FORMAT AS FOLLOW: Italics - Past | Straight (but really gay) - Present

 

“You’re really not going to call me ‘Auntie’ just once before you go?” Yeojin cheesed.

“No,” Heejin deadpanned, making her way down the castle steps to her awaiting carriage.

Minho tipped his helmet to the Jung castlehold as he took his place at the driver’s seat with his apprentice Jaehyun. He would’ve taken Yeojin as it was time for her to submit for knight candidacy but Jungeun was insistent on keeping the family together for much longer.

One goodbye to one person was enough to get the waterworks going.

The castlehold sobbed waking up.

The castlehold sobbed at breakfast.

The castlehold sobbed packing the carriage.

Minho wished he could stuff portable pods in his ears that played music to block out the weeping and gasping and hyperventilating. Counting the people outside - a habit of every knight - he counted eleven bodies, knowing who was missing. There were stories of the seneschal’s feelings towards the head chef but now seeing how the knight couldn’t bear a tearful goodbye - a habit of every knight - Minho validated them. But he’d silence his other knights once the rumors started up again. 

Heejin was currently being strangled by Jiwoo with Sooyoung trying to pry her off the ex-head chef.

Jungeun and Jinsol didn’t fare any better.

Hyejoo and Chaewon had to take one leg each to get Yerim to let go.

“I guess this is it,” Heejin proclaimed with less enthusiasm at each word, facing the two women who meant so much to her.

(Just as much as the woman she left sleeping in the stable this morning.)

Haseul muted her whimpers into the back of Vivi’s neck as they both faced their adoptive daughter. Since Heejin spent the night elsewhere - everyone knew where but didn’t comment on it - Haseul and Vivi spent the night crying their eyes out in each other’s arms. Intimacy aside, it was a somber moment for the “married” couple.

“I believe it is,” Vivi lifted her head high, not wanting to give Heejin any reason to doubt this change in her life.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. Not just helping me out in the kitchen and fixing so many meals that could’ve poisoned the royal family.”

Jinsol and Jungeun shot each other a worried look.

“But also for being amazing teachers and amazing mothers.”

That did it.

But it wasn’t Haseul who broke.

Sooyoung and Jinsol awkwardly patted their wives’ backs as Jungeun and Jiwoo wailed loudly, scaring the birds that were just greeting the sunrise. The younger residents stepped to the side, not wanting to be associated with the drama of it all.

“I’m really going to miss you,” Heejin tasted the tears streaming down as Vivi and Haseul brought her into a tight hug.

Before long, all of the residents joined into the group hug, smothering Heejin until she was gasping for air. With another go-around of goodbyes - Yeojin begging on her knees for Heejin to call her auntie once with a swift whack to the back of the head from Vivi - Heejin was off.

They all continued waving until the Jung carriage was just a speck in their eyes and the last of Heejin’s presence was in their memory.

---

Hyunjin knew one day she’d have to say goodbye to her parents.

She never thought it would have to be both simultaneously in such gruesome circumstances. The blood dripping down her face from the gash she got from skidding on the ground after leaping off her horse was being washed away by the waterfall of tears she was supplying.

Holding her mother and father dear in her arms, she prayed for a miracle to happen.

A rustle.

A whimper.

Hyunjin’s keen sense of hearing picked up the sound from a few meters away.

Untying her father’s sword from his harness, she unsheathed the heavy instrument, hoping all those training sessions with her parents and the queen would be put to good use here. A practice dummy and a sack of flour were nothing like the real thing.

‘Thing’ meaning an enemy of the kingdom.

Whether it be human or supernatural.

A howl entered Hyunjin’s ears, making her hold the sword closer to her body.

The young candidate prayed she’d have the strength to defend herself so she could take her parents’ bodies safely back to the kingdom’s cemetery.

Little did she know, she possessed the strength since birth and only needed the right trigger to unleash it.

---

Vivi loudly tore open the sliding door to the stables, letting the sunlight wake up the inhabitants: Eighteen horses and one knight of wolf descent.

Hyunjin groaned in her sleep, spitting out the stray hay that stuck to . Opening her eyes and being greeted with multiple bales of hay, rather than the back of Yerim’s head, she quickly got up, making sure her weapon was in sight. Her vision adjusted and she breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t captured. Well, not anymore.

The one who captured her heart was kilometers away to her new home by now.

Heejin and Hyunjin woke up in each other’s arms, Heejin wanting to at least help Sooyoung with setting the table for breakfast. She told Hyunjin to fall back asleep, brushing her hair back until the knight was back into dreamland. They had shared more than enough to suffice for a goodbye away from prying eyes.

(Which really meant away from Yerim, Yeojin, and Chaewon who knew were preparing their taunts once Hyunjin showed her face to them.)

Straightening her clothes, Hyunjin looked down at who opened the stable door to see a very amused physician with her arms crossed. She didn’t know if she would rather take on all members of the reckless youth squad or Heejin’s adoptive mother.

“Um, good morning?” Hyunjin croaked.

“Sleep well Knight Hyunjin?” Vivi teased, the smile never leaving her face.

Hyunjin was reminded of a smile never leaving Heejin’s face as her eyes drifted down. One day, she hoped to be as brave as Heejin who was all smiles as she combed through her hair to get her back to sleep, even if Hyunjin could hear her heart pumping, Heejin forced a happy expression on her face during their last moments together.

Hyunjin plopped herself on the edge of the attic rafter, her legs kicking innocently. Technically Hyunjin had kissed Vivi’s daughter. And sometimes the physician was scary.

Vivi chuckled, enjoying the power she had over the seneschal.

(Vivi had power over everyone in the castle. Queens and princesses included.)

“Since Sir Minho is out, I need an to the market today."

Hyunjin collected her things, taking the blanket and pillow Heejin and her shared for the night, hiding out in the stables and sleeping in their day clothes to avoid the teasing the younger ones would do, and looked outside to make sure no one was looking in. Vivi did too for good measure. In front of the only nonfamilial member that knew of her identity, Hyunjin jumped down to the bottom floor, catching herself flawlessly with her wolf reflexes.

(Even if she did break something, she’d heal fast.)

Vivi took the sleeping gear from the young knight as they walked out, treating this mournful day as normally as they could.

---

Taking a deep breath, Hyunjin softly laid her mother down onto the cold, hard ground, snapping her shredded cloak in place. She steadied herself with her father’s sword, standing up on shaky legs. She silenced her groans in case whatever animal behind the bush sensed her presence. 

Limping her way off the roadway, she saw a hunched animal gnawing on a piece of cloth.

Even in the moonlight, she could see it was a cloth made of the finest fabrics.

One only a dignitarian could afford like a queen or a head knight or a head knight’s spouse.

It was what was left of her mother’s blanket.

Hyunjin’s breathing grew shallow and her vision went red. Her heart accelerated at a rate she wasn’t comfortable with and she stumbled forward, catching herself with her father’s sword, stabbing the dirt with such force, it stuck to the ground.

The bloodied wolf looked up and snapped at her.

If Hyunjin was thinking, she’d wonder why the wolf was by its lonesome, far from its pack. If Hyunjin was sympathetic, she’d see how badly injured the wolf was. If Hyunjin was observant, she’d see that the slices on the wolf’s body matched the blades from a Kim kingdom’s knight’s sword. Specifically Sooyoung’s sword.

She grew up learning that she was descendant from these creatures but seeing one up close, she couldn’t feel a connection.

She was able to feel when her mother was exhausted, when her father grieving, when her sister was excited.

(The last wasn’t hard. Yerim got excited when their carriage went down a steep hill.)

But looking into its ruby beady eyes, she felt nothing.

Not when a piece of her mother’s blanket was dangling from its fangs.

Baring her own teeth, Hyunjin ripped the sword from the dirt and lunged forward.

---

Vivi hummed to herself as she greeted the merchants, making sure to pay more money than usual to Jiwoo’s replacement at the produce stand per Jiwoo’s request.

Hyunjin was absentmindedly dawdling behind her, tipping her head to her fans and high-fiving the kids learning the trade beside their parents now that school was out. Stuck in a cycle of taking after the family job.

Much like her.

No, she loved her job.

It gave her security and safety. It gave Yerim a home - forgetting the fact that Yerim was far past the age to decide for herself. It gave her a way to visit the Kim kingdom one day. Not that she was going to visit any time soon. Nope.

The usually agile seneschal bumped into a crate of-

“MY CABBAGES!”

-and quickly cleaned up before the merchant pulled their hair out. Hyunjin tipped them well before carrying on her way. She was unfamiliar with this area of the market but Vivi was sure of herself.

