a heart rate that should’ve put her in cardiac arrest. And like a doctor, Vivi doctored the results.

What’s another secret in the castle?

“You are a descendant of your family. But you’re still you’re own person, Hyunjin. Remember that.”

---

Three girls woke up due to the covers being pulled by one shivering bunkmate.

Chaewon cuddled up under the blankets, not used to not sleeping under a pyramid of Kirbys, as her three co-conspirators rubbed their eyes awake.

Heejin, Yerim, and Yeojin stared at the princess, feeling lucky to have someone as generous as Chaewon as their employer. (They weren’t allowed to call her that even if it was true.) This morning, to take off the morning stress from Vivi, they all awoke to take on different chores around the castle, including their own (and including the queens’). It was almost lunch when they finished but they skipped the meal - Heejin leaving out enough food for the older staff, queen one and queen two, and the visiting Has - for a well-deserved nap.

The castle was spotless like they were to throw a ball for Vivi.

They would never say no to a good party.

But they knew Vivi didn’t like the attention for that long.

(Even if she always deserved it.)

They worried for the day when Chaewon would have to marry off. When they “borrowed” reading materials around the castle, they came across a petition to end the draconian marriage law. Ink smudged and paper browned, it must’ve been shelved for a while now.

Jinsol had been too busy to send it for a vote.

Jungeun couldn’t - didn’t want to - leave the castle.

But they brushed those thoughts aside. The council hadn’t warned Jinsol and Jungeun - having their hands full with other matters - so they wouldn’t bring it up either.

The day of Chaewon’s marriage was in the distance. Much like Chaewon in dream world.

Since they pushed all the Kirbys off, Chaewon had to find a way to replace the pressure she liked on her body when she slept by piling the blanket on top of her. It was a cuter version of Jungeun when she swallowed herself up in her blankets after one of her attacks.

Vivi said it helped. They girls didn’t know what for. But it helped.

How did anyone sleep like that? They couldn’t even make out the rise and fall of her chest.

“Is she meditating?”

Unless her chest stopped rising…

“Is she dead?”

The girls looked at each other in fear. If Chaewon was deceased, they would be suspects as they were the last to see her alive.

Heejin was forming her alibi in her mind. Yerim thought they could re-pile the stuffed pink monstrosities before anyone would notice. Yeojin thought they could jump out the balcony-ridden window and hope for the best. Maybe the rainfall made the ground soft.

Maybe she could land on Heejin.

Chaewon rose out of bed while the others were deep in thought, wondering why they were doing their best Jinsol impression. You know the one, where they think hardand look into the distance.

“Hey, what’d I miss?”

“AHHHHHHH! CHAEWON THAT WAS A GOOD SCARE. AHAHAHAHA”

“WHAT KIND OF SPECIAL SUMMONS REANIMATION JUTSU FROM THE GRAVEYARD IS THIS?”

“STOP READING MY BOOKS, YEOJIN!”

---

“And what importance does your opinion have?”

Sooyoung felt like ramming him through the wall.

But Vivi stood her ground, straightening out the portfolios in her hand that she had priority mailed to her from home.

If not, who knows where Jungeun would be now?

Ever since her wolf attack, there had been a swarm of rumors about Jungeun’s status as a human. With the right amount of wolf saliva, it could ruin her life. Not by killing her slowly but by making her succumb to a new identity.

A new identity that would have her in the gallows by the morning.

Jinsol had just left stating her piece. She didn’t want to argue about Jungeun’s identity like a bargaining chip but Vivi had told her it was okay. As the new ruler to the Jung kingdom with her parents’ mysterious disappearance - one she wasn’t even grieving about - she needed a marriage to validate her power. She needed the Kim’s kingdom’s access to water to reinforce trading lines. Her aunt - the only member she’d call family - had thankfully snatched up the Liu heir years ago to strengthen trading routes in the northeast. Even though Jungeun didn’t have to be married yet - Hyelim and Yubin held the throne - for the first time, Jinsol selfishly argued about having Jungeun.

“Have.”

Like an object.

(Jinsol would beat her head against the carriage walls on the entire ride back in guilt.)

It proved worthy enough for Jungeun to maintain her princess status. But her human one was still in the air and the full moon was in one week.

“You are not wrong to have doubts but here I hold evidence--”

A scoff.

“Of many wolf attacks throughout the ages that have ended well.”

A chortle.

“Can I please punch him?” Sooyoung whispered.

