The wind began to play with her hair like a lover would as Byulyi yelled a quick thank you to the driver while she stepped off the bus. Finally, after a busy day at work and school Byulyi was making the journey back home to her apartment. Their apartment. Their home. 

One earbud in, she walked the small distance left from the bus to the apartments. Passing a few stores, one convenience, one florist and a few restaurants. The music combined with the sounds of the streets mixed with her thoughts. And her thoughts ran around erratically until they found their destination. Her roommate. Her best friend. Kim Yongsun. 

Specifically, something about Yongsun that had been a point of confusion and concern for Byulyi these last few weeks. Her behavior. Byulyi was intrigued and wished Yongsun would talk to Byulyi soon. Byulyi was slowly going mad with worry. She had been going wild with worry waiting for when Yongsun felt comfortable enough to tell her. She trusted Yongsun to do that at least. 

Byulyi didn’t blame her, she just wished she tell her what had happened. Lately, it had been like walking on eggshells around Yongsun. Never quite addressing the elephant in the room. And Byulyi was growing impatient. She missed her best friend. Her friend who suddenly, lost all her warmth towards her. The reasons still unknown to the concerned Byulyi.

Had she done something to anger Yongsun? Though she knew if yongsun was mad Yongsun would have yelled at her rather than the, if one could even call it that, silent treatment she was now receiving. An angry Yongsun cannot be ignored and not for weeks like this situation they were now stuck in. 

They couldn’t deny that, both of them had gotten busier. Regardless, living together has a certain closeness that even their hectic schedules couldn’t interfere with. But somehow, though they lived together, Byulyi had never felt farther away from Yongsun. 

She still had another ten minutes left on her walk home now when the idea hit her that maybe she should just apologize. Maybe she really had done something and Yongsun was waiting for her to realize. And it must have been so terrible that Yongsun was now starting to hate her. “Is that why their conversations lacked depth lately?”, she wondered. Deep-down, Byulyi knew her train of thought had headed towards delusion and desperation towards her situation. What could she even do to help her best friend. 

She decided that she might as well apologize, just in case. Usually, Byulyi would beg for forgiveness a few hours after one of their many infamous fights with flowers and Yongsun’s favorite food or chocolate. This seemed like a situation for them all. She had to bring out the big guns. She quickly turned into the florist and walked back towards convenience store for some snacks and chocolate.  Byulyi didn’t really know the meanings of flowers much but she thought the roses were pretty. “And those should scream ‘I’m sorry for what I did, whatever it is, please forgive me Yongsun’ right?”, or so she hoped. She hurriedly picked up a small bouquet of velvety red roses and slapped the money down on the counter as she ran out. Ignoring the voice of the florist calling her back. Running to the convenience store, she hurriedly grabbed snacks and drinks for the two of them. Unfortunately, she was forced to wait in long lines to pay. She bounced nervously as she waited. Unhappy with the long line ahead of her. Suddenly eager to get home. To solve something. Hopefully.  

Byulyi prayed this would work. She could recall only one other time Yongsun had ignored her like this. Similarly, Byulyi noticed that she probably hadn’t really done anything wrong. But Yongsun had treated her the same. Regardless of what was to come this time around Byulyi, felt something was going to change soon. It had been nearly four years since they’d had such a monumental argument, if one could even call it such. 

Their senior year of high school. Awkward. Immature. Exciting. But mostly, afraid. 

Surprising for both of them. But not to everyone. 

It began the day after their weekly sleepovers. This one had gone particularly well thought Byulyi. Except, Yongsun had sat with Nayeon and Jeongyeon rather than Byulyi, Minhyuk and the rest of their, rather large, shared friend group at school. Byulyi didn’t even see her at all that day. Worried, she called Yongsun’s mother at the end of the day after Yongsun had failed to meet up with her at their usual spot near their lockers. Thinking that maybe her best friend had been sick at home. After quickly exchanging a few words with her mother. Byulyi was astonished to find out that Yongsun had been at school the whole day. But evaded Byulyi’s eyes the entire day. Puzzled, she called Yongsun herself. Hoping to receive an answer. But her phone rang and rang only to be sent to voicemail. 

Now completely confused, Byulyi decided to walk home alone. Without her best friend. For the first time. Disappointed. Anxious. 

A few days would go by with Yongsun barely talking to Byulyi at school. She avoids Byulyi’s eyes. At most a hello and goodbye. Every hello seemed like goodbye for Byulyi anyways. Yongsun never waited long enough to listen to Byulyi’s attempts to strike a conversation. She stopped eating lunch with Byulyi and the gang. She stopped waiting fro Byulyi after school to walk home together like they had since they were children. Why and when would she stop pretending like Byulyi didn’t exist? Byulyi prayed it would be soon and she would receive answers.

If this was anyone else, Yongsun would’ve been the one to help her get through. To calm her down. To figure out the situation. To keep her grounded. Yongsun would’ve been there. Yongsun should be here. 

A week passed by of no phone calls, no texting under covers hoping snooping parents wouldn’t find them, no walking home together, no eating lunch together and no weekly sleepovers. No smiles shared between them. All that was left was a confused Byulyi and a guarded Yongsun.

Once again it was Friday, their sleepover day and Byulyi was walking home alone. As she strolled, Byulyi racked her mind for what felt like an eternity, trying to figure out what she had done wrong. She religiously went through the last moments spent with Yongsun hoping to find the source of her silent treatment. 

Friday. They walked home together. To Byulyi’s home. Hand-in-hand. Smiles never leaving their faces. Giggling. Everything felt okay. High off of each other’s happiness. 

Their sleepovers. The only motivation Byulyi found to continue getting an education. The reward after her endless toil at the hell on earth, people usually called school. Every Friday, since middle school, the pair walked home together to one of their houses. Prepared for a night of talking quietly til the sun came up. Sleeping in late. Binging movies. Cuddled against each other. Legs tangled together. Safe. Warm. Content. It was all that Byulyi needed. And all that Yongsun was scared of. 

Nothing had gone wrong. It was perfect.

Just thinking about the memory made Byulyi’s heart excited only to break after realizing that only now Yongsun didn’t seem to want anything to do with her anymore. Her happiness quickly disappeared. 

Only Yongsun knew. And Byulyi needed to know.