And she trusted Vivi the most out of all the adults in the castle.

As Vivi stocked her grocery bag with vials and bottles of multi-colored concoctions, paying a hefty amount to the wizened cashier, Hyunjin cocked her head to the side.

“What are these for, Aunt Vivi?”

She was out of the loop about the newest trends and fads, eating whatever her fork could stab, wearing whatever Yerim filled their closets with. There were stories of witches brewing magical potions but when Vivi once gave a pharmaceutical class, explaining how most of the “secret potions” she gave them was made up of everyday ingredients, Hyunjin and the rest of her generation ignored the stories.

But there was something about the thick viscosity and double corking of the vials that worried her.

They didn’t seem friendly to the stomach.

They also didn’t seem friendly to her nose, a burning sensation starting as she got a strong whiff of them.

(Unlucky for her, her wolf smell was strong as the citizens around them were unfazed.)

“We’re going to cheer the castle up after Heejin’s departure,” Vivi beamed.

---

Hyunjin felt her world go dark as she was slammed against a tree.

Why was her father’s sword in her hand?

“HYUNJIN, STOP! Oh dear, this is why they should’ve trained you harder! Hyunjin, are you still there?”

And why was it covered in blood?

As her vision returned, she saw bits and pieces of a rug laid across the ground. Squinting, it was dotted a distasteful burgundy and white. A pungent must permeated the air around them.

“Hyunjin! Come on! You can’t be like this in front of Queen Jinsol!”

Hyunjin focused on the person who was clinging onto her shoulders for dear life, ready to toss them away for holding her against her will. A shiny pendant was held in front of her but it did nothing to restrain her.

Looking at the carnage, she could restrain herself.

Was she the reason why a wolf’s limbs were scattered around them?

But how could a knight candidate like her create something like this?

Her captor tried to get her to meet her eyes but to no avail - at last Hyunjin wasn’t hacking away like how she caught her. Vivi couldn’t even recognize it as Hyunjin as she’s never seen her so violent before. She tucked the silver necklace back into her blouse, brainstorming other ways to get Hyunjin to settle down.

With her parents gone, gasping at their dead bodies on the side of the road, Vivi needed to further her research to keep Hyunjin’s (and Yerim’s) identity safe.

It was just them now.

Vivi looked up and saw that Hyunjin wanted to cry. She could see leftover tear stains from before, saddened that the girl had to find her parents in this condition and not hear about it from a messenger.

But she wasn’t crying just because she was grieving her parents.

She was grieving her own identity now too. Vivi warned Hyunjin about Jinsol approaching and they limped back to the dead knights. Hyunjin learned the hard way that this was why they had to keep their wolf lineage a secret. 

---

A stack of contracts lay in the middle of Jinsol’s office as the queens got to work on skimming through them and blessing them with their signature. Jungeun and Jinsol could only allot an hour to get over Heejin’s departure. Trying to get these initiatives out before the New Years’ Ball, they sat comfortably next to each other on the couch, sneaking in a kiss every few paragraphs.

But a kiss could never stay one kiss kiss when they were in private quarters. Pushing her handsy wife off of her, Jungeun sat them up so they could be productive.

“What has gotten into you?” Jungeun smiled.

“Nothing. I just love being with you,” Jinsol did her best puppy dog eyes that earned her another kiss.

Sighing dreamily, they got back to work - Jungeun swatting away Jinsol’s hand trailing up her leg - until half of the stack was completed. They would definitely be finished before lunch at their pace. Jungeun looked at the remaining stack; it was visibly smaller than when she saw it days ago.

“Sweetheart?”

“Mmmm-hmmm?” Jinsol scrawled away, before stamping the bottom with enough force to shake the room.

“Were these all the contracts for this season?”

“Nope. I finished a few when you went on strolls with Jiwoo and Vivi. I had Chaewon read through them and summarize them. She said it wasn’t her idea of bonding but I’m working on it.” 

Jungeun recalled watching Jinsol nose dive onto Chaewon’s bed to wake her up this morning which almost turned into a full-out wrestlemania if she didn’t clear in the doorway. Jinsol was catching up on time she missed with Chaewon too.

And it would’ve been sweet if-

“I wanted to cut a trip out of my schedule and got Minho to deliver them on the way.”

As innocent as Jinsol’s statement was, Jungeun couldn’t help but feel a heaviness in her stomach.

Returning to their work, Jinsol scrunched up her face at something she read, ignoring the drop in Jungeun’s face. Jungeun would’ve kissed the wrinkles away but she was in a stupor.

Jinsol promised to cut down her trips, and weeks ago, Jungeun was b with joy. Jinsol being home was doing wonders for their romantic lives and their time with their daughter - even if Chaewon would rather gallivant with her new friend Hyejoo. Jungeun had wanted to tell Jinsol everything that happened to her since then in all its ugly glory but that would get Jinsol to stay longer. Isn’t that what she wanted?

Jinsol needed more time away from work. Jinsol was more relaxed. Jinsol needed this.

(“You don’t want to know what my self wants. It’s not pretty. It’s almost selfish.”)

That’s what Jinsol said herself.

This vacation was for her benefit. A way to reinvent herself to become a better queen, a better wife, a better mother, and a better person.

Feeling Jinsol kiss her cheek before moving onto the next contract, Jungeun couldn’t shake away the feeling that Jinsol might’ve made the wrong decision.

---

Hyunjin adjusted the bandage on her head, wondering why the numbing pain wasn’t lulling her to sleep. She wanted to stay alert so she didn’t drop a sleeping Yerim in her arms.

(Vivi worriedly looked over knowing Hyunjin would be healed now. Her wound was almost closed before she bandaged her up, but thankfully Jinsol didn’t notice.)

Per protocol, the knights inspected all the castle rooms after the attack, not leaving a breathing or living wolf in its midst. Hyunjin had read all about this but she didn’t think she’d have to live through it.

Hyunjin ignored Vivi boring her eyes through her but knowing now is not the time to talk about what Vivi witnessed in the woods. Thankfully, she had snapped out of it in time before Jinsol rode in, frantic and anguished at the sight of her best knights slain on the side of the road, doing what Vivi suggested and cradled her limp mother in her arms. She didn’t have time to think about her actions as a second wave of grief hit her hard.

They salvaged what parts of the carriage they could and burned the rest along with the pieces of the wolf. Jinsol, Hyunjin, and Vivi rode back by themselves. A group of knights awaiting a carriage to take Hyunjin’s parents back. They’d have to fend off any wolves coming back to recapture one of their tribe.

She hoped she helped, getting rid of one wolf to make the knights’ jobs easier.

She was sure she’d get an earful from Yerim if she knew what she did. The little girl always hated it when her parents came home with another kill on their count, being one of the few that advocated for animal rights.

But she wasn’t fighting an animal like her and Yerim.

She was fighting a murderer.

Her parents’ murderer to be exact.

Now that her head was cleared up, she couldn’t fathom your pack leaving you behind to fend for your own life. Knights were always taught to stick together unless the knight relinquished their status to make the cavalry move on. But if the wolf did that, it would mean that it would have compassion.

But wolves shouldn’t have compassion? Or any emotion on the spectrum?

It was a beast.

She was an evolved version of it, gaining human empathy to not only fit in but get rid of their beastly ways. They were better than them.

At least that’s what their parents said.

And she’d hold onto that belief because that’s all she had left of them.

---

Chaewon didn’t shy away from taking over her mother’s throne, the lush red velvet spreading as she sat down. Dangling one leg over the arms of the chair, she was not the picture perfect image of a queen but who would judge her?

(Only her parents would and they were two floors away.)

Yeojin took up the other throne, her small body engulfed by blue velvet. She criss-crossed her legs, putting her feet on the cushion that cost more than her month’s paycheck. But who would judge her?

(Only her sister would and she was somewhere in the other twenty-something rooms in the castle.)

That left Hyejoo and Yerim on the steps in front of them.

Even sitting at a disadvantageous spot, it didn’t hinder their aim as they tossed the glass orb between the four of them. They borrowed the delicate ball from one of the royal staffs. “Borrowed” as in “broke it off by slamming the door open upon entry into the courtroom and knocking over the royal staff stands.” 

Might as well enjoy it while it was broken.

They were fifty tosses in with no one dropping it.

Hyejoo and Yerim would attribute their skills to their animal reflexes but Yeojin and Chaewon didn’t need to know that. They didn’t need each other to know that either.

(Even if it would help them feel less alone.)

“So, Heejin and Hyunjin?” Yeojin changed topics, faking Yerim out by throwing it to Chaewon.

