That night I struggled to get to sleep. Jiyong hyung had both of his arms wrapped around my upper body, while his legs were intertwined with mine. Suffice to say, my physical body struggled to relax. To say the same was the case for my mental state would be a gross understatement of the fact.

A panic attack… Never had one of those before.

Even after being finalized as a member of this group and receiving all of everyone’s harsh criticisms, a part of me of, albeit a very small part, always felt self-assured. I think that was because I believed that my insecurities and weaknesses were just part of the journey and that someday, when I’m much older, I would overcome those. Every other part of me that lacked confidence clung on to that small sense of security that I would grow out of my weaknesses.

But my panic earlier had nothing to do with being treated harshly or feeling worthless so close to our debut. I’m almost completely certain it had something to do with the man who’s currently breathing down my neck, literally speaking.

I moved slightly closer to Jiyong, so I could focus on nothing but his breathing, hoping that maybe that could lull me to sleep. Jiyong moved slightly to unravel his arms around me, when I realized he was about to slip of the edge.

Despite seeming like someone who everyone would accommodate for, hyung was oddly so accommodating for others as well.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to the centre of the bed so that he wouldn’t fall, as a settled myself beside him, my back against the wall.

“Seunghyun, are you not comfortable?” His voice groggy from being half-asleep.

I was probably moving too much that he woke up.

“No, hyung. You were about to fall of the bed.”

“Ah, the world chose right. My maknae is so caring.” He patted his arm insisting that I lay my head on it, so he can hug me to sleep. I would have but there was no guarantee I was ever going to get any sleep. That and, well, his arm would probably go numb after a while.

Instead I turned Jiyong hyung around, so he was facing the door and I hugged him from behind.

“Just sleep hyung. I don’t need to be babied. I just need to find a pillar to support me right now.”

“I can be a pillar.” His voice broke into an almost inaudible whisper.