Feng

I added a desirable amount of makeup so that I won't show that I have been crying ugly all night. Something inside me broke terribly when he told that he will dump me right after three months. That was so cruel. So heartless.

What will I do after that? How will I explain to my parents? What will happen to their reputation? More than anything these questions started eating my head.

He is as much irritated as I was regarding this marriage but I... I felt too fast maybe. I swallowed down a huge lump in my throat and pretended that everything is alright. I am used to this. I can act really well when I am among people.

I still remember how I used to fake a stomach pain and stay back home so that I can play with my friends. But one day, my father found out. Like I told earlier he is a lenient man but at the same time, he has a certain definition about women in his dictionary.

I have no friends since then. I lie, I swallow up the truth and lie that I don't like to hang out with poor classmates. But that's a huge lie. And again, I feel like it. I lie. I am lying to myself, my heart, my parents, Yixing and everyone in this world. Once again.

The future ahead of me is clueless, dark and dangerous. I wish I could stop, take a moment and decide. But no, I am already on wheels that have no breaks.

Today evening is the engagement party. I have the whole morning for myself to pick out a dress and do other shopping related to them. Marking from today it will three months with Yixing I have to prepare my heart and make it into a hard stone.

"Feng are you ready yet?" called out my mother from the crack of the door.

"Almost."

"You look so beautiful, Feng. I can't believe my daughter will be married soon." For some reasons, this line sounds so typical to me.

"Can you cut the out mom? You know what you guys are doing with me."

"We are designed to take all these, Feng. Money and status don't come for free. Everything in this world has a price tag of its own."

"Well, you are not wrong." I walked past her with this. If an argument would bring a solution, you can argue but of the other person is persistent to force you into their ideas, there is no point of arguing.

I spent two hours selecting my dress and matching accessories. My phone chimed in my hands and it’s a message from Yixing. I opened it and it was a picture of his dress for the evening party.

"What a surprise!! Whatever we just bought match the style of his dress. Indeed, a match made in heaven.!" mom called from behind. She took the phone from my hand, zoomed the picture and admired it.

For the engagement party dressing, father insisted that I and Yixing go together to do the shopping. Yixing refused right away. He insisted I go with my mom or sister and he has some business to attend on the same day. Well, now I know he had already finished his shopping.

This is getting too annoying for me to handle. I picked some extra casual dresses and headed to the billing. There was again another message from Yixing. Mom handed me the phone.

"You have set a customised tone for Yixing!" That wasn't a question. She is stating the truth.

"Yes."

"That's romantic."

"Mom, please stop with this. I don't want to waste my energy picking up the phone and check who has messaged me, so I set a different tone for his messages." I made a fake satisfying face at the end.

"Don't you think you should do the same?" She's asking me to send pictures of my dresses. What a pathetic joke?

"No, I don't think." We are heading to the destination of the engagement party.

"Feng, I know you are angry with me."

"It's good that you know. But you did not even try to stop dad."

"Feng, Xing is a good guy."

"Mom, it's not about Yixing. It's about me. How do you expect me to accept him as my husband and start ing him?"

"Feng! remember that I am your mother. Watch your language."

I took a deep breath. Maybe I am going too much. "Fine. Mom do you know what he told me that day after the date?"

"What did he tell you?"

Realisation pricked me when Yixing warned me that I should not be disclosing this with anyone if I want the time span to be smaller.

I want to spend some time with him but not with a man who doesn't want me.

"He told that... he.... he wants to go on another date with me.!" That was lame. Stupid.

Mom laughed and patted my head. "That man is going to be your husband, Feng. There is no wrong with him to want you. Trust me, a man should always want a woman. He should not need her. He should want her. You'll see the difference, Feng."

A little time later she again continued, "Feng, he's asking for another date means he is interested in you. He wants to know more about you. He will love you, Feng." I am utterly disappointed that all her dreams are nothing but a fake air bubble. "You and Yixing don't have much time before the marriage. If not you both can have more than two dates. Ten maybe!" She laughed again patting my head. "My daughter has grown up."

"Mom, shall I ask you anything?"