“Told you it would happen.” Chaewon caught it flawlessly. (If not, Hyejoo would’ve reached over. Thankfully, that didn’t need to happen and her animal identity was safe yet again.)

“No you didn’t. You gave up on them when Yujin entered the picture,” Yerim rebutted, knowing Chaewon wouldn’t admonish her for speaking against the princess.

“Who’s Yujin?” Hyejoo pitched it to Yeojin who screamed at the fast ball but caught it nonetheless on her lap.

“A devil.”

“A gremlin.”

“A loonatic.”

From what Hyejoo had heard, Yujin had won Hyunjin at a knight auction. The woman came from a prestigious family and shared mannerisms classes with Chaewon as a child. Aftercharming her way to Hyunjin’s heart, crushed it and dumped her on the side of the road.

Literally.

It was Chaewon’s carriage from a shopping trip from the Shin kingdom that picked up the hitchhiking knight.

(Yerim knew Hyunjin could’ve sprinted back to the castle but the wretched woman must’ve done a number on her sister to make her choose to move at a human pace.)

Luckily for them, she moved onto her next victim.

And Hyunjin had moved on, even if it lasted for a night. The girls were secretly rooting for Hyunjin and Heejin to realize their feelings - even Hyejoo who unfortunately witnessed their first kiss while locking the front door.

“So who’s the next one of us to fall in love?”

“HAH! You think someone will fall for you?”

“You know what, I don’t need your negativity in my life.”

“Neither does anyone else. That’s why no one loves you.”

When Yeojin pulled a knife from her belt - why she carried one wherever she went, they didn’t ask - the game of catch was forgotten. Maybe they took it too far.

“Yeojin, what in heaven’s name are you doing?”

“Let’s make a pact.”

They wouldn’t deny that Heejin leaving them had left a hole in their group. If she was there, she would’ve sat where Hyejoo was. But now, she would’ve pulled up a chair and sat facing them at the bottom of the stairs in case the ball bounced too far for the handmaiden and knight to catch. Heejin treasured them as a group, no matter how many of them were in it, never stressing her own importance over others.

Yeojin was acting in fear that Heejin’s egress would cause a domino effect of people leaving one by one. It was precautionary in theory, no matter how dramatic.

“What? Never fall in love?”

“Easy for me, I rarely leave the castle.”

Hyejoo was impressed at Yerim’s stance. Usually people fantasized of falling in love and Yerim was someone she was learning, who had a lot of love in her heart for her friends and family. Whoever would have Yerim’s hand would be adored to no end. But maybe romantic and platonic love were different for her.

“Are you aual, Yerim? Why don’t you try courting?”

“That’s like saying everyone who hasn’t matched up is aual. Or you have to court to know if you are. Your argument holds no validity,” Chaewon made sure to close her hand in front of their faces for dramatic effect.

Hyejoo still had a lot to learn.

“Well you do like purple. Ace color right there.”

”Yeojin, shut your mouth!”

“You like green. Does that make you Piccolo?”

”Hey, I taught you that reference!”

“Yeojin, stop reading Heejin’s books!”

“She’s not even here anymore!”

A lot to learn.

“Okay let Yerim figure it out on her own terms. At least you have time. I’ll be arranged.”

In the few weeks she’s known Chaewon, Hyejoo would recognize a genuine smile when she saw one. The princess was known for her under-the-table comments and could force a smile like no other.

Just like the one she was wearing now.

Maybe there still lots to the princess she needed to learn too.

“Well, we can’t let it stop us from leaving the castle. Whoever we fall for, we bring them to this castle.”

What Yeojin was suggesting lacked authentication since they had no intention of dating. Before the girls could figure out what she was up to, the squire took the blade in her palm, slicing downward.

Yeojin perceived the act of brotherhood and lifelong promises to be so cool when she saw knights doing it over campfires in the courtyard. She had always wanted to try it.

…

…

…

…

…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT HURTS!”

---

She was going to have that deducted from her stipend.

The flour spilled onto the kitchen floor as Hyunjin looked at her powdered fist. She was just messing around and drumming on random surfaces but needing a louder symbol meant using all her strength - human and animal - and possibly ruining Heejin’s meal prep.

Trying to patch the hole with rice - rice fixes everything - the bag was still deflating before her eyes.

That is until Jinsol strolled in from training for her first mission and flipped the bag so the hole was facing the ceiling. Hyunjin fought a grin. Jinsol was doing everything she could to show off her new strength and it was endearing.

(Last night, she attempted to carry Jungeun and Chaewon simultaneously to bed. They made it past the first staircase until the entire Jung family crumbled to the floor with a resonant thud.)

“You need to take a break Hyunjin. Minho says breaks are necessary for muscle development,” Jinsol flexed under her expensive blouse, stopping when she heard a slight tear.

Clothes that were meant to be worn sitting pretty on a throne, not lugging around empty barrels in the yard.

“I was just playing around Aunt Jinsol,” the newly appointed seneschal answered sheepishly.

“Oh...well,” Jinsol motioned to the dusty floor. “Don’t do that.”

Sweeping up the mess, Hyunjin cast a worried look at Jinsol. The queen was adamant in joining their quest to the new dens the Choi kingdom found. She wouldn’t underestimate anyone - she used to underestimate her own skills - but if Jinsol performed well, would that put Hyunjin on the chopping block?

Again?

She had guesses as to why Jinsol was donning this new persona. Jungeun’s condition hadn’t gotten any better. A visiting doctor, from whatever kingdom she couldn’t care less of, disregarded all of Vivi’s diagnosis. The way he described Jungeun was impious. Saying her condition wouldn’t get any better and she’d be better off in an asylum.

(“It’s quite sad actually for a queen to be undergoing this.”

“What’s sad is your lack of compassion,” Vivi retorted before escorting him to his carriage.)

And that was the end of the visiting doctor tour to the Jung castle. Any guest medical professionals talked to Vivi and Vivi only.

Jinsol was only doing what Hyunjin was doing for her own family: Providing for them and making the world a better place. Which Hyunjin thought Jinsol was already doing behind her desk.  But the thirst for revenge couldn’t be satisfied with a quill and scroll.

“I’ve been working on my peripherals. I can see you frowning. What’s bothering you Hyunjin?”

(But it wasn’t until the Has return when Jinsol and Hyunjin would learn their overprotectiveness had only fed their loved ones’ fear more. Yerim and Chaewon turned out fine, Jungeun had a lot to learn about herself.)

“Nothing, Your Majesty. Nothing at all.”

It would be another one of the many secrets Hyunjin held from Jinsol.

—

Usually when people knocked on her door in the afternoon when Vivi was catching up on charting, she could guess who it was.

Either Jinsol with another hidden injury.

Or Jungeun wanting accompaniment for strolling the gardens.

Or (when she still lived there), Heejin putting too many ingredients in the pot, turning their kitchen to a water park.

Or Yerim wanting someone to play cat’s cradle with.

Or Yeojin starving for another slight of hand trick.na

Or Chaewon asking if she could curse warts on someone.

Or Haseul asking if she needed help with anything and everything.

Before she could take a wild guess, someone’s ungodly screams were penetrating her otherwise soundproof door. Putting away her charts - tracking the spread of influenza in the village - Vivi opened the door with a sigh. Outside, an exasperated Hyejoo was carrying a bleeding Yeojin bridal style. The squire was scrunching her face up enough to hide all her features and blood dripped from her rice-covered hand.

(“DIP HER HAND IN RICE!” Yerim suggested.

“WHAT?!” Hyejoo asked, trying not to laugh at the situation. After Yeojin sliced her hand open, they needed to find a way to stop the bleeding.

“RICE FIXES EVERYTHING!”

Yeojin only screamed harder as the hardened grain irritated the cut and the girls had to find a way to discard the blood soaked rice before someone saw them.)

Chaewon and Yerim stood beside Hyejoo, one holding a glass ball - where did they get that? - and a bloodied knife - where did they also get that?

Taking them into her quarters, hoping none of the other adults witnessed them, Vivi told Hyejoo to put Yeojin on her bed. Hyejoo threw her with Yerim screaming and following Yeojin to see if she was okay.

“You see what had happened was…”

“Trust me Chaewon, I don’t want to know.”

Vivi was less protective than the other grown-ups but that’s not to say she didn’t form a migraine any time her students did something reckless. The physician moved to her desk, shoving the vials from the market to make room for her surgical equipment.

At least it was only Yeojin injured this time. 

Without Heejin’s brightly colored possessions littering the room, the girls were immediately drawn to the brightly colored vials the physician pushed aside.