Viv gave the knight a warning glare, telling her to let her finish her spiel first. And she would be free to punch him. And she herself would refuse to give him medical help.

“And I have evidence of barriers we can use to ensure that if Her Highness is a werewolf, we can barricade her. Cages made of the finest silver, one I know this kingdom can afford.”

(Jinsol’s donations may have come to play here.)

“And you will construct this yourself?”

“Well, I will need help.”

“And I will help her,” Sooyoung volunteered, having never held a chipping hammer in her life.

But she knew one person that did. Her stomach flipped at the thought of seeing the all-around talented wolf-defeating farmer again.

“Testimony is denie-“

“I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON PRINCESS JUNGEUN!” Vivi proclaimed, close to tears as the most powerful governing body was giving up on her.

On the princess.

On Kim Jungeun.

On someone who deserves the right to live freely or as free as anyone could.

Sooyoung was taken aback, never hearing Vivi raise her voice before.

Hyelim and Yubin watched the brave act of Jungeun’s closest staff members. They were first generation castle staff but they treated Jungeun like they’ve known her for years. Treating her as a person not collateral. Asking rather than assuming, conversing rather than lecturing. Jinsol was the same. Even with Jinsol’s flamboyant speech, they knew the Jung to-be queen had only their daughter’s best interests - and her life - at heart.

It was all they ever wanted for their daughter anyway.

---

Safe.

When was the last time Jungeun felt that way?

Maybe now as she snuggled into Chaewon’s arms. Her daughter had picked up after her wife in caring for her. Adorable in some people’s perspective but a burden in hers.

But a lighter shade of blonde hair came into view.

Jinsol kept her eyes to the ceiling as Jungeun stirred. The night before, Jungeun had cried herself to sleep, slumping over on the floor but Jinsol was quick to catch her with her lightning reflexes.

The reflexes that got her in this position in the first place.

Carrying her to bed, she wanted to give Jungeun a good night’s rest but Jungeun held tight and Jinsol couldn’t bear leaving her in this state. Even sleeping, she could make out the worry lines on her forehead. Deeper than she last remembered.

She wanted to change that.

“I’m sorry.”

They almost bumped heads at the speed they had looking at each other.

“No, you shouldn’t be sorry at all.”

“Why are you sorry?”

Jinsol felt around her pocket for the ten page, back-and-front, apology letter she had written but it didn’t appear.

Jungeun worried if Jinsol was looking to see if she was still in possession of weapons. She didn’t know what to think about Jinsol anymore. Then she kicked herself in the head for thinking negatively about her wife again.

No, she was still Jinsol.

“Jinsol…”

Jinsol’s heart clenched at how her name sounded foreign on her lips. She didn’t deserve the look Jungeun was giving her. Or the chance she was getting to hear her out. She didn’t deserve Jungeun because she put in another episode because of her tactlessness. She was the cause of this.

“Jungeun…”

The weight of her name poured down on Jungeun, having never heard it raw for years. The nicknames and terms of endearment sounded safer than using her real name. Jinsol was still Jinsol and will always be Jinsol.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Jungeun was still Jungeun. The same sweet caring Jungeun. And because of her, the same anxiety-cursed Jungeun. Jinsol didn’t want her to be that Jungeun again.

“You do,” Jungeun pleaded. was parched but she needed Jinsol to know. That all forms of Jinsol deserved all forms of her.

Even her broken parts.

“No, I don’t,” Jinsol whined, not liking the pity game. “Not after what I’ve done.”

Without any prompting or letters or Haseul pushing her through the door, Jinsol admitted to the monster within her. How she needed to be smarter and faster and tougher. Needed it to not only survive for herself but survive for her kingdom. That she needed to make sure she made it home to her and to her family. She almost admitted everything, including the files in her bottom drawer but…

“No more. You’ve suffered enough.”

‘Because of me,’ Jungeun wanted to say but she knew Jinsol wouldn’t let her. She would have another day to admit her own grievances but Jinsol needed the space and time. Tears were cascading down her face and there must be more but Jungeun would forgive them. Even the ones left unsaid.

If she was lucky and Jinsol wasn’t sent away again, maybe Jungeun could have her turn tomorrow.

“I’m suffering because you still are. Jungeun, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve been at the castle more. I could’ve put work into helping you recover. All this time I’ve wasted could’ve been focused…”

“On doing your job.”

“My job?”

