“A reminder that, no matter how rare, there will always be times where we’re living and reveling in the same moment.”

He says as he locks a watch around my wrist. A watch identical to the one he already has on his wrist.

Suffice to say, things were going well.

As we approached the end of 2007, so did the promotions for Lies.

Jiyong’s masterpiece had become the Song of the Year. Some even said that is was probably the best K-pop song of the century. Hyung was reinventing idol groups and music.

We were also doing very well. We were close, but we held boundaries.

However, people are funny. Whenever things are going well, we seem to find expert ways to destroy it.

So, at the end of 2007, an opportunity came for me to audition for the main lead of Sonagi, and I took it.

See, I had created a problem because we were supposed to be spending most of the following year doing promotions in Japan. Japanese promotion entailed us to be living in Japan as well. This meant I had to divide my time between promoting in Japan and Sonagi.

Someone was not going to be happy about what I was doing.

It was January of 2008, and we were already settled in our dorms in Japan. I was rooming with Jiyong to his pleasure, while Youngbae and Daesung were in a dorm together. Seunghyun hyung shared his dorm with the manager.

The manager called me in to the lounge area of our dorm and told me I had successfully snatched the lead role of Sonagi.

“You’ll be flying back home next week so you can start rehearsals. I have prepared your schedule for the next few months between promotions here and the play. You’ll be missing some of the Japanese promotions but that’s okay. I’m sure your hyungs will ensure that the fans know who you are.”

I was supposed to be listening to our manager go over my schedule, but most of my attention was concentrated towards Jiyong, who was standing in the kitchenette area behind the lounge area, hearing for the first time that I was not going to be in Japan with them for promotions.

I tried to revert my attention back the schedule on the table, when not even five minutes later, both the manager and I jumped out of our seats from a sudden slam of a door.

Jiyong was angry.

Our manager let out a long sigh.

“You better talk to him. I can deal with organizing an entirely different schedule for you, but I’m not dealing with a cranky Jiyong for you.”

With that he got up and out of the dorm.

To be honest, I didn’t really want to explain myself. I also didn’t feel like I had to, but I didn’t want the other members having to deal with his bad mood tomorrow just because I wanted to evade the issue.

Just as I got up from my seat, hyung opened his door. His eyes livid. His lips tight as if we trying to contain his angry.

“What the are you doing?” He yelled at me, towering over me.

He just glared at me for a while, his expression was that of pure rage…

But then the anger suddenly broke. His eyes started to get watery.

“Why are you leaving?” His voice now broken and hoarse.

“You said I had to give you space. You said I couldn’t be clingy. You said that I had to find the middle. I did all of that. “

“You couldn’t handle me constantly being around you, confusing you so I stopped. I let you move. I let you move at your pace so that I could keep you. I had hope that giving you that space to grow would mean you’d stay.”

“Hyung you’re no longer making any sense. How can you give me space to grow and expect me to stay?” I whispered back.

Tears rolling down his cheeks, as he looked away from me.

“What more do I have to do to get you to stay?” He wanted to be angry with me, but more than that, he wanted to beg me to stay.

“Hyung I’m right here.”

“For now. But you’re leaving next week. You literally won’t be here.”

“I won’t be here but I’m going to come back. I’m always going to come back.”

“Hyung, you can’t ask me to drop this. I want this. I really, really want this.” I tried to convince him to stop his possessive behavior. As much as we were in one group together, I was also trying to be an individual, pursing my own interests.

He plopped himself on the ground, running his hands through his growing hair.

“Seungri, I’m being unreasonable, aren’t I?” He looked up at me, looking completely defeated.

I crouched down in front of him, placing my forehead against his.

“I’m leaving. But I’m going to come back.”

His expressions reduced to an irritated pout. He looked at me, sniffling his nose.

“Fine.” With that, he walked back into his room.

The following week Daesung, Seunghyun, and Youngbae hyung took me to the airport for my flight back home.

“Seungri, I’m so proud of you. Do your best, alright?”  Youngbae hyung was helping me with my bags.

Just as I was about to board, Daesung hyung gave me a tight hug and the widest smile.

“You’ll do just fine, kiddo.” Seunghyun hyung said as he ruffled my hair.

“Bye you guys.”

It felt so good to be able to say goodbye to them… to say goodbye to my members… to say goodbye to my brothers. It reminded me of the time I was kicked out of Big Bang, but I only had Youngbae hyung to support me.

Now, they’ve all grown to care for me and support me.

Just before my first performance, I received a text from a person that hadn’t texted me since I left.

I expect only the best from you. – Jiyongie Hyung

When I arrived back in Japan, I walked straight into Jiyong’s room. He was sitting on his bed, in front of his laptop working on a song.

I just stood by the doorway listening to him sing new lyrics to a melody I hadn’t heard before.

Because I had no regrets from loving you, so only take the good memories…

I can bear it in some way…

I can stand it in some way…

You should be happy if you’re like this…

Haru Haru…

By the end of it, he was looking straight at me. I know those words are for me.