“Aunt Vivi?” Yerim perked up, stomaching Yeojin cutting off all circulation on her arm.

“Yes?”

“Are those...” The handmaiden closed her eyes, thinking of the proper word. It’s been a while since those things were inside castle walls.

One had to handle the unbottling of the vials with care or their hands would be forever stained.

Which is why Vivi always did the procedure for them.

(Minus the one time the girls did it on Chaewon that no one in the castle knows about.)

Vivi uncorked a different bottle and Yeojin yelped knowing what it would be used for. She couldn’t even drink that stuff yet and now it would have to be poured over her hand to “sterilize” it.

Taking a healthy swig herself - Vivi needed it more than Yeojin since the girl was always a difficult patient - Vivi asked the girls to move to the side, making her way over with her suture supplies.

“No, no, please! I’ll do anything! Not the needle!”

Yeojin desperately grabbed onto one of the other people in the room but they had already moved onto the colorful vials, explaining to Hyejoo what the contents were used for, leaving Yeojin to reflect about her actions.

—

Like traveling physicians, a lengthy list of careers also did their business on-the-go. Tradespeople and entertainers hopped town to town to showcase their talents and skills. Vivi went to town when the hospitals were short staffed and to remedy those that couldn’t be cured with simpleton knowledge.

It was more common sense than anything but Vivi didn’t mind the ego boost.

She was welcomed where needed and forgotten when her work was done.

(Like all witches actually.)

Estheticians also were welcomed and scurried out the door when their contract was up - often after village events and grand parties. One such visiting beautician hailed from an island kingdom, a thick accent in her wake, but it didn’t deter those who wanted to fix their appearance, brushing off their prejudice for their self-gain. Rumor had it that she was a successful musical artist as well but she hadn't released anything new in decades.

Jinsol and Hyunjin didn’t struggle with any internal moral compass as they respected people of all backgrounds.

Approaching the traveler, they greeted her.

Hyunjin and Jinsol's mission was plain and simple: find a cream to rid of Junguen’s scars.

They’d tried everything from balms to essential oils to even submerging the queen in rice because rice fixes everything. Jinsol said she didn’t mind the scars - even if they made her queasy when she thought about how they got there. But Jungeun believed that getting rid of all physical evidence of the attack would rid her of her illness.

The knight and queen could only hope.

“And what might you be looking for?” Robyn yelled over the crowd before her booth.

“Oh nothing,” Jinsol fired back, not wanting to put her wife’s business out there.

“Looking hard for someone looking for nothing.”

Hyunjin waited for the queen’s move at the merchant’s blunt answer. The shopping trip was Jinsol’s idea and she wasn’t shy of arresting someone even if Robyn was quite the beauty. Like diamonds in the sky.

“You don’t happen to have something for wolf scars, do you Madam Fenty?”

“I have stuff for blemishes. If the scars are too deep, they’re there for a long time.”

Jinsol didn’t want to believe that. Jinsol didn’t want Jungeun to believe that either. Her scars would recover. She would recover.

A clean slate.

The only way she can move on.

(Hyunjin wasn’t sure if Jinsol was doing this for her, for Jungeun, or for them both.)

“Hyunjin, cut me.”

Hyunjin looked up incredulously. Not only did the queen ask for her to commit bodily harm to her but to do in front of all these people. She was still regaining her reputation since that night in the bar with Haseul.

“Your Majesty, I’m not going to—”

“Don’t be a chicken.”

(Actually, I’m a wolf.)

“I’m not going to cut you, Your Majesty.”

“But that’s how we’ll know we’re buying the right product.”

Robyn was ignoring the throng of people crowding around her and her tent and watching in glee. It wasn’t every day a queen visited her and one that squabbled with her knight. If she had popcorn, she would be munching on it right now.

Jinsol quickly reached for her own dagger but Hyunjin was quick - something that she hoped to be one day - and put the blade towards her own palm. She made enough knight promises for this not to sting as she felt her skin cut open.

And she healed fast.

This would skew the results of Jinsol’s incredulous experiment but anything to help the kingdom.

—

“Hyunjin! Just the person I wanted to see.”

Towel draped over her shoulders from her bath and one towel around her body, Hyunjin stopped in the corridor to see a very determined blonde barrel her way towards her. Jinsol had usually been a slow talker and slow walker, meticulous with her words and decisions, but a certain Jungeun was lonely and she didn’t want to keep her waiting.

(Hyunjin would agree with anyone who would admit aloud that this obsession to be next to each other wasn’t healthy. But no one would say it aloud. Maybe Chaewon. But no one dare ask her to call out her mothers.)

“I have correspondence for the Im kingdom. I trust Hyejoo and you will deliver it promptly.”

Jinsol wasn’t asking. Hyunjin wasn’t saying no either. In the short time it took for them to digest Heejin’s absence, it was time to return to work.

But when was Jinsol going to do so?

The young seneschal was sure the queen hadn’t touched any official documents since she sliced up Seola or whatever Hyejoo’s mother’s name was. Jinsol was finding herself but she was also losing a very important part of her. A part of her that kept the kingdom together and the citizens sane.

(Again, another inquiry Hyunjin would never admit aloud.)

Jinsol felt the envelopes slip out of her fingers and couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness seeing it go.

She missed catching up with her fellow royals but she needed to make it up to Jungeun. People were treating this like she was having an early retirement. When Minho was given the task to Heejin to her old stomping grounds, people expected she would join too.

She always had business to attend to. Meetings to sit it on, council members to greet, parties to attend. A part of the queen missed that but she knew that out of all the options available she would pick Jungeun.

Jungeun over everything.

She would stick to that decision.

And from the many times they were together - this being the only time of the day they were apart - Jungeun was recovering. No attacks, no tears, no nightmares, no shortness of breath. Jinsol didn’t think she’d be Jungeun’s saving grace - Vivi said no one could be - but her presence was surely helping.

Couldn’t they see that she was only making up for lost time?

(Plus retiring early meant Chaewon would have to assume the throne and that would push for choosing a suitor and Jinsol (and Jungeun) would prefer not to think about that path right now.)

Before they could continue this conversation, Hyunjin had pointed to her soiled clothes in her other hand, signalling that she needed to freshen up before supper.

Jinsol agreed and made her way to her wife.

Quickly.

No time to waste.

Lest her recuperation go down the drain.

—

The fire dwindled until they were tiny red dots sprinkling the ashy ground. Neither of the fireside attendees could feel the difference in temperature.

They ran naturally warm.

They were heating up underneath their many layers of clothing but it was still too soon to reveal anything. The conversation had made its way back to the pros and cons of knighthood and they kept at it, having too much energy to sleep.

Hyejoo was still excited about her first mission - even if they found nothing spectacular besides a dead horse to eat. Hyunjin was antsy taking a rookie - even if she knew Hyejoo could handle herself.

“Wait, wait, wait, princesses don’t have to marry someone royal?” Hyejoo didn’t know why she was thrilled about that revelation.

(It’s okay Hyejoo. Take your time.)

“I mean it’s never been done before but there’s nothing that says they can’t. It’s just that they’ve only been arranged to other royals. They could be arranged to other people now, well those of high upbringing and status, that was the last update to the laws I saw.”

“I’d rather they not be arranged at all.”

Hyunjin wasn’t sure she heard right.

Hyejoo wasn’t a royal. Far from it. Even if she got the head knight position, she would be a rung under the ladder. People pretended royals were at the top but knights knew many of their decisions were puppeteered by the high councils that hid behind closed doors and gates. And any time mistakes were made, royals were the poster child of blame.

So why was the rookie sympathizing with them?

“It’s just...it seems that villagers have more rights than they do. At least when it comes to marital affairs, we get to choose. You get to choose.”

(Last time Hyunjin chose someone - well technically had to choose as she was bought - she got her heart torn to pieces.)

“Royals should get to choose too.”

Hyunjin never thought much about that aspect of the monarchy. She never witnessed an arranged marriage. But all of the royals’ children were getting of age and it’d be time for the draw.

Another thing that happened behind closed doors: the royal children being moved around like chess pieces.

Seeing how she was now working alongside a wolf, not a descendant of wolves, Hyunjin didn’t realize her perspective had changed. Her superiority complex had blinded her to think her family was better than newborn wolves because her family assimilated. But Hyejoo was not much different than those that she mangled and beheaded.

She was better trained. Had better judgment. And from this conversation alone, a better sense of morality than most knights.

Maybe it was time for some change around here.