Jungen was glad Jinsol’s solemn expression had changed. But now it was one of anger. This was the reason why Jungeun never told her she was out of her mind.

“My only job is to love you Jungeun.”

The harsh intensity in Jinsol’s eyes scared her like before on the piste. But not because she was terrified that Jinsol would release all her anger on her but because she contributed to Jinsol building up to it.

They thought they were doing what was right. Jungeun shielding herself so Jinsol didn’t feel the need to take care of her and Jinsol spending night after night making the world bear the pain they both felt.

Jinsol’s selflessness changed her into the worst version of herself. Jungeun’s made her an eternal mess.

“No.”

“No?”

Jungeun held Jinsol’s gaze, disheartened that her eyes have seen carnage and havoc. All for her. Jinsol didn’t need to prove anything to her. She didn’t need to prove anything to this kingdom. She knew the limitless love she had for her people and for her. It required a better - and less bloody - outlet but it could change.

If Jinsol could change, so could Jungeun.

She wouldn’t leave the kingdom grounds today - feeling like today was a special day for someone for some reason - but she would be more diligent in her recovery. And in order to do that, she needed to stop thinking the worst of Jinsol which meant…

“Your job is to this kingdom and to your people. That much is true. But you have another one too.”

Jinsol had to be selfish.

“I do?”

Jungeun practically leapt seeing the confusion etch on Jinsol’s face, replacing the stress that shouldn’t be there. She had forgotten how adorable it was.

“Your job is to yourself and to do what your self wants.”

Jungeun knew she needed to say that to herself as well.

“You don’t want to know what my self wants. It’s not pretty. It’s almost selfish.”

What Jinsol and Jungeun both wanted for themselves was for the other to be safe and rested and free from walking on eggshells around each other.

“Then be selfish for me.”

“A bit hypocritical, don’t you think? What if my wants parries yours?”

Jinsol didn’t want to make it feel like it was all for naught. She felt like she was making up for making Jungeun run away all those years ago.

(But Jungeun had already and would continue to forgive her.)

She needed to feel like she was collecting tangible results. She felt like a failure seeing Jungeun balled up the previous night. But if she was a failure, why was Jungeun still in her arms? Why was she looking at her with unwavering love? Why couldn’t she admit that there are better approaches to the problem she - and the rest of the world - had aerated to a full out war?

She had to change herself. Not the world.

It was time Jinsol came home.

---

“AHHHHHHHH!” The queen winced as Vivi poured - was that whiskey? - on her gash.

“Do you want Jungeun to worry?”

“No, of course not.”

Jungeun had enough to worry about as is. Especially with Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s mess in the ballroom. Put on decorating duty, they decided that releasing streamers out of packed-in cylinders - more on each other than the furniture - was the easiest way to make the place festive.

For Vivi’s now-ruined birthday.

They didn’t call Sooyoung party monster for nothing.

To be fair, the knight and handmaiden - only one of them really did their job since Jungeun and Jinsol took care of themselves well - contributed to a small amount of the travesty of the event.

Jinsol was eager to use the new inventions. They came from Vivi’s homeland and were used to commemorate big holidays. And according to Haseul - who may or may not be crying in the vestibule - Vivi’s birthday was an important holiday.

(No Jinsol would not be submitting a petition to make it a kingdom holiday as much as Haseul begged.)

Fireworks, is what the delivery driver called them.

But the package should’ve been more clear which end was which. And with the fuse facing upwards, the fireworks darted around the ballroom instead of out into the courtyard. Jinsol tried to “catch” the ricocheting rocket but fire burns skin. And singed walls.

(Jinsol would be scrubbing the walls later of all ash and debris.)

Vivi and Jinsol heard the door open and Vivi quickened her bandaging. Jungeun directed a devastated Haseul inside. One would think it was her birthday that was ruined.

Jinsol waited for Vivi to give her the all-clear before scooping up her worried wife. Jungeun without a smile was something Jinsol needed to fix.

And Vivi scooped up Haseul as well, shushing the numerous apologies she could make out through the blubbering.

The party was a mess and so was the ballroom and Sooyoung and Jiwoo still hadn’t come out of their bedroom, but her friends safe and Haseul in her arms were the best birthday gifts a physician could have.

---

Minho stepped into the dining room, handing an envelope readily to Yeojin before excusing himself to eat in the knights’ chambers.

