Yongsun felt a familiar pair of thin but strong arms wrap around her body. She knew who it was. She didn’t have to look. She had been held by these same arms so many times before. These arms, somewhere she hadn’t been in awhile. Her own fault. The only place she really felt completely safe. Home. 

All her fault. She had done this before. Yongsun felt she should have learned her lesson back then. Regardless, fear, anxiety and secrets mercilessly held Yongsun captive for years now. 

Secrets. One secret in particular kidnapped Yongsun long ago and now held her at gunpoint. covered, hands bound. Unable to cry out. Once again, it seemed that Byulyi had somehow heard her silent pleas for help. 

Too lost in her own suffering and unable to react to the familiar presence above her, she let herself fall. For Byulyi endlessly and into a comfortable sleep in the arms of the one she loved. 

For as long as Yongsun could never remember much of her dreams. Though there were exceptions. Something she found extraordinarily amusing most of the time. She would dream about her deepest desires or something she desperately wanted. Those were the only dreams she would remember in the morning. Some meaningful. Some shallow. 

No one knew about these dreams. And they wouldn’t. They didn’t need to. It was her own personal joke with herself it seemed. An inside joke with herself. 

That toy her parents said no to when she was seven years old. That girl from the playground hugging her, not that boy, when she was ten. The phone her parents had said she was too young for when she was twelve. That shirt she was too broke for when she was fifteen. A small white dog she had seen at the animal shelter when she was eighteen. 

As Yongsun grew older, the number of dreams grew accordingly. Yongsun would be driven mad by how happy she had felt in the dream. Just one hit of that happiness and Yongsun would long for that dream to become a reality. Thus, Yongsun made a promise to herself to turn those special dreams to a reality for herself. 

The phone, she received shortly after for her thirteenth birthday. That shirt, she earned enough money through babysitting in a few weeks. The dog, her parents had been persuaded into adopting and surprised Yongsun before she left for college. 

But Yongsun didn’t need a dream to know, she wanted Byulyi more than anything. More than a toy. More than affection from someone else. More than a phone. More than a stupid shirt. More than her dog (sorry doggo). 

Since, the inevitable dream took years before attacking Yongsun, she had more time to stall and ignore her feelings. Keep them under control. Fall for someone else. Love another. Forget her. As Yongsun had hoped. Not all of our hopes are answered. 

Spending nearly all of their time together had quickly knocked out her plans of forgetting her feelings out of the ring. Spending every Friday together. Every lunch and break. Summer jobs together. Applying to colleges together. Getting accepted together. Leaving home behind together. Following their dreams together. Dorm mates. Commuting to the university together. Coming back home together. Renting an apartment together. Forgetting boundaries, sharing a bedroom together. Getting ready together. Cooking dinner together. Waking up together. Christmas. New Years. Birthdays. From Fridays together to every waking hour. All together.

A dream. Unnecessary. Why do you need a dream when reality already felt like a dream? 

Yongsun had gotten used to keeping her feelings under some control. She lived far across the line called friends but just nudging the line of something more. Her heart daring her to cross that line. Stolen glances. The affection. Indifference towards the idea of personal space. Basically, achieving the level of understanding and caring of a middle-aged couple without the talking about feelings. 

Even a blind man could see that the bond they shared was far from one-sided. But in some ways it seemed Yongsun was couldn’t see better than a blind man. Fear of rejection and the unknown territory that would come with talking about her feelings taunted her for years. Unknowingly to Byulyi it seemed, Yongsun had dropped her own subtle hints hoping Byulyi would think past friendly flirting and affection eventually. Byulyi even if she had noticed, never said a word. 

For one, Byulyi had never truly said it clearly that she liked girls. But she hadn’t said she liked men either. Ignoring society’s theory of heteroual until proven otherwise, Yongsun kept some small hope because of the way Byulyi acted and spoke. To her Byulyi was such a strong supporter of the LGBTQ community. A little strong for someone who seemed to be just an ally. Even sneaking to a pride parade with Yongsun in high school, praying neither of their somewhat close-minded parents wouldn’t find out. The way Byulyi appreciated women along with Yongsun. The small comments. 

The way she jokingly flirted with nearly anyone and anything as long it brea