—-

Haseul wanted to ask Sooyoung if she needed any assistance with dinner but it’s not like she could do anything when four heads were in the sink. Their heads were covered with a tight fabric, up to their hairline, but their faces were apparent.

She’d recognize these runts anywhere. 

And was why one of their hands bandaged?

“Hey Aunt Teacher Haseul!” Yerim greeted, a beaming smile even if the peroxide was still burning her scalp.

A gloved and giddy Vivi was busy, dousing tepid water over their heads. Yeojin was complaining that she was last but Vivi was secretly taking out her anger of Yeojin postponing her hair dying plan with her injury.

Haseul was inspired by Jinsol’s valiant return and Hyunjin’s confession and thought it was time for her to step up to the throne. But seeing Vivi in her own hair dying getup - a loose shirt and casual pants - she lost concentration.

Now she needed an excuse as to why she was snooping around.

(Wasn’t she going to “help Sooyoung?” Her short term memory wasn’t as great when Vivi was in mind.)

Seeing the vials prepped on the counter, Haseul knew what was going on.

It was custom that whenever big changes happened, one changes their look. A haircut after a breakup. A shopping spree after a recession. An ear piercing after a sickness. Vivi preferred a less invasive and expensive method and when she told the royals about hair dyeing as a coping mechanism, everyone jumped on board. It made her stand out compared to other doctor candidates, especially when she entered the summoning interview with bright pink hair.

Which is what she was returning to now - her own scalp burning under the bleach - in honor of Heejin’s return to the Kim kingdom.

“And what colors are we choosing girls?” Haseul joined in on their fun, helping Vivi wash out their hair, seeing that Yerim was picking a very bright color as a purpleish hue washed down.

“It’s a surprise!”

Vivi knew about Chaewon’s secret hair dyeing to capture Heejin’s trading cards years ago. They weren’t smart about ridding of their vials and Vivi saw an empty black cannister when taking out the trash. Also, her choosing to change her hair color was reminiscent of another Jung years ago.

Like mother, like daughter.

“And what about you doctor?”

Vivi tongued the inside of her cheek, thinking of how she wanted to answer the question. Whenever Haseul was in a playful mood, she’d refer to her as “doctor” in private. Maybe Hyunjin’s confession the night before finally inspired a change in the court musician.

And Vivi didn’t have anyone in bed next to her anymore.

“I’m going back to my roots. The color I arrived in when interviewing with the Kims.”

All the kids were giddy as Vivi always chose the best colors. Minus Hyejoo, they’ve seen her in orange, blue, red, fuschia, periwinkle, smaragdine. Seeing a curious smile on Haseul’s face, Vivi could see that the giddiness was infectious.

“Which was...” Haseul baited, not meeting Vivi until years after she was hired when Jungeun moved to the Jung kingdom.

“You’ll see.”

Before Haseul could ask what change they were celebrating, she saw Hyejoo in Heejin’s usual place. She would never replace the girl. The girl was literally her daughter. But seeing how the kids were up to their usual antics - she still wanted to know why Yeojin was bandaged - they could move on.

And so could she.

But wasn’t hair dyeing also a signifier of a divorce?

“Don’t worry Haseul. We’re still married.” Vivi smiled before lifting another bucket.

If Haseul was carrying it, she would’ve spilled the water all over herself.

“Wait, you’re married?” Hyejoo’s question was squashed as cold water was dumped of her head.

—

“It didn’t work, did it?”

When Jungeun reentered the bedroom with a frown bigger than the one she left with, Jinsol could see that the healing cream wasn’t successful.

Another failed attempt.

Another reminder that Jungeun’s condition was permanent.

Jungeun was gone longer than it would take to apply it and Jinsol didn’t have to ask to know that she tried to slather the entire formula on her. She’d find an empty bottle in the bathroom.

But the cream worked fine on Hyunjin. After she heroically sliced her hand open and underlayer patch itself up, they applied the cream hours later. The next day, the wound wasn’t even there. They had asked Yeojin if she could find a wound and she thought they were doing a magic trick on her.

Vivi said it wasn’t magic to end the loud argument in the foyer. 

(Hyunjin hid her gulp well. Her supernatural healing abilities might tear this family apart.)

Robyn was right. Some scars would never heal. One could cover them up with expensive powders and lotions but they’d still be there. And even if no one would be able to see the scars besides Jinsol and occasionally Vivi when doing a checkup, Jungeun could feel that they were there.

She was still broken.

But that didn’t stop Jinsol from opening her arms for Jungeun to fall into. Leading her to their unmade bed which Jungeun spent the whole day in - not sure why she was feeling lazy as a queen should never have that emotion - they cuddled into each other. Jinsol could feel the stickiness of the cream ooze through the back of Jungeun’s shirt but that didn’t stop her from rubbing her hand up the back she loved.

Scarred of not.

“Maybe you can find something else on your next trip.”

Jinsol nodded obediently, knowing she’d do anything for her wife. She was getting vulnerable by the day and maybe these trips were doing good for her. Seeing her like this was breaking her heart but she wouldn’t show it.

Maybe Robyn had something for broken hearts.

Jungeun inhaled sharply as she found her usual spot in the crook of Jinsol’s neck, wondering how she got so lucky to be paired up with Jinsol.

Jinsol never left her for an an . Coming back with facts and tidbits she picked up from conversing with them rather than falling for them. Jinsol never missed Chaewon’s birthday. Coming back with a gift more dangerous than the last to feed their daughter’s daredevil tendencies.

She never stopped loving her.

Even if she had good reason to. 

—

The fencing piste would not be used for its intended purposes for some time. Jiwoo walked in on Sooyoung working on her moves with a steak knife while she was preparing dinner. But no fighting until next year.

Tonight, it would be a runway for the new hair colors the young ones were sporting.

Jinsol and Jungeun didn’t realize there’d been a dyeing party in the lower levels of the castles as if they weren’t cooped up all day. The queens took their seats in the middle as the other castle residents - all six of them - fanned out around them. They got a sneak preview when Vivi came to their door with highlighter pink hair, inviting them to the training room.

(Haseul was still recovering at how good Vivi looked by taking deep breaths as she set up the benches.)

“First up, we have Knight Hyejoo.”

Jiwoo and Sooyoung looked excitedly at the door’s entrance as Hyejoo cooly entered in. They never signed her up for modeling lessons but she picked up a few tricks when Sooyoung used to show off her mother’s garments. Exaggerating her sway and flipping her light brown hair, tinged with red at the bottom. Vivi accidentally used the wrong vial as she was distracted with Yeojin’s wailing about blood seeping through her bandage.

Everyone applauded.

“WHY?!” Hyejoo complained at all the attention on her.

She scurried off the piste and buried herself into her mother’s arms as Sooyoung jabbed at her daughter, one for making fun of her model walk. Two for doing something out of her element. It was only a change in appearance but they were proud of Hyejoo taking part in the antics of the children in the castle.

“Yeo—”

“AHEM!”

“Future knight Yeojin!”

Vivi mayhaps had waited a bit too long with the bleach - mad at the mess she made on her bed - damaging Yeojin’s hair in the process.

But Yeojin still looked good with her wavy, blonde locks. Unlike Hyejoo, she was basking in the attention, strutting up and down the runway multiple times.

Haseul dragged her sister off.

“OH COME ON!”

“Hush you. You still need to tell me where that cut came from. You can come in now Yerim.”

Yerim skipped down the piste with long purple hair, sending finger hearts to everyone, waving to the queens with the biggest smile. No one prepared the castle for this. Even Hyunjin’s heart jumped out of her chest.

(Yerim knew, she heard the skip in heartbeat.)

(Hyejoo thought she heard it too but she wasn’t sure where it was coming from, not having honed in that skill yet.)

“I wanted to be the Jung and Kim kingdom colors for Heejin and Aunt Jungeun. So I picked red and blue. But it ended up being purple! But I still love it!”

Everyone’s heart melted.

Including the queens who got up to give their handmaiden a hug for her statement. But at the mention of Heejin, they felt their moods drop at a reminder what brought about this runway show.

“Ace colors!” Yeojin cheered, knowing Chaewon couldn’t hit her from her spot in the hallway for joking.

It didn’t stop Hyejoo from smacking her upside the head, the sound echoing throughout the room, scaring everyone. Chaewon sent a thank-you thumbs up from her spot outside the door. 

“So what if I am Yeojin? Would it offend you if I don’t develop a crush on you?” Yerim bit back, hoping the adults knew they were just having good fun.

Yeojin closed immediately and sulked in her chair.

Yerim, as if hearing Yeojin’s heart constrict, hopped off the runway and cradled the pouting squire.