He made it very clear to his Order of Chivalry that they were to remain as removed from the castlehold as possible. Hyunjin and Yeojin, being part of the original Jung family, were exceptions.

Yeojin was an unofficial squire, having failed her knight exams again and again - damn the rock climbing portion - but the castlehold referred to her as one. Sure, she was a trickster, a gambler, and a rabble rouser but she was also a friend, a schoolmate, and family.

(Sooyoung wondered if she too would be at this table and if she was in Minho’s shoes instead. The Choi kingdom was quite a ways away so staff cuts must’ve been brutal for them to ask for help elsewhere.)

But looking across the table at Jinsol and Jungeun, not a hair fitting between them, she knew she’d be welcomed to this table every meal. Along with her wife and kid.

“WHAT?!”

“Yeojin, I don’t believe any announcement starts with the word ‘what.’”

“No, it’s about Hyunjin.”

Jinsol practically knocked her chair backwards. She shouldn’t have let Hyunjin take a solo mission. She was overworked and her hiatus wasn’t long enough. But Jungeun grabbing onto her arm made her rethink that decision. Especially with the way she was looking at her, eyes b with tears, hoping Jinsol didn’t regret her decision to stay longer.

Jinsol sat back down and kissed Jungeun sweetly. A reminder that she was trying to change. No more dangerous missions if it didn’t call for it. She would carry out her royal duties per usual but it was time Hyunjin took more responsibility.

(One book loving person wasn’t pleased with the change in schematics.)

The queens were tardy to dinner, surprised that Sooyoung and Jiwoo were joining them. Their mangled hair and reddened eyes were un-queenlike.

But like every matter, the residents kept hush about their appearance. Jinsol had said her piece to each of them and Jungeun had nothing to be sorry for. They carried on through meal which may or may not be a huge feast due to someone’s “not birthday.”

(Chaewon, Yerim, Heejin, and Yeojin danced in their chairs when the older ones at the table complimented their hard work this morning to make Vivi’s day easier. Then scolded Sooyoung for bumping her head and making Vivi break out her medical kit.)

There was a rumor that Hyunjin took a mission alone which wasn’t out of the ordinary but usually it happened when Jinsol had separate diplomatic duties. But Jinsol was here for the first time with her heart up to hearing Hyunjin’s name in a correspondence note. These notes could hold any type of message. And looking around the table, everyone else felt the same. All their utensils were down, the mouths stuck in half-chew.

Is this how it felt receiving these letters, not knowing the outcome was?

She knew she had plenty in her name.

She really needed to make it up to them. Especially to Jungeun and Chaewon who hasn’t stopped sneaking glances at her parents since they entered the dining room.

The council gave into Hyunjin’s request on one condition. She needed to find a knight to accompany her. Minho was out of the question. Sending two great knights of one castle is what got Hyunjin and Yerim’s parents killed.

“...And Hyejoo.”

It was Sooyoung’s turn to spring up, Jiwoo mirroring Jungeun by gripping onto her wife’s arm.

(Chaewon felt the need to hold onto something as well.)

Sooyoung and Jiwoo shared a look. Hyejoo couldn’t possibly be a knight yet. Didn’t she realize the repercussions for becoming one so soon? People would ask questions. People would make up theories. There were knight trading cards with coincing lore for goodness sake.

(Jiwoo knew this because she may have collected Sooyoung ones that she may still own.)

Sooyoung was livid but Jiwoo squeezing her arms helped her keep composure. She sat back down, sending an apologetic look to the queens for her uproar.

Yeojin waited for all eyes to be on her.

“Hyejoo will be inducted as Hyunjin’s new right-hand.”

---

The squire grumbled as Jinsol, Jungeun, Vivi, Haseul, and even Yerim took turns straightening her tie and collar. They had different preferences to her look and were only doing it to keep themselves occupied so as not to entertain the antsy guests in the ballroom.

Tonight was the knighting induction.

It was a bittersweet day as many of the new knights would replace their fallen cohort.

They would be replacing friends, loved ones, parents.

As Hyunjin would be.

“Your Majesties, they call for your attention in the courtroom.”

Jinsol and Jungeun took one more look at Hyunjin who had been hard to read the past few weeks. She had been hiding her grief well but they knew the castle inside and out. They’d seen her hide in a private nook to cry in. They’d seen her stare at the portraits of her parents, now marked with their full years of service medals, for hours.

She had lost so much and tonight, she would gain a lot.