They knew they should berate their daughter’s violent actions but Sooyoung and Jiwoo wished they had popcorn. Who knew the castlehold was so entertaining?

“And last but not least…”

“Wait, I want to announce her!”

“No, I want to announce her!”

“Hyejoo, you don’t want to chip in?”

“Mom, I’m not worthy to announce to Chaewon.”

“NONSENSE! YOU’RE HER NEW FRIEND.”

“AHHH! WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD JUNGIE?”

“I’M LOUD?! HAVE YOU HEARD YOURSELF? I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING FROM THE THIRD FLOOR!”

“NEXT WE HAVE PRINCESS CHAEWON,” Hyunjin butted in, effectively ending the fight.

The only person around her age bracket was already safe and sound in the Kim kingdom. The kids were a few years younger but she only bonded with them through Heejin and Yerim; she only saw the older ones as coworkers and employers.

Getting ribbed by Yerim, Hyunjin shrugged, hoping she wasn’t too crass. But no scolding followed and everyone looked grateful for her interruption, knowing they shouldn’t keep the princess waiting.

With silver hair, Chaewon stepped in, getting a gasp from everyone.

Especially from her parents who’d never seen her with anything other than the signature Jung blonde.

Queens Jessica and Hyoyeon had it.

Queen Jinsol had it.

Yerim and Yeojin shared a look, flashbacking to their one adventure turning Chaewon to Gowon, dyeing her hair black temporarily for the full disguise.

Vivi had a flashback of her own when another royal had a hair dyeing adventure of her own.

Like mother, like daughter.

—

Chaewon was like every other baby, except her clothes were designer and her food was tested for poisoning.

She was also quite observant.

Any time a romantic couple was canoodling in front of her - not going more than a peck on the lips - Chaewon raised her eyebrows in silent judgement.

Jungeun kept mum as Chaewon adopted that look of judgment from her side of the family. But to be fair, with the few times she met Queen Jessica, the Jung side had judgmental people as well.

Chaewon raised another eyebrow as she looked at her mother Jinsol and someone beside her who looked like her mother.

Jungeun always had darker hair, contrasting beautifully with her wife. They wondered who’s hair color Chaewon would take as a little magic - a lot actually, Vivi was still exhausted - went into her conception. 

When dark brown strands began poking out of Chaewon’s head, Jungeun was declared the winner. But a few weeks later, the color faded. Now it was a blonde child eyeing her two mothers. One she was sure was her mother and the other a stranger.

She was a stranger to Jinsol too.

Jungeun had gone blonde.

And Vivi was hurriedly cleaning up the bathroom when Jinsol was asking everyone in the castle who did this. Dyeing hair signified changes and sometimes divorce.

‘Why did her wife want to divorce her?’ Jinsol thought.

When Jungeun was able to catch up to her wife, she sat her down and explained. Feeling left out of the family portrait that hung in the throne room, Jungeun felt like a sore thumb. Whereas Jinsol and Chaewon matched with their toothy grins and golden manes, Jungeun’s tight-lipped smile and dark hair gave her away. But it wasn’t just the portrait. People sometimes wondered if Jungeun really was Chaewon’s other mother. She wouldn’t be the first royal born from wedlock.

(No one was allowed to talk about any bastardized royals but they existed.)

“Jungeun, she’s much as yours as she is much as mine. Hair color doesn’t mean anything,” Jinsol whispered into her hair, nose shrivelling at the sharp odor from the bleach.

Then Jinsol proceeded to list off all the things Chaewon inherited. All good things. After all, her anxiety sickness was gone. She could be wrong about some of them - “uhhhh she has your determination” - as Chaewon still hadn’t gained her full personality but Jungeun appreciated the effort.

Chaewon fussed as Jinsol tried to hand her off to Jungeun who she couldn’t recognize but once she felt her mother’s warmth, Chaewon easily snuggled into her temporarily-blonde mother.

“You still recognize me, little one?” Jungeun cooed.

Chaewon nodded, yanking violently on her new playtoy: Jungeun’s blonde locks.

“Why wouldn’t she? You’re one of a kind,” Jinsol responded, kind of glad she could easily see a blushing Jungeun through the platinum hair she tried to hide behind.

Earning another yank and a loud lion roar from Chaewon.

Okay, maybe she inherited her mother’s laugh too. A laugh Jinsol hoped no vial or peroxide solution would take away from her.

—

Seven knocks

Jungeun wanted to roam the castle on her own and Jinsol knew what to do in her allotted free time. Waiting for her daughter to open the door, she had wanted to see if Chaewon would like to walk off their dinner while she checked the perimeter before bed.

It was Hyejoo who opened the door instead.

“Hey Auntie Jinsol!”

“Hey you two!” Jinsol forced a smile on her face.

Every time Hyejoo was around, Chaewon always focused on her like she was the only one in the room. It was odd as Chaewon has never done that around anyone but Jinsol had to remember this wasn’t her little girl anymore.

She was an eighteen-year-old.

Taking a peek in, she saw Chaewon merely wave at her, not giving her the run-up-and-topple-mom hugs she didn’t know she missed until now. They weren’t giving each other the silent treatment but they weren’t close either. They were sort of just there together in the castle like Hyunjin and Sooyoung when left by themselves.

Jinsol hated it.

She honestly had no idea how to reconnect with Chaewon. Was her favorite color still green? Why didn’t she sit next to her at dinner? Did Minho teach her to drive a carriage yet?

All questions she wasn’t sure of approaching.

Even if Chaewon had kept mum about her mother’s breakdowns and the rumors of her mother’s rampages, she was never part of that predicament. The mother and daughter just drifted apart for no good reason besides time.

“Did you want something, Mom?”

Chaewon held her breath as her mom made no effort to enter her room. Even if Jinsol was home, she missed her dearly. 

But she was afraid to be alone with her. She didn’t think her mom would attack her with her sword but she just wasn’t sure how to bond with her anymore. Jungeun and her knew what and what not to talk about. What were they supposed to talk about? The weather? The wolf extermination plan was out of the question, knowing one misspoken phrase can make one of them feel guilty. 

But with her blonde mother, it was like getting reacquainted with a long lost relative.

Chaewon hated that.

But she wasn’t sure of how to approach it without taking away much needed time between her mothers. They needed time together more than she did with her mother, she believed.

“Chaewon, would you like to go on a stroll with me?” Jinsol fiddled with her fingers.

“Oh, I already went on one earlier with Hyejoo.” Chaewon fiddled with her hair.

Hyejoo fiddled with the doorknob as she watched the exchange.

“Oh okay. I was just checking. Good night, you two.”

The rookie knight indeed had a lot to learn.

—

“How was that for your first mission out as a knight, Auntie?” Hyunjin asked, taking off her helmet and dismounting her horse.

“I didn’t get to do anything,” Jinsol replied truthfully, hoping she’d be able to at least draw her sword out for something.

The two rode around in what Jinsol believed were circles. She had a feeling the council would not approve of her knightly escapades and had sent her on a dud mission.

“Well not all shows have a win,” Hyunjin replied truthfully.

She knew of knights that purposefully veered off paths, claiming they were lost, so they could still receive the benefits without the risk. She was not one of them but she did not want to see the queen, who was also her aunt, face danger. She didn’t even know if the queen could fight anything that wasn’t Minho, her, or a flour sack mannequin.

The two well-rested knights walked up the steps to the great estate, wondering what their beloved ones were up to. Two blurs zoomed by, knocking the two off of their feet and luckily running them into the walls beneath with their backs.

Holding onto Yerim and Jungeun tightly, the queens chuckled as the two women expressed how much they missed them into their shoulders.

“Did you get me anything, Hyun?”

“Yerim, I can’t bring you back something every single time I go out.”

“Well, if you didn’t go out so much, I wouldn’t have to ask so much,” Yerim stuck her tongue out.

Hyunjin rolled her eyes and tried to pry her sister off of her.

Jinsol succumbed to the warmth that only Jungeun could provide, wondering where her daughter was. She was expecting Chaewon to be waiting as well.

“Where’s our little girl?”

“She’s doing laundry but she said she’ll be down soon,” Jungeun buried herself into Jinsol, helping both of them relax for the first time since Jinsol rode off.

“Plus, the council said you won’t be going on too many of these missions so she figured she would not have to see you off every time,” a cheery Yerim sang out, looping her fingers through Hyunjin’s chain mail.

The experienced knight kept her lips sealed as Jinsol held in a huff.

One day she would prove them wrong.

And before the council could bite her tongue, she would be in the loving arms of her wife and daughter once she finished attesting her capabilities.

(Years later.)

—

Jiwoo’s knack of turning off lanterns when the castle was not in use was coming back as she ran around the castle to undo all of Haseul and Vivi’s hard work.

Blame her humble upbringing for being economical.

But before she could blow out the lantern in the throne room, a yelp warned her.

“Don’t Jiwoo. I’m still in here.”

Jiwoo would recognize that voice from anywhere. And unfortunately, recognize that worried look on Jungeun’s face. Approaching her best friend, she wondered why Jungeun was by herself in an almost darkened room, rotating a broken staff in her hands.

Jungeun was always a frantic person but at the speed she was pacing at, she was sure she was going to create a hole in the floor. And the new handmaiden wouldn’t be concerned if Jungeun’s labored breathing didn’t sound so eerily familiar.

“What’s going on?” Jiwoo asked cautiously.

It had been years since she witnessed one of her episodes and she sure hoped the back of her mind possessed the knowledge to get Jungeun through this. Seeing that the queen wasn’t in the mood to talk, gnawing on her lower lip, Jiwoo stepped forward. She had just gotten her hair redone by Vivi, now flaunting a purplish auburn. And Jungeun didn’t even notice.

(Sooyoung was still hyperventilating with her jaw dropped rooms away upon seeing Jiwoo'd makeover.)

“Does this have to do with Heejin?”

Jungeun shook her head.

“Chaewon?”

Jungeun shook her head.

“Jinsol?”

Jiwoo was ready to catch Jungeun as she collapsed into her arms, leading them to sit on the cold floor. Taking a good look at Jungeun’s face, Jiwoo was glad she wasn’t having another attack. Instead, she looked exhausted. Which was strange as Jungeun and Jinsol were in their world the whole day. Wasn’t love supposed to invigorate oneself?

“Jiwoo, I’m scared.”

Jiwoo wasn’t following. Their castle was one of the best fortified that she’s seen. At the rate of her family had moved around, she’s seen a lot of them. Chaewon wasn’t having any secret late night visitors sneak in. Jinsol was safe in the confines of the castle, her armor still encased in the training room.

“She’s been nothing but kind and sweet and chivalrous but I don’t know if she’s doing it for herself or for me.”

Jiwoo held in a sigh. She thought they had this conversation before.

But that was with the old Jungeun. This one was different than the one they were used to. This one didn’t succumb herself to giving up when she was cornered against her carriage a few days ago. Hyejoo had to save her because of her lack of action.

They were different people that time couldn’t make up for.

“Jungeun, Jinsol loves you. And you know that she doesn’t just do anything without thinking of all the consequences,” Jiwoo was speaking to fill the silence, unsure of the validity of her claim.

Jinsol was different too. But hopefully a good different. 

Filling in the pieces herself, Jiwoo could see that even if Jungeun and Jinsol had made up, there was a lot of unresolved tension. When Jiwoo asked what Jinsol’s best kill was to make smalltalk, she was immediately silenced by Vivi.

“And she knows that you would be unhappy if she ever did anything completely selfless. Remember how you shot down all those earrings she bought you because she was only doing it for you?”

Jungeun hiccuped and agreed. Even after all these years, Jiwoo hasn’t lost her touch. Hoping this method still worked with Jungeun, Jiwoo hummed a tune as she rocked the queen back and forth. Like old times.

“I don’t know what she wants anymore. I don’t know what I want anymore. Do you think...do you think she’s smothering me?”

Jiwoo bit her tongue, all too familiar with those words.

Jinsol and Jungeun were acting worse than young lovers but the castlehold wasn’t going to speak on it. Not because of the class difference but because they had no idea what was going on. They were adults and they wouldn’t completely dismiss their duties just to canoodle in every nook and cranny in the castle. The castle had their inquiries but only Jungeun and Jinsol knew what was good for Jungeun and Jinsol. Maybe they needed this. Maybe this honeymoon stage would die down.

(As if Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s had died down.)

“I think that’s for you to ask yourself. And ask her. Do you feel like she’s smothering you?”

Jungeun couldn’t answer. She wasn’t watching their relationship from the sidelines and no one said a word to them about their behavior. Maybe she was being nervous. Anxious for no reason. It’s happened before for the wolf attacks and there was so much her mind could take.

“I don’t know. I just know that I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m always scared.”

Unsure of what else she could add, Jiwoo stood them up, blowing out the lamp as hard as she could rather than smothering it to not trigger Jungeun.

---

“You’re smothering her.”

“Am not!”

Luna rolled her eyes as her husband and daughter argued while she set the table for their uninvited guest. But the guest would show up.

She always did.

Onew and Jiwoo were arguing about Sooyoung’s place in Jiwoo’s life. It was obvious that Sooyoung was courting the young woman but it was also obvious that Jiwoo was going overboard welcoming her back.

Sooyoung never sent a letter announcing that she’d visit the farmers’ shack when she returned but she always turned up at her doorstep, still in her battle armor to check in on the family. Seeing that the shack was central in their block and far from the nearest forest, Sooyoung didn’t have to “check in.”

They knew why she visited.

To visit the girl that was currently arguing with her father about what constituted a proper welcome home party.

“At this rate, we’re going to run out of food if she throws a feast every time that knight visits!”

“We’re rich now, Dad! This doesn’t make a difference. She is out there eating bugs and unwashed meat. And she deserves the best!”

“Why? She’s just a knight!”

Luna saved Jiwoo from further embarrassment, knowing she should announce their relationship on their own terms. She threw the sack of vegetable shavings to Onew to throw it out. Pointing at his eyes then at Jiwoo’s - he was as threatening as one of the bugs Sooyoung’s father Taemin ate - Onew left.

Before Jiwoo could scurry out too, Luna stopped her by holding a knife between her and the doorway.

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about it,” Jiwoo crossed her arms petulantly.

“Well, we’re going to talk about it. Because we did not sweat over a hot fireplace to cook food for ‘just some knight.’”

Jiwoo knew what Sooyoung meant to her. But she was okay with what they were now. Occasional meals at the best diners and occasional romps in each other’s beds. The knight was slow to realize her feelings but she had to give her a hint.

Not with words as Sooyoung wasn’t the best with verbal communication.

So Jiwoo was doing it with her actions.

The new clothes. The five course meals.

The pages in her notebook filled with Sooyoung’s name. In her defense, she was practicing her penmanship. And the long journeys to the Kim castle. In her defense, her new best friend Jungeun lived there too. 

“Jiwoo, I know Sooyoung means a lot to you. I’ve never seen you so smitten before. I’m not setting you up for heartbreak but you can’t overdo it. Giving each other space is important.”

“Mom, we don’t even live together.”

“Yet.”

Jiwoo knew what her mom was doing. She was preparing her for a disaster if it came to it. Sometimes, Jiwoo could be...a lot. She has lost friends due to her extroverted attitude and need for constant public displays of affection. But if Sooyoung minded, she wouldn’t be returning to Jiwoo’s shack before her own dorm which was much warmer and much closer to the kingdom checkpoints.

Maybe she met someone who appreciated her and she couldn’t let her go.

Jiwoo understood. Her eccentricity could be a lot to handle. Even she got tired of herself. Smothering your love on someone would push them away.

“WHAT?! THEY’RE GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER TOO!” Jiwoo’s father dropped the empty compost bucket in the open doorway, allotting enough space for Jiwoo and Luna to see a shy Sooyoung waving behind him.

As if the last few minutes didn’t happen, Jiwoo jumped and Sooyoung was more than prepared to catch her. Brushing her hair back, greased with the grime and sweat of a long mission out, Jiwoo couldn’t care less.

Sooyoung was back.

Sooyoung wasn’t tired of her yet.

“There she goes hugging her friend again!”

“Onew, please help me stoke the fireplace!”

“Yes dear.”

Keeping her mother’s words in mind and not wanting the food to get cold, Jiwoo timed their hug.

“You’re back,” Jiwoo breathed against Sooyoung.

“I’m back,” Sooyoung repeated, nuzzling into the girl she missed the whole week.

Thirty minutes was long enough for a hug, right?

---

If there was one thing Haseul was amazing at, it was breath control.

Hyunjin had to wait for minutes to regain her hearing when Haseul screamed at the top of her lungs. She had thought Haseul was an intruder, not recognizing anyone with a hair length that short in the castle, and had roughly turned her around, asking for identification.

Turns out, Haseul was on board with the hair change schematics.