But they knew it wouldn’t be enough to make up that loss.

Jungeun had lost her parents tragically to the wolves which rushed her marriage. A marriage that she warmed up to over time and now she couldn’t fathom not loving Jinsol. It wouldn’t make up for the loss of her mothers but it was enough.

Jinsol couldn’t give two schillings about her parents. But she gained more love in her marriage than her deadbeat mothers could ever provide.

As for Hyunjin, they hoped she would transfer her love to something or someone new.

“Hyunjin…” Jungeun started, her eyes misty.

“We’re so proud of you,” Jinsol’s voice cracked.

Hyunjin nodded, not wanting to lose face. The queens understood. There’d be plenty of time for emotions later. Jungeun escorted Jinsol out, amused to see that it was Jinsol that was more emotional than she was.

“I’m proud of you too!” Yerim cheered, leaving quickly so Hyunjin wouldn’t see her tear up.

Luckily, Haseul and Vivi scurried out to catch the crying girl in time.

As everyone left Hyunjin to prepare, one small knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Come in.”

Hyunjin wasn’t expected the new head cook to step inside.

“Do you need help with the banquet?”

That must’ve been the reason. No way would she be checking on her. Hyunjin hadn’t been the kindest to her since her parents’ passing.

“No, that’s been laid out hours ago.”

This was for the best, Hyunjin.

After tonight, she had one focus only.

“May I?” Heejin gestured to her collar and Hyunjin stretched her neck out. The cook straightened the collar out underneath her jacket, loosening her tie enough to hide her top button.

Hyunjin was sure one of the women in the room prior had done this outfit combination but Heejin’s arrangement looked perfect.

“Heejin…”

“Yeah…”

Their eyes met. Hyunjin faltered. Almost forgetting the reason why her walls were up.

The nightmares more than fresh in her mind. If she closed her eyes too long she’d see Yerim in her parents’ positions. Helpless and under a fallen carriage. And sometimes, it would be Heejin. 

Her mother didn’t want to be a knight, becoming one so her dad didn’t quit. They became an unstoppable duo but Hyunjin didn’t want that future with anyone.

Especially with Heejin.

“I’ll tell you after the ceremony.”

Heejin nodded and swallowed her disappointment as she smoothed out the lapels on Hyunjin’s jacket. Even if they’ve never spoken in months, she knew Hyunjin inside and out. It took a while for Hyunjin to open up to her and she didn’t want to believe that it would be a permanent state. Yerim and her used to be the only ones that knew the funnier and dorky side of Hyunjin but now it Yerim was the only one that kept that privilege.

Heejin stayed - she had to - clapping alongside the rest of the Jung castlehold as Hyunjin kneeled before Jinsol an hour later.

“I, Queen Jinsol, hereby dub thee Knight…”

---

“Ha Hyejoo of the Jung kingdom.”

Hyejoo beamed up at Hyunjin who looked down at her proudly. It was a nice change to the stoic Hyunjin she was used to seeing around the castle.

Hyejoo was the only one in her cohort to graduate so early but Hyunjin said it was adamant to have a new graduate as her right hand so pushed for Hyejoo to take the final examination unprepared. She didn’t know what Hyunjin saw in her but when Hyunjin promised it would guarantee a stay at the castle, she passed it in a breeze.

Resheathing her new sword, leery around the silver edges, Hyejoo got off of her knees.

Finally, her parents will have the happy ending they deserve.

Even if she was wary of her own.

 

 

NEXT CHAPTER UPDATE: NEXT FULL MOON

Q (ourtuneisohigh): Loona Popularity Award and Focus Award Winners! And we're winning too with the amount of hits and kudos this hit on ao3 and how this story is picking up here. (Did you know lipsoul has two tags on ao3? I found out a few days ago.) As the holidays approach, please take care of yourself and if you're in need of an accepting family, I can be your older sibling or parental figure. DMs always open. Share your thoughts and theories and we'll be sure to reply. See you in December! Stay warm! Twitter | CC

N (LazyNinja on ao3): Thank you again for reading our fic. We appreciate your thoughts and feedback more than you could know. As the season gets colder and the days get shorter we hope you are able to still feel well. Seasonal depression is a real things and happens to many. Take care of yourself and stay hydrated. Hope this story can help be an escape or something for you as it is for us. Let us know any theories you have or things you'd like to see in future chapters, every comment makes our day! Thank you, see you next chapter ~ Twitter | CC