(To help prep Jungeun for talking to Jinsol, Jiwoo stole her away while Jinsol ran gate lockup protocol with Sooyoung. They walked in on Haseul changing her own appearance in the bathroom but she was cutting her hair unevenly. Having been the family barber for years, Jiwoo fixed Haseul’s botched cut right up as they both coached Jungeun what to say.)

“Oh sorry Haseul, I didn’t know it was you. I apologize.”

Hyunjin should be better with recognizing people by their scent. Especially if they were the mothers of her girlfriend.

Clutching onto her heart, Haseul took deep breaths for the second time today. The first being seeing Vivi somehow look better than before. She didn’t think it was possible. But she also didn’t think it was possible to make Vivi’s jaw drop when she entered the dining hall.

“You’re not going to change your look at all?”

Hyunjin knew the significance of the process. She wasn’t sure if she might tackle Yerim tomorrow when she awoke to unfamiliar purple hair but she’d cross that bridge when she got to it. But she wouldn’t grow used to it soon.

She had to prepare for her journey to the Im kingdom with Hyejoo.

But she wouldn’t make a big deal about Heejin’s departure. She couldn’t. Unlike any wounds she’s had, this cavity from Heejin’s departure couldn’t be mended with quick wolf rejuvenation. She couldn’t repair the loneliness she felt wondering how Heejin would react to things around the castle. She couldn’t look over and see Heejin’s face light up at corny puns and deranged humor.

But Hyunjin could imagine how she’d react and it made the emptiness easier to bear knowing she could recreate Heejin. It was enough for now.

She would sure get an earful from Yerim tonight wondering where she was the night before.

Which was in these stables with the love of her life.

But right now, her lover was away and Hyunjin was here. Watching Haseul check on the horses, Hyunjin saw a familiar grin. A motherly grin Vivi was sporting this morning when asking about her whereabouts.

(Vivi wasn’t actually asking anything. Hyunjin was just nervous and assumed.)

And the answer would always be where Heejin was. Even if she wasn’t physically there.

“Because nothing changed so I don’t have to change my look.”

Haseul cocked her head to the side.

“I still feel the same way about Heejin.”

—

“Welcome back Jungeun.”

Jungeun opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a damp but she could see that she was back to her original color.

Boring and brown.

But Jinsol loved it anyway.

Vivi wiped her hands on a towel, happy she didn’t have to quickly clean up her mess unlike last time. Jinsol was intimidating if provoked. Good thing, the most terrifying weapon she held was a quill.

And her occasional training epee.

“You’re wondering what brought about the change?”

Jungeun was grateful she kept Vivi on staff. Not only was she an amazing doctor, giving her a beautiful baby girl. But she was a noble friend. One that stuck through her thick and thin. If one ever told her a secret, Jungeun was sure Vivi would carry it to the grave.

When she came up with her blonde idea, Vivi was off to the market post-haste with Taeyang without any questions.

“I never asked because I didn’t know if you wanted me too.”

Vivi had her guesses why.

Ever since they moved in, it was obvious who was the dormant royal and who was the import. Vivi hated those words.

They were people. Not pawns.

But now that there was a third Jung in the mix, Jungeun stood out even more. If it wasn’t for the brooch or the crown, one wouldn’t have thought she was Chaewon’s mother.

Vivi knew that motherhood surpassed physical features. As much as the council pushed for children that spouted from a royal bloodline, Vivi believed as long as someone took care of another, they were family.

If her life came to having motherhood, she’d love any child she’d have, adopted or born.

(Enter Heejin years laters when her parents passed.)

“She said ‘you don’t have to change for me.’ She’s always been the smart one.”

“So are you Jungeun,” Vivi answered, combing back Jungeun’s hair. “But change happens regardless. It’s how you confront that change that makes a difference.”

“What do you mean?”

Placing the brush down and making eye contact with Jungeun through the mirror, Vivi wished her powers were strong enough to put Jungeun under her spell. She had changed a lot since the wolf attack and she could feel her confidence growing back day by day.  But like any human - like any being - self-doubt lingered.

“I mean that we all change for other people in small ways. You changed your schedule to care for Chaewon. You changed your diet to get a healthier body when pregnant. You changed your feelings for Jinsol as you got to know her better.”

Both women blushed. Jungeun had come a long way.

“And Jinsol will change for you too.”

Jungeun thought about all of the changes they both made for each other. Even if Jinsol was able to reside in her childhood home, according to Haseul, Jinsol has made significant changes to be the woman she is today.

“It just depends on how one deals with that change and if the change hurts or helps you.”

—

Taking a deep breath, Jungeun put her hand on the doorknob to Jinsol’s office. But a change of plan happened when she saw that Jinsol wasn’t alone.

“WOW!” Jinsol screamed, holding up a paper flower, startling the woman next to her.

“Haven’t I been injured enough today?!” Clutching her chest with her bandaged hand, Yeojin prepared to slap the queen but realized who she would be hitting. 

“Oh hey darling, how’d Haseul’s hair turn out? I heard Vivi fancies it a lot.” Jinsol ignored Yeojin’s complaints and smiled up at her wife.

A smile Jungeun missed so much. A smile she loved waking up to. A smile the whole world deserved to see.

She could take a gander at what was happening. Jinsol was one to cheer up everyone who got hurt in the sweetest of ways. Seeing Yeojin’s bandaged hand, Jinsol invited her up to the private office, allowing her to choose whatever she wanted to read in a room she wasn’t allowed in.

(Yeojin zipped her lips as she and the rest of the girls had snuck up there several times. Jinsol made sure Yeojin not touch any of her desk drawers, particularly the bottom one. It had been days since she perused through her research and she wondered when she’d return to it and if it was still necessary.)

Picking up an origami book, they figured out a way to make use of the revoked contracts Jungeun and her refused to sign.

Jinsol tried inviting Chaewon. She was inept on how to bond with an eighteen-year-old, digging through old craft catalogs that Chaewon enjoyed doing. That was from years ago, Chaewon said before skipping off with Hyejoo.

Jinsol tried not to show her disappointment and focused on cheering Yeojin up.

Jungeun smiled at the effort.

She was trying hard.

Not only for herself. But for Chaewon. And for their whole castle family.

How could she take this away from her by telling her she might be home too much? How could she tell Jinsol that maybe this wasn’t going according to plan? What needed to happen to get Jinsol to return to her post?

“I made you this flower. It won’t die, just like my love for you.” Jinsol shone her teeth, waving the crafty flower in front of Jungeun, ignoring Yeojin’s retching.

Taking the rose, Jungeun didn’t know why she couldn’t be normal for Jinsol. Like the paper flower, she was a phony. Her outer beauty only held despair and distress. Maybe it was best Jinsol does leave for long periods of time. So she didn’t see that her wife was not all that she seems.

With Jiwoo and Sooyoung around as distractions, maybe Jungeun would stay in the condition she was in.

Mint condition.

Like a chess piece.

Like a pawn.

Which sometimes she felt like she was. But the moves decided for her had led her all to Jinsol, to Jiwoo, to Chaewon. If given the choice, would she even have married Jinsol? Who would her child be then? Would she have a child?

Why was the air in the room disappearing?

“Yeojin, get Vivi. NOW!”

Jinsol fell to her knees, not wanting to crowd around Jungeun, holding her hand to show her she wasn’t leaving.

In a snap: her recovery had gone to waste.

Another attack.

One’s perspective was always changing with the things life threw at them. Whether it be their love riding off at sunrise, a change in appearance, an injured hand. The tricky part was how one dealt with that change. Would they hide? Would they run away? Would they pretend all was fine and dandy?

Jungeun’s recovery was ever changing and no one, not even the castle physician, could chart what would happen to her.

“Take deep breaths, sweetheart. I got you.”

Jinsol made a promise to change be a better wife and she was exceeding all expectations.

“I’ll always be here.”

Jungeun made a promise to change too.

“I promise.”

So why wasn’t her promise coming true?

 

NEXT CHAPTER UPDATE: NEXT FULL MOON

Q (ourtuneisohigh): One person has left the castle. But she won't be the last. Dun Dun. I'm honestly surprised how far we've come with this story. When N and I crafted this, it was just a series of instagram DMs back and forth. And now we have supernatural lore, backstories, mental health, all that jazz. Make sure to save up your votes because we're getting Loona that first win. See you on the next one!  Twitter | CC 

N (LazyNinja on ao3):  Thanks for reading, we hope you’ve been enjoying this story. Things are pretty calm rn which means.. You’ll see soon enough~ Hope you are excited for the next chapter almost as much as we are sure you are for #. Take care of yourself, see you next time. Updated Map to be up now, check our Twitter to see it. Twitter | CC